They say that history is written by the victors, but that hasn’t stopped the Indy’s Steve Richards trying to buck the trend. Upon reading his “Gordon is still great and should come back and teach us all how to save the world” piece, you could be forgiven for thinking his copy was filed after the festive sherry was passed around the Indy office, but something else piqued Guido’s interest. There are mentions to previous Prime Ministers, as well as their biographies. The whole thing reads like one long job application…

Is Steve lining himself up to write the book?

The Right Honourable Member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath has finally woken up to the fact there is a crisis in his constituency and it might be an idea for him to actually do the job he is paid for. Guido brought you the news a month ago that part of Gordon’s Fife constituency contained radioactive material. Now with a lack of action, not least from the local MP, the beach could be designated the UK’s first stretch of Radioactive Contaminated Land. Finally today Gordon managed to haul himself in front of a camera.

So what has he been doing instead of representing his constituency? Well:

• £48,166.00 for a speech to Visa International.
• £36,639.66 for a speech to Credit Suisse in Miami, Florida.
• £36,018.18 for a speech to Comtec Med in Geneva, Switzerland.
• £35,873.94 for a speech to World 50, Inc in New York.
• £36,174.63 for a speech to PIMCO in Newport Beach, California.
• £36,174.63 for a speech to Economic Club of Michigan.
• £36,146.29 for a speech to Skybridge Capital in Las Vegas.
• £36,292.84 for a speech to Citi Latin America in New York.
• £36,224.88 for a speech to Pershing LLC in Miami.

It must be a little painful for the former Prime Mentalist that Blair can command the combined total of that for a hour of his time, but do you know what hurts more Gordon? Radiation poisoning…

It was only a matter of time before England Rugby manager Martin Johnson was forced out of the job.

Jonah strikes again.

Via @nickpearcey

EDF Energy has been fined €1.5m for hiring someone to hack into a computer belonging to Greenpeace and spy on the swampies. Cheeky. It’s also probably also worth remembering that EDF Energy’s head of corporate communications is Andrew Brown, Gordon’s better looking and more cheerful brother. Guido is looking forward to another boisterous parliamentary performance by the former Prime Mentalist on this invasion of privacy…

The king of helpful interjections has piped up this morning. If France wasn’t already in enough trouble, the Honourable Member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath has thrown his cursed spanner in the works:

“France is in danger of being picked off by the markets in the coming weeks and months.”

La fin is nigh!

This week’s Speccie has a gem of a Jonah tale:

“In his last months as prime minister, Gordon Brown sat down and wrote a fan letter to a young British singer-songwriter. ‘With the troubles that the country’s in financially,’ he told her, ‘you are a light at the end of the tunnel.’ Last weekend that light officially went out: Adele has suffered a career-threatening vocal cord injury and will not sing again this year.”

Another fine mess!

Radioactive material has been detected in Dalgety Bay, Fife. The Scotsman reports:

“The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency (Sepa) found 17 radioactive particles on Friday, 33 on Saturday and a further 31 on Sunday. Contamination in the area is believed to originate from radioactive aeroplane dials, burned and buried in reclaimed land.”

UPDATE: For those wondering where Gordon is instead of representing his constituents – he’s sucking up to hedgies and investment bankers at the UNEP Finance Initiative 2011 Global Roundtable in the Meridian C Room of the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, D.C. No risk of radiation poisoning there…

Miliband has appointed Tim Horton, the Research Director of the Fabian Society, to be his new senior policy advisor. It seems that the Son of Brown just can’t kick his addiction to his old master. Guess where Horton used to work? He was a policy analyst in the Treasury. Under Gordon...

Horton was so keen to defend the then Prime Minister he even took to Iranian State Television in 2008 to spin away. His output for the Fabians matches Ed’s big state, big spend mantra. It seems former Brown advisers like to keep it in the family…

After Darling finally told the truth over the last week about the splits and vicious divides at the top of the Labour government, this headline has certainly triggered the irony klaxon:

Funny that Gordon has time to knock out copy for the Chinese, but won’t turn up to Parliament to represent his constituents…