Gordon the Scottish Dancing Monkey

Paul Waugh reported yesterday evening that the real reason the former Prime Mentalist was seen in public for the first time in a month yesterday was to disprove rumours (first reported by Guido) that were going round primarily in Labour circles. Namely that Gordon was undergoing some kind of post – breakdown psychological treatment. Dance monkey, dance…

None of this takes away from the fact that it is wrong for him to expect the taxpayers to pay him £1,264-a-week to stay at home in Kirkcaldy writing his personal memoirs. Incidentally, it seems Guido isn’t the only one to have noticed that Gordon is becoming markedly more Scottish once again…

The Morning After the Night Before

The hunt is on by parliament staffers for an old 1980s record produced by Stock, Aitken and Waterman. The notoriously hard to track down Morning After the Night Before album was the solo work of Rick Astley’s guitarist in the band FBI, non-other than.. err… David Morris, the newly elected Conservative MP for Morecambe and Lunesdale. Funnily enough he omitted his less than successful flirtation with rock and roll from his CV.

A t-shirt will be in the post for the co-conspirator who finds and emails an MP3 of the track…

iMiliband Troubles

David Miliband’s website and social media operation was launched with some interesting consequences a few weeks back. Former Progress director Jessica Asato was bought in to lead up the iCampaigning, though things don’t seem to be going to plan. The ostentatiously titled former Head of the New Media Task-Force at Labour HQ, Sue Macmillan, has been parachuted in to beef up the operation.

Sue didn’t deny that she had taken over from Jessica Asato as social media guru for the campaign but both women are set to remain in the Milibunker.

PMQs Live Chat: Pre-Budget Bout Edition

Microphone Madness

After Mrs Duffy you would think politicians would be a little bit more careful around microphones. Red faces up north for Labour MSP Frank McAveety who forgot to turn off his microphone while discussing his mid-committee meeting totty-watching:

“There’s a very attractive girl in the second row, dark . . . and dusky. We’ll maybe put a wee word out for her. She’s very attractive looking, nice, very nice, very slim. You know… the kind you’d see in a Gaugin painting. There’s a wee bit of culture.”

Extremely cringe-worthy, but find Guido a red-blooded male who hasn’t had a conversation like that.

Down under, fellow lefty Kevin Rudd had a bizarre press conference where he dodged an awkward question by giving an in-depth critique of a female hack’s choice of clothes: “Well, that’s a point of language which you have used which is dramatically consistent with the dress which you have chosen today. It’s a great tie, it’s a nice hat, I like it a lot” Cue predictable feminist outrage.

During the ten minutes of last night’s Newsnight hustings Ed Balls and David Miliband were muttering to each other, something Balls keeps doing at these gigs. Their little side chat was broadcast… Can anyone make out what they were saying?

Willie Free

There were raised eye-brows when former LibDem MP Willie Rennie was appointed as the Special Advisor to the Scotland Office just days after being rejected at the ballot box by the voters of Dunfermline. To his credit he did not ask for a salary as a SpAd, the parliamentary resettlement payment was quite enough. A close ally of Danny Alexander, it seems now his old boss has moved up the ministerial ladder the first SpAd is set to quit. He will be replaced by Ming’s old ginger speech-writer Euan Roddin.

Willie claims he wants to return to Scotland as he is separated from his family while in London. Coincidentally candidates are being picked for next year’s Scottish Parliament elections right about now…

Gordon’s Alive

Gordon has been allowed out today. Still not doing the job we actually pay him to do. He is being paid £1,264-a-week to stay at home recuperating in Kirkcaldy “writing his book”, if he wants to stay on as an MP perhaps we should see him at his place of work. He used to claim that he woke up every morning wanting to “fight for a fairer Britain”. Now those unfair Tories are in government he appears to have given up fighting for Britain. So far in over a month he has appeared fleetingly only once in parliament, to sign in, so he can be paid…

New MP Pat Glass Thinks the Gravy Train is “Fab”

Congratulations to Pat Glass, the newly elected MP for North West Durham. During her campaign she supported tough rules on expenses and promised to be transparent.

She tweets “Have got a fab new office in parliament, and a blackberry and a new flat, suddenly everything is coming together.” Maybe the tweet was an example of that transparency, or maybe it was genuine excitement at joining the gravy train. A salary triple the average national wage, a gold-plated pension, a six-figure expense account, rent-free accomodation, international junkets, cheap bars, subsidised restaurants, not to mention your new Blackberry and flat. Pat, the gravy train has truly pulled into your station, enjoy yourself. Try not to forget taxpayers are voters too…

Dan Dumps on the Hopey Changey One

Fresh from the news that Sarah Palin might be London-bound, the great and good of the right look to be gearing up for her autumnal arrival. It’s notable that today Dan Hannan has finally come round to the fact that […]

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The Déjà vu Debate

It’s hardly radical to suggest the Labour Leadership contest hasn’t set fire yet. A flutter of excitement on nomination day, but the long summer of hustings and a few beer and sandwich sessions doesn’t exactly make for cut-throat stuff. But […]

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Ed Gets Taste of Poison

Despite the protestations of the Labour leader candidates that the days of spin and backstabbing anonymous briefings are over, the memo clearly hasn’t reached all the campaign teams yet as someone has been having quite the chat with the Mail’s […]

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Palin Coming to the Party

A flurry of articles this morning have picked up on Sarah Palin’s very excitable Facebook declaration that she was coming to London meet “one of my political heroines, the “Iron Lady,” Margaret Thatcher.” The Guardian is predictably sneering. The Mail […]

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EDDIE IZZARD’S HOTEL BILLS NOT LAWFULLY DECLARED EDDIE IZZARD’S HOTEL BILLS NOT LAWFULLY DECLARED
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“Fat Cats For EU” “Fat Cats For EU”
“CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS “CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS
CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL
CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS
CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE
TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY
CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE
OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES
TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA
ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN
STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION
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SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY
SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL
SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’ SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’
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EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME
LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES
LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY
WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER