Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Sith Come to Gordon’s Aid in Scotland

The SNP’s fight for freedom and self determination for Scotland is hitting Gordon hard on his home turf. Gordon has been arguing that the SNP would damage the economy and the party has no support from the business community.

So when the SNP listed 100 leading businessmen who were supporting them, Gordon was not amused. A counter list of 100 businessman opposed to Scottish independence was hastily assembled. An advert was placed in The Scotsman by these “non-partisan” business leaders. Guido understands that it was financed by John Milligan, who is also a trustee of the Smith Institute…

The Race for Number Two : Hain’s Campaign

Yesterday’s request for co-conspirators to email Guido with titbits and gossip about the wannabee Number Twos produced an effluence of information, largely for some reason about Team Hain. Fascinating stuff, most of which you won’t find on Hain4Labour. On the campaign site his lengthy and detailed political biography neglects to mention that he was the president of the Young Liberals in 1977. Not a lot of policy positions either, beyond “I agree with Gordon” which he couples with the word “radical” repeatedly. However a co-conspirator has dug out the perma-tan’s policy views. In his book “The Democratic Alternative” he lists what a Hain administration would do in the first 100 days. It is heady stuff:

“By the Monday, after polling, the new government should be launching the next phase: the first 100 days during which it must stamp a new approach on the nation. Exchange controls will need to be quickly imposed with new powers over foreign capital movements. All financial institutions and companies should be required to halt new investment overseas. The pension funds and other financial institutions should be required to purchase government stocks to fund a massive expansion of a rejuvenated National Enterprise Board. Immediate import controls should be imposed, pending full negotiations in the context of planned trade and planning agreements. Privatisation of British Telecom should be reversed…. price controls should also figure during these first 100 days… It is essential to involve the unions directly over decisions in all economic activities etc etc

State-controlled authoritarian socialism, unlilateral disarmanent with CND invited to takeover the Ministry of Defence, leaving NATO, government organised anti – American demonstrations, price-controls, it is all there. Hain aims to turn Britain into a rainy version of Cuba. Is this what he means by “radical”? Does Gordon know about this?

What will Ronnie Cohen do when they nationalise his private equity investments?

…to be continued.

Police Keeping Close Watch on Levy

There has been some speculation that the CPS could place charges as soon as June, which will coincide nicely with the Blair-Brown handover and the publication of the follow-up Big Red Book of New Labour Sleaze. Guido is also working on another book, with the working title “The Trial of Lord Levy”, for publication, on the advice of lawyers, after the verdict.

While researching the latter book it has come to Guido’s notice that, somewhat bizarrely for a man on police bail, whenever Sleazy Levy is in public he can invariably be seen being kept under the watchful eye of the Metropolitan Police. Guido understands that they are for his personal protection, not surveillance.

Guido never knew it could be so dangerous in leafy Mill Hill…

Don’t Go Blair!

The nose picking, nail chewing, always mincing, hair greasing, cluster-headache suffering, pension grabbing stealth-taxer also tucks his trousers into his socks? Inevitably Labour reaches a poll low not seen since Michael Foot in 1983 and the bookies shorten the odds on the Tory favourites to win the general election.

Remind Guido why they are getting rid of three-times-winner Blair early?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

GuyNews : Do You Know This Drunk Man?

Filmed covertly on the train home on St George’s day. Clearly he has been celebrating the day. He looks like a certain Tory MP, he even seems to be wearing one of Rosindell’s roses.

Watch it over on GuyNews.TV

For England and St George…

Where’s Gordon?™ 2

Gordon was campaigning at another child-focused photo-op again yesterday.

Where’s Gordon? tracks Gordon’s campaign trail as he tries to shore up the Labour vote in Scotland.

UPDATE : Notice something weird about this picture? Look at Gordon’s feet. He has tucked his trouser leg into his sock. The man Polly Toynbee calls an “intellectual giant” has trouble dressing himself.

Well at least he isn’t picking his nose in front of the kids…

The Race for Number Two

Guido was perusing the Betfair political markets and suddenly lost his enthusiasm for gambling. It seems all so boringly predictable. Sarko will be Presidente, Blair will go in the summer, Brown will be PM. Only the deputy leadership looks a bit less predictable.

It also has some characters, Hain and Blears provide a lot of comedic potential. Guido feels we should know more about these people and their campaigns – well not the campaign issues so much as the campaigners themselves – we’re not interested in policy. So co-conspirators, email Guido with titbits and gossip.

Rosindell Rosey

If you were confused yesterday seeing so many Tory MPs wearing Mandelsonian red roses, blame Andrew Rosindell. He bought a gross of them from Romford’s finest florist for distribution via the Opposition Whips Office. Ed Vaizey thought it made them look like ushers.

Hat-tip: Ed Vaizey

Monday, April 23, 2007

Happy St George’s Day

As my own country makes steps towards unity and complete self-determination, Guido will say a prayer to St George that one day England too can achieve sovereignty and freedom from rule by foreigners.

Even your patron saint is actually a Turk and sadly you don’t get a national holiday today. With both a German-descended head-of-state and a Scots dominated government, it must all be a little demoralising. Without even your own sporting English national anthem, the Irish Rugby team easily kicked English ass, and even the English cricket team looks susceptible to the rise of the Irish cricket team.* Things could, with the prospect of Prime Minister Brown, be depressing for the English.

Nevertheless, this Irishman would like to wish all his English readers a happy St George’s day.

*We beat Pakistan.


Seen Elsewhere

Rachel Reeves’ Pension Howler | Mail
UKIP Propose 90% Cut in Overseas Aid | Breitbart
Ed Milibaaaand | Sun
Ed Miliband Phrase Generator | Guardian
Blair Right About ISIS | Jago Pearson
Miliband Will Be Prime Minister By Default | Alex Wickham
Labout Have Learned Nothing | Jeremy Warner
How Cameron Can Return to No. 10 | Telegraph
Balls Speech Was Mush | FT
Labour Makes a Mess of Its Big Moment | James Kirkup
Miliband Must Win Back Blair’s Englanders | Rachel Sylvester


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Eddie Izzard, in his thirteenth year involved in politics, says he’s not cursed because it took Sir Alex Ferguson “seven years to win the premiership so it doesn’t really matter.”



cynic says:

Can anyone help me? I went on holiday a week ago and returned to find someone has pulled out the stake and Gordon Brown is back and acting as Prime Minister. What did I miss? Has there been a snap election?


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