August 7th, 2014

Murdoch Reels From Bruising Takeover Bid

In what will surely become the most successful attempt at “owning” something since the Guardian owned the weekend, an optimistic new venture called Let’s Own the News has launched a crowd-funded bid to buy the Times and Sunday Times. Founder Laurie Fitzjohn, whose career in investment banking and venture capital must surely have been an unrivalled success, reckons: “Our politicians are still in fear of the press barons, scared to act. But now with crowd-funding we have a unique opportunity to collectively take action to defend our democracy”. Cynics might suggest Laurie’s plan for collective action may not have the people rushing to the barricades, but at least Peter Jukes thinks it’s a good idea. They are currently £99,888,050 short of their target…


  1. 1
    Parliament is a Gay Disco says:

    Good luck to them

  2. 2
    Ghost of Mossad says:

    We’ll look after him , like we did with Maxwell !

  3. 3
    chriselee says:

    I can spare a couple of quid if it helps.

  4. 4
    Buy the Independent without the editors says:

    £1 plus a DMG style loan subsidy of 998,880 of something should do it.

  5. 5

    The National Trust announced today that it has acquired The Chilcot Enquiry. This fine old monument to British imperial history has stood, unloved and ignored, in the Strand area of London for countless years. Urgent conservation work will be undertaken so that The Chilcot Report can remain as a shining example of Government obfuscation and lawyerly delay for generations to come.

    “We need to be very careful,” said a spokesperson for the Trust. “We think there are a large number of bodies buried in the basement, but nobody knows where. Fortunately, stories of a cache of deadly weapons are just baseless rumours.”

  6. 6
    Owen Jones,City Editor says:

    European markets have fallen for the second day, as tensions between Prime Minister David Cameron and Baroness Warsi took a turn for the worse and Italy slumped back into recession.

  7. 7
    Unbalanced Views says:

    As hardly anyone reads either these days, i don’t really see the point

  8. 8
    Man in Grimsby is kicked up arse is more relevant news than fucking Gaza says:

    If their news is going to be based on a Londoncentric metrosexual model then they can shove it.

  9. 9

    Meanwhile, in a Galaxy somewhere to the East:

    Vote UKIP :-D

  10. 10

    Will it end up just printing cute cat pictures?

  11. 11

    I’ll chip in a quid, but only if you re-name it Tne Daily Coogan.

  12. 12
    Tell Us great Sage says:

    Will this wind be so mighty as to lay low the highest mountain?

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    Looks like they’ve more than enough to buy Johnston Press

  14. 14
    Owen Jones says:

    If it was me I would inflate my portfolio and have Murdoch reverse into me.

  15. 15
    Baroness Token says:

    Is Owen Jones really gay? Never seen him with a boyfriend?!

  16. 16
    Mr Galloway says:

    Россия – первая страна в мире, которая в знак протеста против международных санкций догадалась объявить голодовку.

  17. 17

    It’s looking that way…

    Vote UKIP :-D

  18. 18
    Jimmy says:


  19. 19
    Bloomers in rain-soaked Bongo Bongo Land says:

    Don’t be daft.

  20. 20
    Mad,mozzie Medievalist says:

  21. 21
    What was it for? says:

    Why did the LibLabCon politicians flood our country with Mohammedans?

  22. 22
    Baroness Warsi ,P.R. Consultant for the IDF says:

    What did the IDF achieve in Gaza? The answer is simple: Hamas is now weaker. Israel is now safer.

  23. 23

    Don’t forget his voice was so strangulated that he had to repeat Will this wind be so mighty as to lay low the highest mountain? before Peter Cook could understand a blind word he was saying.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  24. 24
    Gary says:

    Newspapers in print form or even online are dying on their arsed. The news is available more easily, quicker, in more depth, less bias and stories they won’t cover by reading online only news sites and blogs. The Press has forgotten what its for! They lazily copy and paste press releases without any fact-checking. They regurgitate political nonsense without looking behind the story. So much goes unreported to print baby pics or the latest Beyonce thing. The Press is a dead parrot, it has ceased to be..

  25. 25
    Rupert says:

    Thanks for that, Guido, mate – just remember, try not to make it too obvious you’ve got your tongue up my arsehole, eh? Might look a bit embarrassing.

  26. 26
    The dire consequences of the expansionist EU says:

    Ukraine produced 25% of all agricultural output in the former Soviet Union.

    Does no one in Brussels realise how much Russia feels threatened and with good reason by the EU’s expansionism to the East?

  27. 27
  28. 28
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    35-50,000 Iraqi Yazidis are trapped in mountains by ISIS. Baroness Warsi ,George Galloway & David Ward totally silent:

  29. 29
    Ed Millibandwagon says:

    Я совсем как бутерброды с беконом

  30. 30

    With the greatest respect to the indefatigable Bloomers above, the word spindrift comes to mind… ;-)

    It becomes even more intriguing when you consider that the Scottish equivalent word is spoondrift. Perhaps this should become spoon-fed-drift?

    The English language is truly wonderful. :-)

    Vote UKIP :-D

  31. 31
    "Slapper" Bercow says:

    Skirts that Should be Illegal

  32. 32
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    And just how are they going to force News International to sell even if they raise the funds?

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    The Crimea was always part of Russia before the USSR, it was given away voluntarily by Russia when the USSR split, but probably has largest proportion of original ‘Russian’ residents. Look into the history of the Ukraine.

    The pro-Europe Ukrainians are fighting for their freedom thinking that this has a democracy to offer and potential for more income, (challengng idea), and Russian capitalism doesn’t work (an oligarchy). Were Russia to be taken ito the Western capitalist fold and markets opened up to her – with support to become ‘more capitalist’, she could eventually economically lead ahead of China, and turn around what is a current removal of Western GDP to Asia.

    What we have now is a complete break down in communication, inability to argue the case for real capitalism – tied up in socialist ideas of control. Western stagnation developing because of rising taxation which reduces gdp. ( . Russia is following the old empire approach of expansion geographically to increase growth rather than expanding the intellectual capability and freedom of it’s population.

    Western attitude hinges on Putins saying that the failure of communism and break up of USSR was the worse thing that ever happened. This idea is supported no doubt by their Russian pro-communist academic economic eglantarian advisors who have created just as much damage in the West (Liibor-sic), and nothing is being done to rectify this situation.

  34. 34
    Engage brain before hitting the keys says:

    Ukraine provided ancient Athens with grain but I’m not sure what you point is. Do you think Russia gets this “agricultural output” for free at the moment?

  35. 35
    Vladimir Putin says:

    If she meant that it’s fucking genius .

  36. 36
    Russell Brand says:

  37. 37
    And says:

    Не я раструб

  38. 38
    Jimmy Choo says:

    Nice shoes

  39. 39
    Jimmy Choo says:

    I think you’ll find (if you research hard enough) that it was the kosher/rentier ones that dunnit.

    The rest were just useful idiots.

    The introduction of equalitarianism laws (and hence PC) was just the enabling mechanism.

  40. 40
    Shit stirrer says:

    I see they allow non binding investment pledges.

    So my offer of £100 million is safe then.

  41. 41
    Rampant Homo says:

    There are some subtle hints as to whether a guy is up for Bumfun.
    A comb in the left back pocket of his jeans=Bumfun
    A hanky hanging from the right hand pocket of his jeans=Bumfun
    Nothing in either pocket of his jeans=Bumfun
    Going for a piss in a public toilet=Bumfun
    Basically if you’re a young chap and not up for Bumfun stay indoors or convert to Islam.

  42. 42
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    All they want to do is break the tyrannical grip on their country. They’ve noticed that even the USA’s ex enemies (as well as its friends) receive generous help to rebuild and create a prosperous and free society (Germany, Japan and Vietnam even as examples).

    With Russia as a “friend” all they have had is stagnation, corruption and poverty – nothing has changed for the better in the last 20 years. No wonder they look to the West for help when they see what has happened to the old Eastern European countries in the same period who have broken free.

    They don’t hate Russians, just Putin and his cronies.

  43. 43
    Anonymous says:

  44. 44
    The no hopes of the little people against the sewers of the politicians says:

    If the EU stops behaving like the all conquering hero it isn’t and stops trying to get a European WWIII and the USA with Obuma trying to get Nato to the gates of Russia, maybe the Russians who wouldn’t trust anything the west does without being suspicious might just have a look at what the fck is going on and calm down a bit but all the EU is doing is using the West’s media to call Russia and say nottin to do with us guv, if the bear bites back then the shock will be on the EU and the USAs side.

  45. 45
    David Cameron says:

    I would offer them a referendum

  46. 46
    The expansionist EU says:

    You can’t see the threat to Russian food supplies?

  47. 47
    The Paradox says:

    Western stagnation developing because of rising taxation which reduces gdp.

    taxation will continue to rise due to all the schemes to keep the private banks in business,they have to be kept in business so they can buy the bonds that keep Government in power,unfortunately no matter who we vote for the Government gets in.

  48. 48
    Bill Poster says:

    If their contention is that the reading public are not well served by the existing press, why not just start a new newspaper? Maybe on this interweb thing.

  49. 49
    horatio bottomley says:

    it would be the same mediocre jobsworths writing the same claptrap

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Globalisation is a failed Lefty pipe dream, only a few such as the Milibands and the EU commissars (and Cameron) still believe in it. Security comes from home grown, not the other side of the world.

  51. 51
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    News Corp may wish to sell Times Newspapers Ltd. at the right price.

  52. 52
    Engage brain before hitting the keys says:

    Russia gets its food from all over including from within its own borders. They even import kangaroo meat from Australia. With the amount of oil and gas they have its not a problem. Ukraine is independent of Russia you know and has been for decades. What changes?

    No I don’t see a threat.

  53. 53
    E. Bowler says:

    Boris may come across as a bumbling sack of shit, but his craving for power and ultimately the job of PM is terrifying. Underneath it all he’s a creepy dangerous bastard

  54. 54
    Talent spotter says:

    BBC will be next.

  55. 55
    Anonymous says:

  56. 56
    Boris salutes the IDF says:

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

  58. 58

    The Crimea was NOT always part of Russia before the USSR. Only for the time back to 1783 was it so.

    You look up your fucking history, Big Mouth!

    It was a Turkic khanate for three centuries before that.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  59. 59
    Baroness Warsi says:

    I’ve not seen a more misogynistic and Islamophobic TV show than The Great British Bake Off. Not one mention of Gaza .

  60. 60
    Anonymous says:

    He’s also a self confessed Z’ioloon!

  61. 61
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    Hang on, banks pay tax. Are you saying banks receive tax receipts and they want even more?

  62. 62
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    Owen Jones

    Owen Jones’ rush to claim the media was biased in favour of Israel, and then frenzied accusations of occupation, war crimes, and sundry other things were bad enough. He blamed Israel for killing 11-month-old Omar Jihad al-Mishrawi – despite the fact that the UN revealed he was killed by a Hamas rocket. He has refused to apologise for this. So on all fronts, it seems he’s a supporter of the propaganda around the telegenically dead children tactic. And thus must take some responsibility for the dead children we see today.

  63. 63
    simple minded sloth says:

    Surely war was eradicated when the EU was founded?

  64. 64
    Anonymous says:

    Yep, whoever owns the dosh owns the politicians and the media. ALWAYS follow the money.

  65. 65
    Millions of Mr & Mrs Joe Public are all Voting for UKIP says:

    What else did you expect from this Old Etonian Bullington Toff who

    has in-bedded in his genes they have divine right, handed

    down from on high,to them alone, to rule over US !!!

    Serving or Representing the filthy stinking masses will NOT be

    allowed, like the much abused word called Democracy, that will

    never be sanction by them & that is the way its going to stay as

    they use every devious form of mendacity & manipulation to ensure

    they continue to fully control all of the levers of POWER over US!!!

    And of course all aided & abetted by the ever so compliant MSM for

    there own nefarious ends!!

    Its time for real change NOT more of the same from ConsLieLaborLebDims

    anti-democracy alliance

  66. 66

    Cr!mea historically was always much closer to T’urkey. See Tatars.

    Ukraine itself became tied to R’ussia with the Treaty of P’ereiaslav back in 1654.

    That it has always been a part of R’ussia or has special significance for S’lav’s is recent revisionism on the part of P’utin’s brand of N’ationalism.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  67. 67
    Anonymous says:

    Yes, he had become an embarrassment to the Tribe and needed to be deep-sixed. Still, Capt’n Bob is now spending eternity in his beloved 1srael – it’s what he would have wanted. Bless.

  68. 68
    Anonymous says:

    The West wishes to blame everything in the East on Russia. But there is another element that is creating far more terror and is being attributed to Russia –
    U N F A I R L Y. Between this apparent East v West conflict, gangs of criminals have emerged in the East that may now even be reaching the majority. They simply kill anyone they do not like knowing there can be no prosecution. They take whatever they want. In Horlivka (Russian: Gorlivoka), there is not even bread for sale for a week at a time. Children no longer go to school.

    The rising gangs of criminals are not fighting for political reasons, just to torment and take advantage of total anarchy. Of course, the West will attribute this to Putin when in fact this element is not. Those in the East would even welcome Russia to stop the criminal gangs. The only purpose of government is to provide order. They have no other obligation to society other than infrastructure.
    posted by Martin Armstrong – Armstrong Economics 17-8-14
    They have staff from the Ukraine

  69. 69
    tabblenabble03 says:

    This will ensure that he becomes a PM sometime in the future.

  70. 70
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    Nor me, no Cleggs famous Rocket salad or Hama’s mess,that’s lime Eton mess but with nutters. Just appalling

  71. 71
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:


  72. 72
    tabblenabble03 says:

    Western libertarianism is nothing more than far-right anarchism (economic anarchism).

    Anarchism = without rules – aka deregulation of the financial kind.

    The West are state wreckers not state builders (hence the state, npi, that Iraq/Egypt/Afghanistan/Libya and Syria have found themselves in).

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    The reason for all the widespread demonstrating early on, was against Ukrainian government corruption. Ukraine was getting loans from Russia and their Prime Minister was amassing enormous wealth off the back of it.

    The hand outs now being offered by the IMF to Ukraine now include provisory ‘sanctions’ against their relationship with Russia including I understand, how they would conduct their military.

    This seems to be about the US wanting to enter the energy supply market and compete with Russia, who supply most gas to Europe. Syria seems to be revolving around the same thing.
    Russia is naturally suspicious of the USA and US policy seems to be doing everything it possibly can to ignite a confrontational situation.

    The Russian empire was formed in 1721 by Peter the Great – that was what I meant by Crimea ‘aways has been part of Russia’, and has nothing to do with Putins recent ‘positioning on things.

  74. 74
    Anonymous says:

    Who would vote for a UKIP cat plonker?
    the comment was about Ukraine having been part of the Russian empire before it was turned into the USSR in the 1900’s. So having reversed out of the USSR it was still part of the former Empire . The Crimea as was stated
    – was part of Russia in the 17th century . Peter the Great created the Russian empire in 1721 and died a few years later. Ukraine was added formerly a few years after that.

    You’re twisting words but the Crimea was Russian territory for three and a half centuries. How much US effort is going into maintaining Isreali territory that was never theirs in the first place? – and was annexed about 70 years ago?

  75. 75
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    The US has been seeking alternative suppliers for decades, most now coming from the Caspian. First as an alternative to the Middle East and not so very recently as an alternative to Russia.

    Russia has shown many times it is quite willing to use its near monopoly status for political purposes. Quite rightly that is being challenged.

  76. 76
    Oh, really? says:

    Clown Funding.

  77. 77

    You accuse me of twisting words when:

    1. you are twisting facts

    2. you are twisting history

    3. are attempting to change the subject to another country to try and hide your mistaken ignorance or deliberate rev’isionism.

    So who was Iv’an the Gr’eat (15cy) then, a f’ucking Hott’entot?

    Vote UKIP :-D

  78. 78


    This site has become just like Poland! And Czechoslovakia! And Hungary! And Bulgaria! And Romania! And Latvia! And Lithuania! And Estonia! And the Ukraine!

    Overrun by Ruskies who march in exactly whenever they feel like it!

    Vote UKIP :-D

  79. 79
    Witty Monker says:

    I see Laurie Fitzjohn-Sykes (wonder why he’s dropped the double barrel for this?) on LinkedIn describes himself simply as an ‘Activist’.

    So, an anti-Murdoch ‘Activist’.

    Can’t think where he may be on the political compass.

  80. 80
    Irate says:

    Would be nice for GB to have a newspaper that doesn’t suck up to the stolen landers for a change.

  81. 81
    Irate says:

    WTF are brit Politicians doing posing with war criminals?

  82. 82
    Irate says:

    Suure, Shlomo! Everybody else is at fault for Israel and the Zionutters stealing land and killing civilians.

  83. 83
    Mark Wouters says:

    Sovietsalami63 Here,

  84. 84

    Is Laurie Fitzjohn a man or a woman ?

    I mean there s Laurie Penney . She is putatively female.

    But there was once an Arsenal centre half called Laurie Brown 6 ft 3in and built like a brick WC. He was definitely male.

    So which is it ?
    I think we should be told . ( i m too lazy to google him/her/it)

  85. 85

    Markets have stabilised Owen that was yesterday s news .

    As usual son a day late and a dollar short .

    No wonder you Socialists rely on the State for your expenses.

  86. 86
    cured lefty says:

    Just reassuring them we won’t let genocidal islamic fucks destroy you

  87. 87
    Fred Scuttle says:

    War is more likely to be eliminated when the EU founders.

  88. 88
    Odds favour ? says:

    “Let’s Own the News”

    A front for Hacked-Off?

    Financed by: the above, but led by JemimaK, RBrand, Max , and “divine” Grant.

    (They’ll allow Assange receive credit once he repays for bail funding)

    Supporting cast: Oliver Letwin, Maria Miller, Fat Tom, Guardian, i types etc, etc

  89. 89
    Odds favour ? says:

    I suspect his point is that banks were bailed out.

    And he asks whether that should have been the case.

    As to your point about them paying tax, well in the case of the above that’s minuscule compared with the bailout costs. Crunch the numbers.

  90. 90
    Anonymous says:

    Go fuck yourself you ugly tosser. Laurie has more decency in his left finger than you have in the entirety of your pea-sized brain.

  91. 91
    Polonium Tea Wallah says:

    Fuck off Putin

  92. 92
    John Fitzlaurie says:

    Blimey, he only asked.

  93. 93
    Zager & Evans says:

    but not until 2525

  94. 94
    you would, admit it says:

    Trying to get laid?

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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