Gordon Finally Wakes Up To Local Crisis

The Right Honourable Member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath has finally woken up to the fact there is a crisis in his constituency and it might be an idea for him to actually do the job he is paid for. Guido brought you the news a month ago that part of Gordon’s Fife constituency contained radioactive material. Now with a lack of action, not least from the local MP, the beach could be designated the UK’s first stretch of Radioactive Contaminated Land. Finally today Gordon managed to haul himself in front of a camera.

So what has he been doing instead of representing his constituency? Well:

  • £48,166.00 for a speech to Visa International.
  • £36,639.66 for a speech to Credit Suisse in Miami, Florida.
  • £36,018.18 for a speech to Comtec Med in Geneva, Switzerland.
  • £35,873.94 for a speech to World 50, Inc in New York.
  • £36,174.63 for a speech to PIMCO in Newport Beach, California.
  • £36,174.63 for a speech to Economic Club of Michigan.
  • £36,146.29 for a speech to Skybridge Capital in Las Vegas.
  • £36,292.84 for a speech to Citi Latin America in New York.
  • £36,224.88 for a speech to Pershing LLC in Miami.

It must be a little painful for the former Prime Mentalist that Blair can command the combined total of that for a hour of his time, but do you know what hurts more Gordon? Radiation poisoning…

Oops He Did It Again

It was only a matter of time before England Rugby manager Martin Johnson was forced out of the job.

Jonah strikes again.

Via @nickpearcey

Jonah's Fraternal Curse

EDF Energy has been fined €1.5m for hiring someone to hack into a computer belonging to Greenpeace and spy on the swampies. Cheeky. It’s also probably also worth remembering that EDF Energy’s head of corporate communications is Andrew Brown, Gordon’s better looking and more cheerful brother. Guido is looking forward to another boisterous parliamentary performance by the former Prime Mentalist on this invasion of privacy…

Jonah Curses France

The king of helpful interjections has piped up this morning. If France wasn’t already in enough trouble, the Honourable Member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath has thrown his cursed spanner in the works:

“France is in danger of being picked off by the markets in the coming weeks and months.”

La fin is nigh!

Jonah Strikes a Chord

This week’s Speccie has a gem of a Jonah tale:

“In his last months as prime minister, Gordon Brown sat down and wrote a fan letter to a young British singer-songwriter. ‘With the troubles that the country’s in financially,’ he told her, ‘you are a light at the end of the tunnel.’ Last weekend that light officially went out: Adele has suffered a career-threatening vocal cord injury and will not sing again this year.”

Another fine mess!

Radiation Spreading Across Jonah's ConstituencyYet Brown is Silent About it in Parliament

Radioactive material has been detected in Dalgety Bay, Fife. The Scotsman reports:

“The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency (Sepa) found 17 radioactive particles on Friday, 33 on Saturday and a further 31 on Sunday. Contamination in the area is believed to originate from radioactive aeroplane dials, burned and buried in reclaimed land.”

Locals are up in arms and demanding that something be done, but their local MP is strangely silent. Instead of raising this urgent matter in Parliament, or getting relevant bodies around a table, Gordon Brown is nowhere to be seen. His dwindling loyalists often argue that the reason it’s fine for Brown to stay in Parliament, despite not turning up or voting, is that he is a good local MP. Well that is that myth busted…

UPDATE: For those wondering where Gordon is instead of representing his constituents – he’s sucking up to hedgies and investment bankers at the UNEP Finance Initiative 2011 Global Roundtable in the Meridian C Room of the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, D.C. No risk of radiation poisoning there…

Son of Brown Appoints Another Brownite to the Team

Miliband has appointed Tim Horton, the Research Director of the Fabian Society, to be his new senior policy advisor. It seems that the Son of Brown just can’t kick his addiction to his old master. Guess where Horton used to work? He was a policy analyst in the Treasury. Under Gordon...

Horton was so keen to defend the then Prime Minister he even took to Iranian State Television in 2008 to spin away. His output for the Fabians matches Ed’s big state, big spend mantra. It seems former Brown advisers like to keep it in the family…

Gordon's Alive!

After Darling finally told the truth over the last week about the splits and vicious divides at the top of the Labour government, this headline has certainly triggered the irony klaxon:

Funny that Gordon has time to knock out copy for the Chinese, but won’t turn up to Parliament to represent his constituents…

The Son of Brown Strikes Again

Adopting his old hero’s modus operandi, Ed has called for a coordinated G20 response to the latest financial crisis. Apparently it’s time for a “global Plan B”. Not content with being out of touch in the UK, Ed seems to be trying to tell every elected global leader that they are wrong too. […]

+ READ MORE +

Darling Bashes Balls and Brown

Guido has often thought that history will be a lot kinder to Alastair Darling than anyone else who survived serving in the last government. Knowing exactly how to pick his moments, we have seen glimpses of the truth from Darling, especially with his “forces of hell” comments.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Brown Gets the Celtic Treatment

Were you on a flight from Edinburgh to Geneva yesterday? Gordon Brown was, presumably on the way to speak to his comrades at the International Labour Organisation. Unfortunately for him though, so were travelling Celtic fans on their way to tonight’s match against Swiss side FC Sion.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Ed's Red Ken Problem

Sometimes Guido almost feels sorry for Ed. Almost. Despite all his hard work pretending not to be a pinko, when Ken Livingstone says that for “the first time since John Smith died… there’s a Labour leader who actually likes me”, you’re in trouble.[…]

+ READ MORE +

The Tears of a Clown

Gordon crashed his wife’s appearance at the Edinburgh Festival in order to bemoan those pesky journalists who pointed out the former Prime Mentalist’s rather damaging flaws and held him to account:

“In Britain, what the press do, if they really want to get at someone, is they challenge their motives and their integrity. 

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Labour Turn on Piers Morgan

As one of their most ardent cheerleaders in government and close personal friend of Gordon Brown, Piers Morgan might have thought he would be safe with his old red chums.

Tory Therese Coffey landed the CNN star in a whole host of trouble on Newsnight last night:

“I just hope that the police take the evidence and go with it and if Mr Morgan wants to come back to the UK and help them with their inquiries, and I don’t mean being arrested in any way, I’m sure he can add more light… I think it would help everybody, including himself and this investigation, if he was able to say more about why he wrote what he did in 2006.”

And now with this morning’s intervention from Labour’s Deputy Leader Harriet Harman Morgan’s denials are looking even weaker:

“[Morgan] said he heard a heartbreaking phone message which clearly gives rise to the assumption that he’d heard a tape recorded message.

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Gordon Brown as Dr Evil

Yesterday in his slightly bonkers and self serving speech in parliament Gordon Brown complained among other things that the Sun compared him to Dr Evil. Guido thinks it was completely legitimate to make that comparison. Gordon was trying to convince the British public that he had masterminded a plan to “save the world”, and in his deluded mind he possibly believed it.[…]

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The Curse Of Jonah Strikes the "British Spring"

Gordon Brown to Rupert Murdoch

Murdoch’s News International was on the ropes, blows coming from left and right, his power waning. What better time for Brown, still bitter about the day of his conference speech switch of support by The Sun to the Tories, to exact his revenge.[…]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Sky’s Faisal Islam on the mood in Parliament at the moment:

“It’s a totally febrile atmosphere here. It’s kind of like Game of Thrones meets House of Cards – and if you chuck in the Labour Party – Laurel and Hardy too.”

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