Friday, November 14, 2014

Unbeleafable! Operation Yew-Tree Leaves Parliament Stumped

The poor saps at parliament’s press office will want poplar Telegraph hack Chris “Chopper” Hope arrested for high tree-son after he branched out from his normal coverage and lumbered them with a series of questions that left them stumped. Hope got to the root of the issue when he o-pined on Twitter that a shady lady on a ladder was pulling the leaves off trees on the parliamentary estate. A ash-en faced spokesman insisted he was barking up the wrong tree:

“The leaves are removed each winter as a more time-efficient alternative to raking fallen leaves. The House of Commons employs a gardening service which covers maintenance of more than 145 trees on the Parliamentary estate as well as all grassed areas, planted areas, indoor plants, containers and window boxes. It is not possible to separate the cost of removing leaves from the trees in New Palace Yard from the wider cost of the gardening contract the leaves are removed each winter as a more time-efficient alternative to raking fallen leaves.”

You’d have thought they would have saw this one coming. Guido is becoming increasingly sycamore and more of these flagrant examples of government waste. The real question is how much the taxpayer willow. Facepalm…

Friday Caption Contest (Mind the Snap Edition)

Entries in the comments please…

Bercow Lessons on “Straight-Dealing & Respect for Parliament”

Not content with telling off Theresa May earlier in the week, the Speaker is now very upset with Dave for announcing his new terror laws in Australia rather than in parliament:

“What people want is straight-dealing, honouring of commitments and respect for parliament.”

Perhaps unruly politicians can take a leaf out of the Speaker’s book. He was a paragon of straight-dealing and respect for parliament during the pass-gate and Carol Mills rows…

The Mehdi Effect: HuffPo Promote Iranian State Propaganda

How far will the Huffington Post stoop to attack a commercial rival? Today they have published a story promoting a video from Iranian state propaganda TV channel Press TV, best known for its anti-Semitic broadcasts, spinning for Ahmadinejad and promoting the country’s nuclear programme. And there was Guido thinking Al-HuffPo were only doing the Qataris’ dirty work…

What’s With Scottish Politicians Looking Like The Krankies?

First Johann Lamont and now Nicola Sturgeon:

Going after the swing vote

Chuka Abandons Ed’s “Zero-Zero Thing” After 12 Hours

Well, that didn’t take long. Grilled by Laura K on last night’s Newsnight, Chuka Umunna distanced himself from Ed Miliband’s new “zero-zero” slogan unveiled just 12 hours earlier, admitting he “couldn’t give you an exact number” of how many people paid no tax. Chuka knows the line is nonsense: nobody rich and earning in this country can lawfully pay zero tax… 

An exasperated Chuka eventually gave up and tried to change the subject, accusing Laura of “focussing on this zero-zero thing” and claiming Ed’s speech was actually about something else, despite it being the top line. A ringing endorsement of his leader’s latest big idea…

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Chuka Boasts of Mystery Girlfriend

The Shadow Business Secretary and closet DJ Chuka Umunna has been boasting about what good mates he is with Tinie Tempah: “Tinie and I are friends, we go way back,” he told the Standard at a party: “We’re both Nigerian, both from south London. He’s from Peckham, I’m Streatham.” He even got a hug from the rapper later.

It was party boy Chuka’s chat with City AM’s diarist that really caught Guido’s attention though. Apparently Chuka prefers staying in now:

“I love watching Gogglebox with my girlfriend.”

A shocking revelation… What is it about Gogglebox’s constant laying into Ed Miliband that Chuka enjoys the most?

Arnie Graf Caught in Westminster, Denies Working Illegally

Guido has been tracking Arnie Graf, the community campaigning guru personally hired by Ed Miliband, since it emerged that he had no legal right to be working in the country. Readers will remember that Labour claimed he was only being paid expenses – though that would be very unlikely to have impressed the Home Office. We had him under surveillance in June when he was seen coming out of Labour HQ. His illegal immigrant status even made the frontpage of The Sun

Arnie denies he is over here working for Ed – he says he is on a tourist visit – stopping over en route to Israel. Just another lost elderly American tourst who doesn’t know there is a direct Chicago – Tel Aviv flight…

Oddly for a humble tourist he was briefing Newsnight’s Allegra Stratton over coffee when Guido caught up with him in the Blue Boar Bar in Westminster. Prior to Allegra he had, Guido understands, spoken to The Telegraph’s Dan Hodges. Some tourist.

So if as Arnie claims, Labour have fired him, why exactly was he briefing British political journalists?

Women of Twitter React to Newmark “Rape” Comments

Brooks Newmark has compared being exposed as a sex text pest to being “mentally raped”. Yet another stunning example of the Women2Win founder’s record on women’s issues:

He always had a way with words…

EU Were Wrong Then, Wrong Now

Establishment politicians and big businessmen say that the EU is vital to our prosperity. Sound familiar? As we wait for John Major to drop his pearls of wisdom let’s remind ourselves what they said about the euro.

Video courtesy of Dan Hannan…


Seen Elsewhere

Sun Victory in Court | MediaGuido
UKIP Gains Coming at Labour’s Expense | Elections Etc
Farage’s Migrant Muddle | Indy
Tristram Should Stop Bashing Independent Schools | Toby Young
Journalists in the Dock | David Banks
Let Them Eat Gay Cake | Laura Perrins
May v Javid | ConHome
Politicians Never Safe From Being Recorded | Stephen Pollard
Superstar Carney | Alex Brummer
Gulf Dividing Labour | Mary Riddell
Labour Reverts to 1980s Anti-Capitalism | Allister Heath


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Tony Blair threatens Ed:

“If you had a strong political lead that was combining the politics of aspiration with the politics of compassion, I still think that’s where you could get a substantial majority…  If I ever do an interview on [the state of the Labour Party], it will have to be at length…”



Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.


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