August 22nd, 2014

There’s Already Been a Clegg Movie…

James Kirkup pitches his script ideas for Clegg: The Movie.

“My name is Nicholas William Peter Clegg, commander of what’s left of the Army of the South West, deputy chair (acting) of the Federal Executive Committee, loyal servant of the true emperor Paddy Aurelius. Father of a murdered party, husband to a murdered campaign for AV. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”

Casting is underway for the Channel 4 production… 


  1. 1
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    I do like it when you talk dirty.

  2. 2
    Deport Nick Clegg says:

    “My name is Nick Clegg, and when I quit parliament next year, I will take my wife and my two children, Marcos and Miguel, and get the fuck out of your stupid country as quickly as possible. But I will, of course, continue to claim my ministerial pension. So long, suckers!”

  3. 3
    Ethyl Grindle says:

    My friend Mildred and I think Mr Clegg is a very nice boy and he wears very nice suits.

  4. 4
    I say I say says:

    I just couldn’t care less what Clegg does or doesn’t do, he’s just a hanger on, on the back of a bus being driven by a lunatic, with Clegg pretending to be the driver.

  5. 5
    Casting is underway? says:

    A large dog turd for the title role?

  6. 6
    Non Labour voter! says:

    As I see it we have just 8 months left to stop a catastrophe happening with the horrifying prospect of Ed “Kinnock” Militant being elected.

    All who care about stopping this nightmare need to get leafleting for the Tories straight away. There is no time to lose. Get on to your local association now and get helping. Talk to anyone you meet or know now and keep telling them to vote Tory to keep Ed out. This is a critical time like no other!

  7. 7

    Live feed for R’ussia’s actual invasion of U’kraine available here:

    No ICRC have been seen in trucks – M’oscow flags still flying on some. They do have license plates attached for the most part.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  8. 8
    Lard Reynard says:

    That piece was as weak as a libdem’s excuse for sex crimes.

  9. 9
    Cameron is a debt-addicted europhile socialist control freak says:

    I would vote for the Conservative Party if it still existed.

  10. 10
    Jihad, coming to a town near you says:

    That Clegg is as fucked as Spoon face.

  11. 11
    Dimmy Dave is the worst prime minister ever ! says:

    “There are too many white Christian faces in Britain.” – David Cameron.

  12. 12
    Northern tory voter says:

    Problem is my local tories are literally a husband and wife pensioner team and a weirdo couple who spookily resemble and act like the swingers out of Benidorm!

  13. 13
    Jihad, coming to a town near you says:

    Please seek help, I hear AA are very good.

  14. 14
    Message from ISIS says:

    No reason for us to go to England to attack you.

    Our brothers are already there.

    Allahu Akbar.

  15. 15
    I say I say says:

    The Conservative party doesn’t exist, their is a political party called the LibLabCon they are/were three separate political parties but as they have the same policies and the same course to hell for the country the only difference between them is the politicians all self serving multimillionaires, the braindead still believe the Liebour party exists but that was the first to be subsumed by it’s self serving multimillionaires, vote UKIP it may be new, but the baggage is a bit lighter.

  16. 16
    Silent Witness says:

    Our local LIBERAL PARTY (slightly different from the LibDems) has also collapsed into the void. At one time it bragged a couple of local councillors, and then found its membership shifting to the LDs. Now the local LDs have gone, the Liberals thuogh a mass rush towards them – it did,nt happen.

    More enjoyable reading at whats left…

  17. 17
    Ignominy Watch says:

  18. 18
    Counseller type says:

    I can possibly help. I have a real leather couch and a great listener!

  19. 19
    SS says:

    An anagram of Nicholas William Peter Clegg, is =
    A Ceca Eggshell Trillion Wimp
    A Ceca Emerging Hilltops Will
    A Ceca Emerging Hilltop Swill
    A Ceca Emerging Hilltop Wills
    A Ceca Heeling Gristmill Plow
    A Ceca Wheeling Gristmill Pol
    A Ceca Wheeling Gristmill Lop
    A Ceca Wheeling Pilgrim Tolls
    A Ceca Wheeling Pilgrims Toll
    A Ceca Repelling Gilts Whilom
    A Ceca Respelling Gilt Whilom
    A Ceca Pelleting Showgirl Mil

  20. 20
    Report card says:

  21. 21
    nell. says:

    likely to be a commissioner in the eu – a la kinnochio complete with over the top salary and expenses and multiple pensions all paid by us.

  22. 22
    I say I say says:

    When Russia invades Poland and Austria and gets to Brussels and shuts down the EU dictatorship tell us, otherwise I couldn’t care less.

  23. 23
    Nero says:

    Hugh fucking Grant.

    He would be absolutely fucking ideal to play that c*nt in a film.

  24. 24
    Percy Thrower says:

  25. 25
    Crime Watch says:

  26. 26
    Calamity Clegg says:

    I,m sorry, I’m so very very sorry.

  27. 27
    Beast of Bolsover says:

  28. 28
    RomaBert... says:

    Do wimmin want to be groped in a passion wagon that is just a big yellow bus?

  29. 29
    Psychotic, champagne socialist, pedophile, necrophiliac, violent, BBC light entertainment star/DJ says:

    UKIP have now replaced these, promise anything, make any pledge, have no shame Lib Dem parasites

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    It’ll be a comedy, mate

  31. 31
    Anonymous says:

    A poisonous potted plant !

  32. 32
    Realist says:

    So great thinking you vote UKIP and let dozens of money grabbing hypocritical socialists into the marginals so people like Twatson, Droney, Harperson, Ballsup and Miliwanker run the show!

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

  34. 34
    VonCameroon says:

    I fully support Nick von Clegg (wherever he is)

  35. 35
    The Priory says:

  36. 36
    rick says:

    Exactly right. The choice is a very slow, sure and painful death under LibLabCon, or a new start under UKIP.
    If ‘Labour’ do get in because the ‘Tory’ vote is weakened, the risk is worth it if it means UKIP are assured victory next time around. I can see a future civil war if the present scum continue in the direction they are hell bent on.

  37. 37
    Stan Butler says:

    They have no fucker willing to drive the bus…

  38. 38
    LOL! says:

  39. 39
    ShedMan says:

    So am I


  40. 40
    Jihad Larry says:

  41. 41
    Jihadi Beatle says:

    Just as well Clegg isn’t responsible for Submarine paintwork.

  42. 42
    Vince Kabul says:

    I love “Catlit”

  43. 43
    Here's Nick Clegg the movie says:

  44. 44
    Doris Stokes (manifestation) says:

    He stroked my pussy

  45. 45
    +1000 says:


  46. 46
    EuroBank says:

    We control ALL – vertical and horizontal

  47. 47
    LibLabConSham says:

    Who let them in ?

  48. 48
    The world and his dog says:

    Who’s Nick Clegg?

  49. 49

    Back in the USSR…

    Vote UKIP :-D

  50. 50
    Circus Maximus says:

    I hope the lions are hungry.

  51. 51
    BBC News Editor says:

    “Britain must talk to Assad to combat threat from Islamic State”

    Jesu! We got wrong. Oh, well we’re correct on global warming – aren’t we?

  52. 52
  53. 53
    The LibLabcon friends of Israel says:

    We did!

  54. 54
    You're all bonkers says:

    You UKIPS shouls listen to yourselves. You sound like the Footites of 1983 and Tories in 97. You want to lose so everyone will realise you were right by electing the other lot and and that will make victory for you next time.

    Didn’t work then not going to work now. It’s lunatic Milibollande or or boring but sensible Cameron. I will vote boring and safe thanks. Cameron any day of week!!!!

  55. 55
    Toxic Labour for Parasites, bring back the workhouses. says:

    If it’s a LimpDumb bus they will grope anything including insects, animals, men, women and children.

  56. 56
    Max says:

    For once I’m voting for the party I want ukip

  57. 57
    Anjem Choudhary says:

    Islamic State militants stone man to death in Iraq

  58. 58
    Herr Flick says:

  59. 59
    A man without sin says:

    Maybe he was guilty!

  60. 60
    Cùnts, the lot of them says:

    No harm to you Guido, but I am sick sore and tired of, not only Clegg, but the whole fucking shower of useless cùnts who pretend they lead this country.
    They are all fucking thick as a bucket of pigshit.

  61. 61
    Vince Cabal says:

    He’s my bestest friend ever !

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Kiev Porky 卐 was still holding up the aid convoy by shelling and murdering civilians in the east. He wants them dead one way or another.

    The aid moves in,brave of those drivers.

  63. 63
    Herr Hilter says:

    …and note that Mein Kampf is German for Jihad. Coincidence?

  64. 64
    Anonymous says:

    Done with IMF cash which includes British tax payers money.

  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

  66. 66


    Incidentally: Response from @captain_europe:

    ‘@EUFundedEUTroll Doesn’t look much like vandalism to me. That’s a rather beautiful work of art.’

    Vote UKIP :-D

  67. 67
    Anonymous says:

    Good and let’s pray they start with the Quran over here.

  68. 68

    So did Lard Reynard, the old fox!

  69. 69
    Hilter Skelter says:

    Don’t be daft !

  70. 70
    Norm Normal says:

    Odd, if the USA or the UK were behaving in this manner the world’s press would be shrieking with rage. Yet the Russians, invade, murder and allow humanitarian crises to blossom. Hardly anyone dare say a word apart from EU Funded Pro EU Troll.

    UN declares 190,000 dead in Syria, attributable 4 ways – Assad, Iran, Russia and Islamic Militants.
    5 if you included Miliband’s dithering.

    Hope the Russians and allied mercenaries enjoy their new toys. The vast nature of the ‘Humanitarian Convoy’ of mostly empty trucks obviously was hiding something.

  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    Not sure who he is trying to help here? But if he is on it,let’s see if he reports the truth?

  72. 72

    Don’t forget Cleggy’s cinematic Big screen debut in ToryBoy The Movie

  73. 73
    Norm Normal says:

    It’s started already, well it started many months ago. The lefty poets and writers have all been concentrating very hard, with furrowed brows about the next election.

    How? How? They wondered, can we get labour in again by sneaking the right themes and messages into our dramas and TV plays.

    Anyone who watched ‘The Village’ – ‘Up the workers, the rise of Labour activists!’ new themed drama on BBC will recognise the methods.

  74. 74
    Nero says:


  75. 75

    The Separatist guard detail vs. ICRC to see safe passage is definitely not fooling anyone.

    MFA excuse of invasion because ‘fed up with border delay’ is novel but at least honest.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  76. 76
    proscribe Islam says:

    I am not sure that you comprehend current issues re availability of spears and shields and extent of EU gerrymandering

  77. 77
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    If Tories want to win the next election it is in their hands. Those who want to vote for UKIP because of their preferred policies should do so and should not be blackmailed with the threat of Miliband and Labour.

    If Labour gets in, it is Cameron’s fault for having the wrong policies not UKIP voters for voting for the right party.

  78. 78
    Norm Normal says:

    Why would Russia care about Soviet Era monuments?

  79. 79
    Nero says:

    So do what the troll wants. Vote UKIP, let Milliband in, we go into Europe and have a war with Russia.


  80. 80
  81. 81
    proscribe Islam says:

    do not attempt to adjust your vote

  82. 82

    Getting things into perspective:

    Because P’utin may use the head-choppers as precedent for today’s aid, as well as being ‘fed up with the border delay’.

    Let’s hope Spain don’t try that one in G’ibraltar.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  83. 83
    Hilter Skelter says:

    So we could the same to the Cenotaph and the Winston Churchill statue?

  84. 84
    proscribe Islam says:

    breaking news:
    Government asserts England is a country of Christian administration with Madge as head.
    Creates legislation only Christians may receive state benefits.

  85. 85
    Norm Normal says:

    I applaud GuyNews, excellent video!

    Regarding the Postal Vote Scandal – anyone noticed we have all been re-registered to vote, you should be receiving a letter in the post? You now have to apply again along with many personal details to check identity. I think it’s an excellent idea as it checks NI numbers along with present and previous addresses. It should make it more difficult for the usual crowd to commit fraud.

    1 problem is you will find you have automatically been placed on the open register so make sure you go online and change your preferences!

  86. 86
    Wake up & vote UKIP says:

    Morph should play Clegg – or any claymation figure would suffice, obviously Wallace could play himself as Labour leader.

  87. 87
    Ed Miliband says:

    Britain must talk to dictator Assad to defeat Isil, says former head of the Army

    General Lord Dannatt, former head of British Army, says West must co-operate with Syrian dictator to defeat Isil


  88. 88
    Anonymous says:

    I trolled you a couple of weeks ago to try and get answers that I was afraid would make me look stupid under my own moniker.
    I apologize.

  89. 89
    David Cameron says:

    And don’t forget Nick that I am to fucking weak to stop you claiming your family allowance and shipping it to Belgium, where your spawn will be ensconced.

  90. 90
    Norm Normal says:

    I probably will not be voting UKIP but it depends on the various election campaigns, you see I don’t treat politics like a football supporter. I do what you are supposed to do, listen and decide based on current competencies and policies, not on past records (unless it’s Labour who always make the same mess :D ).

  91. 91

    This is a bona-fide invasion:

    No Ukraine flags on the convoy, or Red Cross flags either.

    These trucks entered U’kraine under the M’oscow O’blast flag from what I could see on the live feed earlier with a pro-R’ussian escort.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  92. 92
    Nick Clegg says:

    As a kid I thought Doctor Who was real, my mum would ring for an appointment and the receptionist would tell my mum on the phone,

    “I can give you an appointment with Doctor Praknadhaskran, ”

    And my mother would always reply,

    “Doctor Who, yes that will be fine thanks.

  93. 93
    EeeYepBl­­owing Whistles says:

  94. 94
    Jack Ketch says:

    But it is reported that while No.10 is overrun with fundamentalist mice and same-sex rats, Larry merely yawns, stretches and curls up somewhere comfortable. Even on the economic side, his constant fighting with Osborne’s pussy has led that individual to spend his time wandering around Whitehall looking for something to do.

  95. 95
    proscribe Islam says:

    it’s more reclaiming don’t you think ?

  96. 96

    No – Assad will try to mop them up once IS have defeated al-N’usra.

    There is no need for us to attack IS.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  97. 97
    Anthony Hopkins says:

    I would happily do it, but only with a Lecter/Rennard undertone…

    You know what you look like to me, with your big tits and your nice clunge? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition’s given you some length of bone, but you’re not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, [redacted]? And that accent you’ve tried so desperately to shed: pure Brummie. What is your father, dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? You know how quickly the boys found you… all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars… while you could only dream of getting out… getting anywhere… getting all the way to the Lib Dem Party. Fancy a shag?

  98. 98
    RomaBert... says:

    The things ladies have to do for promotion……..

  99. 99
    RomaBert... says:

    Just as Labour were correct on their multi-culturalism experiment!

  100. 100

    A’ssociated P’ress need to get their house in order. Big ‘oops’ from earlier.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  101. 101
    Jihad, coming to a town near you says:

    No you don’t. I’m British (proper British) and I just got a letter saying that I had been registered on to the system automatically. Wife had to fill in a form though.

  102. 102
    Stupid says:

    Say Thatcher and her legacy of policy which Major and Blair both loved… I don’t think Labour were subsumed first. Since Thatcher kicked of this particular brand of Neo-liberalism and disenfranchisement of the working classes.

  103. 103
    RomaBert... says:

    Ukraine? Something happening out there?

  104. 104
    Contempter says:

    ….Or, ..a cactus,…being a prick and all!

  105. 105
    I am John and I am hurt says:

    The elephant man called … (see Lord Shiv)…

    Heart says bow down to ugly.

    Shia, s and sunni’s. and 2 prophets… struggle over…. The energy which fuels the will to live comes from the past. So be directed by the past…The present and future is turning beautiful. See Itsu.

  106. 106
    Norm Normal says:

    Funny – I have watched Clegg now for years, still no idea who he is or what he stands for. Appears to be some sort of self gratifying, political shape shifter who makes very bad decisions, continually shape shifting into the toilet and flushing himself away.

    Or maybe we should feel sorry for the poor man, perhaps the external appearance is a result of being LibDem leader. Caught in a never ending struggle between reality, common sense and LibDem ideas and policy.

  107. 107
    Mad,mozzie Medievalist says:

  108. 108
    Norm Normal says:

    You are still on the open register then! Hope you like double glazing sales lol.

  109. 109
    RomaBert... says:

    The joys of multiculturalism :)

  110. 110


    It’s an invasion.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  111. 111
    Jihad, coming to a town near you says:

    Hello Shlomo.

  112. 112
    The two Muppets says:

    ” The risk is worth it” You have to be joking .If Miliband ,Balls and
    the substandard Shadow Cabinet get back in it will be too late
    With 5 years of those morons in charge we will almost certain to
    be bankrupt ,with our begging bowl held out to the IMF.
    I believe in most of the UKIP ideals but first we have to stop Labour
    and the only way is to vote Conservative next year and get that
    referendum .

  113. 113

    Is that you Nell?

  114. 114
    Dangerous Brian says:

    I’ll say, the Beeb reported this morning that “scientists” have “discovered” a deep trench in the Atlantic Ocean that is responsible for the slow down in catastrophic, end of days man made global warming.
    Just how f*cking stupid do they think we are?

  115. 115
    Norm Normal says:

    Not really the same thing is it? It’s a monument to ‘The Soviet Army’, not specifically to WW2. The Bulgarians don’t like the fact that they had a single party totalitarian state imposed on them for 43 years, backed up with the crushing might of ‘The Soviet Army’.

  116. 116
    Jack Ketch says:

    ….and Phillip Hammond wants to engage with “moderate” jihadists!

  117. 117
    The Electorate says:

    A young eager beaver type who always looks as though he’s trymg so hard to joint the big boys’ table and failing. He just makes us laugh.

  118. 118
    nell. says:

    I see Venezuala is introducing rationing – so this is what owenjones and dianeabbott, those great supporters of this wonderful socialist paradise, think the UK should look like. I notice they’re not tweeting much about it at the moment.

  119. 119
    thick tories always suppose the world revolves around them says:

    My letter said that I had been registered on to the system automatically and that I had been placed, as previously, on the restricted register.

  120. 120
    Stick it up your Ringo says:

    Isn’t this the Beatles, a detestable band of Neo-Nazi thugs who are striking fear into Syrian villagers? Or am I getting things mixed up?

  121. 121
    Stpido says:

    Say Thtchr and her legacy of policy which Major and Blair both loved… I don’t think Labour were subsumed first. Since Thatcher kicked of this particular brand of Neo-liberalism and disenfranchisement of the working classes.

  122. 122
    Stpido says:

    Say Ththr and her legacy of policy which Mjor and Blir both loved… I don’t think Labour were subsumed first. Since Thatcher kicked of this particular brand of New-liberalsm and disenfranchisement of the working classes.

  123. 123
    What's the point of marriage if adultery gets punished? says:

    These Mooslems are such primitives.

  124. 124
    Returning Officer says:

    “make sure you go online and change your preferences!”

    No need.

    All voters are automatically set to “Labour”

    If applicable you may also be offered SNP, Respect, ISIS or “Blowing Whistles”

  125. 125
    English_Man says:

    I like the feel of this Sue.

    She should feel my dick in her.

  126. 126
    Nominal Church of England says:

    Fuck off. Unless you count C of E only (atheists and agnostics welcome)

  127. 127
    Anonymous says:

    He reminds me of private Pike from Dad’s Army…

    Stupid boy…

  128. 128
    inside out says:

    The only “moderate Jihadists”,is a dead one.When will these fools learn,presumable when the hooded jihadists is sharpening his knife,and they are wearing an orange suit.

  129. 129
    inside out says:

    Its the vacuum cleaners stupid.

  130. 130
    inside out says:

    Scotland are you watching,Salmond’s economic model.

  131. 131

    It must have been a disaster movie – reflection of his moral collapse

  132. 132
    Anonymous says:

    “There’s Already Been a Clegg Movie…”
    Wot! The Amazing Adventures Of Baron Clegghousen. Produced by a member of another Pythonesque team?
    Script Pitch for the next film:
    ISIS and a 2D paradigm problem: If the Earth really were flat, deniers could be peaceably taken to the rim. Where that situation might be clearly revealed to them. Those disputers still preferring subjective rendition to testable reality, could then be invited to carry on walking. The better to affirm their decision, to steadfastly refute the patently obvious. Any devotees of Isis, convinced that killing heretics of their bi-dimension world ideology is a way to guarantee that it’s actual. Who themselves additionally can’t/won’t/lack any capacity to practically demonstrate evidence of their speculative worldview. Could simply carry on walking around and around the Earth. Until such time as their chosen delusion has worn off.

  133. 133
    Gone Away, Not Sorry says:

    That’s going to change. Five million working age-English have already left for Spain, France and Australasia. This will leave a multinational population with a high proportion of elderly, unskilled and chavo deadlegs among the remaining English inhabitants.

  134. 134
    Anonymous says:

    Just put the man in Cornish pasty.

    Eating him surely can’t be cannibalism- can it?

    He’s too smug to be human.

  135. 135
    Violent Asquith says:

    likely it is a war memorial. These boys deserve to be be commemorated. I remember the disgraceful episode in Hungary when after independence the new government made the Russians take back the interred Soviet soldiers from beside the Danube at Budapest. Imagine if the French did that to our dead at the Somme.

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