August 8th, 2014

Downing Street Optimistic Following Freya Car Accident

Guido is sad to bring you the horrible news that Freya, the Osborne family cat, has been hit by a car outside Downing Street. Snapper Steve Back reports the incident happened outside the gates last night and that she is at the vets. The good news is Downing Street sources tell Guido they think she’ll be okay. Get well soon from everyone in the Guy Newsroom, Freya.

UPDATE: Guido understands the incident happened last night towards the MoD end of Whitehall. Freya was clipped and bruised, and taken to the vets. It isn’t thought to be fatal and she should be on her way home soon. Good mews.


  1. 1
    Get well present says:

    Send her a live mouse

  2. 2
    anon says:

    A chubby, disheveled man was seen driving away at speed shouting ” ED BALLS!!”

  3. 3
    Maqboul the fool says:

    More importantly, 5Live managed to get the Tory MP who was spoke’s man for the Tories to admit that the RAF doesn’t have the capabilities to get involved in Iraq and that is why we’re not following the Americans in.

    He quickly backtracked, but the genie was out of the bottle.

  4. 4
    Mrs_a_shitrit says:

    Can they please slow down cars entering Downing Street !!
    Under the wheels before driving as cats love to rest there
    Hope Freya is ok .

  5. 5
    Oh, really? says:

    Hope she’ll be OK.

    There’s an argument for keeping cats indoors, these days.

  6. 6
    The Reverend Jim Jones says:

    Why do you persist in the theory that I poisoned my entire (1200) flock?
    I didn’t and neither did any of my people eliminate a Senator.

    We were murdered and the cover was ‘New Vision’ a registered charity.
    Them fuckers were (and are) everywhere.
    Hinkley and Chapman are two.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Was it someone being driven a mere 100 yards on official business?

  8. 8
    Freya says:

    The fucking plebs wouldn’t let me out the main gates!

  9. 9
    The Reverend Jim Jones says:

    My apologies.
    ‘World Vision’.

    Check out the slaughter photos.
    Yeah, we all decided to die on our bellies.

  10. 10
    Another Boarded up Tory Watering Hole says:

    Rumours that Piss ups in Conservative clubs are to be abolished…

    Spokesidiot says that this has nothing to do with incompetence, but rather that it’s divisive and anti Islamic.

  11. 11
    Andrew Mitchell says:

    If the cops had directed her use the pedestrian gate this wouldn’t have happened.
    Fucking plebs

  12. 12
    Sally Bercow says:

    Apparently there is a law which says a pussy has the right to roam.

  13. 13
    Freya says:

    Sorry Gidders, I was just nipping out for some Bumsex, never even saw the car…

  14. 14
    Larry says:

    Sod off, tart.

  15. 15
    concrete pump says:

    Osbo should take Gibson over to cheer her up.

  16. 16
    J.Public says:

    I wonder who’s paying for the celebrity vet?

    That’ll be us then…

  17. 17
    Mr Spikey says:

    You either love cats or want to see them on the end of a rusty spike.
    Which am I?
    Just call me Mr Spikey

  18. 18
    A Hamster says:

    Celebrity vet? Goes by the name of Rolf?
    He isn’t a vet and his magic cream doesn’t work either.

  19. 19
    Thats the spirit says:

  20. 20
    anon says:

    Everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room. Why has no-one asked the obvious question. ” DID ED BALLS CRUSH THE DOWNING STREET CAT????” He has form for this sort of thing you know.

  21. 21
    Me? How? says:

    Pleb driver?

  22. 22
    A Guinea Pig says:

    He rubbed it on me and my bottom all swelled up it was bright red for ages. Anyway I think it was the cream that did it.

  23. 23
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    One cat astrophe after another from No 10. Is Larry keeping an all night vigil?.

  24. 24
    Meaoww says:

    Too much useless pussy in Downing Street.

  25. 25
    A Hamster says:

    Had one of those CT scans yet?
    It’s just like being up a blokes arse in a plastic tube.

  26. 26
  27. 27
    Kate says:

    She was out looking for a new flatmate.

  28. 28
  29. 29
    Maimed Codger says:

    You leave the Speaker out of this…

  30. 30
    Maimed Codger says:

    In Israel you get paid…

  31. 31
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Probably squashed by the Squeeker with his 4×4 (top of the range).

  32. 32
    Maimed Codger says:

    What… another one been run over ??

  33. 33
    And says:

    Memo to Ed Davey – potential for a more reliable source of ‘sustainable’ energy than windmills – PUSSY POWER!

  34. 34
    Person Non Grata says:

    Birthday message from Russia to Obama.

  35. 35
    Maimed Codger says:

    At last Guido shows his softer side and hopes a Pussy recovers from being abused… ahhhh….. bless

  36. 36
    John O'Bercow says:

    Yeah but we need a f*cking pass to roam round the Palace…and look at the bloody hassle I’m getting for that!!

  37. 37
    Newsfox says:

    Cuteness does not sit with thee well.

  38. 38

    Get well Freya – Larry + Country still needs you !

    Vote UKIP :-D

  39. 39
    Paddy the ginger tom says:

    Us parliamentary cats used to have a comfy life.
    Well fed prowling around the place doing what we wanted without having to answer to anybody for anything.
    Then one of us decided to go into coalition with the Conservatives.

  40. 40
    Norm Normal says:

    Considering the fact that we have operated all over Iraq for 24 years from Turkey and Kuwait and still have the same and more advanced aircraft and weaponry, I would doubt that.

    The reason we are not involved in the combat is they don’t need us and we would not go just to protect US personnel, when they have their own military for that.

  41. 41

    Tank biathlon is still ongoing…

    Vote UKIP :-D

  42. 42
    The British media are cunts says:

    The RAF haven’t had the ability to do that for decades. How about the Navy, they have those magnificent carriers.

    Could use them as Ark’s?

  43. 43
    Laugh now as later on the smiles could be tears says:

    That’s how the politician’s shut the garbage up, political correctness and laws, while the world pi55es it’self laughing and get on with real life.

  44. 44

    617 Squadron are re-fitting at the moment. Did the spokesman say that it will take a while to get the rubber bands wound up? Bit far, too. But it would have been helpful to have kept Ark Royal and the GR5s we sold to the US Marines.
    ISIS will still be there in 2023 when QE2 has some thing to fly off the deck. If the F35 ever gets off the ground. Seeing that our really clever PM chose not to have a Catapult system fitted which means Stovol and Helicopters only. Still we’ve got a couple of Lancasters. Convert them to air-to-air re-fuelling and fly another “BlackBuck” operation like the Falklands. It will do fuck all damage to ” Izal – Now wash your hands” but we’ll get some terrific propaganda photos and Cameron can be photographed looking at a few dozen dumb bombs with a caption ” We can dish it out , Abu Bakr al Baghdadi”.

  45. 45
    Ippikin says:

    An eye witness reports seeing a tousled haired blonde man speeding off on a bike.

  46. 46
    John O'Bercow says:

    Couldn’t see her over the wheel

  47. 47
    Animal lover says:


  48. 48
    Watcher says:

    Meanwhile the loony Archbishop, the one who speaks in tongues, thinks we should offer asylum to the persecuted Iraqi Christian sect.

    I wonder just how many arabs would find a new belief in Christianity if this was allowed to happen. Not dissimilar to Blair’s conversion to RC…

  49. 49
    BBC 24hr Rolling Bollocks says:

    Britain sent a think tank

  50. 50

    There is now only just enough capability remaining to function as part of the EU armed forces , one of Camerons first acts was to destroy the services, and as we know NOTHING happens without the orders of the Commissars.

  51. 51
    Dog Lover (but not pit bulls) says:

    Stupid bloody cats deserve all they get.

  52. 52

    The only member of Downing street worth saving

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Got to admire her spirit. How many times is that she has tried to escape now?

  54. 54
    ? says:

    What worries me is with all the cuts to the armed forces whose going to protect our mad Muslims Gangsta rappers and Roma thieves from the Russians?

  55. 55
    rick says:

    Anything that stops our government getting involved in overseas wars must be a good thing. Perhaps they will start spending and investing at home.

  56. 56
    concrete pump says:

    It’s Lemmywinks…!!!

  57. 57
    Did someone say pussy? says:

  58. 58

    Nah. It was some bastard on a bicycle. Said he were serving some papers. Wants Cameron out within 28 days or ‘t Sheriff’s Officers will put a sledge-hammer through ‘t hinges. ‘E ‘ad blonde ‘air that were reet thin at front but he ‘ad it combed down to ‘ide it. Said ‘is name were ‘Orace or summat like it. ‘E were a fat bastard. Doesn’t go far on’t bike. Just fer show. Didn’t fool me. Then he ran o’ert cat. ‘t cat were right pissed off. I could ‘ve sworn I heard him tell’t cat any more noise from it and it’d end up as headwear on ‘Orace’s ‘ead. Well ‘e asn’t much ‘air, y’know. ‘Orace fucking Crockett – King of the wild frontier.

  59. 59
    A Lovecat says:


  60. 60
    Noah says:

    Any animal that can be saved will have to run the gauntlet of pot shots. They shoot at anything that has flesh on it, night and day, ceremony or no ceremony, harvest time or not.

  61. 61
    Laugh now as later on the smiles could be tears says:

    Probably happened while he was chasing the wrong rats, after all the moggy lives with the wrong rats.

  62. 62

    NATO countries sent some observers after declining the offer to compete.

    NB: Many of the obstacles would not be suitable for NATO tanks – too wide. NATO forces don’t need training on T72’s, but R’ussia was offering.

    C’hinese T-96A’s were not doing so well. Came in 8th on the second heat of first round.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  63. 63
    Mitchell watchers says:

    Ironing by rubber wheel

  64. 64
    Mr Spikey says:

    I too love animals including the family of thrushes that made their home in my garden for quite a few years till one summer a cat wiped out the lot over the course of two weeks.
    When I say wiped out I mean mauled and tormented until I had to put the poor buggers out of their misery.
    I hated that c*nting cat and the c*nt who owned it because as it happened that person was a complete c*nt anyway.
    As I find are most c*nting cat owners.

  65. 65
    going john says:

    When you bring someone back at night have a look under a light to see what they look like.

  66. 66
    Norm Normal says:

    Puzzling? I’m sure Tornados and Typhoons spent 8 months flying 1000s of sorties over Libya in 2011 from Italy.

    Northern Iraq is the same distance from the forward bases in the middle east? Do some of us have amnesia?

  67. 67
    Anon but Voting UKIP @ 2015 GE...... says:

    These continuous Pussey problems has brought

    many governments to its knees………….

    & many more to be over cum as a direct result………

    just remember Monica & Bill & where did that

    all cum from……..& how often……?

  68. 68
    Freya says:

    Actually I think I might defect. I hear the other lot will give me an owl dinner.

  69. 69
    A starving Cat says:

    Did prescott eat up all the whiskers, kitty cat and kitchen scraps?

  70. 70
    George Galloway says:

    Islamic State now recruiting in Philippines ,Indonesia & Bradford

  71. 71
    Warsi says:

    A few gems from the book of peace.

    “Slay the unbelievers wherever you find them.” Qur’an 2:191
    “Make war on the infidels living in your neighborhood.” Qur’an 9:123
    “When opportunity arises, kill the infidels wherever you catch them.” Qur’an 9:5
    “Any religion other than Islam is not acceptable.” Qur’an 3:85
    “The J*ws and the Christians are perverts; fight them.”… Qur’an 9:30
    “Maim and crucify the infidels if they criticize Islam” Qur’an 5:33
    “Punish the unbelievers with garments of fire, hooked iron rods, boiling water; melt their skin and bellies.” Qur’an22:19
    “The unbelievers are stupid; urge the Muslims to fight them.” Qur’an 8:65
    “Muslims must not take the infidels as friends.” Qur’an 3:28
    “Terrorize and behead those who believe in scriptures other than the Qur’an.” Qur’an 8:12
    “Muslims must muster all weapons to terrorize the infidels.” Qur’an 8:60
    “I shall cast terror into the hearts of the infidels. Strike off their heads, strike off the very tips of their fingers. Qur’an 8:12,
    “Those that deny Our revelations We will burn in fire. No sooner will their skins be

  72. 72
    Mz Beckenham says:

    Ok funs over tossers that’s not really me!

  73. 73
    The Growler says:

    I could be that the Navy is getting all it’s rowing boats back into surface, but the top brass will have to go 6 in a boat, not enough rowing boats you see.

  74. 74
    Diana Abbott says:

    The only way to get promotion in Hackney council is if you pass this equality and diversity test.

  75. 75
    The Growler says:

    My cats would just look at the exercise wheel, look at me and think “has he got a new toy or something”

  76. 76
    Pal Ntall of the Ukips says:

    I just shouted ed balls in the office in Matt Damon Voice. I might by in Trouble with Nige.

  77. 77
    Send the Tanks into Will Crooks Estate says:

    Terrorist supporters declare their council estate to be Muslim land.

    Time for an English government of English people dedicated to defending English people and reclaiming all England for English people.

    If only Scotland would fuck off.

  78. 78
    The Growler says:

    Where is S C to comment on those that seemingly hate Cats?

  79. 79
    I know better I'm David Cameroon says:

  80. 80
    MB. says:

    Good job not ‘life threatening imjuries’ or the police have had to declare Whitehall a ‘crime scene’ and close it to all traffic for a couple of days whilst they did a full investigation.

  81. 81
    Lord Wellard of No Apologies says:

    Mmmmm, pussy! Come to Randy Rennard, here pussy, pussy, here pussy, pussy…

  82. 82
    Stanford Tuck says:

    Quite correct. The RAF could deploy a mixed Tornado/Typhoon force of around 20 aircraft without much difficulty. The real question is are they needed? Any strikes into Iraq will now be very selective and be aimed at supporting clear tactical aims on the ground, in short classic close air support. It seems the current strike is to support the Khurds and this make a lot a of of sense. The Khurds will be the first recognised state to emerge from the breakup of Iraq and the West will want them to be able to act as a buffer against IS forces. The US has more than enough fire power for this in the region.
    If they need us they’ll ask.

  83. 83
    Anonymous says:

    All the best Freya!

  84. 84
    Bird says:

    Plenty of free cats down the cat’s home.
    Who pays the absurd vet’s bill?

  85. 85
    Truth Fabricant says:

    The CCTV shows that the mingy pussy was kicked near to death by a blond bloke on a bike. He said when questioned, “When I’ve finished here, my wife will understand.”

  86. 86
    Truth Fabricant says:

    ““Slay the unbelievers wherever you find them.” Qur’an 2:191″

    Is that why Boris’ lot want to drown Gove and Gideon?

  87. 87
    Cunt Spotter says:

    Sorry but you are still a massive c*nt. You should be on a spike.

  88. 88

    Who s Freya ?

    Has Larry been reshuffled ??

    Is she now officially the new P.U.S.S.Y.

  89. 89

    Seems the cat OWNER in the video needs the fast cat walker far more than ever does the actual cat !!

  90. 90

    A dastardly act by FOB?

  91. 91

    Larry’s been elevated to the Lords to search for Bercow’s rats.

  92. 92

    The pathetically small RAF could only deliver pin pricks compared with the USAF it would be a total embarrassment .

  93. 93

    Why did you not nail the cats arse to the fence ?

  94. 94

    I for one , am heartily sick of stories of marauding pussies and our esteemed Chancellor- only this week he was pictured with some ebony pussy , allegedly when a young and impressionable Bullingdonian. How many pussy stories can we take in a single week- the purveyors of these ‘pussy pics’ should be horsewhipped. Further pussy shenanigans will be a pussy too far.

    I must also protest about these stories linking the Chancellor with the use of coke- I myself have never used the stuff- I find it to be an over gaseous and nauseous concoction of the worst American kind. Coke and Black pussy , though not my cup of Darjeeling , for Gods sake it could be so much worse…there could be scandals involving a Black Dominatrix and drug misuse.

  95. 95
    10 north says:

    Hardly the thinking of a ‘loony’ – merely too slow: Francois Hollande offered them asylum in France last week.

  96. 96
    CatFriend against Cnuts says:

    Anti Cat people should be sent to fight ISIS – do something useful while getting the pathetic cnuts out of here with their ‘poor birdies’ shite. Fukkers can fly – how much more advantage? Building nests in crap places is Darwin. Poor ickle burdies my arse – fuck off…

  97. 97
    Anonymous says:

    “Freya, the Osborne family cat, has been hit by a car outside Downing Street.”
    Did the offending vehicle drive off after the impact, because the operator didn’t realise something cat-astrophic had occurred? Only methinks most magistrates will probably have heard that load of old balls before.

  98. 98
    Trigger says:

    Dear George, my sincere apologies for running over Freya, was polishing an eye on me kilt at the time and only had vision to the left.. Best regards GB

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    We’ve just paid for a whopping State of the art Aircraft Cariier.

    You can’t blame him for not wanting to get it damaged.

    Be fair.

    Next big Military thing?

    Bombs on elastic.

    If they don’t go off you get them back.

    Austerity means savings.

    Every little helps.

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    We’ve just paid for a whopping State of the art Aircraft Cariier.

    You can’t blame him for not wanting to get it damaged.

    Be fair.

    Next big Military thing?

    Bombs on elastic.

    If they don’t go off you get them back.

    Austerity means savings.

    Every little helps.

  101. 101
    Anonymous says:

    You know how it is said a cat has nine lives?

    My first cat at six months got stuck in the washing machine.

    At one year old he fell out of tree ( broken leg)

    When he was two years old he got run over by a bike.

    At reaching three years he had a fight with another and lost ( vets fees etc)

    When he was five he climbed into car and went missing for a year.

    Then when he was six he developed a form of cat distemper and unfortunately
    he died of it.

    He was a lovely cat. Always sitting on my lap and playful despite his many troubles.

    Yes: I will always remember my cat who called Lucky.

  102. 102
    Tom Catesby says:

    Run over by a plebmobile?

  103. 103
    Tom Catesby says:

    Full time job then?

  104. 104
    Tom Catesby says:

    Is that the same ‘reason’ why a certain motel chain announced this week that it was withdrawing it’s Gideon Bibles from it’s rooms? Wouldn’t do to be seen to be ‘anti-islamic’ or giving potential offence to the permanently offended would it.

  105. 105
    Tom Catesby says:

    On my neighbour’s land they have the option to be shot, poisoned or electrocuted, a bit like the US criminal justice system really.

  106. 106
    Tom Catesby says:

    How long before we are infected with that ‘idea’ here? Do you think it will beat ebola?

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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