Saturday, April 19, 2008

Labour PPC : "Gordon is Giving Me Nightmares"

John Wiseman, Labour PPC for Westmorland and Lonsdale has, writing on LabourHome, candidly admitted that he seems “to be in the middle of a nightmare at present… Everyone seems depressed where I am standing for parliament. Gordon has decided to take money away from his core vote, PPS’s are threatening to resign!! When are we going to wake up!!! There is hundreds of councillors who are going to lose their seats if Gordon doesn’t listen. I am asking please Gordon for the last time wake up and smell the coffee…”
He blames it squarely on the abolition of the 10p tax rate…

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Jonah Brown Goes to America, Dollar Crashes to All Time Low

The Jonah effect is becoming scary, Gordon lands in America in the morning and the dollar crashes to an all time historic low by lunchtime. There really is something in this – within weeks of him becoming PM the country was hit by terror fire, pestilence and floods. He is a curse on everything he touches.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Summer Fashion Must Haves

Available now from Guido’s online merchandise store.
Well worth a tenner or so…

Download and listen to Jilted John’s Gordon is a Moron.MP3

Bet Wenger is Sorry Now

Guido has confirmed this with Ladbrokes: back in February Arsenal were the odds-on favourites to win Football’s Premier League title. In March Gordon held a summit with President Sarkozy at Arsenal’s Emirates stadium.

Many of Guido’s co-conspirators predicted that what has now come to pass would result. The curse of Jonah Brown hit Wenger’s boys in red as surely as if the PM himself had attended each and every match since.

The once-mighty Arsenal were beaten by Manchester United yesterday and are now out of the running for the Premier League title. They were doomed from the moment they agreed to let Gordon on to the pitch…

Friday, April 11, 2008

Schrödinger’s Brown

Only quantum politics explains how Gordon Brown…

  • stands for being different from Blair and being the same
  • is going to leave and stay in Iraq
  • cuts the NHS and expands it
  • emits and cuts back CO2 emissions; is anti-green and pro-green
  • is regressive and progressive; right wing and left wing
  • will be at the Olympic games and not at them
  • was against and in favour of obtaining a mandate to govern the British people
  • wanted a referendum and opposes a referendum
  • was both at the Lisbon treaty ceremony and not at it
  • stands for more and less borrowing
  • has ended and started the boom and bust cycle.

Hat-tip : Deconvoluter

Monday, April 7, 2008

Come Back Thatcher!

This poll result is phenomenal:

YouGov asked voters who they would choose from a list of politicians “at the peak of their powers” to be prime minister. Maggie Thatcher was the most popular with 27% wanting her back.

Brown was unpopular even among Labour voters: 43% of whom wanted Blair back, even Tony Benn was wanted by 17% of the party’s voters, Brown was the first choice of only 10% of Labour voters.

Remember what Hutton and Miliband said about Gordon? They were so right…
UPDATE : Guido forgot to quote the most important statistic, a mere 5% of all voters would rather have Gordon Brown as PM from the list of former PMs given.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

From Mr Brown to Mr Bean to Mr Blobby

Jonathan Oliver in the Sunday Times has a story about Gordon wandering around at the Progressive Governance jamboree with a big orange splodge of make-up on his forehead. Guido remarked on Gordon’s tendency to twattishness earlier this week, listing ten of the twatty things he has done. From tucking hs trousers into his socks to picking his nose for two minutes live on TV. The PM got lost at Windsor Castle and kept the Queen waiting last week, he comically once locked himself in the loo and had to be rescued by Tony Blair.

Downing Street’s spin-master Stephen Carter realises that, much to Guido’s satisfaction, the “PM is a twat” meme is gaining popular traction. Vince Cable vocalised what even Labour MPs think – the PM is a Mr Bean style nerd. It is one thing to be feared as a malevolent weirdo, another thing to be derided. So we now have the appointment of an ex-BBC producer, Nicola Burdett, 35, “to stop the embarrassing photographs and television footage that risk turning Brown into a figure of fun”.

An impossible task. Too late. People are already laughing down the pub at Gordon picking his nose on a mobile phone viral video.

UPDATE : Makes you proud don’t it? 19 heads of state met Britain’s Prime Minister looking like this…

Friday, March 21, 2008

Muir Says "Bye for Now" to WPP

Guido’s co-conspirator in the red glasses emails a report from his Blackberry after the party;

at David Muir’s leaving drinks at WPP there was a hefty amount of sceptism from the audience about his tenure in Downing Street. There was a heckle from the back of the (small) crowd that there was no point giving a leaving gift “as he will be back in a year”.

Branding bullshit guru Muir said he was off to “do some good” – helping to keep Gordon in No. 10. Just what we need, another delusional Scot in Downing Street.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Will There Be Tears at the Leaving Party?

Spencer Livermore has been at Gordon’s side for over a decade. He is now off to Saatchi. His departure had been rumoured for some months – since Gordon’s ranting started reducing him to tears. The hard-drinking Damian McBride is said to be next…

Monday, March 3, 2008

Laughing to Order for Gordon

Kevin Maguire hates being described as Gordon’s stooge. Yet surely if you compere a Q&A session for Gordon at the Labour Party’s poorly attended spring conference, you risk exactly that, particularly if you cravenly fake laughter at an anecdote you have heard Gordon tell over and over and over again. Truly cringe worthy.

Guido has himself heard the “sports pages” anecdote more times than he cares to remember, our Kevin must have as well.

Gordon’s Speech at “Britain’s Everyday Heroes” Book Launch (24 July 2007)

“The great American jurist Justice Warren once said that he read the newspaper sports pages first because stories there were of human achievements, and the front pages last because their stories were of human failings.”

Speech on the Global Economy at the Reuters Building (1 October 2007)

“And I am reminded of the story of Earl Warren, who said that he looked at the sports pages first because it told him a great deal about human achievement, and he looked at the front pages last because all it wrote about was human failings.”

Downing Street press conference (8 October 2007)

“I have been tempted over this weekend to take the advice of Errol Warren (sic), the American jurist, who said he only read the sports pages of the newspapers because they were all about human achievements, and he didn’t read the front pages because they were all about human criticisms.”

Speech at Sports Colleges conference (1 February 2008)

“US Supreme Court Justice Earl Warren once said he read the front pages of newspapers last because they focused on human failing. He read the sports pages first because they focused on human accomplishments and achievements.”

Last month at the NFU the weirdo PM forgot the bloody anecdote, which Guido can by now chant in his sleep, attributing it to JFK. (18 February 2008)

“John Kennedy was the President of the United States in the 1960s, and he used to say when he got bad newspaper headlines: ‘I’m reading them more and enjoying them less’. He said he read the sports pages first because they talked about human achievements and only the front pages last because all they talked about was human failings.”

And now at last week’s Labour spring conference. Kevin Maguire deserves an acting award to go with his ‘Order of the Brown Nose’ for his reaction to the line.

Hat-tip : DB


Seen Elsewhere

UKIP No Flash In Pan | Matthew Goodwin
12 Signs It’s Time to Get Out of Gaza | Slate
HealthCare.gov Construction Cost $840 Million | Wall Street Journal
Why Do Feminists Oppose Stay-at-Home Mothers? | Laura Perrins
Chris Cook’s “Excellent Journalism” | Iain Dale
The Deficit Hasn’t Gone Away | Tim Montgomerie
Doctors Against Burnham | Mail
Privatisation is Good for the NHS | John McTernan
Keep Juncker’s Hands Off the City | Allister Heath
Britain’s New Enemies: Immigrants & Capitalists | FT
Today’s 1914 Parallels | Jeremy Warner


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Knifed former civil service chief Bob Kerslake on his recent troubles:

“Many thks for kind wishes following back opn. Incision measured 16cm. A pretty big knife in the back! Photos on request.”



TJ says:

And i’ve noticed that 100% of Guido Fawkes staff are men. Looks like Guido has a woman problem. Or is it an hypocrisy problem?


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