August 5th, 2014

Balls Car Crash Dash Case in Court

Ed Balls’ lawyers will today have to explain why the Shadow Chancellor fled the scene of a car crash in April, after hitting another vehicle and speeding off in his Peugeot 306, without contacting the owner or leaving his insurance details. Leeds magistrates court might also be interested in why at the time Balls admitted “I was aware the two bumpers touched”, simultaneously claiming, “As soon as I was made aware of what had happened, I took full responsibility”. Guido is slightly more concerned about giving Balls back another set of keys…


  1. 1
    Long John Silver' s parrot says:

    Is this yet another of your MPs heading to prison ?

  2. 2
    manmountain says:

    Balls is a well meaning idiot – he never really understood economics, like his dad Gordon

  3. 3
    common sense says:

    helped drive the economy into the wall, why would it be any different with his horrible French car?

  4. 4
    Colin Bryan says:

    I wouldn’t leave him in charge of a Cornish pasty, let alone the economy. Man is as thick as faecal matter.

  5. 5
    ancientpopeye says:

    Usually, if they speed off, they’re pissed.

  6. 6
    Spartacus says:

    But a dangerous idiot both to other road users and to the economy

  7. 7
    More mundane than Geedo's imagination says:

    Lawyers? I think not Geedo. Balls said earlier that he is not attending but pleading guilty by post on the standard form that is sent out by the courts.

  8. 8
    Ed Balls says:

    I was only driving at 140 kilometres per hour – that’s 25 mph in English.

  9. 9

    At my age, parking is the only contact sport I have left.

  10. 10
    Wah wah pedal says:

    Too far, too fast, too fat, too stupid.

  11. 11
    Drummond Base says:

    “I was aware that RBS, Halifax, Northern Rock and other banks were in trouble. So I gave them billions in subsidy at your expense” said Ed Balls before speeding off.

  12. 12
    The Growler says:

    There are not many drivers who haven’t had a small bump in their car (eh Geedes), especially if there were no witnesses and driven off, the trouble is with Ballsie there were witnesses and he was in a tearing hurry.

  13. 13
    CON GAIN says:

    A reckless liability. A reminder of Labour’s addiction to debt and waste.

    Long may he continue as Labour’s Shadow Chancellor.

  14. 14
    Paniagua says:

    Although I wasn’t there and apparently there is not much point, I would like to make a victim impact statement.

    “I ask the court if the judge would consider putting his black wig on when sentencing”

  15. 15
    Visit for stories like 'Macshame' which were on the Mail online fucking days ago says:

    Ed Balls took full responsibility??

    Really? i didn’t realise he had apologised for helping to wreck our economy

  16. 16
    Compare the Market says:

    I am sorry but you are not entitled to any ‘no claims bonus’ as you encouraged millions to claim.

  17. 17
    Touch and Go says:

    What a crashing bore!

  18. 18
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    “As soon as I was aware as to what had happened I took full responsibility”. Yeah I’ll just drive off and hope no one notices just like the economy and 34% of the electorate haven’t or are just to dim!

  19. 19
    Dr.Labourspin says:

    As a leading member of the last Labour government, Mr. Balls has already shown to the country he is a ‘safe pair of hands’.

    With regards to this trivial car incident, Mr.Ball will vigorously defend himself – and in fact it is clear to all that any car belonging to the general public just should not be parked so close to the transport of a political heavyweight.

    Mr. Balls is a very important and a very busy visionary, which is why he had no choice but to speed away from the scene.

    The political elite need their space, [and spacious parking bays], and that is why Mr.Balls is appalled at this case which is simply a waste of his beloved tax-payers’ money.

  20. 20
    Black Cap says:

    I am not a wig!

  21. 21
    Executive Summary says:

    Incompetent savant.

  22. 22
    bed calls says:

    i am aware the country’s bankrupt – i take full responsibility

    there- that’ll get the sympathy vote

  23. 23

    Do me a favour. Just another Dishonourable, who thinks one law for me and one for the rest. Ennit

  24. 24
    Quick Reposte says:

    Visionary? Visions of balls make me ill!

  25. 25
    Ed Miliband says:

    Which is why a caring Labour Government will introduce Zil lanes.

  26. 26
    DutchCap says:

    Hup hup hup!

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Where was he coming from having touched bumpers?

  28. 28
    The Growler says:

    If as you say he didn’t really understand politics he did remarkably well academically,” He went on to attend Keble College, Oxford, where he gained a First in Philosophy, Politics and Economics, graduating -according to John Rentoul in the Independent -ahead of David Cameron.[6] Later he attended the John F. Kennedy School of Government, Harvard, where he was a Kennedy Scholar specialising in Economics.” (wikipedia) . I must say I have my doubts as to PPE, especially the philosophy part and how much actual statistics is in the degree, as pure statistics is a mathematical science, could it be that PPE is related to using statistics to prove your point or maniplulate them so that your actions are justified. Don’t forget Dave has a PPE degree?

  29. 29

    Dan says Labour are heading for defeat.

    Alex says Tories are heading for defeat.

    I say:
    Vote UKIP :-D

  30. 30
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    He is an idiot, but well-meaning????

  31. 31
    The Growler says:

    Not many British car manufacturers left, cheapest thing is buying the thing buying spare parts that is a different matter.

  32. 32
    Dr.Labourspin says:

    Well I never !

    Baroness Warsi has resigned over Gaza.

    Regardless of opinions on her motivations, how rare is it for an MP to resign over principles?

    Didn’t know the expenses-fiddling MP’s had any…

    Profumo, Cook ?

  33. 33
    The Growler says:

    Ooooo Dave likes cornish pasties on Leeds station, yummy

  34. 34
    The Growler says:

    Back to school with you my boy!!

  35. 35
    diane abbott says:


  36. 36
    White dee says:

    I was actually sleeping in the parked car and just developed delayed onset whiplash

  37. 37
    Balls Ed says:

    It was the right thing to do

    (courtesy of G.Brown, in absentia)

  38. 38
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    Ed Balls is a clunt

  39. 39
    Ed Balls says:

    No no no. It’s spelt without the “L”

  40. 40
    The Growler says:

    He has a long way to go to get as large as Eric Pickles, brain power is not inversely proportional to amount of body mass

  41. 41
    common sense says:

    Unable to

  42. 42
    Obzerva says:

    Indeed – especially when they have access to a nicely tax-payer funded subsidised bar.

  43. 43
    Obzerva says:

    Balls meant taking responsibility in the Gordon Brown sense:

    “I take full responsibility for what happened – that is why the person that was responsible went immediately.”

  44. 44


  45. 45
    Qué says:

    Ed Bas?

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    Jolly good idea.

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    PPE. Isn’t this Oxfords’ version of Media Studies ?

  48. 48
    The Growler says:

    So what would have the Cons done, Liebore (naively) relaxed the regulations in the belief that the banker boys would be good boys, they were given an inch but they took a mile. Liebore forgot they were in control and not many have done bird in the financial system, once found out in the US they did bird.

  49. 49
    The Growler says:

    Do think Gordo would like to be corrected, no matter how good the advice

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Are you sure it was a 306. They were discontinued in 2002. Does Balls really drive a 12 year old plus car? With all the money he made from house flipping with Yvette you think he could afford a Lamborghini.

  51. 51
    The Growler says:

    It would appear that you might even have your bumpers touched if you were in the HoC

  52. 52
    manmountain says:

    he finished ahead of Dave! well done Ed balls!

    a PPE degree (in fact any non-scientific degree) means nothing. not at Oxford or anywhere else.

  53. 53
    Baron Ardup says:

    He has an image to portray.

  54. 54

    Hopefully this drags on for a long time. Lying cheating git should have to explain his actions in court

  55. 55
    Wah wah pedal says:

    A better and cheaper option would have been for the Govt. (that’s the taxpayer) to have let the banks go bust then paid compensation to those with savings under £60K.
    As I say, cheaper, quicker and still moral hazard exists.
    You don’t need any regulation in a completely free market – the market is the regulator.

  56. 56
    The Growler says:

    Maybe even a ménage à trois, Gideon is now dangling the prospect money to northern cities to improive rail links to help re generate the north, in the hopes that the Cons might improve their dismal count of MPs in the north, UKIP is the new centre right opposition to liebore not the Cons.

  57. 57
    The Growler says:

    You mean like LIBOR, no regs invites trouble from the crims in suits

  58. 58
    The Growler says:


  59. 59

    Philosophy is such a divers subject that it is easy to criticise it on the basis of its weakest point. Those who study it invariably specialise into one of its strands:

    Ontology (what it is to be – the is)
    Epistemology (what can one know)
    Metaphysics (that which one does not know!)
    Ethics (how we ought to be – the ought)
    Logic (A subject in its own right.)

    The above is by no means exhaustive.

    From the Ancients, through the ‘schoolmen’, into the Enlightenment, German Idealism – followed by an English speaking peoples variety, Consequentialism, Logical positivism, and into the ‘desart’ wastes of Linguistics.

    These later stages have helped to give the subject its ‘useless’ tag but many are turning back to Idealism. This can simply be explained by the realisation, starting with Karl Popper, that whilst empiricism (the scientific way) is extremely useful to man, it can offer no proofs. If it were to, it would die.

    So do not blame the tool. Use the better parts of it!

    Unashamedly optimistic for mankind. :-)

    Vote UKIP :-D

  60. 60
    Unbalanced Views says:

    If its not a BSc you can wipe yourr arse with it as far as I’m concerned :)

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    “I was aware the two bumpers touched”
    But as the car was a new Google self-drive model, any claims for damage should be emailed to their HQ in Ireland.

  62. 62
    Cynic says:

    Can the Judge take previous bad conduct into account – like wrecking the economy and buggering up banking regulation?

  63. 63
    Cynic says:

    Better house flipping with Yvette than flipping Yvette perhaps

  64. 64
    Anonymous says:

    It is the sentance of this Court that you be taken to a place of execution and hanged by the neck until you are dead.

    May the Lord have mercy on your soul.

    ps. Hope ladyboy finds a new man quickly.

  65. 65
    One, 2, miss a few, 99, 100! says:

    Is there any CCTV footage of him inside the building? One is only asking because we wouldn’t want him having one too many tipples and doing a runner. That would be reprehensible behavior, as it endangers both the driver and other road users (oh, and it’s slightly illegal).

  66. 66

    There were no living witnesses. There was a CCTV camera and film. He thought he was safe until the reg. no. Was traced to……you know whoo-ooo!
    Banged to rights.

  67. 67
    Financial Astrologer-Talking Bollocks And Taking No Responsibility When I Get It Wrong says:

    Oy, I keeps me in a job! Also, imagine my sublime surprise when I found out the ‘girl next door’ has just come back from Oxford after having completed a Degree in PPE. Oh dear me, I can foresee a Summer of sarcasm! :)

  68. 68
    The two Muppets says:

    Not only is he a lying twat ,he is also a coward, slinking off hoping
    that nobody saw him .What a typical example of a Labour politician .

  69. 69
    Tina Turner says:

    I’ve got a black wig you can borrow!

  70. 70

    Let’s be quite right about Balls’ abilities. He can’t drive a car competently and has form for acquiring points on his licence. I suspect his root inability is to give due respect to other road-users, it’s the “respect” bit he doesn’t get.
    Likewise in the case of the Economy, he has a piece of paper suggesting he might be able to spell the word. That is the extent of it. No respect for other people’s money. No sense, no shame, “not my fault, Guv'”,
    Anybody who lets this smeg-head any where near the Treasury deserves to have him drive by their house one night and trash their family car, driving off because he thought no-one saw him. Honest? Don’t be silly.

  71. 71
    NASA says:

    Oooh, did somebody mention Space? We’ve got a deal on one-way tickets to nowhere…

  72. 72
    The two Muppets says:

    Also thank goodness for Miliband ,Harman and death camp Burnham .

  73. 73
    I-KIP, They-KIP, You-KIP, I'm orf for a KIP says:

    Good advice old boy.

  74. 74
  75. 75
    Simon says:

    Why 5? Would 6 have seen him banned?

  76. 76

    I believe the idea was adopted in Iceland where their Banks had been run on the Casino principle. The really big problem was that Balls and Brown were directly responsible for the totally deliberate dismantling of the oversight mechanism of the private banking system as a precursor to the Scottish Clearing Banks HBOS and RBS undertaking the equally deliberate Brown-Ballsian policy of money-supply expansion through Derivative trading and PFI funding. At it’s height, or depths(!), I believe RBS had leveraged itself to a balance sheet of six times the GDP of our Country. Now that was pretty impressive! Even Iceland couldn’t manage that. As this Country has a bottomless pocket called “The National Debt” Brown effectively did let the Banks go bust by taking them into public ownership and re-capitalising them out of the debt we owe.
    That was criminal activity par excellence! And the Government of Brown and Balls and Miliband denied all knowledge and blamed the Bankers! How much did they pay Fred the Shred to keep his mouth shut?

  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t we as taxpayers give him a chauffeur ?

  78. 78

    Not a cap, either. Just a square of black fabric. Hence why these Gentlemen – I don’t think any Female High Court Judge has ever pronounced the Death Sentence in this Country – are dressed in Red, and known as “Red Judges”, to remind us plebs that they, ONLY, had the power to impose the Death Sentence. The Appellate judges could only confirm or quash a conviction/sentence.

  79. 79
    Chris Huhne or the missus says says:

    I did and neither of us were. Bumsex anyone?

  80. 80
    Leon says says:

    Come here, dear boy! Ooops! thought you said porking.

  81. 81
    Ed Cooper says:

  82. 82
    Ed Cooper says:

    Ed Balls’ Voting Record: ‘TheyWorkForYou website’.

    Voted for equal gay rights.

    Voted for allowing marriage between two people of same sex.

    Voted against an investigation into the Iraq war.

    Voted for more EU integration.

    Voted against a referendum on the UK’s membership of the EU.

    Voted against a reduction in spending on welfare benefits.

    Voted against raising the threshold (personal allowance) at which people start to pay income tax

    Voted against higher taxes on plane tickets (to cash in Britons going on holiday).

    Voted for a banker’s bonus tax (so Labour can waste more money on themselves and useless projects).

    Voted against reducing the rate of corporation (for small/medium size businesses).

    Voted against measures to reduce tax avoidance.

    Voted against reforming the NHS so GPs buy services on behalf of their patients.

    Voted against greater autonomy for schools (so schools can stay under complete control by Bureaucrats & Trade Unions).

    Voted against academy schools.

    Voted against a transparent Parliament.

    Voted against fewer MPs in the House of Commons.

    Voted against an equal number of electors per parliamentary constituency.

    Voted for introducing ID cards.

    Voted against capping civil service redundancy payments.

    Voted for measures to prevent climate change.

    (1) Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper ‘flipped’ homes three times: MPs’ expenses (The Telegraph, 15 May 2009):

    “Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper, the husband and wife Cabinet ministers, “flipped” the designation of their second home to three different properties within the space of two years”.

    (2) Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper face probe after claiming more than £14,000 travel expenses for their children (Daily Mail, 7 March 2011).

  83. 83
    Balls Talk Balls says:

  84. 84
    Balls Talk Balls again says:

  85. 85
    Balls Talk Bollocks says:

  86. 86
    The two Eds are not better than none says:

  87. 87


    Can you sub me 900 quid please Len ?

    I ll pay you back with interest when I m in Number 11………… ..

  88. 88


    “slinking ” off ??

    Should nt that be ” sloping” off ??

  89. 89

    Yes but does any of this imbue one with even a scintilla of competence in running a national economy such that both its debt and its deficit are plus figures at the end of every fiscal year ?

    No . Thought not .

  90. 90
    manmountain says:

    anything less than a PhD in a hard science isn’t worth wiping the cat’s arse with. a PPE is about as significant as a TEFL.

  91. 91

    Look at the eyes …. demonic!!

  92. 92
    Matt says:

    good point

  93. 93
    Labour25 says:

  94. 94
    Chris Bryant is SCUM says:

    That’s what a pedophile would look like. I hope Chris Bryant get beaten, robbed, stripped naked and thrown to the nearest dump site by a gang of pro-Islamic fascist thugs because of his sexuality.

  95. 95

    The answer is not quite what you might think.

    One may not possess “even a scintilla of competence” without some necessary possession of logic. So in that sense you are not entirely correct here.

    Does the subject as a whole provide sufficient reason to have competence to run a national economy? No, of course not! Does maths pass that test? No! Does economics, as a subject, pass that test? No, amazingly! Does any single academic subject area pass that test? Well, no! All of them together, maybe, at the highest level of attainment? Still no!

    But to dismiss philosophy as a waste of time is as bad a mistake as to dismiss maths, economics or any other subject you can name. They all provide a necessary grounding but never a sufficient one.

    Vote UKIP :-D

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