Tory Nerves Fraying

one-month-rolling-average

This is the rolling poll-of-polls average for the last month. See how the blue line moves in the opposite direction to the purple line? If the Tories can’t recover those lost UKIP voters this month… the socialist terror will begin on May 8…

Tory Jitters: Backbencher Publicly Slams “Dry Economics Lecture” Plan

Just in time for the Budget, former Tory whip Michael Fabricant has slammed the Tory election strategy, speaking out against the “dry economics lecture” currently on offer:

“The Long Term Economic Plan is a means to an end and so is lowering the deficit.

YouTube videos displaying a reduction in deficit are appropriate for a dry economics lecture, but they are hardly going to win the hearts and souls of the electorate.

We’ve got to say why we want a strong economy, what are those sun lit uplands?

We’ve not just got to win the battle of the minds but the battle of the heart.”

Whatever happened to David “let sunshine win the day” Cameron, who promised the Conservatives would be the “party of optimism”?

Classic “Don’t Let The Other Party Wreck It” Campaign Poster

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They say there are only two types of political campaigns, “Time for Change” and “Don’t let the other guy wreck it”. Can you guess from the new poster above which one Lynton Crosby is running?

Guido vaguely remembers a wrecking ball featuring in a previous Tory campaign which he can’t find, though it is a bit reminiscent of this old Saatchi poster:

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Or maybe it is a Mileyish wrecking Balls?

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Last image courtesy of @GeneralBoles

Tory Stunts: Sol Campaign Sparks Spurs Backlash

Guido’s revelation earlier today that the Tories were using Sol Campbell to campaign in Spurs’ backyard of Enfield has upset plenty of voters, but local MP Nick De Bois is defending the stunt:

Clearly no one from CCHQ was at White Hart Lane when they released 4,000 balloons with the word Judas on them to celebrate last time Sol was in town:

Back of the net.

Tories Silent on New “Volunteer” Allegations

Following this morning’s unpaid Tory “volunteer” row, more stories are coming out of the woodwork. A Tory activist gets in touch to report:

“I recently volunteered at CCHQ and travelled from outside of London to volunteer at a cost of around £20 a day doing around 6 hours work. I was told I could only claim for the cost of a zones 1-2 travel, which was £4.60.”

Guido put the new allegation to the Tories this afternoon but at the time of going to pixel they have so far refused to comment, instead demanding to know the identity of our source. Guido can however reveal that they were not doing phone canvassing as previous spin suggested. Does only stumping up for the tube fare for Zones 1-2 really constitute “reasonable travel expenses”? Come and campaign for the Tory party, so long as you’re rich enough to live in central London…

Tories in ‘Economic Plan’ Row With Campaigners

The Tories landed a cool £8,345,687 in donations last quarter, but a row has broken over whether the miserly skinflints at CCHQ are failing to pay their reams of election “volunteers”. The well respected Graduate Fog campaign site highlight how Tory HQ are advertising for young turks to “assist with different aspects of the party’s work”, an unfortunate choice of words since “work” falls under Minimum Wage Law.

Tory sources insist these are genuine volunteers mainly doing telephone canvassing – and there is of course a distinction between that an real work – but why then do they need “excellent written communication skills” and “knowledge of the Microsoft Office Suite”? “Successful candidates” are only offered “lunch and reasonable travel expenses”.

Westminster North Tories meanwhile are looking for “campaign assistants” to help with “administration, data entry, analysis and day to day running of a busy office”. How much will they be paid for what certainly sounds like real work? “Travel expenses within London” is all that is on offer. Clearly the party is clued up on the internal memo from last year explaining how to word job adverts to get away with not paying interns.

As Graduate Fog put it:

“Are interns at the Conservative Campaign Headquarters really free to saunter in and out as they wish? Having spoken to interns on previous political campaigns, that seems unlikely. They all say they worked like dogs.”

Seems there is no long term economic plan for these hardworking people…

Tories Admit New Voter Software is Busted

A leaked email has revealed the Tory field data operation is in dire straights just 98 days from polling day. With half of their associations dumping the dire Merlin voter data software for a new voter contact system, CCHQ have now been forced to admit that the upgrade is busted too. In the busiest donation period of the entire election cycle, party bosses have admitted that all donations of over £500 have to be declared manually to CCHQ with a spreadsheet rather than simply entered in the software – as promised. Which defeats the point of the expensive change over…

To: ALL CONSTITUENCY OFFICES, CHAIRMAN, DEPUTY CHAIRMAN MEMBERSHIP AND FINANCE
Cc: FIELD STAFF

As you know, the Party is replacing the MERLIN software with a new membership and campaigning system called VoteSource. Over 350 associations have already decided to move to VoteSource, and their MERLIN has not been updated with the new registers of electors that were published on 1 December in England and Wales*. For these users VoteSource must now be used for all election campaigning. Donors giving over £500 to the Association, or over £50 directly to a candidate, must be checked on VoteSource, but see below for how to report.

A number of associations have decided to remain on MERLIN. For these seats, donors giving over £500 to the Association, or over £50 directly to a candidate, must be checked on MERLIN, but only after you have explicitly been told by the Helpdesk that your MERLIN is being rolled over to the new register. If in doubt about your MERLIN’s status, please email XXXXXX@conservatives.com, or to check donors email their name and address to XXXXXX@conservatives.com

Donation reporting functionality will be added to VoteSource soon. Until then, donations over £500 must be recorded on the attached spreadsheet. We will, as usual, send a spreadsheet at the end of the quarter** showing any donations that reach us through MERLIN, but otherwise this sheet should be your main reporting form. For the password, please call us on 020 7x XXX XXX

Remember that donations for January to March will need to be reported by 10 April, ie in the middle of the peak of campaigning, and so we strongly recommend that you update this sheet as and when you receive donations in order to avoid extra stress in April. Donations that are being made directly to a candidate or the election agent account are subject to the £50 threshold for checks, and are listed on the return of election expenses INSTEAD of reporting to us.

The Helpdesk will announce when donation functionality is available in VoteSource, but until then if you have any donation or reporting queries please do not hesitate to contact us: XXXXXXX@conservatives.com, 020 7XXX XXXX

* In Scotland, registers are not due to be updated until 10 March.

** Donations checked between 1 January and 30 March will be emailed to the association office on 11 April.

There are a lot of rather irate agents out there, facing a load more hassle.

GUY NEWS SPECIAL: Free Amjad Bashir Protest Outside CCHQ

Amjad Bashir has not been seen since he was kidnapped by the Tory party. Amjad’s captors have released a hostage photo of him alongside their leader, but they are not allowing him any contact with the outside world. Protesters outside the captors’ HQ have been threatened by Tory party security. Bring back our Bashir…

100 Days to Go and Tories STILL have 96 Candidates to Select

Research shows that with 100 days to go, the Tories are still short a whopping 97 candidates. Almost a sixth of all seats…

Even if you subtract Northern Ireland, there are still 79 candidate-less seats with just a couple of […]

+ READ MORE +

Tories Deny Photoshopping Miliband to Make Him Look Fat

Tory sources deny any manipulation of Ed’s face to make him look fatter on their new poster.

We report, you decide…

UPDATE:

This is the source image, via Getty:

UPDATE II:

The Tory chairman tells Iain Dale:

“This

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Tory Candidate Fury Mounting at “Slack” CCHQ

Given that four months out the Tories still have 81 candidates to select in England, plus all of Northern Ireland still to do, you might have thought it would be all hands t’mill over at the CCHQ candidates department. Apparently […]

+ READ MORE +

Exclusive: Tories Block Newmark Comeback

As Guido revealed in yesterday’s Sun on Sunday, the selection process in Braintree to replace disgraced dick pic king Brooks Newmark has been cancelled amid speculation he is planning the unlikeliest of comebacks. Brooks was spotted holding secret talks […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Liam Fox shreds Cameron’s Calais scaremongering:

“Sad and disappointed to see our Prime Minister stoop to this level of scaremongering, especially as he knows the Calais agreement is nothing to do with the EU and agreed between the two govts”

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