September 1st, 2014

Will the Last Tory MP Standing Down Turn Out the Lights?

Tony “Baldrick” Baldry, Tory MP for Banbury since 1983 and parliament’s most senior Freemason, has announced he is off:

“After careful thought over summer recess & discussions with my family, I have decided to stand down at the next General Election. It is an enormous privilege to represent the people of N.Oxon. I’m grateful for the friendship & support from constituents over so many years.”

Baldry has an 18,000 majority so it will be hard to spin it as a conspiracy, unlike with last night’s resignation of 2010 intake right-winger Chris Kelly, whose 3,800 majority was under threat in the UKIP target seat of Dudley South. Kelly says he’s not joining UKIP but wishes Carswell the best…

Presumably standing down to spend more time with Nadine Dorries’ daughter.


  1. 1
    Maggie forever says:

    Vote UKIP!

  2. 2

    Standing down?

    Or up?

    Vote UKIP :-D

  3. 3
    The Chief Constable of Commonpurposeshire says:

    A man deciding to think what’s best for himself and his family and vote with his feet? This can’t be allowed. I am issuing a European Arrest Warrant.

  4. 4
    Gok Wan says:

    Nice hat. Not sure about the stripes.

  5. 5
    The two Muppets says:

    Vote UKIP .Get Labour .

  6. 6
    Mad Nad's Waif says:

    “Presumably standing down to spend more time with Nadine Dorries’ daughter.”

    Wots that all about then?

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    He’s not a spring chicken GF. Have you thought he just wants to retire?

  8. 8
    Grand Master says:

    We will immediately start our selection procedure to determine who will take Sir Tony’s place. Fraternal goodwill.

  9. 9
    Do keep up says:

    We’ve already got Labour.

  10. 10
    Gotta pull my kecks up says:

    Vote Conservative and your guaranteed Labour, get real, Cameron is tainted, even the name calling says he’s worse than Broon.

  11. 11
    Ed Milisqueak Forever says:

    Vote UKIP!

  12. 12
    Anjem Chowdery says:

    Remember to Vote UKIP!

  13. 13
    Mornington Crescent says:

    I go to bed and stay up all night.

  14. 14
    Anjem Chowdery says:

    9. I love you. Keep it up.

  15. 15
    táxpáyér says:

    Vote Dave, Don’t get conservative.

  16. 16
    Statler says:

    Probably something to do with Chris Kelly , the confusion/hangover from the weekend must be pretty bad today in the newsroom.

  17. 17
    The 1,400 says:

    Any arrests yet? Thought not

  18. 18
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Even the fucking BBC have had to admit:
    “There is nothing to suggest that they broke any law when they took their son from the hospital in Southampton on Thursday afternoon.”

    Last time I checked, Police only arrest people when they suspect them of, y’know, breaking a law.

    When did this change?

  19. 19
    Hampshire Rozzers says:

    Yep, two in Spain, at our request.

    They haven’t done anything illegal, mind.


  20. 20
    Err says:

    Vote Lib, Lab or Con…

    Get the EU, Arrest Warrents, Rotherham, Uncontrolled Immigratrion 600,000 + pa

  21. 21

    Vote UKIP as the only was to save England

  22. 22

    Then they will invent a fucking law ,on the spot if necessary .

  23. 23
    Gotta pull my kecks up says:

    I see our kids are going to be taught “coding” seems a two week teachers course makes you an expert on “coding”, is “coding” the new buzzword, what happened to programming in a computer language, what’s “coding” is that a language and what happens to all those 19,000 Indian “coders” that Broon brought in to screw up all the government’s IT systems, will the kids after a hard day’s “coding” get some exercise afterwards , we wouldn’t want walking blobs with bad circulation problems would we.

  24. 24
    Glyn H says:

    Not before time; that bloke has become a caricature of a fat, smug Tory MP – and I’m a Tory – well not any longer – since Maastricht. Well done Carswell, a great constituency MP, who thinks for himself; his blog post and writings with Hannan are an inspiration compared to the turgid predictable remarks Baldry has put out in recent years.

  25. 25
    Redacted says:

    Viagra? No chance of rolling out of bed :)

  26. 26
  27. 27
    The Police can act as they want now says:

    It changed with the European arrest warrant. No suspicion, no evidence, no witnesses required.

  28. 28
    Diane Abbottopotamus says:


  29. 29
    Diane Abbottopotamus says:


  30. 30
    Very PC Plod says:

    It’s a question of priorities. We can put all our resources into hounding parents who are trying to save their son, but ethnic p dose are left to roam free.

  31. 31
  32. 32
    Mornington Crescent says:

    I swerved to avoid a child and fell out of bed.

  33. 33
    Diane Abbottopotamus says:


  34. 34
    Gotta pull my kecks up says:

    Just think of all the PR plod got, admittedly it made them look like plonkers but PR is PR, shame they couldn’t be bothered about getting any PR about sorting out Rotherham and all the other cities.

  35. 35
    Diane Abbottopotamus says:


  36. 36
    It would be sort of amusing if it were not true says:

    How did it get to this?

    Police and State inflict cruelty on child by chaining up his parents and locking him up in a foreign hospital while at the same time charging the parents who love him with cruelty?

  37. 37
    Scenes of provincial life says:

    All the msm have got this wrong, dolefully reporting the Ass Chief Con’s news conference instead of laying into the bastard. All the msm seem to care about are topless photos of some actress. Scum – the lot of them.

  38. 38
    Malcom says:

    The race card is maxed out. It’s a busted flush. Sling yer hook.

  39. 39
    táxpáyér says:

    in order to get said child back to a country who’s treatment rationing system refuses to bother trying to treat him.

    I can only come to the conclusion that NHS apostasy is now a crime…

    The NHS is the worst treatment, funded in the worst way.

  40. 40
    Rapists Waiting in Sangatte says:

    Hurry up and let us in!

  41. 41
    Best Interests of the Child blah blah blah says:

    It got to this pretty pass by

    ‘The ends justify the means’

    ‘We know best’

    ‘Never apologise, never explain’

    ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor’

    ‘The NHS is the envy of the world’

  42. 42
    Desperate Tory Moron says:

    Vote Nuuurrrrrrrrgh, Get shnuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

  43. 43
    Rupert says:

    Load of lily-livered whingeing pom MPs. They are opening the door for that dickhead Miliband and his bunch of feminist pansies. Dave needs Harvey Proctor to thrash them into sense

  44. 44
    Desperate Tory Moron says:

    Vote For Dave and the Rotherharm Police Farce

  45. 45
    My advice to you, Sir says:

    Show them they are wrong

  46. 46
    Where are Tony Blair's Expenses says:

    Read this and weep

    Will Straw be arrested for race crimes and should Danczuk be forced to reveal which MP texted him

    Will MS Cryer reveal who put pressure on her to keep quiet – why if os many white girls were at risk did she not really make an issue out of it

  47. 47
    PC Plod 666 says:

    They were arrested on Anti-Terrorism precautions

    Haven’t you heard the UK is at level “oh my christ we’re all fucking doomed”?

  48. 48
    Scenes of provincial life says:

    // usage:
    // HelloNHS
    // features:
    // uses POLICE to lock u up
    // for loop
    // if

    #include hamprozzer
    #exclude r@pedchild

    using cameron std twat;

    int main(int argc, char* argv[])
    for (tories i=1; i<=10; i++) {
    cout << i << " hello UKIP" << endl ;
    if ( i == 7 ) {
    cout << "arrestEUwarrant" << endl ;
    } else {
    PayTVtax << endl ;

  49. 49
    The "girls" of the UK says:

    OOh, tell us about yoghurt again oh wise one. We so love being patronised.

  50. 50
    SS says:

    Several words, put in order,


  51. 51
    Smoke and Mirrors says:

    You think they don’t also have a ‘Rotherham’ problem or some other scandal the police don’t want anyone looking into in Southampton?

  52. 52
    Farmer Cyst, rubbing hands with glee says:

    They’ll all be needing codeine after a hard day’s coding.

  53. 53
    Anti Fabian says:

    The NHS is the envy of the third world

  54. 54
    Cameron says:

    “I will do my utmost to ensure not one more child is r@ped in the UK ever again”.

    One sentence you will never hear from me.

  55. 55
    Douglas Carswell says:

    Do we need UKIP,COn,LIBDEM, LABOUR, Greens? or combinations of them?

    iDemocracy rules OK if allowed.

    No place for Farage.
    No place for Guardian opinons, writers or their readers.
    BBC news goes.

  56. 56
    Scenes of provincial life says:

    You’ve forgotten, “lessons have been learnt going forward”.

  57. 57
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Nothing more to see here, move along now!.

  58. 58
    Exactly. Cameron is a tool says:

  59. 59
    nell says:

    Sensible solution

  60. 60
    Carry on up the Fatwa says:

    “Muslim leaders have reportedly issued a fatwa condemning “Britons” who fight for extremists in Iraq and Syria.”

  61. 61
    Alan, you at t'bar? says:

    It’s more than that useless jellyfish Cameron has done.

  62. 62
    Order in Council says:

    It now an offence to
    1. Question any caring professional
    2. Question any Police officer, esp Ass Chief Cons

    Pay the TV Tax!

  63. 63
    nell says:

    that’s just the point the nhs is NOT the envy of the third world. the third world knows that they are providing far better care than ever the nhs can

  64. 64
    Worse than Heath says:

    Cameron had neither a plan nor a vision for his Premiership. He just wanted the job at all costs, says what he thinks people want to hear (especially the BBC) and reacts to events rather than create them.


  65. 65
    Chickenservatives don't rule says:

    Notrapist Nigel the nowneverwillbe Speaker has told Murnaghan on Sky that maybe the Tories should sit Clacton out and just let Douglas get on with it. Must be a first time ever for Nige to advocate tossing no helmets into the ring.

  66. 66
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Dave wants to keep all the Islamic terrorists IN the UK, everybody else wants them to leave the UK and not be allowed back (Doh!).

  67. 67
    Anjem Chowdery says:


  68. 68
    The Lone Ranger says:

    Although I find it hard to believe anyone could be worse than Heath, I have to agree.

  69. 69
    táxpáyér says:

    I’ve been programming for 30+ years now, and I’m still learning.

    I’m not sure 2 weeks of noddy IT “taught” by the usual state numpties will have any effect.

  70. 70
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Spe’aking of which, what happened to those Afghans who turned up in a shipping container in Essex?

    Are they still here (as if I need to ask)?

  71. 71
    The Lone Ranger says:

    A family tried to escape over the weekend and look what happened to them.

  72. 72
    táxpáyér says:

    NHS apostasy. Get alBBC to burn them!

  73. 73
    Be very afraid says:

    Unfortunately we are all going to find out in May 2015 there is in fact a lot lot worse Prime Minister than even Cameron as Miliband is elected and Balls returns to the Treasury to finish off the job he started under Brown…….and Labour completes the ruination of the country(no longer “Great” Britain after the expected loss of Scotland later this month)

  74. 74
    táxpáyér says:

    But like Cameron it’s probably a taqiya lie for gullible westerners and when kaffirs aren’t looking they’re praised.

  75. 75
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    I must admit I have never seen an illegal immigrant being clapped in handcuffs, Oh the outrage!.

  76. 76
    Persona non grata says:

    Done, with a heartfelt message. Will spread around.

  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    For most people in the world the NHS is a weird musical at the London Olympics.

  78. 78
    Pamela Bores-Fabricant says:

    “Can we not let them leave then take away passports?”

    Been trying to do this to Andrew Neil for years!

    He gives wiggies a bad name.

  79. 79
    Just wondering says:

    Without Scotland, from where is Labour going to get their MPs?

  80. 80
    Anonymous says:

    No you put them in order spaz.

  81. 81
    Not available on NHS cos' it is TOO expensive and we understand your disappointment......... says:

    In fairness once the hospital told local plod that Doctors feared for the young lad’s life and he MUST be found within 24 hours before his battery on feeder packed up(although in fact it was still going strong 72 hours later) what else could the rozzers do ?? Ignore it and they would be accused of not caring and by doing something they are accused of over reacting…and the only way the French and Spanish Police would actually get off their areses and do anything remotely like trying to find the family they required a European Arrest Warrant issuing by UK Magistrate

  82. 82
    still walking into darkness says:

    Could it be that those standing down are in any way part of the guilty p’aedo lobby

  83. 83
    Another Blair Legacy Issue says:

    The International one is even worse can be on your way to USA just for looking at the wrong website

  84. 84
    Bjerkoff's Beauty says:

    This is apparently the new cure for closet Tory MPs as long as they are prepared to rumble in the jungle. The Conservative ladies of Clitheroe are coffee morninging like mad to buy Nigel a single ticket.

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    Looked into the future didn’t like what he saw. Vote UKIP.

  86. 86
    bigmax says:

    Well, now they have more facts, they could apply to the court to have the EAW cancelled.

    Do you see any sign of them doing that?

  87. 87
    Cameron is THICK says:

    At a time when the European Yuman Rites won’t let us deport terrorists why the fuck is Dave trying to stop them leaving of their own free will and possibly going to their deaths?

  88. 88
    Jellyfish Dave in da Bunka says:

    Stand by ME – you spineless creatures!
    I will curse you 4eva….

  89. 89
    UKIP for 2015 says:

    Theyr’e now the same, what difference does it make if Labour or the Cons get in? everything will stay the same.

    Vote UKIP, get UKIP, as has already been proven.

  90. 90
    Diane Eatsallthepoorpeoplesfood says:

    Racist, everyone knows black people, especially black mothers, are far superior to those horrible whites. Anyone white and over 40 should be banned!

  91. 91
    UKIP for 2015 says:

    When people voted for pro-EU political parties.

  92. 92

    Why not teach them to read and write proper English first, instead of moronic textese ?

  93. 93
    UKIP for 2015 says:

    They probably ended up with the other 2-3 Million illegals wondering around our island.

  94. 94
    Jack Ketch says:

    Vote Labour for more child abuse, more powers for the Police, more power for social workers, more power for the NHS, more power for trade unions, more taxes, more immigration. Vote Dave for more or less the same.

  95. 95
    Jack Ketch says:

    There will be a memorial service for that joke in Westminster Abbey next month to commemorate its 100th anniversary.

  96. 96
    Lord Duckhouse of Pondlife says:

    Establishing that the boy was as ok as he could be is one thing; having done so there scarcely seems any need to clap his parents in handcuffs and haul them off to court, and even if there was it could be done later.

    So much for all that stuff last week about not blaming the parents, just having the lad’s best interests at heart – his best interests now seem to consist of being deprived of his parents’ presence at his sick bed.

  97. 97
    John Bellingham says:

    !DOCTYPE html PUBLIC “-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN” “”>


  98. 98
    John Bellingham says:

    @Just wondering

    Rotherham, Southall, Hackney, Acton, Leeds, Bradford, Islamabad, Sann’a, Mogadishu, Maputo South and Kabul.

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    Have you thought that he may have lined up a promise of a “retirement ” job in the other house?

  100. 100
    Labour supporter says:

    Right wingers. Please listen

    I have just been to Scotland, and Scottish people are considering voting no BECAUSE OF UKIP. They are scared of their extreme English nationalism. Please can you UKIP and right wing tories shut up for the next three weeks, so we the NO side can win. I want the No side to win. I do not want a civil war in Scotland or a war between Scotland and England.
    Message to UKIPERS and right wing tories keep stoom for the next 3 weeks to keep our country together. You lot are scaring the Scots into breaking up the union.


  101. 101


    Guido s final sentence in red ink is awaiting moderation.

  102. 102

    Screw me Guido that s my hat trick for today ,

    Whi s new in the Moddie Ooerations Room today ???

    Someone shipped looking for work from Caucescu s Sicuritate

  103. 103

    Just taser the passports to a cinder when presented at Border Agency .

    Then send them back to Calais .

    Then give them political asylum when they re enter illegally in a 12 metre tilt trailer ,.

  104. 104

    AHHH.. but has he got a “dog” in the fight ??

  105. 105
    Handycock whipping it out says:

    How about me Grand Master? Boaz.

  106. 106
    Not a Friend of Iz says:

    Vote LibLabConUKIP, get “Friends of Israel” (and enemies of international law).

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Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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