September 5th, 2014

Bring Back Our Girls

Tensions escalated last night as the fearless members of Her Majesty’s loyal press corp became stranded while on dispatches at the Nato summit in Newport.

The Mail and Sun pol eds had a huddle and agreed on a line:

Luckier Lobby members had only a short wait until they were free:

The SAS were on standby as the seriousness of the situation soon became apparent:

Hacks back home did everything they could to raise awareness for their colleagues’ plight:

Before finally, the good news came:

Let this be a testament to the power of social media campaigns.


  1. 1

    Does that warrant news? People cant get a taxi?


    • 5
      Socialism is theft says:

      This just makes a mockery of all those hostages held abroad in fear of death. Typical shameless hacks.


      • 29
        No Sympathy says:

        To be fair, the hostages they are making a mockery of are usually fellow ‘journalists’.


        • 38
          #BBCPublicInformationBroadcast says:

          Q: What’s the difference an ordinary muslim and a radical muslim?

          A: The radical muslim wants to kill you, while the ordinary muslim just wants the radical to kill you.


          • Anjem Chowdown says:

            I just want you to think I want to kill you while claiming as many benefits as i can from the British taxpayer


          • Toxic Labour for Parasites, bring back the workhouses. says:

            Yes and with weak Obama and Cameron nothing will be done. When you flood a Country with shit sooner or later it begins to stink.


          • Stupid Hack says:

            It’s all the fault of Muslims that we got stuck at the car park! Our loving Israeli masters liberated us, of course!


          • Fat machete Nick says:

            Don’t lose your head.


          • Aardvark says:

            You really have to wonder at the psychiatric illness of a man who can bring anti-Semitism into a blog post about journalists being delayed.

            What a sad, pathetic excuse for a human being.


          • Aardvark says:

            You have to wonder about the psychiatric illness

            Of a mentally ill man, who can bring anti Semitism, into a blog post about delayed journalists.


        • 61
          Michelle O'Blimey says:



      • 93
        The New Leftist Mathew Parrish says:

        Well, it’s all a laugh, innit!


    • 22
      Homeland defence should come first says:

      Meanwhile as Dave tries to divert attention East and create Jolly Adventures in foreign Lands. In British Cities up and down our home land Muslim gangs traffic our young girls and Old ladies are beheaded in the name of Islam on the streets of London.

      Only 20 miles away gangs of desperate African men try to batter down Britain’s borders and hoards of east Europeans flood our jobs market with cheap often slave labour.

      Forget the Mid East and the Ukrainian East Dave, It’s the east End of London that needs protecting.


      • 59
        The biased BBC says:

        The workings of a BBC News producer’s mind is a strange thing.

        A Tory parish councillor who aspired to be a UKIP parish councillor and blamed the weather on Dave’s homosexual leanings merited the News headlines every day for a week. A Muslim convert who beheads an old lady on the streets of London merits a brief headline one afternoon.

        And it was only last week that a damning report concluded that thousands of white girls became the sexual slaves of P@kistani Muslims because the Media, Police and social services were frit to report it because they were Muslims and of non British origin.


        • 88
          BBC News Editor says:

          Nothing about him being a Muslim convert. According to the DM he has “a big belly and tattoos and he walks the streets sticking his fingers up at people like Somalis.’” Oh dear, obviously a UKIPer.


      • 62
        Shlomo Fatpiggybankowitz says:

        Shalom Moshe!
        Shhh! Don’t tell them that back at “home” in Israel 30% of sex crime is against kids.


        • 67
          Iman imam iam says:

          I say potato, you say shlomo
          I say tomato, you say shlomo
          potato, shlomo
          tomato, shlomo
          let’s call the whole thing retarded


        • 80
          Cpl Hicks says:


          There’s a jooo under your bed and he’s helping himself to your heavy fluoride!

          You total and utter twat!


          • Aardvark says:

            He’s a pathetic, sad little man.

            All he can do is antisemetic chants.

            We really should feel sorry for him.


          • Someone says:

            So, pointing out the FACT that in ISRAEL 30% of SEX CRIME is against CHILDREN is “anti-semitic”? I’d say that it is highly informative.


          • Aardvark says:

            How’s the weather in Tel Aviv
            Hasbara boys
            child Sex

            He’s not very bright.

            He tries to be funny and witty, but he keeps repeating the same thing over and over

            How sad that a human is so full of hatred and misery.


      • 76
        Jack Straw says:

        I did tell you I was going to grind your faces in diversity.


      • 104
        England says:

        Fret ye not.David Lammy and his peabrain will soon be in charge of 10 million London folk.


    • 28
      #JournoPrincess says:

      I’ve been stuck in traffic for longer than that.

      Fucking princesses the lot of ‘em.


    • 71

      We don’t go the wrong side of the Usk after dark.


    • 78
      Ministry of Truth says:

      A few self centred Journos were inconvenienced for 2 hours!!!
      Half the nation are routinely inconvenienced by events that would/should not happen if self same Journos simply put down their drink and REPORTED the fact not the pre-prepared “Press Release” propaganda that makes up 90% of today’s MSM

      Liked by 1 person

      • 121
        Just Saying says:

        Send them to Iraq, Afghanistan and Somalia and see how they get on with buses there. Are not journalists supposed to be adventurous and solutionists? Obviously NOT.
        They complained about the food? I have rarely eaten well in Wales, so nothing new there, and as for the service given it is best to say nothing but years ago A.A. Gill almost caused revolt in Wales by telling the truth on Welsh food and hospitality.
        Do these journos’ not realise that the Welsh hate the English even more than Smart Alec and his cronies up north?


    • 81
      The people that matter says:


      • 102
        Vlad the Loudhailer says:

        We we don’t believe in stoning people to death, crucifying non believers, beheading others, raping thousands of children of other faiths, wrapping our women upon in black bags, on dressing as if one lived in the Dark Ages. Other that I’d be interested to hear.


        • 110
          boredhousehusband says:

          and that dogs make good pets, bacon sandwiches are better with brown sauce than red, stringed instruments make for good accompaniment to dancing, valves from pigs hearts make good replacements in human hearts, non-segregated education is a benefit … Farage would wipe the floor with him.

          Sadly for you, Andy, you’re banned from the airwaves for good reason.

          We ignore your madness and hope that an accident may befall you.

          But we all know you’re working for the Secret Intelligence Services and regularly pass details of wannabe Islamikaze’s to the powers that be.

          Keep up the good work, pube beard


    • 82
      The Growler says:

      What do expect with government cuts, now if they had held it Londonistan everything would have worked like clockwork wouldn’t it, caught on the M25 in Dave and Boris’s at rush hour lovely. No doubt this would have been a Westminster government fiasco but it is nice to know that self important journ’s get a dose of what ordinary folks have to put up with day after day (anyway why whine, they are expenses), pity politicos do not get the same sort of treatment.


    • 83
      non taxable pikey says:

      Delusions of grandeur. Media luvvies are getting way too big for their Jimmy Choos.


    • 122
      Owain Glyndwr says:

      Well I do have some sympathy with them. Being in Wales is bad enough with all the brain dead half wits and in breds that inhabit the Principality (they are even worse around Machynlleth) but down there round Cardiff and Newport they are even more repellent than most of the rest of their countrymen. If you ever have the misfortune to travel on Arriva Trains’ Wales pisspoor performing services and see the Welsh mongs getting off at Cwmbran Shopping and Abergavenny then you will not want to repeat the experience.


    • 131

      Why did her Bottom become Amber…… too long at the tanning studio ?


    • 133

      It does if you re a member of the pandered spoilt
      reptilian Fourth Estate


  2. 2
    ancientpopeye says:

    Puir wee darlings.


    • 57
      Keitho says:

      Looks like an excellent method of managing a bunch of pampered little snowflakes.


      • 106
        Spartacus says:

        God luv em


      • 115
        The Truth,remember that? says:

        …Are these journos’, brilliant ,hard working , investigative journos’, or, are they selective and only go for PC easy story’s?…Are they complicit in the news blackouts we “seem” to be fed, only letting us see fluffy kittens, as it were?


  3. 3
  4. 4
    Bellum says:



  5. 6
    BBC & The Graun says:

    Beheading, what beheading? Look over there a three-headed monkey!


  6. 8
    Cpl Hicks says:

    Dry your eyes princess, open a can of “man the fcuk up” and take a sip.


  7. 10
    Peter Martin says:

    2 whole hours? No busses? In… a car park? Worst summit evaaaaa!


    Will there be massed vigils of BBC staff in the w1a forecourt with gaffa-taped trouser zips!

    Buy shares in Shee-Wee now.


    • 136
      NE Frontiersman says:

      Presumably, if NATO had anything serious to discuss, it would have taken place in secret last week at RAF Waddington, Dartmoor or some equally convenient secure facility, and they would simply issue a press release advising us to stock up on baked beans and firearms.
      As it is, they seem to have entered a new phase of being merely of ceremonial significance.


  8. 11
    Glyn H says:

    With the exception of Mr Newton Dunn who are these people? Are we bovvered?


  9. 12
    whoopee cushion says:

    that Dave couldn’t organize a cock up in a brewery


  10. 14
    majorfrustration says:

    Its not that far from the Severn Bridge – they could have walked it in two hours or less. There there Hacks not wrapped in cotton wool despite all their expenses- don’t make me laugh


    • 20
      Taxpayer says:

      Exactly. The spoonfed ‘journalists’ are too grand to have to walk anywhere to get a story. Far better to wait for the bus to the next taxpayer funded buffet


  11. 16
    Say what you will. says:

    I really couldn’t give a toss on how many hacks were stuck for two hours in a car park, while these people are trapped the chances is the public had more honest views with the crap that was left to run the so called media operations.


  12. 17
    Grant"The cheeky chappie" Shapps says:

    Breaking news, Joan Rivers has attempted the ice bucket challenge, but she slipped and kicked it instead.


  13. 18
    Armchair Civilian says:

    All those parasitical journalists in the same car park at the same time and no-one in NATO had the wit to drop a bomb on them?


  14. 21
    High Dudgeon says:

    What a sense of entitlement.

    Why didn’t they simply walk?


  15. 23
    Yawn says:

    All those hacks, and not one report worth reading …….


    • 44
      Dan Hodges's shattered face makes me smile says:

      Yes, but the photo of Dan Hodges was good. That bloke in a pub really did give the lefty mong a good kicking, didn’t he?


  16. 25
    Winston says:

    Shame there wasn’t a terrorist outrage. A slaughter of 200 media c**nts would be the best thing that could happen .


  17. 26

    Important news…Transport problem
    Non important news… World peace or world war


  18. 27
    Walk you daft twats says:

    Not very bright these hacks. Dave is not in charge of their coaches.


  19. 31
    RomaBert... says:

    A comment from Commander Simon Letchford: “These sort of events are very unusual”


  20. 36
    Gordon Ramsay says:

    What’s wrong with the food in Newport? Do they not have a fish and chip shop?


  21. 39
    Guy News Room says:

    The Metropolitan Police said in a statement: “As in any one of the inane tweets from Owen Jones, officers from the Met’s Directorate of Professional Standards (DPS) have been informed and this incident has been referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC).”


  22. 43
    idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Who gives a shit about the media, they are just a bunch lying fact manipulating scum. Send Maguire and Toynbee out to Iraq to interview IS.


    • 47
      Toynbee says:

      Too many airmiles, darling. Think of my carbon footprint. Much better to wait a bit till I can interview them here. That is the Common Purpose way.


    • 50
      Johann Hari says:

      I drew deeply on my cigarette. “Who gives a shit about the media, they are just a bunch lying fact manipulating scum,” I thought. I inhaled. “Send Maguire and Toynbee out to Iraq to interview IS.” I chuckled, self consciously and exhaled.


      • 120
        Laurie Penny says:

        I drew deeply on my cigarette. “Who gives a shit about the media, they are just a bunch lying fact manipulating scum,” I thought. I inhaled. “Send Maguire and Toynbee out to Iraq to interview IS.” I chuckled, self consciously and exhaled.


  23. 45
    Gisajob says:

    So that is the most creative stuff hundreds of media types could come up with in a few hours!


  24. 46
    Ed Miliband says:

    If Scotland votes NO, and if I become PM, everything will be free. You can trust every word I say.


  25. 48
    albacore says:

    The first bus was hijacked. No ransom from Dave
    He’s donned his best goggles and set out to save
    The day in a Sopwith Pup full of grenades
    So fear not – he’s on the job, dear little maids


  26. 49
    Owen Jones says:

    Why does everyone take the piss out of me?


  27. 52
    Centre Parting says:

    It was in Wales.

    There were some rather rum golf buggies on that course.


  28. 53
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    It was only last week I predicted more Islamists beheading our people in Britain – they called me a racist and said it would never happen!


    • 72
      Mehdi Hasan says:

      My main purose is to distract from the atrocities committed by Israelis , like shooting kids. Beheading people is of course much worse than shooting hundreds of children.
      Israelis shhooting on average one kid every three days is fine.


      • 94
        They're muzzies so we don't give a shit. says:

        Three muzzie kids every one day would be better.


      • 97
        ISIL says:

        The IDF are a bunch of fuking amateurs compared to us. Men, women, children, we don’t give a fcuk. We just murder them. The more the merrier. Our body count and indiscriminate child murder carried out in the name of the religion of peas is massive.

        The fact that we kill our brother moozlims is irrelevant isn’t it because were not Isr’real. Because we’re not is’real lefty bedwetting tw@s don’t get sand in their fannys about us. It’s a win win situation.

        Anyway forget our murdering and r@’ping of women and children and keep banging on about the IDF.

        You useful idiots are a real help for us. Especially that ubertwunt in his bedsit in Bournemouth. You know the heavy fluoride retard!



        • 125
          Anonymous says:

          Vile Rivers is dead – but the insults continue. Despite sending you thugs to beat up MPs on our streets, you will never bully people into believing your BS about the IDF. Despite the same old insults, the likes of you will never deflect attention away from the bombing of schools, hospitals and whole city blocks. For, as with Tony Blair, the IDF are war criminals – and there is nothing you can do or say that will change that fact.


  29. 55
    Saxton Gropecúnte says:

    Why aren’t the media making a big fuss over Edmonton? Why hasn’t Scameron called a cobra meeting?

    Is it because this murder isn’t a false flag?


  30. 56

    The most embarrassing aspect of this story is that Hodges would apparently have been so far out of the loop that he only started raising awareness hours after the release.


    Vote UKIP :-D


  31. 63
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    Two hours without a drink. No wonder they were panicking.


  32. 65
  33. 66

    Hmm… cats with thumbs…

    Vote UKIP :-D


    • 101

      “In peoples’ minds are the notions of true facts: Out there are only
      Schrödinger’s cats…”
      :-) :-) :-)

      Vote UKIP :-D

      Then do it again :-D

      And again :-D

      ad infinitum :-D

      *goes for swim*


  34. 69
    V V Putin says:

    I have plenty of vehicles I could have supplied.


  35. 75
    Persona non grata says:

    NATO is a toothless paper tiger, and Cameron’s an embarrassing joke.

    Plenty of fun and games to come, but the insanity that resides in the White house has been curtailed, so no nuclear war for now. The worlds a safer place today.


    • 84
      One-term Dave (dragging the Tories to their grave) says:

      Nato is super spiffing, actually! Bravo to our lads! I’ll be sending thousands of them to bolster Nato’s defences in eastern Europe.

      Just as soon as I’ve finished writing another 20,000 P45s for our brave boys.

      Tally ho!


    • 123
      Man on a corner. says:

      Interesting that some of the American media are holding Cameron up as an action role model for Obama to copy.
      Judging by the lefty trolls on this website the fact that Obama is being ridiculed in America as much as Hollande in France is out of their radar range.
      Obama, Blair, UN, EU, NATO ALL sleeping on the job so who will wake up first?


  36. 77
    Jihadi John says:

    Dear NATO

    If you have any more problems with the press corps, just send them over here. We know how to sort dispatch them.


  37. 85
    Talking Heads says:


  38. 89
    Anonymous says:


  39. 96
    What About The Boys says:

    Much was said in the media earlier this year about the abduction of Nigerian schoolgirls but relatively little about the murder of Nigerian schoolboys.

    From :

    On February 25, between 40 and 59 children were killed by the fundamentalist militant group. Early that morning, Boko Haram terrorists attacked a boarding school and shot many of children, aged 11 to 18, while they slept. Some of the students were gunned down as they attempted to flee. Others had their throats slit. In some buildings, Boko Haram militants locked the doors and set the building alight. The occupants were burned alive. All of the victims were boys. Reports indicated that the young girls the militants encountered were spared. According to the BBC, the militants told the girls to flee, get married, and shun the western education to which they were privy.

    Beyond wire reports and a handful of segments on globally-focused outlets like NPR, this atrocity went unremarked upon in the popular news media.

    why did the press spring to action when young women were kidnapped, but were virtually unmoved when it was young boys who were being slaughtered and burned alive?

    (Emphasis added)


  40. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Normal people don’t read journos’ twitterings. Anyway, don’t blame Dave, blame the Welsh.


  41. 103
    Anonymous says:

    Free the Newport 100.


  42. 109
    The Public says:

    Are we supposed to care?

    This story makes it look as though GF can be as out of touch as the rest of them sometimes.


  43. 112
    Idiot's guide to modern Nato says:

    Oh Hello. Dave’s my name, and Nato’s my game.

    That’s a war thingy. A talking-shop version of paintball. Nobody get’s hurt on our side unless it’s self-harm. (So it does happen).

    We’ve got Russia in our sights now. They’ve run rings round us diplomatically in the Mideast, especially in Syria, and now they’re running amok in Ukraine.

    Our job is to devise all sorts of nasty naughty-steps – Asbos, if you like. (Angela’s not up to speed on this yet, but I suppose war-mongering isn’t a girly thing).

    Barack and I also have our own cunning agenda. We don’t have long left in office, but reckon we can hang on. Putin’s done so, why can’t we?

    We just allow Vladimir to invade where and when he wants, and we froth on about red lines and red alerts for Ruskis and Jihadis, then slyly grab emergency powers. Stuff Congress, Parliament and the Lords. That’s what I really meant when I promised a bonfire of the quangos.

    Of course, we won’t try to stop Putin. The longer he invades, the more we wing it with war-talk to justify emergency powers. That was Vlad’s idea actually, brilliant.


  44. 118
    Anonymous says:

    Should not that be: Nato’s my name – war’s my game?


  45. 126
    Procul Harum plans benefit concert for Boko Haram says:

    “They’ve given us more publicity than we’ve had in ages,” stated Procul Harum’s public relations spokesperson. “I think we’re all agreed that we owe them something in return.”
    When confronted with Boko Haram’s often controversial behavior, the pr spokesperson was unapologetic. “We’re controversial ourselves. Remember Procul Harum’s big hit, A Lighter Shade of Pale? That was obviously a bold denunciation of racism.”
    “Most certainly so. And you should view the situation from the other side of the spectrum. Boko Haram is not as outrageous as they are sometimes portrayed in the news media. For example, you certainly must recall the Bring Back Our Daughters campaign. Well, Boko Haram has been making an effort to comply. According to a recent report, they have executed several of the daughters’ fathers.”
    “You consider that an act of moderation?”
    “Of course – The fathers and the daughters have been reunited in heaven. Postmortem meetings are something Christians believe in. Since most of the people are Christians who have been demanding, ‘Bring Back Our Daughters,’ they should be well content with this development.”
    “Is Procul Harum planning any specific gestures of solidarity with its near namesake? Say, at the end of the benefit concert, Boko Haram could surround the audience, take out their weapons, kill the guys, and carry off the girls.”
    “That would be rather extreme. But we can’t rule anything out.”


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