August 22nd, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Dr Tucker Edition)


  1. 1
    All the world says:

    Behind you!

  2. 2

    To the Westminster parking jobsworth…

    ‘Don’t even f***ing think about putting a f***ing parking ticket on it sonny.’

    Vote UKIP :-D

  3. 3
    non taxable pikey says:

    Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.

  4. 4
    Schoolboy Error says:

    Pointless vote UKIP / Muslim / Russia comment

  5. 5
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I think I can see a dinosaur?


    If you look closely you can just spot bus-pass Ken Livingstone on the double decker.

  6. 6
    PC 99 says:

    Tae think that it’s come TARDIS….

  7. 7
    Bill Quango MP says:

    “I’m here to put Bercow back into this box”

  8. 8
    Ed Balls says:


    *drives off*

  9. 9
    The Growler says:

    Who: Where have I ended up now, all that shouting I can hear, must be the Old Bethlehem Hospital, but what year am I in now.

  10. 10
    Dr Doom says:

    Look, people really like it when you go just a bit early! You know; steely jawed, faraway look in your eyes! Before you get to the point when they’re sitting round in the pub saying “Oh, that fucker’s got to go!”, you surprise them!

  11. 11
    John Bercow says:

    This isn’t the only box that is bigger inside than it looks you know.

    Ps – my nickname is Justin

  12. 12
    geekparent says:

    Do us a favour, will you? Go back to 1605 and this time make sure, alright?

  13. 13
    Malcolm T says:

    There is a difference between allowing someone’s natural tittishness to come through, and just exploiting it through camera work here!

  14. 14
    Paniagua says:

    Does Dr Who have a toilet in there, or does he simply go back in time to a point where he didn’t need a shit?

  15. 15
    Bill Quango MP says:

    “BBC wardrobe!

    I’m supposed to be a Timelord, not a Gaylord!
    I did 4 seasons of Spartacus dressed in sandals and a skirt and I don’t look as camp as this!
    I look like black Rod’s transvestite cousin…

  16. 16
    The Growler says:

    Bill do not contain the little fella, you might make him angry and he will grow into a 10 foot giant and turn green all over

  17. 17
    Nosepeg says:

    …well when it comes to big piles of Bullshit you have to go to the experts…

  18. 18
    Ed Miliband says:

    uh uh uh I know, I know …


    Time and Relative Dimension In Space.

    Do I get a badge?

  19. 19
    Anonymous says:

    N’paper headline of year:

    Obama Appalled by Beheading, Vows to Stay on Course – NYT

    (later amended)

  20. 20
    Miliband Time says:

    Oh look at all that fart smoke, I must have landed on Rennard

  21. 21
    Jeremy Bowen says:

    I bet it was an Isráeli rocket that was responsible

  22. 22
    Anon but Voting UKIP @ 2015 GE...... says:

    The Doctor eradicates completely that Auzzie bitch problem !

    then ponders who’s next ??

  23. 23
    Bill Quango MP says:

    People often say “Are you personally like Malcolm Tucker?”

    And I say ..” Look..I’m an actor..for me its a role I play..One charachter among many..Its just a job….Ok.?..Its only Alistair Campbell who’s a fucking mental bullying shouty prick all day long.”

  24. 24
    Nero says:

    An image of the Tory party conference in 2020.

  25. 25
    ISIS PR Wonk (temp) 3rd in Charge (Acting Up) Part Time says:

    We do not need Kuffr technology to take the world back to the 11th Century.


  26. 26
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Take that Tom Baker scarf off will you, Ed?
    1. its too long for you
    2. it doesn’t go with your Starfleet science officer’s tunic.

  27. 27
    Crimson Horror says:

    The Dr prepares to tackle the red leech again

  28. 28
    geordieboy says:

    Shit happens.

  29. 29
    Ed Miliband says:

    Hab SoSlI’ Quch! BIll.

  30. 30
    Zbigniew Brezinski says:

    Christ, I took the time travel gig to try and get away from this dump!

  31. 31
    Anonymous says:

    The Retardis

    with a police box in front of it

  32. 32
    Alex Salmond says:

    Half of that is ours.

  33. 33
    BBC Red Bottom says:

    All those tens of thousands of protesters in aid of Gaza and yet he’s still drinking.

  34. 34
    Dr WHO says:

    FFS I said take me to the Time Lord HQ, not the Time Wasters HQ

  35. 35
    Billy Whizz says:

    Fuckety Bye!

  36. 36
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    “Hope I’ve landed on a Sabre Tooth Tiger and not a Double Yellow Lion.”

    …I’ll get me coat.

  37. 37
    Bill Quango MP says:

    You record images on mobile phones, use modern weapons, Use air travel to get to the nutter nations, watch hatepreacher’s on the internet and you cut off heads so you get on TV.

    bit hypocritical innit ?

  38. 38
    Doctor What says:

    AA Recovery? I need a tow home please….

  39. 39
    Alex the Poorer says:

    Fu**ing Sat-Nav

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    Guido caption contests are for losers.

    Conclusion reached after noting that winners have been announced for only 1 % of all caption contests run by the blog.

  41. 41
    another moniker says:

    With liars among the spires
    Crushed bones under a box of blue
    I wish those bones were Labour
    Under UKIP, bold and true.

  42. 42
    Owen Jones says:

    Trust those fucking gypsies to get here first!

  43. 43
    Doctor What says:

    chagh ‘ej fifty HInob!

  44. 44
    Doctor What says:

    Nope, i don’t think Dr Who would say that.

  45. 45
    You cant F***ing park there says:

    Dr Who lands on prehistoric Dinosaurs

  46. 46
    Jack Ketch says:

    Or the Socialist version–RETARDIS.

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Ed & Ed unveil their latest plan to take the UK back into a financial crises

  48. 48
    Tony E says:

    “So the green lizards are in there – even I have’nae enough fucking time to deal that fucking mess. Call David fucking Icke and leave me the fuck alone”

  49. 49
    Welshracer says:

    Whatever you do

    Don’t Blink

  50. 50
    Iain says:

    “f**king hell back here, now where’s that f**king baldy dinosaur Julius?”

  51. 51
    BBC 24hr Rolling Bollocks says:

    If you’re looking for a sexy sidekick Dr you’ve landed in the wrong fucking place

  52. 52
    Anonymous says:

    You land in the 21st century and they are still striking on the Tube. How’s doctor to get about?

  53. 53
    Banned says:

    OK Ed. I’ve been back to the 1970s and brought back some proper socialist policies for you.

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Bob who? Bob Roberts! You’re fucking kidding me.

  55. 55
    Damien McBride's Catholic Faith says:

    It looks like a clear case of suicide……

  56. 56
    Frederick says:

    Sally Bercow reveals her steaming box.

  57. 57
    I say I say says:

    Ah, the BBC selling more lies and dreams.

  58. 58
    Muslim says:

    No-one gave you permission to speak, kafir.

  59. 59
    DR WHO says:

    I didn’t find any Cyber men in Parliament in fact I didn’t find any fucking sober one’s either.

  60. 60
    David Moribund says:

    “NO! Your mother has a smooth forehead.”

  61. 61
    Frederick says:

    Massive act of phone hacking witnessed at Westminster.

  62. 62
    John Bercow says:

    Sally, the Doctors here to look into your portal.

  63. 63
    George Galloway says:

    So there you have it, the latest weapon fired by Hamas, and all the way from Gaza.

    Very close to its target !

  64. 64
    Pavlovs Cat says:

    Fucking Google self drive!

  65. 65
    Coulda didn't will, oh hell says:

    And?, it’s been like that since G started the blog and people like you have had a moan about the same thing since the blog started, wind yourself in and exercise that moaning braincell of yours.

  66. 66
    Egg drop says:

    What came first?
    Regardless, respect both the chicken and the egg.

    It is traditional in Asia to bow to your soup before slurping it.

    In the dispute between the sunni’s and the Shia ‘ s. ..The winner is the soup.

    When the genetic link itself is a soup…then please salute the ravers…and their predecessors the music festival organisers.

    Hard to digest? … are today’s raver’s sufi mystics? Fennel/sonf…gave a on. .. or acceptance?

  67. 67
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    Open up the Tardis and I’ll wager a pound to a penny that there will be several Yazidis inside ,trying to seek asylum here.

  68. 68
    I say I say says:

    Did Bercow get that woman in, as this could be her first job tidying the Green up

  69. 69
    Dr Who says:

    “Oooh, let me drive, Doctor,” she said, “let me! Pleaaassee! I promise I won’t crash it!,” she said. Give the controls to a fucking woman and.. what was I fucking thinking?

  70. 70
    Allah says:

    Could you give me a hand getting rid of the Israelis? I’d do it myself but I’m getting on a bit now and their weaponry is, well, a bit scrary. More than I can handle, anyway!.

    To be honest, I’m not sure why I created them. Bit of a fuck-up on my part, really. Never mind. We all make mistakes, I suppose.

  71. 71
    Bill Quango MP says:

    1 ft giant more like.

  72. 72
    Steve Miliband says:

    Dr What The Fuckety Fuck

  73. 73
    I say I say says:

    The politicians showing what will happen if the Scots vote YES.

  74. 74

    The year is 2066, the thousandth anniversary of the Battle of Hastings. Gordon Brown has just started his sixteenth consecutive term as Prime Minister…

  75. 75
    Ed Miliband says:

    When Dr Who comes on I hide behind the sofa and rely on my wife to tell me when it’s finished.
    I also adopt that same procedure for Newsnight.

  76. 76
    Ed 'drive-off' Balls says:

    that one was the scariest ever episode

  77. 77
    Arf arf! says:

    That’s got my vote.

  78. 78
    BBC red bottom says:

    £3.6 billion in licence fee income and the dinosaur STILL looks plastic.

  79. 79
    Cyber Man says:

    “And then the Emperor Dalek suggested a Coalition. . . . “

  80. 80
    'PC' Pc Plod says:

    Sorry sir but you can’t build monuments to white male achievement in Parliament anymore this space is reserved for ethnics.

  81. 81
    CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

    The Doctor has agreed to rent the Tardis to Chucka Umana as a portable auditorium so he can make speeches to packed houses wherever he is.

  82. 82
    tlillis4 says:

    “Hello Clegg? I’ve finally found a spinning Doctor who can fix our campaign”

  83. 83
    BBC 24hr Rolling Bollocks says:

    It’s isn’t the not winning that bothers me it’s the not knowing I’ve not won that pisses me off.:)

  84. 84
    The Establishment is infested with Nonces says:


  85. 85
    RomaBert... says:

    “Good, ISIS have not yet taken over the asylum.”

  86. 86
    Monkeys-Heed says:

    How come this piece of shit keeps bringing me to the land of the Hunts?

  87. 87
    RomaBert... says:

    Dr Who lands his tardis on the Caliphate who turned out to be the Fallen Angel :)

  88. 88
    HomelessRobot says:

    Skeletons under Westminster? Someone needs to put it back in the closet.

  89. 89
    Raving Loon says:

    Oh, bugger, Cameron’s still in charge. Let’s go forward another 5 years!

  90. 90
    Anonymous says:

    When Obama suggested I drop by his bunker, I thought he meant this golf course

  91. 91
    Anonymous says:

    Repeating, to include words dropped from 1st version.

    When Obama suggested I drop by his bunker to discuss IS, I thought he meant this golf course.

  92. 92
    The lonely dong of a far off bell says:

    Not only your coat but a bottle of vodka and a pistol

  93. 93
    ChJWCh says:

    Buckingham Palace announces new Clerk of the House in defiance of the Speaker.

  94. 94

    You are not going to improve that average.

  95. 95
    Time Lord says:

    9 months.

  96. 96
    bergen says:

    It was much f***ing safer when that Scots git could only throw nokias.

  97. 97
    Sir Walter Tyrell says:

    Should I tell them what happens in 2015 after the Lib Dems win the election? Or would that just upset them?

  98. 98
    Vote Dave? Get stuffed says:

    So ye’z telling me that when Sally was talking to hubby’s chauffeur she was only asking for a sonic screw?

  99. 99
    Farah Sassoon says:

    That’s where Sally Bercow’s been with those friends of Jack Dromey. Apparently she has a box that’s like the tardis too

  100. 100
    Socialism is theft says:

    The Doctor arrives to face his biggest enemy yet. Islam.

  101. 101
    nell. says:

    Time Travel Taxi for mr bercow, HerMaj suggested transport to Botany Bay circa 1786.

  102. 102
    DutchCap says:


  103. 103
    Slightly off topic says:

    My wife is a kitchen fitter.

    She suffers from epilepsy.

  104. 104
    VonClogg-Reynard says:

    Rising up, back on the street
    Did my time, took my chances
    Went the distance, now I’m back on my feet
    Just a man and his will to survive

  105. 105
    Ed Milliband says:

    I have been a massive fan of #startrek since I was a child in the UK.

  106. 106
    Pleb on the Clapham Omnibus says:

    New doctor, thinking outside the box, can’t believe his direct hit on the massive head of Andrew Mitchell.

  107. 107
    Jack the Ripper says:

    Central London potting shed goes for £9m.

  108. 108
    idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Carol Mills tunnels through the earth from Australia to avoid the media, but is caught out by the hoc sergeant at arms.

  109. 109
    Paniagua says:


  110. 110
    Vince Cable says:

    Dr Who?

  111. 111
    Bill Quango MP says:

    That’s what happens if you let Marty McFly into a DeLorean

  112. 112
    idon'tneednodoctor says:

    my wife says that is really pathetic.

  113. 113
    Will says:

    Time lord lands on Prescott. Strangest planet yet.

  114. 114
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Do you still wacth Babylon 5 ?

  115. 115
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

  116. 116
    cecil rhodes says:

    Squeaker Bercow has to abandon new mansion after claiming he “just didn’t need all that room”

  117. 117

    Osbournes new plan to drop the debt

  118. 118
    P l e b says:

    “Egyptian cleric says men are allowed to spy on women in the shower
    Osama al-Qusi sparks outrage by saying a man can secretly watch a woman wash if he is interested in marrying her.”

    Men can spy on women in the shower, an extremist cleric has argued in Egypt, prompting outrage from other Islamic scholars.

    According to Osama al-Qusi, a Salafist or ultraorthodox preacher, peeping toms can watch a woman wash as long as they are interested in marrying her.

    “If you were really honest and wanted to marry that woman, and you were able to hide and watch her in secret, and see the things that she wouldn’t usually let you see before marrying her, then it is acceptable as long as your intentions are pure,” Qusi said in an online video translated by the al-Arabiya news network.

  119. 119
    Spon says:

    Sorry, folks, I can’t help the speaker as I’m not a medical doctor… ;-)

  120. 120
    non taxable pikey says:

    WTF fired that BUK?

  121. 121
    Watcher says:

    Definitely !!

  122. 122
    Spon says:

    About the bedroom tax…

  123. 123
    Scottish Voter says:


    Police Box/ Bedsit

    Great central London location

    FIXED PRICE. 3.8 Million pounds.

  124. 124
    Max says:

    Fucking shit hole

  125. 125
    Frederick says:

    Carol Mills arrives at Westminster taking the direct route.

  126. 126
    Frederick says:

    Carol Mills disturbs Westminster by arriving from Australia taking the direct route.

  127. 127

    I must get a real pilots licence, these new fangled hi-tech BBC boxes are a real sod to control.

  128. 128
    HRH says:

    Westminster: A fuck-up that is even bigger on the inside than it appears from the outside.

  129. 129
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Dr Who gate-crashes TUC conference.

  130. 130
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Hamas really do need tae improve their f**ing aim.

  131. 131
    ICT says:

    Inverness Caledonian Thistle are the best team on the planet.

  132. 132
    Wah wah pedal says:

    “Fuck you Ed Balls, now THAT’S a crash!”

  133. 133
    non taxable pikey says:

    any landing you can walk away from…..

  134. 134
    ICT says:

    Inverness are best team.

  135. 135
    himindoors says:

    No,no, wait…. I’ve got it. PRETARDIS.

  136. 136
    Buns for my private educated son, please says:

    Dt Who searches out his new enemy….the flabottopotamus

  137. 137
    Anonymous says:

    Fucking Soddity Fuck I was aiming for No. 10

  138. 138
    Will says:

    Something old something new, a blue police box whoo hoo its the return of dr who

    Facing his greatest enemy yet the backstabbers, liars and theives of the Houses of Parliament how can he rid the earth of this infestation

  139. 139
    Rigger says:

    Tower Hamlets ballot box found.

  140. 140
    Tardis says:

    Thousands of immigrants from gallifrey all arrive at once to collect their benefit cheques

  141. 141
    FlatFoot says:

    “Congestion Charge? Congestion Charge?? I don’t f*cking think so Boris. Good f*ckity bye”.

  142. 142
    Chairman Al says:

    My sonic screwdriver is about as useful as a marzipan dildo.

  143. 143
    Cynic says:

    Fuck me…is that a Ute under there?

  144. 144
    Lord Rennard says:

    - look, I only stroked her thigh !!

  145. 145
    Lord Swanbourne says:

    That box lools like it’s got blue waffle.

  146. 146
    You Naughty Boys Stop Flying The IS Flag Over Tower Hamlets says:

    Intrepid time traveller can’t seem to find dithering Dave anywhere!

    He has seen the IS future and wanted to tell hime that confiscating the passports from any naughty mad mozzers returning to their curry houses in the UK is not really the best solution.

  147. 147
    Algarve To Cornwall Via Westminster Brush ByPronto says:

    The quickest transport he could find, arrives to wisk Dithering Dave back to Rick Steins at Padstow.

  148. 148
    Vicky Price says:

    It was me…

  149. 149
    Banned says:

    I don’t believe it. I went forwards in time and the Chilcot enquiry still hasn’t been published. I wonder who they got to replace Butler-Sloss in the Westminster paedo enquiry?

  150. 150
    Malcolm Tucker says:

    Fuck me. At least there was only one paedo on “The Thick of It”

  151. 151
    Malcolm Tucker says:

    One pervert on “The Thick of It” and he’s booted out and never seen again.
    Now we’re supposed to go on before the watershed with 650?

  152. 152
    Watchman says:

    Hamas targets time travelling Zionist spy.

  153. 153
    kwality says:

    Eric Pickles finds a handy convenience after a particularly big curry.

  154. 154
    Gas Guzzler says:

    A box in the Palace of Westminster that’s bigger on the inside that it looks from the outside.

    But enough about Sally Bercow.

  155. 155
    Madame Defarge says:

    Yvette Cooper-Balls is given a job as the new Doctor’s Assistant – and allowed to drive

  156. 156
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Julian Assange finds an escape route!

  157. 157
    Alex says:

    Bullying….. Scaremongering…. Bullying…. Scaremongering…..
    (Fill in the rest yourselves).

  158. 158
    Jethro says:

    11 I knew a bloke once, called Justin: we always reckoned ‘ee was late for everything, but ‘ee said, ‘Can’t be late, I’m Justin Thyme.’
    Oh, thanks for throwin’ me coat at me.

  159. 159
    jlh says:

    Too late,Doctor. The Brits are all gone and the Muzzies are burning the Tardis.

  160. 160
    Dr Who? says:

    I am the Dr, I can take you back to a time when Britain was white.

  161. 161
    Taxitardis says:

    I ‘ad that Diane Abbott in the back of the tardis earlier …

  162. 162
    Jack the Ripper says:

    ISIS training film : how to behead someone on bouncy castle.

  163. 163
    Jethro says:

    ‘So, Watson… Hastings I mean!… under that fiendishly cunning disguise, it was really Grytpype-Thynne, after all, Moriarty… Miss Lemon… Digby! ‘I’m terribly worried about Jim…’ Dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum… No, I’m not sitting comfortably: I’m standing here, not knowing where I am, which Century I’m in, which series I’m in… PROMPT! PROMPT! I can’t go on improvising much longer!’

  164. 164
    JR says:


  165. 165
    Anonymous says:

    You break it You own it.

  166. 166
    Anonymous says:

    Fucking dalek traffic fucking wanking wardens!

  167. 167
    Guido reader says:

    Wow! when the Earth moves for him it really moves.

  168. 168
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest (Dr Tucker Edition)”
    The name’s Doctor. Dr. WHO, of the World Health Organisation. Now, where’s this Ebola monster that needs eradicating?

  169. 169
    verticalwater says:

    I said to the Tardis, “Take me somewhere that life hadn’t started yet”.

  170. 170
    Clegg's shade of blue movie title released says:

    “So Nick Screw Driver” starring no more than 30 women and directed by Renoir

  171. 171
    Anonymous says:

    This fracking lark’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

    I’m going back to saving the Universe.

    Dr What.

  172. 172
    Cynic says:

    Cross rail tunnel goes ‘a bit wrong’ Boris says

  173. 173
    Failed GCSE English student says:

    Hallo Dr Whom.

  174. 174

    I would ream out that Jenna Coleman until she was weeping for her mummy

  175. 175
  176. 176
    Anonymous says:

    Who do you think you’re talking to?


  177. 177
    low resolution fox says:

    Cameron’s game of one-upmanship with Gordon Brown escalated quickly.

Seen Elsewhere

Bashir Booted Out By Respect | Respect
Americans Try Haggis | Guardian
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Steven Woolfe For UKIP Leader? | Asa Bennett
Mohammed — in Pictures | Speccie
Leon Brittan’s Accusers Must Show Their Evidence | Dan Hodges
New Saudi King Renames Roads While Body Still Warm | TechnoGuido
In Davos, Carrying a BlackBerry is a Status Symbol | Business Insider
New Labour in Peep Show Quotes | Telegraph
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC
I Am Bearing My Breasts | Laura Perrins

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