Not content with nannying people about booze and fags, the state is now trying to stop us from eating burgers. Birmingham Public Health childhood obesity co-ordinator Charlene Mulhern, whose job has so far evaded the clutches of ‘austerity’, has called for Hungry House’s double-donut, double-beefburger with melted cheese and smoked streaky bacon to be withdrawn from sale. “We all make mistakes and I would suggest that the Hungry Horse chain has made a mistake here,” moans Matron Mulhern. “It would be refreshing if they had a rethink and decided to withdraw this 2,000-calorie burger from the menu”.

Always an advocate of healthy eating, Guido would point out the high protein content of the £8.99 meal.

More importantly, if idiots want to stuff their faces with death burgers until they have a heart attack, they should be free to do so…