Monday, April 14, 2008

Summer Fashion Must Haves

Bet Wenger is Sorry Now

Guido has confirmed this with Ladbrokes: back in February Arsenal were the odds-on favourites to win Football’s Premier League title. In March Gordon held a summit with President Sarkozy at Arsenal’s Emirates stadium.

Many of Guido’s co-conspirators predicted that what has now come to pass would result. The curse of Jonah Brown hit Wenger’s boys in red as surely as if the PM himself had attended each and every match since.

The once-mighty Arsenal were beaten by Manchester United yesterday and are now out of the running for the Premier League title. They were doomed from the moment they agreed to let Gordon on to the pitch…

Friday, April 11, 2008

Schrödinger’s Brown

Only quantum politics explains how Gordon Brown…

  • stands for being different from Blair and being the same
  • is going to leave and stay in Iraq
  • cuts the NHS and expands it
  • emits and cuts back CO2 emissions; is anti-green and pro-green
  • is regressive and progressive; right wing and left wing
  • will be at the Olympic games and not at them
  • was against and in favour of obtaining a mandate to govern the British people
  • wanted a referendum and opposes a referendum
  • was both at the Lisbon treaty ceremony and not at it
  • stands for more and less borrowing
  • has ended and started the boom and bust cycle.

Hat-tip : Deconvoluter

Monday, April 7, 2008

Come Back Thatcher!

This poll result is phenomenal:

YouGov asked voters who they would choose from a list of politicians “at the peak of their powers” to be prime minister. Maggie Thatcher was the most popular with 27% wanting her back.

Brown was unpopular even among Labour voters: 43% of whom wanted Blair back, even Tony Benn was wanted by 17% of the party’s voters, Brown was the first choice of only 10% of Labour voters.

Remember what Hutton and Miliband said about Gordon? They were so right…
UPDATE : Guido forgot to quote the most important statistic, a mere 5% of all voters would rather have Gordon Brown as PM from the list of former PMs given.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

From Mr Brown to Mr Bean to Mr Blobby

Jonathan Oliver in the Sunday Times has a story about Gordon wandering around at the Progressive Governance jamboree with a big orange splodge of make-up on his forehead. Guido remarked on Gordon’s tendency to twattishness earlier this week, listing ten of the twatty things he has done. From tucking hs trousers into his socks to picking his nose for two minutes live on TV. The PM got lost at Windsor Castle and kept the Queen waiting last week, he comically once locked himself in the loo and had to be rescued by Tony Blair.

Downing Street’s spin-master Stephen Carter realises that, much to Guido’s satisfaction, the “PM is a twat” meme is gaining popular traction. Vince Cable vocalised what even Labour MPs think – the PM is a Mr Bean style nerd. It is one thing to be feared as a malevolent weirdo, another thing to be derided. So we now have the appointment of an ex-BBC producer, Nicola Burdett, 35, “to stop the embarrassing photographs and television footage that risk turning Brown into a figure of fun”.

An impossible task. Too late. People are already laughing down the pub at Gordon picking his nose on a mobile phone viral video.

UPDATE : Makes you proud don’t it? 19 heads of state met Britain’s Prime Minister looking like this…

Friday, March 21, 2008

Muir Says "Bye for Now" to WPP

Guido’s co-conspirator in the red glasses emails a report from his Blackberry after the party;

at David Muir’s leaving drinks at WPP there was a hefty amount of sceptism from the audience about his tenure in Downing Street. There was a heckle from the back of the (small) crowd that there was no point giving a leaving gift “as he will be back in a year”.

Branding bullshit guru Muir said he was off to “do some good” – helping to keep Gordon in No. 10. Just what we need, another delusional Scot in Downing Street.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Will There Be Tears at the Leaving Party?

Monday, March 3, 2008

Laughing to Order for Gordon

Kevin Maguire hates being described as Gordon’s stooge. Yet surely if you compere a Q&A session for Gordon at the Labour Party’s poorly attended spring conference, you risk exactly that, particularly if you cravenly fake laughter at an anecdote you have heard Gordon tell over and over and over again. Truly cringe worthy.

Guido has himself heard the “sports pages” anecdote more times than he cares to remember, our Kevin must have as well.

Gordon’s Speech at “Britain’s Everyday Heroes” Book Launch (24 July 2007)

“The great American jurist Justice Warren once said that he read the newspaper sports pages first because stories there were of human achievements, and the front pages last because their stories were of human failings.”

Speech on the Global Economy at the Reuters Building (1 October 2007)

“And I am reminded of the story of Earl Warren, who said that he looked at the sports pages first because it told him a great deal about human achievement, and he looked at the front pages last because all it wrote about was human failings.”

Downing Street press conference (8 October 2007)

“I have been tempted over this weekend to take the advice of Errol Warren (sic), the American jurist, who said he only read the sports pages of the newspapers because they were all about human achievements, and he didn’t read the front pages because they were all about human criticisms.”

Speech at Sports Colleges conference (1 February 2008)

“US Supreme Court Justice Earl Warren once said he read the front pages of newspapers last because they focused on human failing. He read the sports pages first because they focused on human accomplishments and achievements.”

Last month at the NFU the weirdo PM forgot the bloody anecdote, which Guido can by now chant in his sleep, attributing it to JFK. (18 February 2008)

“John Kennedy was the President of the United States in the 1960s, and he used to say when he got bad newspaper headlines: ‘I’m reading them more and enjoying them less’. He said he read the sports pages first because they talked about human achievements and only the front pages last because all they talked about was human failings.”

And now at last week’s Labour spring conference. Kevin Maguire deserves an acting award to go with his ‘Order of the Brown Nose’ for his reaction to the line.

Hat-tip : DB

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Polls Tell Labour Blair Was Better

It must be a bit galling for the Brownies to discover that Cameron not only as expected wins over “toffs” (in the vernacular of Kevin Maguire’s fantasy Beano world) – the breakdown is now showing Cameron ahead in the lower D & E income groups in England. Even in Maguire’s North East home region (not in his adopted millionaire’s colony of Richmond) the Tories are more popular than Brown. That is Labour’s heartland, if they can’t win there, they can’t win anywhere.

The SNP are hammering the corrupt Scottish Labour Party, now if only the LibDems could pull some more votes from Labour, the anti-Brown vote will reach 2 to1 in England. Guido always said the Labour Party would come to miss Blair, watching Portillo last night on Thatcher it was interesting how even the dripping wet Chris Patten regretted the manner of getting rid of her – in hindsight it would have been better to let the voters decide rather than disaffected MPs.

Similarly many Labour MPs in marginals will, come the general election, rue the day they swapped a proven three times winner for a dithering, cowardly, psychologically flawed weirdo.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Fijian PM is Commander Bainimarama
British PM is Completely Bananas

Guido is not making this up, this is the official advertising campaign for the Fijian Visitors Bureau:Fijime.comGordon gave permission for the use of his image according to the advertising agency behind the advert “so long as it was not derogatory and it did not appear that he was endorsing the islands in any way. We showed them the image of the Prime Minister with the red flower behind his ear and they said it was okay to use”. Presumably the PM just wants to show solidarity with another unelected PM?UPDATE : Have just been looking into the situation in Fiji, widespread human rights abuses, suppression of pro-democracy activists, violence against activists by the dictatorship and the jailing of independent bloggers in the forefront of the widely suppressed anti-government media. You can see the attraction for Gordon…


Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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