August 15th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Don’t Mention the Wharton Edition)


  1. 1
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Ready Aim Fire!

  2. 2
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    I neither smoke or inhale.

  3. 3
    Owen Jones says:

    I just lurrrrv a man with a hard helmet! And two is even better!

  4. 4
    Tango with no cash says:

    World on fire, but in the mean time British MPs go on holiday.

  5. 5
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Twilight of The Sods.

  6. 6

    “Is it supposed to be doing that?”
    “No, just keep smiling, no one will know”

  7. 7
    Michael Fish says:

    A normal sky in Teeside today…

  8. 8
    Ghost of Mossad says:

    Remember, Remember the 5th of November.

    Should the scruff be on top of the fire ?

  9. 9
    Tango with no cash says:

    The guys who just shot down a plane, stop to get a congratulatory picture before they, claim they were elsewhere.

  10. 10
    ? says:

    Move along nothing to see here

  11. 11
    World Wide Webb says:

    Have Dave and Boris played that tennis match they pimped themselves out for yet? Their isn’t much they wouldn’t sell is there? The Prime Minister and Mayor of London whored out to anyone who can afford it, they’re an embarrassment

  12. 12
    Tango with no cash says:

    Fracking goes wrong when the engineers find out they have drilled through the military fuel pipeline.

  13. 13
    Mrs Merton says:

    Now…what was it Mr Wharton that first attracted you to become a Conservative Friend of I’srael at the age of 26?

  14. 14
    Fanny Craddock says:

    Yes dear, you can roast your hi-vis jacket potato for an hour before giving it a good stuffing.

  15. 15

    Good! If they’re out of the way, they can’t fcuk things up even more.

  16. 16
    Radio 4's Eddie Gayer says:


  17. 17
    Normal people says:


  18. 18
    Baroness Ashton says:

    So when launching the BUK just press the trigger gently.

  19. 19
    Tango with no cash says:

    Fire on strike yet again, pissing on it hasn’t helped, it started out as a chip pan fire.

  20. 20
    everard says:

    Slide down my pole and I’ll put any fire out.

  21. 21
  22. 22
    Bill Quango MP says:

    George Galloway begins book burning of JE WI SH works.

  23. 23
    Millions of Mr & Mrs Joe Public are all Voting for UKIP says:

    Remember Thursday 7 May 2015 this will be happening

    across the country with funeral pyres for the

    ConsLieLaborLebDims anti-democracy Evil alliance …….

    VOTING for UKIP & it will happen

  24. 24
    Brian J. says:

    “It was like that when we inherited it from Labour, we swear!”

  25. 25
    Ed Moribund says:

    When I’m PM next hear you’re going to see fuckuppery on an epic scale.

  26. 26
    Trinny says:

    This year’s must-have look is “coalition”, Tory blue hard hat with lib dem yellow vest. Smokin’!

  27. 27
    Tony E says:

    And behind me here we see a demonstration of the economy at the end of a Labour term – it’s now in the second phase : Burn. Crash, as we saw,came slightly earlier.

  28. 28
    Tango with no cash says:

    Mp to test out new way the public want them to retire after voting them out of office, it seems it’s a cheaper way after all they will receive no pension, but just look at the Viking type funeral they will receive.

  29. 29
    FBU rep says:

    Putting out fires is only a very small part of the job the men mostly spend their time fucking around playing pranks on each other or are asleep in bed.
    let me show you the fire station or funhouse as we call it.

  30. 30
    CFI Friday says:

    Freak or unique?

  31. 31
    Ooh, i get it says:

    Fire, fire, pants on liar.

  32. 32
    Gloria Stitz says:

    What no hurricane Michael?

  33. 33
    MKC says:

    “Tory MP ignores Baroness Warsi’s latest, and most probably last, Gaza protest.”

  34. 34
    Anonymous says:

    It is important to coordinate ones hi-viz so that the fire does not feel isolated on being the only orange entity at the event.

  35. 35
    Bill Quango MP says:

    He’s a fire starter.
    A twisted fire starter.

  36. 36
    BBc's Jane Hill says:

    Usual time & place?

  37. 37

    Not a caption compo entry. Just info

    The Sarajevo moment looks to have arrived. Reds invading Ukraine right now.
    Better ring the church bells and mobilise the reserve.

  38. 38
    BBC 24hr rolling bollocks says:

    This is the arrivals area for passengers from west Africa.

  39. 39

    First the weather, now this: the barbecue wasn’t going well.

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    gay Conservative Friend of Israel in Hamas rocket near miss

  41. 41
    Joe says:

    There are 10 alleged paedos on that fire. Who needs a trial?

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

    Teeside’s claim to own world’s largest Chinese lantern ends in tragedy

  43. 43
    man o' the people says:

    Maybe got tired of Baroness Warsi condemning the Islamic Isis

  44. 44
    Tango with no cash says:

    Guys told that insurance won’t pay out as they only had third party/fire and theft.

  45. 45
    how mooch gravy d'yer want on yer chips? says:

    your shits are kebab’d sir

  46. 46
    Alan Bennett says:

    Not the whole hog then?

  47. 47
    Ed Milibander says:

    Chr*st! that was one fuc*ing hot curry I had last night!

  48. 48

    Darn it! Just when I’d accidentally deleted every soft copy of my Report!

  49. 49
    Brian J. says:

    You can collect what’s left of your majority of 332 in just a mo’.

  50. 50
    White Man says:

    God, this Fracking lark is a pain in the arse!

  51. 51
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

  52. 52
    Tango with no cash says:

    Using to much fuel on lighting a barbecue doesn’t help when you do it close to a wooden shed.

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    So here we are on the 8th May 2015, the remnants of the labour party election campaign burning brightly in the background

  54. 54
    Socialism is theft says:

    No you fool, I said ‘Andy Burnham’.

  55. 55
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

  56. 56
    Al Zeimer says:

    Hell and Safety Inspectors check that Tony Blair’s very own personal pit of Hades is up to temperature….

  57. 57
    Cynic says:

    A British summer on Teeside

  58. 58
    Michael Caine says:

    You were only meant to blow the bloody doors off

  59. 59
    Anonymous says:

    The man in the yellow hard hat spontaneously combusted at the thought of having to go into coalition again in 2015

  60. 60
    Munsterbarry says:

    Shock as MP strikes deal with Lucifer!

  61. 61
    Steve Miliband says:

    Never a good idea to light your farts

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Photobombing taken too literally

  63. 63
    Chip O'Larter says:

    The parliamentary Friends of Israel group hold a BBQ in Smith Square

  64. 64
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Two morons in hard hats and viz jackets accidentally destroy a parked easyjet plane.

  65. 65
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The Towering Infernal

  66. 66
    Cynic says:

    English MP demonstrates the impact of Scottish Barnett Formula on his constituents incomes

  67. 67
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Latest Home Office suggestion for dealing with Anjem Choudary meets with approval.

  68. 68
    Poet's day says:

    Teesside signs twinning deal with Gaza…

  69. 69
    If the EU is as cowardly as it is thick we will not have war says:

    If the EU and NATO have any sense they will abandon the Ukrainians to their fate and vow never to poke the Russian bear with a stick ever again.
    You would have thought they would have learned their lesson the first time after leading Georgia up to the alter then doing a runner when the bear turned up.

  70. 70
    Tango with no cash says:

    English, Chinese chippy owner is a little peeved when he finds he’s cooked the crispy duck at bit too crispy.

  71. 71
    Labour Friends of Palestine's Official Photographer says:


  72. 72
    V V Putin says:

    This is our last territorial demand in Europe! One people! One Russia! One leader!

  73. 73
    Duty pedant says:


  74. 74
    Sir Walter Tyrell says:

    So, we can save £30 billion by scrapping Trident and buying some of these cheap Chinese nukes instead.

  75. 75
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Residents of Teesside warned to stay indoors and close all windows until toxic cloud dissipates.

  76. 76
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Transcript from the Brown bunker – April 2010

    Great Helmsman Gordon:

    “Burn it. Burn it all!
    these pepper socialists have failed me! this country is not worthy to be led by me!

    Burn it .burn the country down.. let the Tories inherit only ashes.”

  77. 77
    Tango with no cash says:

    Nothing to do with Britain, the EU lit the flames, France and Germany and Poland better do the mobilising.

  78. 78
    Gok Wan says:

    Hi-viz jackets don’t go with suits

  79. 79
    CIA PsyOps (London) Bureau says:

    It will meet with approval when we say it meets with approval.

  80. 80
    Anonymous says:


  81. 81
    Micheal Brown, Ferguson, Missouri says:

    Get dowwwwwn murrrfurrr!

  82. 82
    BP says:

    I see that the test frack has worked out as well as we’d hoped.

  83. 83
    geordieboy says:

    The fire was lit to burn Ed’s policies then they discovered that he didn’t have any.

  84. 84
    Anonymous says:

    Strict observance of both hard hat and Hi-Viz regulations ensured nothing could go wrong.

  85. 85
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Looks like there will be a lot of fires in Ukraine this winter.

    Rapid deforestation in progress :-)

  86. 86
    Anon says:

    Correct. The Ukraine is not a member of NATO, nor is it a member of the EU. It’s a shithole which Britiain has no vital national interest in. None of our business. Let the Poles and Germans sort it out.

  87. 87
    Braveheart says:

    James Wharton poses in front of his new Jag in Middlesbrough.

  88. 88
    Cliff Richard says:

    I can confirm that my luxury home raided yesterday is in fact, the only penthouse I have ever possessed.

  89. 89
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Scroungers, Parasites, Criminals, Layabouts & other Wasters says:

    You mean Belsen Burnham?

  90. 90
    Tony E says:

    Ok – can’t beat that!!

  91. 91
    elliemae9 says:

    Question is, if Wharton goes up, would you p!55 on him?

  92. 92
    PaulJB says:

    Global warming, blow it out my arse.

  93. 93

    Left unattended, John Prescott would burn for over three weeks.


  94. 94
    Satan says:


  95. 95
    witreport says:

    “So, with just a friend, some gelignite and a washing up bottle, you too can make a suicide bomber – that’s all from Blue Peter this week. Goodbye.”

  96. 96
    We Must Be Told! says:

    Thought you were partial to a purple police helmet, OJ?

  97. 97
    Normal Guy says:

    I have no idea who this person is. Is he famous?

  98. 98
    Fred the pensioner says:

    Rest assured we are getting the popcorn in in wholesale quantities.

  99. 99
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    First test run of using copies of the EU’s directives to solve Britain’s energy problems goes well.

  100. 100
    Maimed Codger says:

    Who said E-Cigarettes aren’t dangerous ??

  101. 101
    nigel idol says:


  102. 102
    Al Gore says:

    But the carbon release would never be allowed– “Warmageddon” really WOULD take place, no joking this time!

  103. 103

    Caroline Lucas self-immolates.

  104. 104
    nigels idol says:

    I told you not to have that curry last night !

  105. 105
    The Bottom of the Barrel says:

    When the barrel is empty, stop scraping.

  106. 106
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    *EU’s environmental directives

  107. 107
    A Twat says:

    Vote for me.

  108. 108
    James Wharton MP says:

    “Yes, I know, this DOES look like a shot from a cheesy action flick just before the credits roll, doesn’t it?”

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:


  110. 110

    You mean “Cabinet meetings” generally, or just meetings of COBRA?

  111. 111
    Cliff says:

    Is it me, or is it hot in here?

  112. 112
    Brother York says:

    James Wharton he’s an MP with altitude and someone who likes to make friends in high places.

  113. 113

    Shit. That was one fucking cross Buddhist Monk.

  114. 114
    Cliff Young One says:

    Where there’s smoke there’s fire.

  115. 115
    The Lone Ranger says:

    :) :)

  116. 116
    Tango with no cash says:

    The invisible photo of the photo of the photo is in the way of the “too”, honest :-)

  117. 117
    Weybridgeman says:

    Hey Ed, this is my life sized re-enactment of your election chances!

  118. 118
    JR says:

    Fire training centres have been hit hardest by this coalition government.

  119. 119
    A nonny mous says:

    Red sky at night… Teessides alight !

  120. 120
    Oh, really? says:

    “Don’t you think we should have let the two Eds out before we set fire to the shed?”

  121. 121
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Hamas rocket lands safely at Teesside airport.

  122. 122
    TV Official (Name Withheld to Spare Embarrassment) says:

    “We officially announce today that we are presenting a new domestic UK version of MythBusters, and like all local versions of US shows, we will strive mightily to achieve the pinnacle of adequacy in comparison to the original!”

  123. 123
    Chaz says:

    James giggled while (the Treaty of) Rome burned…

  124. 124
    Thats the lesst of your problems says:

    Welcome to Teeside
    Vote IsIs

  125. 125
    M says:

    You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off

  126. 126
    God says:

    Shit, I missed.

  127. 127
    SocialDemocrat says:

    Just tossing all my pro-EU paraphernalia on the fire-Dave has changed his mind again and says we have to be anti-EU now!

  128. 128
    Tango with no cash says:

    Beside if they need any mobilising from Britain, we have 640 MPs also those lunes in the HOL, the uncivil service, all the EU philes, all the illegal immigrants and the ones trying to get into the UK, all those shemales who want women to have equality, even though women have always ruled the roost and men have always opened doors for the women ,Cameron and his cabinet and all the LibLabCon MEPs, so we can send plenty of cannon fodder, before we send our military, see Camoron you didn’t want an EU referendum, now you have a chance to shine by buggering off and fighting for the EU, training to use g un s will be given as well as a body bag.

  129. 129
    M says:

    And behind me is ed’s latest economic policy

  130. 130
    Humpy Apple says:

    Quiet satisfaction as Rome burns.

  131. 131
    Tango with no cash says:

    Good job you didn’t add that bit of baking powder.

  132. 132
    Tango with no cash says:

    I told you to fire him, not set him on fire.

  133. 133
    Just waiting for a mate says:

    Tory MP (Friend of Osborne) burns Boris effigy alongside downmarket Frankie Boyle lookalike.

  134. 134
    Erkel says:

    you can’t aim fire!

  135. 135
    Just Asking says:

    Did you mean pregnant arrivals from West Africa?

  136. 136
  137. 137
    Bag-carrier says:

    “Dear incoming Labour MP, I’m afraid to tell you there’s no constituency left.”

  138. 138
    HD says:

    Tory party looks on as Labour launch new economic plan

  139. 139
    I Roger Boys MP says:

    Date line May 2015

    And in the background can be seen Dippy Daves election victory campaign

  140. 140
    expat says:

    You’re never alone with a Strand.

  141. 141
    Cynic says:

    Fire Service show off facilities once opened by Gordon Brown

  142. 142
    Anonymous says:

    “Are you sure the lads will be coming back?”

  143. 143
    James "I'm a Eurosceptic" Wharton says:

    I’m posing in front of my Stockton South re-election prospects.

  144. 144
    Two bit right wing blog fan says:

    Warsi fire?

  145. 145
    Ah, those cast-iron pledges! says:

    Wharton: “Bloody hell. I’m only a proby.

    “Yet I had to show Cameron in parliament how to actually do something about the EU, rather than pretend. And now I have to remind him about that promise on quangos.”

  146. 146
    Owhine Jones says:

    ‘What do you mean Harriet Harman is rising?’

  147. 147
    Cliff Richard says:

    There’s no smoke without fire

  148. 148
    Pans Peep Hole says:

    We’re rebranding fracking as a portal to hell

  149. 149
    David says:

    European bombshell!

  150. 150
    Jimmy says:

    Nasty Party finds safe storage area for members’ pants.

  151. 151
    RWG says:

    Sorry, heavy lunch.

  152. 152

    MP finds perfect excuse for losing all his expenses records.

  153. 153
    Mercian says:

    I thought you said it was ok to throw my fag-end over there.

  154. 154
    ShlomoSpotter says:

    No Shlomo, we weren’t firing rockets at you!

  155. 155
    Gordon Ramsey says:

    For fcuk’s sake, you tw4t, don’t tell me it was fcuking frozen….

  156. 156
    Another coalition promise met says:

    James Wharton with a large crowd of onlookers at The Bonfire of the Quangos.

  157. 157
    Tweet Junkie says:

    ‘Doing my bit to improve the environment in Teesside’ JW

  158. 158
    Conservative Election Publicity Department says:

    James Wharton poses with his agent on the main runway at Teesside Airport after completing a sponsored litter pick for charity.

  159. 159
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest (Don’t Mention the Wharton Edition)”
    The deal with Bernie, for F1 flameproof underpants, was the real winner.

  160. 160
    RWG says:

    “So, that’s a scale model of the Ukraine, then?”

  161. 161
    Anonymous says:

    Remember children – if ISIS ever invade the UK this could be what happens to your local Petrol Station.

    D. Cameron.

  162. 162
    Anonymous says:

    If you vote for UKIP chip pan fires will increase.

    Think fire. Think chips. Think UKIP!

    Aimed at the Northern voters obviously.

  163. 163
    BlahBlahBlah says:

    No no no… I said get ‘WATER’

Seen Elsewhere

UKIP on 23% With Survation | Mirror
UKIP Could Deal With Dave | Douglas Carswell
Tories Would Lower Benefit Cap | Telegraph
Bashir Twitter Meltdown | Mirror
Bashir is a Wrong’un | Norman Tebbit
Natalie Bennett Says it Should Not be a Crime to Belong to ISIS | Indy
LibDems Fifth in London | Standard
45 Mirror Group Stories Linked to Phone-Hacking | Press Gazette
Dave’s Diet | Speccie
Pink’O’Flynn | HuffPo
Trojan Horse Destroying British Values | Nick Wood

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“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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