September 1st, 2014

Will the Last Tory MP Standing Down Turn Out the Lights?

Tony “Baldrick” Baldry, Tory MP for Banbury since 1983 and parliament’s most senior Freemason, has announced he is off:

“After careful thought over summer recess & discussions with my family, I have decided to stand down at the next General Election. It is an enormous privilege to represent the people of N.Oxon. I’m grateful for the friendship & support from constituents over so many years.”

Baldry has an 18,000 majority so it will be hard to spin it as a conspiracy, unlike with last night’s resignation of 2010 intake right-winger Chris Kelly, whose 3,800 majority was under threat in the UKIP target seat of Dudley South. Kelly says he’s not joining UKIP but wishes Carswell the best…

Presumably standing down to spend more time with Nadine Dorries’ daughter.


  1. 1
    Maggie forever says:

    Vote UKIP!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 2

    Standing down?

    Or up?

    Vote UKIP :-D


  3. 3
    The Chief Constable of Commonpurposeshire says:

    A man deciding to think what’s best for himself and his family and vote with his feet? This can’t be allowed. I am issuing a European Arrest Warrant.


    • 18
      Mornington Crescent says:

      Even the fucking BBC have had to admit:
      “There is nothing to suggest that they broke any law when they took their son from the hospital in Southampton on Thursday afternoon.”

      Last time I checked, Police only arrest people when they suspect them of, y’know, breaking a law.

      When did this change?


  4. 4
    Gok Wan says:

    Nice hat. Not sure about the stripes.


  5. 7
    Anonymous says:

    He’s not a spring chicken GF. Have you thought he just wants to retire?


  6. 8
    Grand Master says:

    We will immediately start our selection procedure to determine who will take Sir Tony’s place. Fraternal goodwill.


  7. 12
    Anjem Chowdery says:

    Remember to Vote UKIP!


  8. 17
    The 1,400 says:

    Any arrests yet? Thought not


    • 19
      Hampshire Rozzers says:

      Yep, two in Spain, at our request.

      They haven’t done anything illegal, mind.


      Liked by 1 person

      • 81
        Not available on NHS cos' it is TOO expensive and we understand your disappointment......... says:

        In fairness once the hospital told local plod that Doctors feared for the young lad’s life and he MUST be found within 24 hours before his battery on feeder packed up(although in fact it was still going strong 72 hours later) what else could the rozzers do ?? Ignore it and they would be accused of not caring and by doing something they are accused of over reacting…and the only way the French and Spanish Police would actually get off their areses and do anything remotely like trying to find the family they required a European Arrest Warrant issuing by UK Magistrate


        • 86
          bigmax says:

          Well, now they have more facts, they could apply to the court to have the EAW cancelled.

          Do you see any sign of them doing that?


          • Lord Duckhouse of Pondlife says:

            Establishing that the boy was as ok as he could be is one thing; having done so there scarcely seems any need to clap his parents in handcuffs and haul them off to court, and even if there was it could be done later.

            So much for all that stuff last week about not blaming the parents, just having the lad’s best interests at heart – his best interests now seem to consist of being deprived of his parents’ presence at his sick bed.


  9. 23
    Gotta pull my kecks up says:

    I see our kids are going to be taught “coding” seems a two week teachers course makes you an expert on “coding”, is “coding” the new buzzword, what happened to programming in a computer language, what’s “coding” is that a language and what happens to all those 19,000 Indian “coders” that Broon brought in to screw up all the government’s IT systems, will the kids after a hard day’s “coding” get some exercise afterwards , we wouldn’t want walking blobs with bad circulation problems would we.


    • 48
      Scenes of provincial life says:

      // usage:
      // HelloNHS
      // features:
      // uses POLICE to lock u up
      // for loop
      // if

      #include hamprozzer
      #exclude r@pedchild

      using cameron std twat;

      int main(int argc, char* argv[])
      for (tories i=1; i<=10; i++) {
      cout << i << " hello UKIP" << endl ;
      if ( i == 7 ) {
      cout << "arrestEUwarrant" << endl ;
      } else {
      PayTVtax << endl ;


    • 52
      Farmer Cyst, rubbing hands with glee says:

      They’ll all be needing codeine after a hard day’s coding.


    • 69
      táxpáyér says:

      I’ve been programming for 30+ years now, and I’m still learning.

      I’m not sure 2 weeks of noddy IT “taught” by the usual state numpties will have any effect.


    • 92

      Why not teach them to read and write proper English first, instead of moronic textese ?


      • 97
        John Bellingham says:

        !DOCTYPE html PUBLIC “-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN” “”>



  10. 24
    Glyn H says:

    Not before time; that bloke has become a caricature of a fat, smug Tory MP – and I’m a Tory – well not any longer – since Maastricht. Well done Carswell, a great constituency MP, who thinks for himself; his blog post and writings with Hannan are an inspiration compared to the turgid predictable remarks Baldry has put out in recent years.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. 26
  12. 28
    Diane Abbottopotamus says:



  13. 30
    Very PC Plod says:

    It’s a question of priorities. We can put all our resources into hounding parents who are trying to save their son, but ethnic p dose are left to roam free.


  14. 36
    It would be sort of amusing if it were not true says:

    How did it get to this?

    Police and State inflict cruelty on child by chaining up his parents and locking him up in a foreign hospital while at the same time charging the parents who love him with cruelty?


    • 39
      táxpáyér says:

      in order to get said child back to a country who’s treatment rationing system refuses to bother trying to treat him.

      I can only come to the conclusion that NHS apostasy is now a crime…

      The NHS is the worst treatment, funded in the worst way.


    • 41
      Best Interests of the Child blah blah blah says:

      It got to this pretty pass by

      ‘The ends justify the means’

      ‘We know best’

      ‘Never apologise, never explain’

      ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor’

      ‘The NHS is the envy of the world’


  15. 40
    Rapists Waiting in Sangatte says:

    Hurry up and let us in!


    • 70
      Mornington Crescent says:

      Spe’aking of which, what happened to those Afghans who turned up in a shipping container in Essex?

      Are they still here (as if I need to ask)?


  16. 43
    Rupert says:

    Load of lily-livered whingeing pom MPs. They are opening the door for that dickhead Miliband and his bunch of feminist pansies. Dave needs Harvey Proctor to thrash them into sense


  17. 50
    SS says:

    Several words, put in order,



  18. 55
    Douglas Carswell says:

    Do we need UKIP,COn,LIBDEM, LABOUR, Greens? or combinations of them?

    iDemocracy rules OK if allowed.

    No place for Farage.
    No place for Guardian opinons, writers or their readers.
    BBC news goes.


  19. 57
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Nothing more to see here, move along now!.


  20. 58
    Exactly. Cameron is a tool says:


    • 59
      nell says:

      Sensible solution


    • 64
      Worse than Heath says:

      Cameron had neither a plan nor a vision for his Premiership. He just wanted the job at all costs, says what he thinks people want to hear (especially the BBC) and reacts to events rather than create them.



      • 68
        The Lone Ranger says:

        Although I find it hard to believe anyone could be worse than Heath, I have to agree.


        • 73
          Be very afraid says:

          Unfortunately we are all going to find out in May 2015 there is in fact a lot lot worse Prime Minister than even Cameron as Miliband is elected and Balls returns to the Treasury to finish off the job he started under Brown…….and Labour completes the ruination of the country(no longer “Great” Britain after the expected loss of Scotland later this month)


    • 66
      Blue Peter Goldfish says:

      Dave wants to keep all the Islamic terrorists IN the UK, everybody else wants them to leave the UK and not be allowed back (Doh!).


    • 78
      Pamela Bores-Fabricant says:

      “Can we not let them leave then take away passports?”

      Been trying to do this to Andrew Neil for years!

      He gives wiggies a bad name.


    • 87
      Cameron is THICK says:

      At a time when the European Yuman Rites won’t let us deport terrorists why the fuck is Dave trying to stop them leaving of their own free will and possibly going to their deaths?


    • 103

      Just taser the passports to a cinder when presented at Border Agency .

      Then send them back to Calais .

      Then give them political asylum when they re enter illegally in a 12 metre tilt trailer ,.


  21. 65
    Chickenservatives don't rule says:

    Notrapist Nigel the nowneverwillbe Speaker has told Murnaghan on Sky that maybe the Tories should sit Clacton out and just let Douglas get on with it. Must be a first time ever for Nige to advocate tossing no helmets into the ring.


  22. 85
    Anonymous says:

    Looked into the future didn’t like what he saw. Vote UKIP.


  23. 88
    Jellyfish Dave in da Bunka says:

    Stand by ME – you spineless creatures!
    I will curse you 4eva….


  24. 100
    Labour supporter says:

    Right wingers. Please listen

    I have just been to Scotland, and Scottish people are considering voting no BECAUSE OF UKIP. They are scared of their extreme English nationalism. Please can you UKIP and right wing tories shut up for the next three weeks, so we the NO side can win. I want the No side to win. I do not want a civil war in Scotland or a war between Scotland and England.
    Message to UKIPERS and right wing tories keep stoom for the next 3 weeks to keep our country together. You lot are scaring the Scots into breaking up the union.



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