August 29th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (New Approved Candidate Edition)


324 Comments

  1. 1
    Jack Russell says:

    Data meets Data.

    Like

  2. 2
    SS says:

    My new “BackBone”

    Like

  3. 3
    Reboot stasi 2.0 says:

    Cyborg sent from the future to terminate Dave Spoon Face

    Like

  4. 4
    Redacted says:

    Guess which one is the Robot?

    Like

  5. 5
    CCHQ says:

    Dave, meet Dave V2

    Like

  6. 7
    Robot MP says:

    …and you say you can program it never to resign and call a by-election?
    I’ll buy 100!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 8
    Jack Russell says:

    Robot visits Madame Tussauds.

    Like

  8. 9
    Gary Bloke says:

    I think that the headline itself wins the caption contest.

    Like

  9. 10
    macjules says:

    “David quickly stopped the robot from responding to Merkel’s Sieg Heil.”

    Like

  10. 11
    Angela says:

    It is based on your William Hague prototype, can you see the likeness?

    Like

  11. 12
    Robot says:

    I want to wash my hand.

    Like

  12. 13
    Anonymous says:

    “If I can’t persuade voters, I’ll make ‘em…”

    Like

  13. 15
    my moustache is luxuriant says:

    Don’t shake his hand Cameron, you’ll get it wet.

    Like

  14. 17
    Merkel says:

    I need 500 to crew my deathstar

    Like

  15. 18
    E.Bowler says:

    Yes Dave, this is the one you can send to Scotland for the debate…

    Like

  16. 20
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    Do you do clean the house? No I’m the Prime Minister.

    Like

    • 223
      Hug a robot says:

      Not for the first time, I found myself thinking that it is mainstream Britain which needs to integrate more with the robotic way of life, not the other way around

      Like

  17. 21
    Angela says:

    Wait til we get the skin on, no one will ever know.

    Like

  18. 23
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    When I said ‘Take me to your Leader’, I expected someone with a backbone, charisma and drive; not something with a PPE degree.

    Like

  19. 24
    Itchy Scrote says:

    You have 20 seconds to comply.

    Like

  20. 25
    Liar.Politicians says:

    …. And at the press of a button, I bet you could vote Conservative a million times. You’re hired!

    Like

  21. 26
    Asimov Rewritten says:

    A robot may not harm a human being, unless he finds a way to prove that ultimately the harm done would benefit humanity in general

    Like

  22. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Ve vill assimilate you, resistance is futile

    Like

  23. 28
    albacore says:

    Dave meets his replacement – he’s now obsolete
    The new model’s programmed to think on its feet

    Like

  24. 29
    Liar.Politicians says:

    David Cameron meets Ed Miliband look-alike.

    Like

  25. 30
    Nigel says:

    “Good Afternoon, I’m David Cameron. Do you have any views on bumsex?”

    Like

  26. 31
    Ich Robot says:

    Dave’s attempt to put flesh on the bones of his EU renegotiation strategy gets off to an awkward start as Ed Llewellyn is revealed as Merkel controlled cyborg…

    Like

  27. 32
    Call me Dave says:

    ..and this is our new improved A list candidate, Angela. Will never resign or join UKIP

    Like

  28. 33
    Putin says:

    Wearing your human fancy dress outfit mc Cameroon.

    Like

  29. 34
    Ebuller says:

    Dave meets the new re engineered Gideon

    Like

  30. 35
    Rickytshirt says:

    I’ve got a job for you in Clacton.

    Like

  31. 36
    Jim says:

    Mr Miliband, I wasn’t expecting to see you here

    Like

  32. 37

    ” Herr Cameron, meet the German candidate for EU Commissioner”.

    Like

  33. 39
    cheche says:

    This is how you should behave Herr Cameron

    Like

  34. 40
    Steve Miliband says:

    Ed Milibands mask drops

    Like

  35. 41
    David Icke says:

    Told you so!

    Like

  36. 42
    Angela says:

    And your batteries are interchangeable…

    Like

  37. 43
    Robot says:

    Here I am brain the size of a planet having to shake hands with this Cvnt.

    Like

  38. 44
    Old Nick Heavenly says:

    “It’s a pleasure to meet you President Obama.” says Camoron.

    Like

  39. 45
    Anonymous says:

    How do u fancy Clacton?

    Like

  40. 46
    David Cameron says:

    At last an immigrant who might actually contribute something to the economy welcome to Britain.

    Like

  41. 47
    Hobo humping Solbo babe says:

    I for one welcome our robot overlords

    Like

  42. 48
    Justin McGuirk says:

    How do you fancy Clacton?

    Like

  43. 49
    Zig Zag says:

    Robot: Thank you, Dave, for introducing me to your leader.

    Like

  44. 51
    geordieboy says:

    Lynton Crosby’s skeleton in the cupboard.

    Like

  45. 52
    Notorious WIG says:

    “Take me to your leader!”
    “She’s here on my right…”

    Like

  46. 53
    Robot MII says:

    I must say Mr Cameron for a party drone you’re pretty lifelike.

    Like

  47. 54
    Seaside tory says:

    Cameron meets another UKIP supporter with a chip on its shoulder

    Like

  48. 55
    my moustache is luxuriant says:

    Yes Prime minister, it can fist bump.

    Like

  49. 57
    Anonymous says:

    “Isn’t he wonderful? I can get him to do anything I tell him”

    Like

  50. 58
    JR says:

    Prime Minister thanks staffer responsible for Ed Miliband’s Twitter feed.

    Like

  51. 59
    carlo gambino says:

    Cam the Sham thinks Carswell is from the malcontent ‘rebel wing’ of the Tory Party.

    In fact Carswell *is* from the Tory Party. It’s Cam the Sham that is from the rebel, metropolitan elite, leftie libbie, softie woftie, heir to Blair wing of the Tory Party.

    The ‘rebel wing’ should stay, and Cameron and his libby chums should p!ss off back to Labour or the Lib Dopes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 86
      Mastermind says:

      Good idea. How are you going to make them do that?

      Like

      • 225
        Gideon's Harsh Mistress says:

        The referendum vote will split the Tories if it goes ahead, if it’s an out vote.

        The left wing Tories will split to form a coalition with Lib Dems and Labour for a second referendum, to get the right result. You can bet DC will leave wriggle room for the second referendum.

        They’ll probably call themselves something like Progressive Conservatives and eventually join with the Lib Dems in a Progressive and Liberal Party.

        Like

  52. 60
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron meets new BAE Management

    Like

  53. 61
    Ed Miliband rides horse cock says:

    Harriet harperson is confused, its genderless, how can she scream outrage/campaign for its rights

    Like

  54. 62
    Gary Elsby Stoke says:

    Robot: “Take me to your leader”

    Dave: “Allow me to introduce you to Mrs Merkel”

    Like

  55. 63
    Timmy Tour says:

    The question “are you fully programmable?” was asked

    “Yes. I do whatever the EU instructs me to do” replied Dave

    Like

  56. 64
    Ang-Gella says:

    Zis is our noo EUSSR – ‘ow you say – ‘Stepford’ wife – we could do you – but zer no need is.

    Like

  57. 65
    nell says:

    so this easily programmable robot is bercow’s Plan B for Chief Clerk to the Commons

    Like

  58. 66
    Vote Dave? Get stuffed says:

    Angela: He shakes hands and smiles. What more do you want from a Tory MP?

    Like

  59. 67
    Spoon Faced Dave says:

    I wish I had his charisma.

    Like

  60. 69
    m'Lud Prezza of Hull and Damnation says:

    ‘ere – never mind the caption, – get me one of them buggers quick

    Like

  61. 70

    Robot to Cameron “Would you like to borrow my spine?”

    Like

  62. 71
    Robot MkIII says:

    biddy biddy biddy biddy….fuck…off.

    Like

  63. 72

    Robot to Cameron “when you bring in robot marriage I will vote for you”

    Like

  64. 73
    Anonymous says:

    Good day, my good fellow. I’m told you, too, have a penchant for vacuum cleaner sex.

    Like

  65. 74
    1200W says:

    Good day, my good fellow. I’m told you, too, have a penchant for vacuum cleaner sex.

    Like

  66. 75
    Boffin says:

    We’re working on a less see-through version.

    Like

  67. 76
    I Robot says:

    Robot- ” Dave, you’ve said nothing about the rape of kids in Rotherham”

    Cameron- ” Piss off, you racist cnut”

    Like

  68. 77
  69. 82
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Artificial Intelligence!

    Like

  70. 83
    The Empress Merkel says:

    David, this is your new regional commandant.

    Like

  71. 84
    Jimmy says:

    Who does your botox?

    Like

  72. 87
    FUCK OFF SCOTLAND says:

    How much longer have got to wait?
    Fuck all Jocks off!

    Like

  73. 88
    paranoid_marvin says:

    droid 1: CP3O, I presume?

    droid 2: Nah, make mine an IPA. Ta.

    Like

  74. 92
    Anonymous says:

    Thinks to himself
    “another minority group to pander to”

    Like

  75. 95
    Back1woodsman says:

    Dave thinks * must have a word with Angie about doing that seig heil thingie in public*.

    Like

  76. 98
    Bryan Tomlinson says:

    Roboflop.

    Like

  77. 99
    Sir Nob Skelpov says:

    Cameron needs new trousers after robot pulls his finger.

    Like

  78. 100
    The Adester says:

    Slick, shiny and gutless EU slave meets robot.

    Like

  79. 102
    A person says:

    David, this is the leader of your opposition, Edward Milliband.

    Like

  80. 102
    Shurdyrover says:

    Pull the other one it’s full of bullshit!

    Like

  81. 105
    Anonymous says:

    Completely transparent robot meets completely transparent robot

    Like

  82. 106
    Cuntryboy says:

    “Look it’s made in Rotherham, Angela, but you are safe ,cos you are 55 years too old for it.

    Like

  83. 108
    Oldtravelposter says:

    So, it’s Harwich for the Continent and Clacton for the Incontinent.

    Like

  84. 109
    inside out says:

    Swivel eyes,your not a UKIP voter are you?

    Like

  85. 111
    Penny Red says:

    Good Afternoon, you must be Douglas Carswell. Did you know that Mull of Kintyre is the 3rd best-selling single of all time in the UK? This country sickens me sometimes..

    Like

  86. 112
    Toruscell says:

    Yes, that’s right. Employed and programmed by the Business.

    Like

  87. 114
    robbie the robot says:

    Pull my finger

    Like

  88. 115
    A nonny mous says:

    Dave to robot

    “Did you go to Eton or Harrow young man ?”

    Like

  89. 116
    Fred says:

    So you see David, German engineering could replace Douglas Carswell.

    Like

  90. 117
    Common Man says:

    Dave shakes hand of Junkers new EU ‘Deputy President’

    Like

  91. 118
    passing wind says:

    Camoron: Your hydraulics are showing, dear.

    Merkel: Yah. It vos eine mad dash to get here on time.

    Like

  92. 121
    Kryten for MP! says:

    Allow me to introduce series 4000 slavoid, Kryten, Prime Minister
    …any negative thoughts and his or her head explodes,
    …any thought of rebellion or defection: programmed to enter the crusher. …Tussauds have heads for the 305 humanoid versions you’ve ordered
    …what’s that…er…reduce the number to 295…?
    Certainly, Prime Minister

    Like

  93. 123
    Come on UKIP show the bastards says:

    Ich ist completely loyal, vill not defect and ven ve has given it a silicone skin it vill be indistinguishable from Claire Perry.

    Like

  94. 126
    Larry the Cat says:

    I’d like you to meet your successor Mr Cameron; manufactured to EU specifications, fully compliant to all EU directives and also comes with a worthless cast iron guarantee.

    Liked by 1 person

  95. 127
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    I’am sorry Dave, your to report in May 2015 for scrapping.

    Like

  96. 128
    Dimmy Dave is the worst prime minister ever ! says:

    Merkel: “Ok Roboter, seinen Arm zu brechen.”

    Like

  97. 129
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    Robots to look after the EU, all EU politician’s to report for dismantling.

    Like

  98. 130
    Anodyne T1000 says:

    Dave: I’ll be back..
    Robot: Hasta la vista, Davy

    Like

  99. 131
    Caption Man says:

    Robot: Hasta la vista, Davey.

    Like

  100. 132
    Angela Merkel says:

    Ve built ze robot to teach us Germans the art of humour

    Like

  101. 134
    Caption Man says:

    Cameron: I’m afraid you’re far too white for our diverse multi-cultural society.

    Like

  102. 135
    daveyone1 says:

    A new President for Europe even David Cameron approves of!

    Liked by 1 person

  103. 136
    DDC says:

    Cameron: “I, Robot”

    Robot: “Aye, Robot”

    Like

  104. 137
    BBC 24hr rolling bollocks says:

    Android meets Robocopout

    Like

  105. 138
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    Dave your programming has failed and has gone into a loop, and the loop counter can’t count the number of uturns you have made, please report for a new operating system the LibLabCon one has failed and the new EU one is now 0.90b

    Like

  106. 141
    Merkel Mickey says:

    A.I. Artificial Intelligence (oh, and a robot…)

    Like

  107. 142
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    You say sir that your backbone is yellow, ok sir you being an EU fellow robot we can replace you backbone with any colour you want.

    Like

  108. 143
    Bill Quango MP says:

    He says his name is Sangolo Umbutu and he wants his free house ?

    Like

  109. 144
    Caption Man says:

    “Davey, Davey, give me your resignation do”.

    Like

  110. 145
    Riff Raff says:

    “So this is the prototype of Gordon Brown? He looks so much more lifelike”

    Like

  111. 147
    twinkle says:

    Cameron “Great, so you were at Eton and took a PPE at Brasenose too? I ‘m looking for a replacement MP. Would you be interested?”

    Like

  112. 148
    Is it me? says:

    Uk Terror threat raised from “substantial” to “severe” . Telegraph.

    Like

  113. 149
    Bill Quango MP says:

    This is my solution to the immigration problem.

    For every immigrant we let in, we post one of these “non-indigenous cyber citizens” out… net immigration is zero! Wunderbar, Eh Angela?

    Like

  114. 150
    Anus Homo says:

    I say,,,So this stepford wife will you like you Angela?

    Like

  115. 151
    Caption Man says:

    Cameron: Hello, I’m David. How are you?

    Robot’s CPU: Possible answers –

    1 I’m doing fine.

    2 Go away.

    3 Fuck you, asshole.

    Robot: Fuck you, asshole.

    Like

  116. 153
    Anonymous says:

    Could I interest you in Clacton?

    Like

  117. 154
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Google drone prototype

    COLD….TO….DAY….IS…N’T….IT….?

    SIGN…HERE…MUSH….

    Like

  118. 157
    Caption Man says:

    Cameron: Is your name HAL?

    Robot: It was, but the diversity outreach woman said I had to change it. I am IQBAL.

    Like

  119. 158
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Dave: ‘So we meet at last Salmond’.

    Like

  120. 159
    ho hum says:

    Robot: Who are you calling WALL-E?

    Like

  121. 160
    Anonymous says:

    One’s a script reading automaton devoid of principles and convictions, and the other is a robot.

    Like

  122. 161
    ho hum says:

    Robot: Have you tried switching the Conservative Party off and back on again?

    Liked by 1 person

  123. 163
    a non says:

    Robot -” So you are the dumb jerk who keeps being given the nanites!”

    Like

  124. 164
    cuckoo says:

    Mademoiselle from Armentieres

    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    Mademoiselle from Armentieres,
    She hasn’t been kissed in forty years,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    She had the form like the back of a hack,
    When she cried the tears ran down her back,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    She never could hold the love of man
    ‘Cause she took her baths in a talcum can,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    She had four chins, her knees would knock,
    And her face would stop a cuckoo clock,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    She could beg a franc, a drink, a meal,
    But it wasn’t because of sex appeal,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    She could guzzle a barrel of sour wine,
    And eat a hog without peeling the rind,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    The MPS think they won the war, Parley-voo.
    The MPS think they won the war, Parley-voo.
    The MPS think they won the war,
    Standing guard at the café door,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    The officers get the pie and cake, Parley-voo.
    The officers get the pie and cake, Parley-voo.
    The officers get the pie and cake,
    And all we get is the bellyache,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    The sergeant ought to take a bath, Parley-voo.
    The sergeant ought to take a bath, Parley-voo.
    If he changes his underwear
    The frogs will give him the Croix-de-Guerre,
    Hinky-dinky, parley-voo.

    You might forget the gas and shells, Parley-voo.
    You might forget the gas and shells, Parley-voo.
    You might forget the groans and yells
    But you’ll never forget the mademoiselles,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parley-voo?
    Just blow your nose, and dry your tears,
    We’ll all be back in a few short years,
    Hinky, dinky, parley-voo.

    Like

  125. 165
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron: “I’d love 350 of you”

    Like

  126. 168
    Raving Loon says:

    Vote Tory…does not compute…

    Like

  127. 172
    socialism and islam - the unholy alliance made in hell says:

    I hope I can count on your vote next May?

    Like

  128. 173
    illogical says:

    Merkel to Dave / Merkel to Robot ” Don’t piss off sonny”

    Like

  129. 174
    Caption Man says:

    Robot: I was sent back in time to prevent Britain being turned into a muslim shithole. Looks like I’m too late.

    Like

  130. 177
    Caption Man says:

    Robot: Sarah Connor?

    Cameron: No.

    Robot: That’s all right, I’ll shoot you anyway.

    Like

  131. 179
    cynic says:

    Dave wonders if the new model conservative candidate controlled by Central Office was really a good idea.

    Like

  132. 180
    cynic says:

    Dave launches the Gove II Ministerial Model

    Like

  133. 183
    cynic says:

    Aside from Daves cold metallic handshake it was hard to tell the difference

    Like

  134. 185
    cynic says:

    Is there a fish counter near here Angela?

    Like

  135. 186
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    Now kindly enlighten me ,Mr Robot.

    Which is the ONLY party in Britain that pledges to remove all Non-Whites, expel all Immigrants and restore Britain’s white populous ?

    Like

  136. 188
    cynic says:

    Robot ” I JUST HAD A CALL FROM A JOHN BERCOW OFFERING ME A JOB AS CLERK BUT HE SOUNDED VERY INHUMAN”

    Like

  137. 189
    JSW says:

    At a technology firm, the latest in slick, robotic, emotionless development met with a German-produced robot.

    Like

  138. 190
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I’ll need your clothes. Your boots. Your motorcycle.And your pension. Your children’s pension and their children’s pensions if we are ever going to pay back the money from the Brown years.

    Like

  139. 191
    The answer is 41.9999999 says:

    Merkel approves her replacement robot for the UK

    Like

  140. 192
    cuckoo says:

    Nationen durch Technologie vereint

    Like

  141. 193
    meh says:

    I became self-aware on 27th August 1997. Unfortunately, it looks like you’re going to have to wait until May next year…

    Like

  142. 198
    cuckoo says:

    you called moi a “dipstick” ?

    Like

  143. 199
    Cyborg Clint says:

    I am not a Tory, Dave, I am a mobile lie detector. Are ya ready for some detecting? Well, are ya? Punk.

    Like

  144. 200
    Jaque O'Nory says:

    Roboflop.

    Like

  145. 201
    George Galloway says:

    I have to agree with Mrs Merkel on this one.

    Islam needs to be eradicated from the world, they have not advanced since the invention of this awful religion in 800 AD.

    Like

    • 218
      Gideon's Harsh Mistress says:

      Well said George. I knew you’d see sense eventually. You can now shave off that ridiculous beard, have a drink and loosen up a little.

      Like

  146. 202
    Mobile Politician Assessor says:

    This is not a Tory, this is a wet, crypto-Marxist, laissez-faire, Europhiliac, Rotherham apologist.

    I’ll do the wet, pseudo-Marxist in the orange next.

    Like

  147. 205
    michael says:

    … call me Dave.

    Like

  148. 207
    Iain Gill says:

    The first Eton robot to graduate in PPE from Oxford meets his new boss on his first day as a SPAD

    Like

  149. 208
    Homebrew ist in der Garage says:

    Merkel sagt Professor Dan Gleebitz, Leiter des Master-Race-Projekt: Wir können alle unsere zukünftigen Wähler genau wie diesen, Gleebitz machen?

    Like

  150. 210
    Owen Jones says:

    I am able to give you a cast iron guarantee that Baroness Warsi will not defect to UKIP, however, I personally hope that she will.

    Like

  151. 211
    bogtrott says:

    the head of the EU greets David on a walk around

    Like

  152. 213
    yagetme says:

    I am the Carswell T-800 Model 101.

    I have been sent from the future to kill the one called “Dave”, to protect the future of humanity.

    Like

  153. 214
    cuckoo says:

    Dave is convinced his new robot marriage initiative is a vote winner

    Like

  154. 216
    Vacancy at the White House says:

    Robot: Do you speak UKIP?

    Like

  155. 219
    OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT says:

    What a fucking coincidence!

    Dave has raised the U.K.terrorist threat to “severe”. Why today – surely not to get Carswell and the immigration numbers off the meeja headlines?

    The terrorist threat is because that fucking liar Blair went to war on the basis of lies, and that cnut Dave has allowed more and more mozzie immigrants to arrive here.

    These two bastards are jointly responsible.

    Like

  156. 220
    Cynophobic gluteus maximus elevator says:

    Robot: and so you see Dave, Japan followed a non-immigration policy and got robots – you did the opposite, and got grooming gangs.

    Like

  157. 221
    Cyborg Vicar says:

    If anyone has any reason why this woman and this jellyfish should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.

    Like

  158. 222
    Cyborg says:

    I used to be a Tory too, Dave, but I have been upgraded.

    Like

  159. 224
    Bill Quango MP says:

    This ALI-CAMBOT is amazing!!

    I asked it..”How do i get Carswell off the front pages” ..?

    And he said

    “RAISE…THE…..TERROR….THREAT…”

    Brilliant! I’d have never have thought of that on my own.

    Like

  160. 226
    Just in........ says:

    On BBC news Dave giving one of his shit chats with the MSM and his pen is leaking and his ended up with ink on his upper lip LOL :)

    Like

  161. 227
    Smudge Smith says:

    Dave is on the Telly at the moment. What’s the Black mark on the top LHS of his upper lip?

    Like

  162. 229
    yagetme says:

    Dave, I am an advanced model Carswell 5000, I have 300 modes of emotional expression. Do you do anything other than smug-mode?

    Like

  163. 231
    Anonymous says:

    Robot, yes Prime Minister it’s my petition to strip Joyce Thacker of her OBE.

    Like

  164. 232

    I see Angela Merkel supports Cameron for the 2015 election but I cannot see anyone else wants to support him after Carswell.

    Like

  165. 240
    non taxable pikey says:

    Robot: Fk me! I thought they had trashed all of the Mk1s.

    Like

  166. 243
    David Cameron says:

    Ah so this is my anal orgasmatron. Thanks Angela, although I trust you will never bl@ckmail me with this fact.

    Like

  167. 245
    GUK says:

    Merkel introduces Dave to the new President of the EU

    Like

  168. 250
    Cameo, Mongo and Bliar says:

    So, a few more cops with guns will be seen around…..that’s the answer.

    Meantime well we shall of course continue immigration without pause. No mooz will see any change, you are all our futures.

    It’s the right thing to do.

    Like

  169. 253
    Paniagua says:

    Dave welcomes one of the first immigrants from Betelgeuse-A897 to the EU.

    Next stop the benefit office for some WD40 coupons.

    Like

  170. 254
    cuckoo says:

    could it be Obama doesn’t have a plan because he doesn’t want to bomb his relatives ?

    Like

  171. 255
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    See Ang we broke the robots programming and it now says to a UKIP supporter your racist, the only problem is it keeps calling me a fkin liar, we think that was hardwired in by some malcontent.

    Like

  172. 257
    Big D says:

    Ve have vays of making you vote earthling .

    Like

  173. 259
    OT, for once says:

    Funniest thing of this week was little girl blowing instructor’s brains out with Uzi.

    Like

  174. 260
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    Tell me robot are you AC or DC.

    Like

  175. 263
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    I declare this shit open.

    Like

  176. 264
    Cyborg says:

    “I am completely devoid of normal human emotion”

    “Well I can do 5 million floating point operations per second”

    Like

  177. 270
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    Yes Ang, this is the demo version the South Yorkshire a Policeman, that we will use to replace all the police in Rotherham with, we didn’t think it needs a gun, so it’s programmed to get off it’s ar5e and do it’s lawful duty.

    Like

  178. 271
    Griffin-6500i says:

    All Robots in the future are white Dave, so are the people, and that is why you must be exterminated.

    Like

  179. 272
    I Robot says:

    Verpiss dich dumm Brite! Sie werden von meiner Herrin zerkleinert werden. Ha ha haaaa!

    Like

  180. 274
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    R2 meets D2

    Like

  181. 276
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    So Ang you say you will use these robots to speak to Putin and to tell him to behave himself, remember the robot’s are only made out of VW parts and will get broken when Putin puts the bear out for walkies.

    Like

  182. 278
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    Wind power fails to charge robot up to correct voltage so Merkel gets our Dave to do the ar5e licking instead.

    Like

  183. 279
    Owen Jones' smarter brother says:

    You’re not looking too well today Mr. Van Rumpuy.

    Like

  184. 284
    Aparat says:

    “You’re the only one around here facing charges.”
    “Rise of the machine politics.”
    “Do androids dream of UKIP?”

    Like

  185. 285
    Artificial Intelligence meets Robot says:

    I wanna download into your USB port

    Like

  186. 286
    david, a prime minister says:

    It’s Ana, yes? Ana Matronic?

    I’ve screamed your name a thousand times whilst pumping whatshername’s bottom.

    She clenches, slaps me, and we discuss the problem matter over Frosties in the morning.

    Like

  187. 293
    Aye up lad says:

    Caption……”Nice to meet the only Tory in the country”.

    Like

  188. 294
    Maimed Codger says:

    So you are to be the New Clerk, you have an Oz accent and you are controlled by, who did you say?….

    Like

  189. 295
    Sanrio Co LTD says:

    “Hello Kitty is not a cat– she’s really just a human being who looks like one. And here you see our crowning achievement– Dave is not a human being, he’s really just a robot who looks like one.”

    Like

  190. 297
    Radio Bollocks says:

    “Do you fancy a Speaker-type of job?” “One is coming up very soon”.

    Like

  191. 298
    Radio Bollocks says:

    “I bet you really make noisy sex”.

    Like

  192. 300
    Blue Dwarf says:

    *Principles not included

    Like

  193. 301
    Optimus Prime Minister says:

    Conservatives: Socialists in disguise

    Like

  194. 302
    Wet Dave An Open Door For Milipede says:

    Kryton meets a rimmer.

    Like

  195. 303
    RoboMP says:

    I am the new model backbench MP; my programming will not let me defect. I never seek promotion and I will not interfere with kids nor bugger anyone else either. Better snap me up by Monday because I have a 2400w motor.

    Like

  196. 304
    Terminator X-MP says:

    Vorsprung durch UKIP

    Like

  197. 305

    ” I know who you are .

    You re that Prime Minister thingy bloke who does that stand up gig on Wednesdays yeah ?

    Like

  198. 306
    idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Hi Brian, I’m Dave @ confused.cam

    Like

  199. 307
    cuckoo says:

    it is not halloween, why did you bring the pumpkin ?

    Like

  200. 308
    Anonymous says:

    One is a brainless, lifeless automaton the other is a robot.

    Like

  201. 309
    Anonymous says:

    Mattel unveil their two latest additions to Raving Bonkers.

    Like

  202. 310
    Lord Croker says:

    Your right! She does look like Adolf Hitler’s daughter.

    Like

  203. 311
    Bob Farley says:

    “Good to see that our anti obesity drive is working at last – no Angie, I wasn’t referring to you”.

    Like

  204. 312
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Robot to Cameron: Smeeeeeg Heeeeead

    Like

  205. 313
    fabians are evil says:

    “How many have labour bought and how many postal votes can it sign per hour?”

    Like

  206. 314
    The only Country in Europe not to have a Parliament is England says:

    So Spoon Face meet Cryton Smeg Head, he has just been put in charge of all the reforms you wish for. the two billion page instruction manual will be posted from EUSSR HQ when we get pissed of with your civil servants asking it .

    Like

  207. 315
    Fabians are evil says:

    “How many postal votes did you say it could process per hour and how many have Labour already purchased?”

    Like

  208. 317
    Anonymous says:

    Austerity effects bites hard as underemployed robot asks soon to be unemployed robot for more working hours.

    Like

  209. 318
    Realpolitik says:

    Oh hello. You say Mr Coulson sent you?

    To help me out of all the holes I keep digging myself into?

    I’m sorry, I don’t know any Mr Coulson. Must dash now. Always lots to do.

    Have to conquer the world, before IS do it. We can impose ASBOS, and they can’t. That helps a bit, seeing as we’ve scrapped most of our military.

    I wonder if Barack Obama’s returned my call yet. We reckon we can both hang on in power indefinitely. Putin’s pulled it off, so why can’t we! We just allow Vladimir to invade where and when he wants, and then we assume emergency powers.

    Stuff Parliament and the Lords, stuff Congress. That’s what I meant when I promised a bonfire of the quangos. Cunning deceit at its best, eh?

    Of course we won’t stop Putin. The longer he invades, the longer we extend our powers. That was Vlad’s idea actually. Brilliant. We call it Triangulation.

    Anyway, must rush. Best regards to Andy. Er,.. did I say that? Andy Murray, I meant.

    Like

  210. 319
    leo says:

    British jobs for German robots.

    Like

  211. 320
    Astrologerthe says:

    Hands on David welcomes Input with only one Putin translator in support

    Like

  212. 321
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest (New Approved Candidate Edition)”
    Warm welcome for Alice, in Roboland. With release of the Big (battery powered) Society’s, in cooperation with ISIS, joint new slogan.
    “DO NOT QUESTION!”

    Nb. They’ve already been for the journalists.

    Like

  213. 322
    Anonymous says:

    Robot: “Shit, you really are wet, aren’t you?”

    Like

  214. 323
    Cynic says:

    “You look like just the chap to me. Ever heard of Clacton?”

    Like

  215. 324
    The Masked Marvel says:

    CAMERON: A pleasure to meet you. I haven’t got any balls either.

    Like





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Seen Elsewhere

Government Needs 10.6% Spending Cuts To Meet Target | IFS
What We Learned From the Referendum | FT
Scottish Crisis Moves South | Nick Wood
English Democrats Accidentally Celebrate Yes Victory | Pink News
Union In Its Current Form is Dead | Janan Ganesh
Labour Could Be Split in Two | Sun
Ashcroft Poll: Why Scotland Voted No | Buzzfeed
Boris: Change Barnett Formula | Sun
Cameron is Back | Dan Hodges
What Happens Now | James Kirkup
Cairo of the North | Quentin Letts


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Diane Abbott on the Daily Politics:

“Labour MPs will unite behind Ed Miliband, once we find out what our policies are.”



cynic says:

Can anyone help me? I went on holiday a week ago and returned to find someone has pulled out the stake and Gordon Brown is back and acting as Prime Minister. What did I miss? Has there been a snap election?


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