Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Gordon’s Back in Parliament, For Drinks

He may shun most of his backbench duties in favour of flying around the world for speeches and funnelling the fees through his shell company, the “Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown”, but the former Prime Mentalist has actually managed to turn up in Westminster today. Coincidently there is a state occasion rather than any pressing issue for the people of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath…

Despite shirking his responsibility as an MP, Gordon is still happy to use taxpayer-funded rooms on the Parliamentary estate. He’s got at least two booked today. Guido hears Gordon is having a small gathering after the Queen’s speech. Form an orderly queue Labour types…

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Ed Balls causes an explosion in Kirkcaldy telling The Times

‘Nobody is going to look back at any point in history and say that Gordon Brown was a great Prime Minister…’

Friday, March 16, 2012

Breaking: Gordon Brown Resigns

Gordon Brown has resigned.

The Labour councillor quit Cannock Chase District Council this week.

Guido really enjoyed writing that headline once again. If only...

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

A Tale of Two Visits

See if you can spot the difference…

Thursday, March 1, 2012

There Should be a Third Labour By-Election

Labour cannot force Joyce out and he is denying the affair that the Daily Record alleged this morning. However one by-election is a certainty: Labour MP Marsha Singh is standing down in Bradford West saying he has “…come to a very painful conclusion to announce my retirement because I’m in the job to serve my constituents and, if I can’t do that I don’t deserve to be paid for the job. They don’t deserve that and I can’t let them down.”

If only all MPs who are seemingly unable to properly serve their constituents, were so noble:

Guido isn’t holding his breath…

Friday, February 17, 2012

Time For President Brown to Stand Down

 

With World Bank President Robert Zoellick stepping down on June 30, the successor would traditionally be another American, Guido has a better idea. One wannabee candidate has proved their pulling power by making over £1.4 million from speaking engagements. This man has written weighty tomes on the economic crisis, and claims to have all the solutions. If those plans do not work, he can always full back on the moral compasses given to him by his father. A man who says he not only saved the world and saved the banks too:

Surely it is time for Gordon to stand down as an MP and begin a full-time campaign to become the next president of the World Bank.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

As Predicted, Rangers Cursed

Some people are sceptical of the Curse of the One Eyed Son of the Manse and think that Guido exaggerates the power and reach of the curse. As this blog would take no pleasure in reporting, stock markets fell in the wake of his visits, natural and political disasters would hit the countries of leaders he met and the most powerful element of the curse was that any association with any sporting figures resulted in them losing. Raith Rovers had cause to regret Gordon Brown’s support…

Back in October 2009 Iain Martin predicted that the jinx would put fear into fans of Glasgow Rangers. With the Club going into bankruptcy, so it has come to pass…

See also: Brown Gets the Celtic Treatment

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Gordon’s Legacy Sulk

Last week the Number 10 website was updated with a full history section about previous Prime Ministers. For balance and independence the biographies were outsourced to Queen Mary University’s Mile End Group, but their historical impartiality wasn’t enough for one person concerned about their legacy. Downing Street sources say that Gordon had a mighty strop about it, vetoed various photographs and demanded revisions as the text “was not flattering enough”. Seems remarkably generous to Guido…

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Gordon Brown Doesn’t Have A Clue

Usually the rule in politics is: don’t ask a question you do not know the answer to. It goes without saying that you do not ask a question when you have already been told the answer in writing. That would be a waste of time and money.

Gordon Brown MP has tabled a rare written parliamentary question about a constituency issue in a belated attempt to catch up on a growing concern of his electors. The written reply doesn’t convey the full contempt…

Radioactive Waste: Dalgety Bay

Mr Gordon Brown: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence with reference to his planned visit to Fife in the week of 30 January 2012, if he will visit the sites at Dalgety Bay now under scrutiny for radiation contamination.

Mr Robathan: I am, this day, at Dalgety Bay and am visiting these sites. My office notified the right hon. Member’s office of my visit on 19 January.

Gordon tabled the question on January 26. He isn’t really paying attention is he?

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

+ + + Fred Shredded + + +

As the PM sat down after a tough outing in the Commons, the news breaks that Fred Goodwin was told at 3pm that he had been stripped of his knighthood “by the Queen”. Intriguing timing.

Knighted by Gordon for banking and stripped by Dave for, er, banking.

Another day, another mob win.


Seen Elsewhere

Another Feminist Lecture | Laura Perrins
UKIP Posters Bad Economics But Good Politics | James Delingpole
Tories Losing to UKIP in Scotland | ConHome
UKIPers Will Come Home in 2015 | Sun
Tories Set for Thrashing | Sun
Boris Announcement Imminent | Sun
The Case for Splitting Up CCHQ | ConservativeHome
Why UKIP Should Join a ‘European Union’. | Anna Raccoon
Dave’s Brush With Bed Bugs | Speccie
Farage: No Briton Could Be My Secretary | BBC
Dave and George Can Now Be Seen Together | Ben Brogan


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Francis Elliot reports on No. 10 strategy meetings:

“When discussion veers to subjects that Mr Crosby thinks of concern only to the political and journalistic classes, he treats the offender as a pub bore with a tart request to “pass the beer nuts, mate”.”



Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.


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