Monday, July 7, 2008

So What is Gordon Eating Today?

As his government directs the people to cut back and eat crusts, Gordon will be eating today:

The food is being prepared by one of Japan’s Michelin starred chefs. Still Guido would advise gourmet Gordon to go easy on the salt-grilled bighand thornyhead. Particularly appropriate that the Prime Mentalist is eating G8 fantasy dessert.

Hain Brought to Book

The news that Peter Hain is working on a biography of Nelson Mandela is very disappointing. Guido was hoping that Hain, who already has a criminal conviction for conspiracy, might start work on a follow-up to his 1984 book, Political Trials in Britain (still available on Amazon.)

There should be an opportunity to update it with topical first hand reports. That is if the CPS decides, for once, to prosecute a politician who breaks the law. Scotland Yard has handed over the file to the CPS. Just to re-cap, over a hundred thousand pounds was mysteriously laundered through a slush fund called the Progressive Policies Forum. Nobody had heard of this before and none of the donations were declared. Steve Morgan his campaign manager blames everyone else, Hain blames him. We all eagerly await their day in Court…

Let Them Eat Crusts

Fresh from saving the world by getting Marks and Sparks to charge for plastic bags, Gordon’s latest encomium to “eat your crusts” strikes Guido as sub-Majoresque style cones-line floundering. That is the kind of thing Guido tells 3 year-old Ms Fawkes.

One of Guido’s co-conspirators puts it very well

Zimbabwe in crisis. Iraq still a mess. Iran developing nuclear weapons. Roads system approaching gridlock. Filthy hospitals killing people. House prices collapse. Economy in meltdown. Treasury demoralised. Banks propped up by state money. Auditors say Government is fiddling national accounts.

What then does the PM choose to focus on? Why, a lot of it is all our fault. We are throwing away too much food that could be eaten.

Thank you Gordon. Your intellectual prowess is astounding. The scales have fallen from my eyes. Now I see it. Owing to the butterfly effect in chaos theory, that mouldy carrot in my kitchen has precipitated a global ecenomic crisis. That jar of pasta sauce just past its sell by date may be the key to our salvation – nay may even save the world.

Thanks Gordon, what would we do without you.

Quite.

Marr Gets All Aggressive

The Indy this morning has an interview with Andrew Marr, this passage made Guido laugh:
“I can be exceedingly aggressive when I want to be,” he says, claiming that encounters with Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling on his Sunday morning BBC1 programme, The Andrew Marr Show, “were as aggressive as any interview you will have seen for a long time”.

Yes we all remember that aggression when a nervous Gordon Brown gave him an exclusive interview immediately post Gordon’s attempted coup d’ etat and was a crucial opportunity to get to the truth. Gordon’s fingerprints were all over it, he was clearly lying about his knowledge of, and attitude to it. He had even met Tom Watson on the eve of the putsch. It was clear for all to see and Gordon was in difficulties. Nick Robinson, Paxman or Andrew Neil could have crucified Brown, Frost would have ambushed him silkily. Even Ant and Dec would probably have scored a goal. What did Marr do? This pathetic interview was the political equivalent of fellatio. Marr had an open goal yet Gordon left smiling and relieved.

It was hardly a fearsome interrogation that revealed Gordon would not be having an election., more a summons for an official communique delivered by Marr (see picture above). The eve of premiership biopic in Kirkcaldy was more soft-focus than hard questions was hardly aggressive. Marr may now regret being a patsy, but that is what he was, so spare us the false claims to aggression Andy. The reason he is Brown’s preferred interlocutor is not because Brown is courageous…

N.B. Guido’s favourite Rich and Mark’s cartoon featuring ol’ Jug Ears is here.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

One Year Ago Today

“I will be strong in purpose, steadfast in will, resolute in action in the service of what matters to the British people.”
Gordon Brown

The Diarist’s Dilemma

About this time on a Sunday the hacks on the Evening Standard’s Londoner’s Diary and Peter McKay’s Ephraim Hardcastle in the Daily Mail will be looking for stories for next week.

Last week, as in many weeks past, they cut ‘n pasted from Guido, they are nowadays the only remaining diarists left who still do this. This piss taking thieving has gone on for years. Harry Phibbs actually sells stories he has lifted from here to other diaries. Sebastian Shakespeare told Guido he “doesn’t give a f**k” he has space to fill. If they carry on doing it, they will be subject to unconventional and asymmetric warfare. Guido does vendetta with a capital V…

Sunday Sleaze Round-Up

Guido has introduced a simple Pigs in Shit rating system for guidance on the misdemeanors of porcine politicians (guide here). Post links in the comments and we will update this post during the morning.

50 MPs Refuse to Disclose Details of Staff Pay
Indy

1 in 13 MPs refuse to say where the money goes and what the public gets for their money. Unbelievable.
Resigning Glasgow East Labour MP spent £500,000
Running “Office” from Home Staffed by Wife
Mail
Could the “illness” that forced his resignation be related to him pigging out on expenses?
Poll Shows Spelman
Disapproval/Tory Corruption Correlation

PoliticsHome
Sleaze is a toxic meme for the Tories, the longer Spelman chairs the party, the worse the perception will become.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Gordon Doesn’t Appear to Have Any Answers

Post your video on YouTube and Gordon will answer your questions – PMQs for the People – on the interwebby. Gordon is a digital Prime Minister… or so they spun back in May.

Some 167,000 people watched his call for questions to be uploaded on YouTube – not quite as many as watched him pick his nose. Now the fanfare has died down. “The top-voted user questions will be answered by Gordon Brown at the end of June” says the “Ask the PM” website.
It is now July, Guido knows not if it is incompetence or dithering, but Gordon has given no answers to the questions posed. Promise broken. Time, effort and money wasted. A load of spin. Nothing in return. We have our answer PM…

+++ David Davis Finally Gets His Debate +++

Sky is tentatively reporting that Boulton will host a debate between David Davis and Tony McNulty at 1100 this Sunday (tomorrow). Surprising since it was reported that Downing Street had decreed that Davis was not to be debated against, all the more to marginalise him.

Tony McNulty went to the same school as Guido. He learnt logic from a fearsome maths master in the Jesuit tradition (though our old school was Salvatorian not Jesuit). Davis is not renowned for his oratorical ability, McNulty has a bit of a steam-roller style of debate. So even if McNulty has the fundamentally more difficult case to argue, he won’t be easily bested by Basher….


Seen Elsewhere

What We Learned From the Referendum | FT
Scottish Crisis Moves South | Nick Wood
English Democrats Accidentally Celebrate Yes Victory | Pink News
Union In Its Current Form is Dead | Janan Ganesh
Labour Could Be Split in Two | Sun
Ashcroft Poll: Why Scotland Voted No | Buzzfeed
Boris: Change Barnett Formula | Sun
Cameron is Back | Dan Hodges
What Happens Now | James Kirkup
Cairo of the North | Quentin Letts
Labour are the Biggest Losers | Phil Collins


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Diane Abbott on the Daily Politics:

“Labour MPs will unite behind Ed Miliband, once we find out what our policies are.”



It was only a tiny tiny collision.


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