August 22nd, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Dr Tucker Edition)


177 Comments

  1. 1
    All the world says:

    Behind you!

    Like

  2. 2

    To the Westminster parking jobsworth…

    ‘Don’t even f***ing think about putting a f***ing parking ticket on it sonny.’

    Vote UKIP :-D

    Like

  3. 3
    non taxable pikey says:

    Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.

    Like

  4. 4
    Schoolboy Error says:

    Pointless vote UKIP / Muslim / Russia comment

    Like

  5. 5
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I think I can see a dinosaur?

    ..Yep!

    If you look closely you can just spot bus-pass Ken Livingstone on the double decker.

    Like

  6. 6
    PC 99 says:

    Tae think that it’s come TARDIS….

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 7
    Bill Quango MP says:

    “I’m here to put Bercow back into this box”

    Like

  8. 8
    Ed Balls says:

    Oops

    *drives off*

    Like

  9. 9
    The Growler says:

    Who: Where have I ended up now, all that shouting I can hear, must be the Old Bethlehem Hospital, but what year am I in now.

    Like

  10. 10
    Dr Doom says:

    Look, people really like it when you go just a bit early! You know; steely jawed, faraway look in your eyes! Before you get to the point when they’re sitting round in the pub saying “Oh, that fucker’s got to go!”, you surprise them!

    Like

  11. 11
    John Bercow says:

    This isn’t the only box that is bigger inside than it looks you know.

    Ps – my nickname is Justin

    Like

    • 158
      Jethro says:

      11 I knew a bloke once, called Justin: we always reckoned ‘ee was late for everything, but ‘ee said, ‘Can’t be late, I’m Justin Thyme.’
      Oh, thanks for throwin’ me coat at me.

      Like

  12. 12
    geekparent says:

    Do us a favour, will you? Go back to 1605 and this time make sure, alright?

    Like

  13. 13
    Malcolm T says:

    There is a difference between allowing someone’s natural tittishness to come through, and just exploiting it through camera work here!

    Like

  14. 14
    Paniagua says:

    Does Dr Who have a toilet in there, or does he simply go back in time to a point where he didn’t need a shit?

    Like

  15. 15
    Bill Quango MP says:

    “BBC wardrobe!

    I’m supposed to be a Timelord, not a Gaylord!
    I did 4 seasons of Spartacus dressed in sandals and a skirt and I don’t look as camp as this!
    I look like black Rod’s transvestite cousin…

    Like

  16. 17
    Nosepeg says:

    …well when it comes to big piles of Bullshit you have to go to the experts…

    Like

  17. 18
    Ed Miliband says:

    uh uh uh I know, I know …

    TARDIS

    Time and Relative Dimension In Space.

    Do I get a badge?

    Like

  18. 19
    Anonymous says:

    N’paper headline of year:

    Obama Appalled by Beheading, Vows to Stay on Course – NYT

    (later amended)

    Like

  19. 21
    Jeremy Bowen says:

    I bet it was an Isráeli rocket that was responsible

    Like

  20. 22
    Anon but Voting UKIP @ 2015 GE...... says:

    The Doctor eradicates completely that Auzzie bitch problem !

    then ponders who’s next ??

    Like

  21. 23
    Bill Quango MP says:

    People often say “Are you personally like Malcolm Tucker?”

    And I say ..” Look..I’m an actor..for me its a role I play..One charachter among many..Its just a job….Ok.?..Its only Alistair Campbell who’s a fucking mental bullying shouty prick all day long.”

    Like

  22. 24
    Nero says:

    An image of the Tory party conference in 2020.

    Like

  23. 25
    ISIS PR Wonk (temp) 3rd in Charge (Acting Up) Part Time says:

    We do not need Kuffr technology to take the world back to the 11th Century.

    Takbir.

    Like

    • 37
      Bill Quango MP says:

      You record images on mobile phones, use modern weapons, Use air travel to get to the nutter nations, watch hatepreacher’s on the internet and you cut off heads so you get on TV.

      bit hypocritical innit ?

      Like

      • 58
        Muslim says:

        No-one gave you permission to speak, kafir.

        Like

        • 70
          Allah says:

          Could you give me a hand getting rid of the Israelis? I’d do it myself but I’m getting on a bit now and their weaponry is, well, a bit scrary. More than I can handle, anyway!.

          To be honest, I’m not sure why I created them. Bit of a fuck-up on my part, really. Never mind. We all make mistakes, I suppose.

          Like

  24. 27
    Crimson Horror says:

    The Dr prepares to tackle the red leech again

    Like

  25. 28
    geordieboy says:

    Shit happens.

    Like

  26. 30
    Zbigniew Brezinski says:

    Christ, I took the time travel gig to try and get away from this dump!

    Like

  27. 31
    Anonymous says:

    The Retardis

    with a police box in front of it

    Like

  28. 32
    Alex Salmond says:

    Half of that is ours.

    Like

  29. 33
    BBC Red Bottom says:

    All those tens of thousands of protesters in aid of Gaza and yet he’s still drinking.

    Like

  30. 34
    Dr WHO says:

    FFS I said take me to the Time Lord HQ, not the Time Wasters HQ

    Like

  31. 35
    Billy Whizz says:

    Fuckety Bye!

    Like

  32. 36
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    “Hope I’ve landed on a Sabre Tooth Tiger and not a Double Yellow Lion.”

    …I’ll get me coat.

    Like

  33. 38
    Doctor What says:

    AA Recovery? I need a tow home please….

    Like

  34. 39
    Alex the Poorer says:

    Fu**ing Sat-Nav

    Like

  35. 40
    Anonymous says:

    Guido caption contests are for losers.

    Conclusion reached after noting that winners have been announced for only 1 % of all caption contests run by the blog.

    Like

  36. 41
    another moniker says:

    With liars among the spires
    Crushed bones under a box of blue
    I wish those bones were Labour
    Under UKIP, bold and true.

    Like

  37. 42
    Owen Jones says:

    Trust those fucking gypsies to get here first!

    Like

  38. 45
    You cant F***ing park there says:

    Dr Who lands on prehistoric Dinosaurs

    Like

  39. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Ed & Ed unveil their latest plan to take the UK back into a financial crises

    Like

  40. 48
    Tony E says:

    “So the green lizards are in there – even I have’nae enough fucking time to deal that fucking mess. Call David fucking Icke and leave me the fuck alone”

    Like

  41. 49
    Welshracer says:

    Whatever you do

    Don’t Blink

    Like

  42. 50
    Iain says:

    “f**king hell back here, now where’s that f**king baldy dinosaur Julius?”

    Like

  43. 51
    BBC 24hr Rolling Bollocks says:

    If you’re looking for a sexy sidekick Dr you’ve landed in the wrong fucking place

    Like

  44. 53
    Banned says:

    OK Ed. I’ve been back to the 1970s and brought back some proper socialist policies for you.

    Like

  45. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Bob who? Bob Roberts! You’re fucking kidding me.

    Like

  46. 55
    Damien McBride's Catholic Faith says:

    It looks like a clear case of suicide……

    Like

  47. 57
    I say I say says:

    Ah, the BBC selling more lies and dreams.

    Like

  48. 59
    DR WHO says:

    I didn’t find any Cyber men in Parliament in fact I didn’t find any fucking sober one’s either.

    Like

  49. 62
    John Bercow says:

    Sally, the Doctors here to look into your portal.

    Like

  50. 63
    George Galloway says:

    So there you have it, the latest weapon fired by Hamas, and all the way from Gaza.

    Very close to its target !

    Like

  51. 64
    Pavlovs Cat says:

    Fucking Google self drive!

    Like

  52. 66
    Egg drop says:

    What came first?
    Regardless, respect both the chicken and the egg.

    It is traditional in Asia to bow to your soup before slurping it.

    In the dispute between the sunni’s and the Shia ‘ s. ..The winner is the soup.

    When the genetic link itself is a soup…then please salute the ravers…and their predecessors the music festival organisers.

    Hard to digest? … are today’s raver’s sufi mystics? Fennel/sonf…gave a on. .. or acceptance?

    Like

  53. 67
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    Open up the Tardis and I’ll wager a pound to a penny that there will be several Yazidis inside ,trying to seek asylum here.

    Like

  54. 68
    I say I say says:

    Did Bercow get that woman in, as this could be her first job tidying the Green up

    Like

  55. 69
    Dr Who says:

    “Oooh, let me drive, Doctor,” she said, “let me! Pleaaassee! I promise I won’t crash it!,” she said. Give the controls to a fucking woman and.. what was I fucking thinking?

    Like

  56. 72
    Steve Miliband says:

    Dr What The Fuckety Fuck

    Like

  57. 73
    I say I say says:

    The politicians showing what will happen if the Scots vote YES.

    Like

  58. 74

    The year is 2066, the thousandth anniversary of the Battle of Hastings. Gordon Brown has just started his sixteenth consecutive term as Prime Minister…

    Like

  59. 75
    Ed Miliband says:

    When Dr Who comes on I hide behind the sofa and rely on my wife to tell me when it’s finished.
    I also adopt that same procedure for Newsnight.

    Like

  60. 78
    BBC red bottom says:

    £3.6 billion in licence fee income and the dinosaur STILL looks plastic.

    Like

  61. 79
    Cyber Man says:

    “And then the Emperor Dalek suggested a Coalition. . . . “

    Like

  62. 80
    'PC' Pc Plod says:

    Sorry sir but you can’t build monuments to white male achievement in Parliament anymore this space is reserved for ethnics.

    Like

  63. 81
    CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

    The Doctor has agreed to rent the Tardis to Chucka Umana as a portable auditorium so he can make speeches to packed houses wherever he is.

    Like

  64. 82
    tlillis4 says:

    “Hello Clegg? I’ve finally found a spinning Doctor who can fix our campaign”

    Like

  65. 85
    RomaBert... says:

    “Good, ISIS have not yet taken over the asylum.”

    Like

  66. 86
    Monkeys-Heed says:

    How come this piece of shit keeps bringing me to the land of the Hunts?

    Like

  67. 87
    RomaBert... says:

    Dr Who lands his tardis on the Caliphate who turned out to be the Fallen Angel :)

    Like

  68. 88
    HomelessRobot says:

    Skeletons under Westminster? Someone needs to put it back in the closet.

    Like

  69. 89
    Raving Loon says:

    Oh, bugger, Cameron’s still in charge. Let’s go forward another 5 years!

    Like

  70. 90
    Anonymous says:

    When Obama suggested I drop by his bunker, I thought he meant this golf course

    Like

    • 91
      Anonymous says:

      Repeating, to include words dropped from 1st version.

      When Obama suggested I drop by his bunker to discuss IS, I thought he meant this golf course.

      Like

  71. 93
    ChJWCh says:

    Buckingham Palace announces new Clerk of the House in defiance of the Speaker.

    Liked by 1 person

  72. 96
    bergen says:

    It was much f***ing safer when that Scots git could only throw nokias.

    Like

  73. 97
    Sir Walter Tyrell says:

    Should I tell them what happens in 2015 after the Lib Dems win the election? Or would that just upset them?

    Like

  74. 99
    Farah Sassoon says:

    That’s where Sally Bercow’s been with those friends of Jack Dromey. Apparently she has a box that’s like the tardis too

    Like

  75. 100
    Socialism is theft says:

    The Doctor arrives to face his biggest enemy yet. Islam.

    Like

  76. 101
    nell. says:

    Time Travel Taxi for mr bercow, HerMaj suggested transport to Botany Bay circa 1786.

    Like

  77. 103
    Slightly off topic says:

    My wife is a kitchen fitter.

    She suffers from epilepsy.

    Like

  78. 104
    VonClogg-Reynard says:

    Rising up, back on the street
    Did my time, took my chances
    Went the distance, now I’m back on my feet
    Just a man and his will to survive

    Like

  79. 105
    Ed Milliband says:

    I have been a massive fan of #startrek since I was a child in the UK.

    Like

  80. 106
    Pleb on the Clapham Omnibus says:

    New doctor, thinking outside the box, can’t believe his direct hit on the massive head of Andrew Mitchell.

    Like

  81. 107
    Jack the Ripper says:

    Central London potting shed goes for £9m.

    Like

  82. 108
    idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Carol Mills tunnels through the earth from Australia to avoid the media, but is caught out by the hoc sergeant at arms.

    Like

  83. 110
    Vince Cable says:

    Dr Who?

    Like

  84. 112
    Will says:

    Time lord lands on Prescott. Strangest planet yet.

    Like

  85. 115
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Like

  86. 116
    cecil rhodes says:

    Squeaker Bercow has to abandon new mansion after claiming he “just didn’t need all that room”

    Like

  87. 117

    Osbournes new plan to drop the debt

    Like

  88. 118
    P l e b says:

    “Egyptian cleric says men are allowed to spy on women in the shower
    Osama al-Qusi sparks outrage by saying a man can secretly watch a woman wash if he is interested in marrying her.”

    Men can spy on women in the shower, an extremist cleric has argued in Egypt, prompting outrage from other Islamic scholars.

    According to Osama al-Qusi, a Salafist or ultraorthodox preacher, peeping toms can watch a woman wash as long as they are interested in marrying her.

    “If you were really honest and wanted to marry that woman, and you were able to hide and watch her in secret, and see the things that she wouldn’t usually let you see before marrying her, then it is acceptable as long as your intentions are pure,” Qusi said in an online video translated by the al-Arabiya news network.

    Like

  89. 119
    Spon says:

    Sorry, folks, I can’t help the speaker as I’m not a medical doctor… ;-)

    Like

  90. 120
    non taxable pikey says:

    WTF fired that BUK?

    Like

  91. 122
    Spon says:

    About the bedroom tax…

    Like

  92. 123
    Scottish Voter says:

    FOR SALE

    Police Box/ Bedsit

    Great central London location

    FIXED PRICE. 3.8 Million pounds.

    Like

  93. 124
    Max says:

    Fucking shit hole

    Like

  94. 127
    A BIT OF COMMON SENSE says:

    I must get a real pilots licence, these new fangled hi-tech BBC boxes are a real sod to control.

    Like

  95. 128
    HRH says:

    Westminster: A fuck-up that is even bigger on the inside than it appears from the outside.

    Like

  96. 129
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Dr Who gate-crashes TUC conference.

    Like

  97. 130
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Hamas really do need tae improve their f**ing aim.

    Like

  98. 131
    ICT says:

    Inverness Caledonian Thistle are the best team on the planet.

    Like

  99. 132
    Wah wah pedal says:

    “Fuck you Ed Balls, now THAT’S a crash!”

    Like

  100. 134
    ICT says:

    Inverness are best team.

    Like

  101. 136
    Buns for my private educated son, please says:

    Dt Who searches out his new enemy….the flabottopotamus

    Like

  102. 137
    Anonymous says:

    Fucking Soddity Fuck I was aiming for No. 10

    Like

  103. 138
    Will says:

    Something old something new, a blue police box whoo hoo its the return of dr who

    Facing his greatest enemy yet the backstabbers, liars and theives of the Houses of Parliament how can he rid the earth of this infestation

    Like

  104. 139
    Rigger says:

    Tower Hamlets ballot box found.

    Like

  105. 140
    Tardis says:

    Thousands of immigrants from gallifrey all arrive at once to collect their benefit cheques

    Like

  106. 141
    FlatFoot says:

    “Congestion Charge? Congestion Charge?? I don’t f*cking think so Boris. Good f*ckity bye”.

    Like

  107. 142
    Chairman Al says:

    My sonic screwdriver is about as useful as a marzipan dildo.

    Like

  108. 143
    Cynic says:

    Fuck me…is that a Ute under there?

    Like

  109. 145
    Lord Swanbourne says:

    That box lools like it’s got blue waffle.

    Like

  110. 146
    You Naughty Boys Stop Flying The IS Flag Over Tower Hamlets says:

    Intrepid time traveller can’t seem to find dithering Dave anywhere!

    He has seen the IS future and wanted to tell hime that confiscating the passports from any naughty mad mozzers returning to their curry houses in the UK is not really the best solution.

    Like

  111. 147
    Algarve To Cornwall Via Westminster Brush ByPronto says:

    The quickest transport he could find, arrives to wisk Dithering Dave back to Rick Steins at Padstow.

    Like

  112. 148
    Vicky Price says:

    It was me…

    Like

  113. 149
    Banned says:

    I don’t believe it. I went forwards in time and the Chilcot enquiry still hasn’t been published. I wonder who they got to replace Butler-Sloss in the Westminster paedo enquiry?

    Like

  114. 150
    Malcolm Tucker says:

    Fuck me. At least there was only one paedo on “The Thick of It”

    Like

  115. 151
    Malcolm Tucker says:

    One pervert on “The Thick of It” and he’s booted out and never seen again.
    Now we’re supposed to go on before the watershed with 650?

    Like

  116. 152
    Watchman says:

    Hamas targets time travelling Zionist spy.

    Like

  117. 153
    kwality says:

    Eric Pickles finds a handy convenience after a particularly big curry.

    Like

  118. 154
    Gas Guzzler says:

    A box in the Palace of Westminster that’s bigger on the inside that it looks from the outside.

    But enough about Sally Bercow.

    Like

  119. 155
    Madame Defarge says:

    Yvette Cooper-Balls is given a job as the new Doctor’s Assistant – and allowed to drive

    Like

  120. 156
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Julian Assange finds an escape route!

    Like

  121. 159
    jlh says:

    Too late,Doctor. The Brits are all gone and the Muzzies are burning the Tardis.

    Like

  122. 161
    Taxitardis says:

    I ‘ad that Diane Abbott in the back of the tardis earlier …

    Like

  123. 162
    Jack the Ripper says:

    ISIS training film : how to behead someone on bouncy castle.

    Like

  124. 163
    Jethro says:

    ‘So, Watson… Hastings I mean!… under that fiendishly cunning disguise, it was really Grytpype-Thynne, after all, Moriarty… Miss Lemon… Digby! ‘I’m terribly worried about Jim…’ Dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum… No, I’m not sitting comfortably: I’m standing here, not knowing where I am, which Century I’m in, which series I’m in… PROMPT! PROMPT! I can’t go on improvising much longer!’

    Like

  125. 164
    JR says:

    Bugger!

    Like

  126. 165
    Anonymous says:

    You break it You own it.

    Like

  127. 166
    Anonymous says:

    Fucking dalek traffic fucking wanking wardens!

    Like

  128. 167
    Guido reader says:

    Wow! when the Earth moves for him it really moves.

    Like

  129. 168
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest (Dr Tucker Edition)”
    The name’s Doctor. Dr. WHO, of the World Health Organisation. Now, where’s this Ebola monster that needs eradicating?

    Like

  130. 169
    verticalwater says:

    I said to the Tardis, “Take me somewhere that life hadn’t started yet”.

    Like

  131. 170
    Clegg's shade of blue movie title released says:

    “So Nick Screw Driver” starring no more than 30 women and directed by Renoir

    Like

  132. 171
    Anonymous says:

    This fracking lark’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

    I’m going back to saving the Universe.

    Dr What.

    Like

  133. 172
    Cynic says:

    Cross rail tunnel goes ‘a bit wrong’ Boris says

    Like

  134. 173
    Failed GCSE English student says:

    Hallo Dr Whom.

    Like

  135. 175


Seen Elsewhere

Ed Balls’ Speech Was Pointless | Dan Hodges
Media Movements: James Lyons to Sunday Times | Media Guido
Rebekah Brooks in Line for £7 Million Payout | Times
A Different Sort of Class War | Telegraph
Labour Candidate’s Links to Ex-BNP Member | Breitbart
McVey Dodges White Dee Debate | Speccie
Labour Candidate: Churchill Was a White Supremacist | Mail
LibDems Stand By Disgraced Sex Offender-Linked Mayor | MK
Has Carol Mills Given Up on Westminster? | Canberra Times
Labour Consider Banning Uber | Asa Bennett
Did LibDems Make Up Hancock Disciplinary Meeting? | Scrapbook


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Find out more about PLMR


Eddie Izzard, in his thirteenth year involved in politics, says he’s not cursed because it took Sir Alex Ferguson “seven years to win the premiership so it doesn’t really matter.”



cynic says:

Can anyone help me? I went on holiday a week ago and returned to find someone has pulled out the stake and Gordon Brown is back and acting as Prime Minister. What did I miss? Has there been a snap election?


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