Cash-strapped UKIP are homeless and senior staff are being forced to work from home after the party was booted out of its plush Mayfair HQ. They will need to find somewhere else where staff will be able to “regularly take their clothes off and compile lists of people they would like to have sex with”.

Speculation centres on the suggestion that the owner of the offices, UKIP donor Andrew Reid, ordered them to move out last week after a bust up over the dire state of the party’s finances.

Despite raking in millions in cushy donations before the election, Guido understands the coffers are bare and multiple sources report that some employees and contractors have not been paid for months.

“Boxes have been packed up and we’re working from home” says a UKIP source, confirming “we’re in the process” of finding a new base. Not easy when you’re broke…