Friday, April 12, 2013

The Wicked Witch of the West End

As the battle rages between ‘Ding Dong the Witch is Dead’ and ‘I’m in Love With Margaret Thatcher’ for the highest chart position, you can always rely on Ed Balls’ spectacular lack of timing for a lighter take on the loony left campaign. Asked by the Standard what he gets up to in his spare time this morning, Balls rather unfortunately replied:

“I’ve been to see Wicked at the Apollo Victoria five times in the past three years. I can’t wait to go again…”

As Guido is also a fan of musical theatre, we will let him off this time…

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

WATCH: Politician Sport Fails

Guido thinks everyone needs cheering up a little. Here’s one way of comparing recent PMs…

Balls Denies Gambling Lobbyist’s ‘Adviser’ Claim

In Sunday’s Sun column Guido revealed how a controversial gambling lobbyist was claiming to be a “Business Adviser” to Ed Balls, despite the Shadow Chancellor denying ever having appointed him. Neil Goulden is the chairman of the Association of British Bookmakers, boss of Gala Bingo and the man in charge of the Coral high-street betting shop. He claims to be a “Business Adviser to Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls”, yet that is the first Team Balls have heard of it.

Balls’ spokesman insists to Guido that “Neil has not been appointed as a business adviser to Ed Balls”. Interesting that Balls told industry insiders he wanted to curb his party’s anti-bookies rhetoric at a private dinner organised by Goulden earlier this year. And that Goulden also donated £15,000 to Labour in the run up to the last election. Odds on that we haven’t heard the last of this one…

Friday, April 5, 2013

Balls Out in 2015

A name to remember for the run-up to a big 2015 dogfight: the Tories have selected Andrea Jenkyns to take on Ed Balls in Morley and Outwood. The seat was almost the scene of the biggest upset of 2010. Expect Jenkyns’ working class striver credentials to be pushed from now until election day, Jenkyns is a local, comp-educated candidate who runs her own business. Conveniently she says fixing the broken welfare system is her main priority. Balls has a majority of 1,101…

Ed Balls Spoils Sunday Speeding Story

Balls has admitted going too far too fast, spoiling a certain Sunday story in a blogpost this lunchtime:

“Like many local people, I was caught out by the never-ending roadworks on the M62. Pulling on to the motorway at Morley I realised too late that the speed restrictions were still in place. I was caught and bang to rights – doing 56 in a 50 mile restriction zone. Going too far, too fast, you might say.

I paid my fine and chose to attend a speed awareness course. I currently have no points on my licence and would like to keep it that way. Which is why, this week, I ended up in the Holiday Inn with 39 others.

The course was very professional and actually really worthwhile.”

The second time he has been done for a driving offence. At least he didn’t get Yvette to take the points…

Monday, April 1, 2013

Happy April Fools

Guido’s exclusive that Alex Belardinelli, henchman to Ed Balls, is to be replaced by Damian McBride, was always destined to remain exclusive.

Some people have no sense of humour:

Others revealingly project their own Machiavellian ways:

Not today…

Balls Distances Himself From McBride, Again

It always amuses Guido when Balls and Brown refer to the Prime Mentalist’s old spin doctor as “Mr McBride”. As Guido revealed in his Sun column yesterday, Balls has been quick to dash speculation that he might bring McPoison back into the fray.

The Shadow Chancellor’s spokesmen tells Guido Balls and McBride have only “bumped into each other twice” since Easter 2009, once at an Arsenal match and then at a Labour fundraising dinner. He insists “they’ve never discussed him coming back to work for the Labour Party”. McBride’s tales from Number 10 will certainly spice up Labour conference this September…

Exclusive: Ed Balls to Replace Political Adviser Alex Belardinelli


Alex Belardinelli, long-time Political Adviser to Ed Balls, ‏is moving to lobbyists Tetra Strategy – where his girlfriend Ellie Gellard already works on digital strategy. The move is scheduled to happen in the autumn after Labour Party conference.

Speculation is mounting that he could make way for a rehabilitated Damian McBride following party conference, when McBride is aiming to complete his public rehabilitation with the publication of his memoirs.

Labour sources say Balls has been unnerved by persistent speculation that he might be replaced by Alistair Darling in a re-shuffle by Ed Miliband ahead of the General Election. Bringing back heavy-weight Damian McBride would put rivals on notice that he would not go quietly and there would be consequences. An implicit threat they understand all too well…

Last year Belardinelli was humiliated when emails leaked in which he admitted a “screw up” meant Labour failed to vote against the reduction in the 50p rate of tax. The emails revealed he concocted a false line to spin to the media to cover up the screw up. Belardinelli worked for Tom Watson before Ed Balls and knows his way around Westminster and the media. In the event of Labour returning to government he will be able to cash in on his extensive contacts.

UPDATE: Important note.

Friday, March 22, 2013

IDS: Balls Like Mr Potato Head

Is there a competition in the cabinet as to who can come up with the most amusing alter ego for Ed Balls? Vince Cable gave it a good go yesterday noting how Balls reminded him of Basil Fawlty saying “don’t mention the war”, but the clear winner is IDS:

“It was quite amusing to watch the shadow Chancellor run around. More and more he reminds me of the film “Toy Story”, and that rather angry Mr Potato Head who wanders around shouting, screaming and being very angry to absolutely no effect at all. Disaster, chaos, crisis, U-turns—I wonder what he does in his private life when anything goes wrong. He is certainly not much help to his wife I expect.”

Uncanny…

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

WATCH: Balls Told Off For Waving Standard Leak During Budget

They were all reading it here

Vid via @liarpoliticians

Seen Elsewhere

India’s Modi Bypasses Mainstream Media | Index
Bercow on the Knife Edge | Quentin Letts
Welcome to Mississippi | Conservative Women
LibDems Select Hancock Replacement | Blue Guerilla
Carswell Resigning: “Moment Labour Won Election” | Labour Uncut
Why We Need Change | Douglas Carswell
The Howard Roark of Westminster | Guardian
Carswell, the Clacton Cassandra | James Ford
Love Bomb Carswell | ConservativeHome
Denis MacShane’s Ex is Now Hacked Off Spokesman | Speccie
How the Carswell Story Unfolded | Sky News


VOTER-RECALL
Get the book Find out more about PLMR


Douglas Carswell’s side-kick Dan Hannan MEP pours water on the obvious question:

“I won’t be joining UKIP, though I wish Douglas Carswell all the best. He has been a superb MP, and it’s honourable to stand for re-election.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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