Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

Jonah Goes on Holiday : Met Office Issues Severe Weather Warning

Warning type : Heavy Rain Valid from 1632 Sun 27 Valid to 2200 Sun 27

Scattered thunderstorms will affect some places during the rest of this afternoon and into this evening. Some downpours are likely to result in 15 mm of rainfall in 1 hour. The public are advised to take extra care and refer to the latest Environment Agency, Floodline, and Flood Warnings in force, and also to the Highways Agency for further advice regarding traffic disruption on motorways and trunk roads.

Prime Mentalist Forgets He’s On Holiday

Gordon is feeling our pain, feeling the pinch*, so he is holidaying at a £4,500-a-week hide-away. Bizarrely he has just given Sky News an interview with soft focus shots of him and the missus walking in the park in holiday mode (stiff light coloured jacket, paedo in a playground smile). He told Sky “I’m getting on with the job”- Eh? Wrong script, he is supposed to be on holiday…

*Guido is at a loss to understand how he is feeling our pain. He has never paid to fill up a car with petrol and charges even light bulbs and his Sky subscription to us on expenses.

He Ventured Forth To Bring Light To The World…

Via Tory Bear

He Ventured Forth To Bring Light To The World…

Via Tory Bear

Sleazy Speaker Sunday Special

Focus this Sunday Sleaze on the Piggy-in-Chief, the Speaker Michael Martin. This is the man supposedly in charge of reform, he is as unsuited to reforming and opening up parliament as can be. The Sunday Times has a fantastic investigation into his affairs by Stephen Robinson. It shows just how Michael Martin has enriched himself and his family at our expense. In many ways the Speaker symbolises all that is wrong with our parliamentarians, the arrogant sense of self entitlement, the dodgy payments to family and friends, the desperate desire to keep it all in the shadows and out of sight of the voters. You must read the article.

Who’s Laughing Now Quentin?

Spare a moment once again for Quentin Davies, the man who last year had the sense of judgement to leave the Conservatives for the socialists, simultaneously accusing Dave of “unreliability and an apparent lack of any clear convictions”. Praising at the same time Gordon “a leader I have always greatly admired, who I believe is entirely straightforward, and who has a towering record, and a clear vision for the future of our country which I fully share.” You share his fate now Quentin…

Emily Keeps Straight Face

Guido and a few others were just watching BBC News when they repeated the Gordon speech from this morning – job to do, listening, blah, blah, high fuel prices, blah, global economic etc. After it finished Emily Maitlis deadpanned to camera “That was Gordon Brown, getting on with the job”. We all burst out laughing.
The state broadcaster keeps repeating the clip of Gordon shaking hands with a line of smiling supporters in Warwick (who are according to a Labour source all party staffers) instructed to get out there in front of the cameras. Very Ceauşescu…

Shocking Pictures : Tory MP Intimately Embracing Nanny

Rozzer has “slammed” Guido and his conspirators for our caption contest vulgarity in the Romford Recorder. So can co-conspirators show him the respect he deserves in this competition. Will dig out a book prize for the winner…

Co-Conspirators Need to Gloat a Bit More

Guido has this morning dropped his wallet after filling it up at an ATM, received a congestion charge penalty incurred by Mrs Fawkes, waited to let the cleaner in who didn’t show up (nanny is on honeymoon), and lost a few bets on the result last night.

Still smiling though…

Best gloat so far today from Fraser Nelson on Sky:

“When Gordon hits rock bottom he will start drilling”

“It’ enough to bring a tear to a glass eye” from co-conspirator Dave Spike in the comments was pretty good.

The Prime Mentalist brushed off and repeated the same speech he gave after Crewe and Nantwich, which he must have written himself. You know the one – job, getting on, listening, global economic turbulence, high oil prices, high food prices etc.

Now is not the time for measured comment, now is the time for mockery and joy throughout the land. The accursed one-eyed, son of the manse is universally despised…

UPDATE : Wallet returned, old lady pensioner called. Guido had to beg her to take a reward. Faith in humanity restored – this is a good day.

An Apology

Guido would like to apologise for calling the Brown bottom and doubting Labour would lose Glasgow East. The SNP won a fantastic 22.5% swing against Labour in what was a rock solid safe seat. Gordon Brown remains in free fall…

John Mason(SNP): 11,277 votes (43%) Majority: 365

Margaret Curran(Labour): 10,912 (41.6%)

Davena Rankin (Conservative): 1,639 (6.3%)

Ian Robertson(Liberal Democrat): 915 (3.5%)

Gordon has no mandate, he is the most hated PM in polling history, dragging Labour to electoral destruction. Gordon goes to Coventry today, he really needs either to go to the country or his own party needs to change leader. Guido knows not a single Labour supporter who wants Brown to remain in charge, plenty of Tories however want Brown to lead Labour to annihilation.

UPDATE : Pundits last night showed their worth again:

+++ Punters Desert Labour – SNP Sources Elated +++

Glasgow Herald newspaper claiming Labour has conceded.

+++ Glasgow East Too Close Too Call +++ +++ Punters Back SNP Favourite +++

Betfair punters have just slashed odds on SNP victory…

Obama’s Empty 14 Moments?

Guido has watched his first Obama speech tonight and is not that impressed with the vacuous platitudes in Berlin. It might play well with his domestic liberal media fan club and our own swooning BBC – Guardian – Indy axis of anti-Americanism. He came close to saying sorry for America – would not think that would play well at home in middle-America.

14 times Obama repeated the phrase “this is the moment”

when our nations − and all nations − must summon that spirit [of the Berlin airlift] anew.

when we must defeat terror and dry up the well of extremism that supports it.

when we must renew our resolve to rout the terrorists who threaten our security in Afghanistan, and the traffickers who sell drugs on your streets.

when we must renew the goal of a world without nuclear weapons.

to begin the work of seeking the peace of a world without nuclear weapons.

when every nation in Europe must have the chance to choose its own tomorrow free from the shadows of yesterday.

when we must build on the wealth that open markets have created, and share its benefits more equitably.

for trade that is free and fair for all.

we must help answer the call for a new dawn in the Middle East.

when the world should support the millions of Iraqis who seek to rebuild their lives, even as we pass responsibility to the Iraqi government and finally bring this war to a close.

when we must come together to save this planet.

to give our children back their future.

to stand as one.

when we must give hope to those left behind in a globalized world.

Using the tried and tested speech negation method simply put “this is not the moment” in front of all 14 of those lines. It is pretty obvious nobody would oppose his speech. It was as empty as a Kinnock speech.

Who Nicked Dave’s Bike?

Dave has had his locked bike nicked.

Guido is currently travelling by bicycle far more. In the past in London the bike would get nicked once or twice a year. Since Guido has put a baby seat on the back the bike thieving has been much reduced. Though some toe-rag nicked a wheel while Guido was in a shop. So Dave, put a child seat on the back and see if that acts as a deterrent.

(Last month Guido did a radio show on the “politics of bicycles” – we cycled around various London sites of political interest and talked about bikes. “So here we are at Buckingham Palace, we don’t have a cycling monarchy, do you think that would be a good idea Guido?” Most of the answers where given when Guido was out of breath.)

Charity Commission Attacks Sith for Spinning Report

According to charity sector specialist magazine Third Sector, Andrew Hind, chief executive of the Charity Commission, has said he is “extremely concerned” that the Smith Institute is misrepresenting the contents of the regulator’s report into the think tank.

The commission reprimanded trustees of the think tank this week for failing to protect the charity from claims that it is supporting the Labour Party.

[…] Read the rest

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