It will surprise no one to know that Guido will not be availing himself of an I.D. card. Not because there are any exemptions for 400-year-old ghosts wandering the palace of Westminster, but because as an Irish citizen Guido is free from this tyrannical requirement.

Under U.K. law citizens of the Republic of Ireland can legally travel back and forth across the Irish sea without a passport. So Guido is legally able to enter the country and do what he can to assist in the overthrow of the government, without being legally required to carry identification. Unlike British subjects, Guido is free to travel in and out of the U.K. without a passport or a UK I.D. card – and the English call the Irish thick!

Whilst on the subject, let me recommend the benefits of Free Ireland to you over-taxed and downtrodden subjects: lower taxes, higher per capita income, higher GDP growth, a fully functioning education system, no I.D. cards, no kow-towing to inbred-German-toffs, a friendlier people and a better lifestyle.

A Valentine’s story with a happy ending.
© Alastair Campbell & Philip Gould

Propeller-Head Wonk Watch: The Bumper Book of Government Waste: The scandal of the squandered billions from Lord Irvine’s wallpaper to EU saunas has had a massive amount of media coverage. The book lists £82bn of government waste and the message is hitting home.

The Treasury fielded the financial secretary, John Healey, to bat against it when it was launched. Healey sees himself as an attack dog, but is really more of an attack puppy. He tried the New Labour tactic of rubbishing it (without reading it). Healy described it as shoddy and not worthy of serious consideration. So why field a Treasury minister to rubbish it?

Something tells Guido that Matthew Elliott is getting under the skin of the Treasury. The polite, mild mannered CEO of the Taxpayers’ Alliance is deceptive, beneath the Clark Kent exterior is a superman of a campaigner. The former aide to David Davis is building a relatively broad anti-tax alliance which will make a strong case to a future Conservative government for the proceeds of growth to be shared with taxpayers. It is strategically advantageous for the Tories that there is a non-party grassroots lobby for lower taxes besides the business lobby. Gordon’s penchant for tax and waste is a rich vein of opportunity for the Tories. If they themselves are not willing to make the case, than the quietly combative Elliott will have to lead the charge.

My friend Tim Montgomerie got a five-week U.S. junket subsidised by CCHQ (and turned over by the Times’ non-resident, New Labour cokehead, Tom Baldwin), all Guido gets is six quid from the LibDems. Alas Guido’s application to join the Liberal Democrats was turned down and they refunded my subscription. They turned down The Times’ Hugo Rifkind as well, so no reason to complain about their media coverage. Reminds Guido of the time he was refused entry to East Germany…

Guido has been emailed a disturbing report of an altercation. Supposedly Bob Marshall-Andrews tried to nick John Heppell’s pint, so Heppell bit one of his fingers until he let go of the pint! Yet they won’t vote to let you shoot burglars!

(Any witnesses / further details?)

Hope d’Ancona doesn’t brain-up the weekly. Guido has much enjoyed the dumbed-down Boris Johnson version of the Speccie.

Google has blotted it’s “do no evil” image by conceding to censorship by the Communist party dictatorship which controls the Chinese regime. So perhaps Google thought they needed someone with experience of media control in a party dominated context.

That would explain why Google has hired a protege of Alastair Campbell, former New Labour spinmeister Tim Allan. Tim Allan’s firm Portland PR has a subtle, but approriate, logo – a rolodex. He’ll be working with Rachel Whetstone who is head of communications at Google since leaving Michael Howard’s side (she also previously worked at Portland). Google will therefore have an in with Labour and the Tories (though Guido heard she had fallen out with Cameron).

Why does Google need high powered lobbyists in the UK?

Cynical punters make Alistair Darling 3/1 favourite to succeed Brown as Chancellor. Guido thinks they are right – why else would he so emphatically broadcast his Dunfermline mea culpa, “I alone take full responsibility”. Modern politicians so rarely take the blame for screwing up. Darling must expect his reward to come from Brown when the regime changes.

You can just never, ever be too cynical about New Labour. When Ken Bigley was beheaded what did the apparachtiks worry about? They worried his family was in a marginal.

More stories of True Labour cynicism and spin here.