September 1st, 2014

LibDems Select Hancock Cover Up Ally to Fight His Seat

Nick Clegg said that the LibDems had had a long hard look in the mirror after the recent sex scandals that have plagued the party. But has anything really changed?

They’ve welcomed back handsy Lord Rennard into the party fold after he apologised for ‘inadvertently’ ‘invading the personal space’ (knickers) of female activists and party aides. Now a row is brewing over their candidate selected in Portsmouth South, the seat vacated by pervy MP Mike Hancock who apologised and settled out of court after admitting inappropriate behaviour towards a mentally ill constituent. Portsmouth Council fought tooth and nail to protect Hancock: initially dismissing the allegations and refusing to properly investigate. Hancock’s oddball ally Gerald Vernon Jackson was the council leader at the time – and will now fight to keep his seat yellow. It’s a gift to UKIP, who made huge gains on the council in May. Another target seat for Farage…


  1. 1
    Spoon Faced Dave says:

    I’m going to lose Clacton.

  2. 2
    Where are Tony Blair's Expenses says:

    The moral compass of the LibDems
    1. Jeremy Thorpe – Pillow biting
    2. Cyril Smith – Little Boys
    3. Steele recommended Smith for his Knighthood and thinks its ok for Cyril to turn up at Children’s home and beat boys on the bare bottom. It was not (in the 60s) and has never been acceptable behaviour.
    4. Steele and Williams now think Reynard should be re-admitted to the party
    5. Paddy Pants Down
    6. Charles Kennedy – drunk
    7. Mark Oaten – Don’t go there
    8. Lembit Opik – Little Girls
    9. Chris Huhne – Congenital liar and sexual pervert
    10. David Laws – Liar and thief
    11. Lord Reynard – Sexual pervert
    12. Mike Hancock – Sexual pervert
    13. Nick Clegg – Congenital liar, he claimed he hadn’t been told about Smith, Hancock and Reynard
    14. Jo Swinson : The new definition for hypocrisy for all her (lack of) support for the LibDem women during the Reynard affair
    15. Simon Hughes lied about his sexuality in his initial election campaign to defeat Tatchell
    16. Kingston Councillor Derek Osbourne jailed for 2 year for Child Porn offences
    17. Vince Cable – The new definition for political loyalty
    18. Tim Farron – the LibDems’ Brutus about as trustworthy as a PPI salesman
    19. The LibDems took £2.4 million of stolen money from Michael Brown
    20. Jenny Tongue the anti –Semite
    21. Finally the icing on the cake are the intellectual heavyweights of Lynn Featherstone and Sarah Teather

  3. 3
    Nick Clegg says:

    Does this matter? I don’t expect there will be many LibDems in Parliament after the next election. I probably won’t be.

  4. 4
    Spoon Faced Dave says:

  5. 5
    Someone says:

    What is the LibDem position on the use of European Arrest Warrants to round up people who have committed the ‘crime’ of rejecting the outdated ‘treatment’ on the NHS and going overseas?

  6. 6
    Lib Dem Perv says:

    Not a UKIP target. Straight fight between us and Tories.

  7. 7
    Nitwit Rail says:

    Kennedy smoked a cigarette on a train, the most heinous crime of all (apparently)

  8. 8
    Rickytshirt says:

    Ukip gain.

  9. 9
    corruption never changes within the LibDems says:

    Kin L. Gerald Vernon Jackson’s name cropped up more times in the Hancock scandal than Hancock’s name did. This man was Hancock’s number one denier and minder.

    Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire.

  10. 10
    close friend of mark oaten says:

    At least with their new candidate there’s no chance of him molesting women.

  11. 11
    Saxton Bampfylde says:

    An excellent appointment.

    I enclose my bill.

  12. 12
    Dougie Carswell says:

    “British-born jihadists in Iraq and Syria could be temporarily banned from returning to the UK” – that will achieve the square root of F.A.

  13. 13
    Norm Normal says:

    Anyone see the LibDems bleating that removing citizenship from ISIL terrorists would be wrong and illegal.

    Who is it that votes for these oddballs? Well I know a few mental cripples that do lol.

  14. 14
    WTF is tangleteezer? says:

  15. 15
    Hugh and some other c-list slebs says:

    Hacked Off have ruled that all the media attention is not a breach of the families privacy and is definitely in the public interest, and totally unlike me getting noshed off by a hooker.

  16. 16
    Armchair Civilian says:

    Agreed. Better to kill them all on the battlefield while we have the chance.

  17. 17
    close friend of mark oaten says:

    This is where the Lib Dems on Portsmouth borough council hold their meetings.

  18. 18
    Shorty says:

    Someone must have put Bercow up to it

  19. 19
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    Another big PMI miss, this time UK. Manufacturing PMI falls to 14-month low 52.5 in Aug, well below all 27 forecasts in Reuters Polls.

    What am I going to do now?

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry, the use of the word Straight along with Tory and Lib Dem?

  21. 21
    Saxton Bampfylde says:

    Regular tweets such as this demonstrate why Mr Chucka Banana will be excellent in the role as Prime Minister of England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

  22. 22
    close friend of mark oaten says:

    Tories have got an awful candidate but they will beat us. Ideally some of them could defect to UKIP to split the vote and let us back in but we’re nervous.

  23. 23

    I must order a fucking tangle teezer they sound indispensable!!

  24. 24
    Anonymous is a TWAT says:

    Fuck off?

  25. 25
    ConLibLab Cnuts says:

    Don’t worry Prime Minister, just keep boosting the Service Sector. Manufacturing is sooooo yesterday. All dirty smokestcks and steam engines and stuff. We really don’t need it any more.

  26. 26
    táxpáyér says:

    A sick child asks for help in the Treatment rationing house.

  27. 27
    Nigel Farage says:

    I off to Portsmouth South to drink the jolly roger dry of top totty, talk to the good portsmouth women folk about protecting themselves and their daughters from pervs and put in a plan to get portsmouth Rugby Club back into the premier league.

  28. 28

    Dave — wake up you headless chicken — set the Clacton date.

  29. 29
    Chinese Dentist says:

    Is it 2:30 yet?

  30. 30
    Nigel Farage says:

    I off to Rochdale to drink the jolly roger dry of top totty, talk to the good Rochdale women folk about protecting themselves and their daughters from pervs and put in a plan to get Rochdale Rugby Club back into the premier league.

  31. 31
    Gotta pull my kecks up says:

    Some Conservative lawyer MP was crying and moaning that it was illegal to make a person stateless, but he is wrong they are not stateless, the British born jihads are butchering and killing and maiming there way through two countries which they have claimed and have area called the Caliphate, so he can go to hell on claiming any money for work done, what happens the Caliphate after both Iraq and Syrian army’s take back their own land is nothing to do with us, beside it could be years.

  32. 32
    táxpáyér says:

    As long as they end up dead and soon I don’t care how or where it happens.

  33. 33
    Ee Yep Blowing Whistles says:

    Dear Mr Bampfylde,

    Thank you for putting my name forward for the position as Chief Rabbi.
    Although I was unsure about your advice to drop my powerpoint presentation of “How to Implement Rail, Camp and Gas Final Solutions to the International Zi0nist Conspiracy”, the interview went a treat.

    I enclose with thanks your 20% of my first year’s basic salary of £200,000.

  34. 34
    Gotta pull my kecks up says:

    Doesn’t bode well for business, getting involved with Liebour and mr preener where’s my mirror.

  35. 35
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    So is that what Chuka straightens out his pubes with?

  36. 36
    Sinderella says:

    I bet you have very even balls. I’d even hazard a guess that you sit up all night measuring them just in case one gets a little smaller than the other.

  37. 37
    Sinderella says:

    Most would prefer it if Little John was put down rather than put up.

  38. 38
    PM on loan says:

    What was I going to look cross face about today?

    Oh yes, naughty moozies.

  39. 39
    Dorkass says:

    He’s an old favourite of Guido’s – rightly so – but I find the left half of his smile very very disturbing.

  40. 40
    Jo Moore says:

    18th September would be a good day to bury a by-election!

  41. 41
    Jo Moore says:

    bad by-election

  42. 42
    PM on loan says:

    Any chance of MP lobby fodder turning up yet or are they still on hols( aka pleading with Nigel for a candidacy)?

  43. 43
    Sinderella says:

    Ooop Pompey!

    The best candidate is already deceased:

  44. 44
    Hot Chocolate says:

    I wonder how many tangle-teasers Chucky owns?

  45. 45
    never surrender says:

    Ah! that was a fault in the early r300 series, they don’t do that anymore.

  46. 46

    Secret deal.

    Last offer.

    Free flights to Sirea/ I-rack.

    Single only.

  47. 47

    Can we assume that he is also a perv?

  48. 48
    never surrender says:


  49. 49
    Ass Chief Cons says:

    You’re under arrest laddie. Lets go quietly now. There’s a new home for you in Rotherham, where some MPs will visit you at night.

  50. 50
    Chucka Banana says:

    “How important is it to have fantastic hair?”

    “Very important.”

    A Daniel come to judgment! yea, a Daniel!
    O wise young judge, how I do honour thee!

  51. 51

    Paddy:- 1. Disgrace to trouser belts.
    2. Appeaser of the highest order

  52. 52
    Mornington Crescent says:

    …apart from leaving your fucking bin out too long on collection day.

    R@ping 1400 young girls, though? Nah, piece of p1ss.

  53. 53
    #Fail says:

    You have to be both witty and intelligent to pull that sort of post off. Failed on both accounts.

  54. 54
    Norm Normal says:

    Err no that’s a sign of LibDem deviency that is. No doubt you learned obout it from your oddball LibDem friends.

  55. 55
    Gok Wan says:

    Then why does Mr Pulfrey’s hair make it look as though he’s wearing a syrup.

  56. 56
    Gotta pull my kecks up says:

    I think the 19th would be even a better day, if the Scots voted YES on the 18th then most of the English will be getting pissed in the pubs, if it’s a NO then most of the English will be drowning their sorrows in the pubs, from what’s being suggest a lot of the Scots will be rioting if a NO vote wins.

  57. 57
    Norm Normal says:

    Oooooh! LibDem types at play!

  58. 58
    Thymeout says:

    What a strange thing to say. You’d be better off going back to whatever p0rrn sites that typify your ‘net usage.

  59. 59

    Not completely disconnected from the incredible Handycock:

    Would be good if UKIP could reel in this seat.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  60. 60
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Saxton Bampfylde sounds like a bit of a fop, or do I mean flop, any relation to the Saxton Bampfyldes of Bampfylde Castle?.

  61. 61
    Lynton Crosby says:

    The big one is to slip poison into the the Queen’s breakfast cereal — but we can only use that once.

  62. 62
    Lynton Crosby says:

    And it’ll be like Punjab in 1948 if the Jocks choose FREEEEEDOM! Trains full of butchered corpses in both directions. Good Call!

  63. 63

    Our Lib Dem key recipients are now diluting the proposals of Mr Spoon, in small ah to supporters Paddy and Mr Clugg. All enquiries to Mr Ratfur.

  64. 64
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    I couldn’t possibly say, but they do seem to enjoy their own company.

  65. 65
    Cameron is THICK says:

    At a time when the European Yuman Rites won’t let us deport terrorists why the fuck is Dave trying to stop them leaving of their own free will and possibly going to their deaths?

  66. 66
    let them all go says:

    They’ve renounced British citizenship themselves by
    going and fighting for this new Islamic state Caliphate.
    So revoke their passports and let them stay there.

  67. 67
    never surrender says:

  68. 68
  69. 69
    bald as a coot says:

    Chukka doesn’t have any hair to tangle or tease.

  70. 70

    Sisal Islum?

    Are Sky having a laugh?

  71. 71
    bergen says:

    If the Scots vote yes , you can bet that some people will panic immediately and try to take their money out of Scottish financial institutions. That will then panic more to do the same & etc. Within days we’ll have a run to make Northern Rock look like a backstreet cashpoint.

  72. 72
    Norm Normal says:

    The European crisis, pie analogy:

    EU, USA, ANZUS & NATO: No more slices of Europe pie Mr Putin. We think you have had quite enough!

    Putin: I shall cut off and devour any piece of Europe pie I choose! I like the crusty bits with Russian speaking filling.

  73. 73
    Ryanair says:

    But I don’t think there are direct flights from Luton to “Islamic State”. They might use their cunning in flying to a third country first and we wouldn’t know which are jihadis and which are legit travellers.

    Oh, and we don’t keep a record of people leaving the country anyway.

    Oh, and how is Camermong going to get taking passports off every potential Jihaddi past the appeal courts. I don’t expect a blanket ban on “20-something parkies” will get very far.

  74. 74
    Lib Dem Watcher says:

    Leave Gerald alone.

    Please don’t harp on about his past. He’s trying to put the Newbury scandals behind him. And all that Standards Board stuff. And all the Hancock mess.

    It wasn’t his fault that he had to appease Hancock. His friend Rennard told him to.

  75. 75
    Lucretia Burger's Vajazzles says:

    Nor do I.

  76. 76
    Norm Normal says:

    Because they will get the best terrorist training available and then the EU Yuman Rites will let them back in. Supported all the way by Cherie Bliar troughing lawyers and co.

  77. 77
    Chucka Banana says:

    You ignorant trash.

    I am not bald: A shaved head is my hairstyle, and very fashionable it is too.

  78. 78
    Gideo Star says:

    Is this offer only available to Tory MPs who are thinking about defecting to UKIP?

  79. 79
    Norm Normal says:

    And how do you know ‘most’ hold that view?

  80. 80
    Gideo Star says:

    Because he is trying to persuade them to stick with the Conservatives rather than join nasty Nigel’s lot? Dave is offering them scores of v1rgins of either gender if they will all go off to the Ukraine to fight the organ grinder Putin rather than his monkey Assad.

  81. 81
    The Establishment is infested with Nonces says:

    Liblabcon: Appeasing and protecting racist gang_raping of children in a town or city near you!

  82. 82
    Back1woodsman says:

    Ah, Newbury could be the one. I remember he was fucked off from one previous location under a very dark cloud.

  83. 83
    Redacted says:

    In his case it acts as a sex aid. No chance of tangles to be teased up on top.

  84. 84
    Ed Miliband, Pædos Я Us says:

    Hath you twied winging the speaking clock, Mithtah Wong ?

  85. 85
    Gerald Vernon Jackson says:

    I was parachuted in to Portsmouth from Newbury, which I left under a cloud in 2002, and immediately became Leader of Portsmouth Council in 2003. I am a senior Liberal Democrat and friend of Lord Rennard; I have been described in the media as the 14th most important Liberal Democrat in the country. The reason I was parachuted in to Portsmouth was to take over the Portsmouth South seat from Handy when he chose to stand down, as it was considered a safe Liberal Democrat seat. We at LibDem HQ all knew that Handy is a life long pervert, but we had been so good at covering up for him together with the Brotherhood, that we thought the status quo would continue, and he would remain unscathed from his perverted activities. Unfortunately I was the prime mover of the cover up for Handy in Portsmouth and it has backfired on me badly, I would have got away with saying that ‘Annie’ the victim was ‘only in it for the money’ if her pro bono lawyer, Harriett Wistrich, has not been so determined to see justice done, and we had been able to fix a High Court Judge up for the trial from the Brotherhood. Now, as a direct result of events, my future is not looking too bright and my new husband is decidedly not amused. Boaz.

  86. 86
    Handycock whipping it out says:

    I have often enjoyed kinky sex parties at Counillor Fuller’s house in Fareham. David Fuller is my fellow Liberal Democrat Councillor in Fratton ward in Portsmouth and is a fellow member of the Brotherhood. Boaz.

  87. 87
    non taxable pikey says:

    “Oh, and we don’t keep a record of people leaving the country anyway.”

    Long may it remain so, it is after all part of the freedom (?) that we Brits enjoy. Theoretically, I do not need a passport to leave the UK and I only have to prove I was born here to return.
    One should read the inside page of a passport, “without let or hindrance.” Something an “Asian” (let’s be PC about this) immigration official at Gatwick had not read. “Where have we been this time sir?” “None of your business.” (or words to that effect.) Or an indigenous official at Heathrow “Where have you come from?” “That way, ” “No I mean what country?” “None of your business.” (or words to that effect) I’m a free born Englishman and I will do everything and anything to preserve my liberty.

  88. 88
    non taxable pikey says:

    No, it has to be Nov 1st or 2nd to hide the arrival of QMV. Odds anyone?

  89. 89
    Chief Executive NHS says:

    How dare you. You are impying that the NHS has become over institutionalised and consequently is neither energetic nor innovative enough to keep up with the latest treatments and proceedures. Doctors and Consultants in the NHS who neither have the knowledge nor the desire to keep abreast of the latest treatments have my full permission to play God with intelligent parents and patients who have done their research and presented valid solutions to problems, that the Doctors were entirely unaware of.

  90. 90
    Aunty Kath the Baroness says:

    Yes, Newbury is a frightful worry. Something to do with ballot papers, and a Vodafone planning / job application thingy if I recall. Uncle Rennie had to work terribly hard to help smooth those over.

    Such a naughty boy. Such a worry.

  91. 91
    Ryan Air says:

    “Long may it remain so”

    OK, for non-uk nationals then.

    Although you get a UK passport when you spend £10 or more in Tesco these days.

    We’re fucked

  92. 92
    Butch Dave says:

    Yes, but unfortunately Thursdays are 30th October or 6th November.

    I might go early, not to hide the bad news but to make sure the bad news doesn’t add even more votes to UKIP

  93. 93
    Owen's Remedial English teacher says:


  94. 94
    Handycock says:

    I will be standing as an independent candidate. I know every rear entrance in Portsmouth which will allow me access to voters other candidates cant find.
    I always personally visit voters which was the misunderstanding in the recent
    civil case against me.

  95. 95
    Handycock Immigrant Trafficker says:

    I brought loads of muslim asylum seekers in to Portsmouth too. It was a policy dreamed up by Randy Rennard, ‘get as many in to your constituencies as you can boys, there are lots of votes in it.’ That is why it has always been strict Liberal Democrat policy and in our election manifesto too that we support unrestricted immigration. Boaz.

  96. 96
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    Gerald was quoted in the #Portsmouth News recently calling #MikeHancock “my former friend”.

  97. 97
    Portsmouth Jihadi says:

    Handy has been a great friend to us Islamics in Portsmouth and when the UK is part of the Islamic Caliphate, we intend making Portsmouth a state capital with Handy as the State President. Boaz Handy.

  98. 98
    GVJ's Husband says:

    I could not agree more. Please leave my dear newly married wife alone. Nick Clegg himself attended our civil ceremony because Gerald is so important in the Liberal Democrat Party. I have told Gerald that if he does not get elected as MP for Portsmouth South, I will be seeking a divorce, as I could not stand the loss of all that toughing and taxpayer funded foreign travel that I have been so looking forward to. Boaz.

  99. 99
    Nick Clegg says:

    I can always be trusted to carry out my word.

    The only reason Handy has not yet been expelled is because the Party needs the money coming in from Handy’s boys, from profits housing the thousands of asylum seekers Handy has brought in to Portsmouth and the planning permissions he provided his boys with to house them.

  100. 100

    There is no prospect of the Scots voting for independence when the reality is that this is all a Show to actually give them Devo Max whilst we continue to pay for them to live beyond their means, and ours.
    Everybody knows that there is no prospect of a “Yes” vote because the place would already be empty of financial institutions.

  101. 101


    Give my point man a first chance now sweetheart .
    .He s younger than me …… though not as experienced..

  102. 102
    Pompey Constituent says:

    No but the small boys had better look out.

  103. 103
    England says:

    Head like a fucking Malteser.

  104. 104
    me says:

    Go back to your constituencies and prepare for oblivion.

  105. 105
    Lord Rennard's pal on the happy day says:

    GVJ wedding - rennard

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