August 1st, 2014

Ed’s Cousin: Miliband Family’s Comedy Genius

Meet Dr Mike Keen, an impressively moustachioed former police surgeon and GP who lives in Watford. He also happens to be the son of Ralph Miliband’s sister Anna, making him Ed Miliband’s cousin.

Here he is in an old family snap with the future Labour leader:

It turns out Mike got all the family’s funny genes. Judging by his Facebook, Ed’s cousin is a bit of a comedy genius with a penchant for un-PC jokes. Guido thinks he deserves a wider audience:

Guess we now know who keeps everyone entertained at family reunions…


160 Comments

  1. 1
    Spartacus says:

    Is this the Caption Competition?

  2. 2
    Cinna says:

    He sounds like a much better leader of the Labour Party than poor ol’ ED. However, he can’t be a socialist, or a leftie, as they have their humour removed at birth.

  3. 3
    Django says:

    I wonder if he votes Labour?

  4. 4
    Yew Tree says:

    nonce alert

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    He looks like David Axelrod.

  6. 6
    Hadley "Screaming Banshee" Freeman says:

    He is joking about male violence against women. THOUGHT CRIMINAL.

    Trigger warning. Calling Jessica Valenti.

    Privileged white male joking about violence. R4pe cutlure. Patriarchy keeping me down.

    Reported. Expect arrests.

    #Equalrights

  7. 7
    Ho,ho.ho. says:

    A normal member of the Miliband clan – whatever next?

  8. 8
    5 foot Poll says:

    What the fuck has this got to do with anything?

    Leave the guy alone.

  9. 9
    Selfinflicted says:

    Comic genius! He’d get my vote

  10. 10
    concrete pump says:

    It’s the warm up.

  11. 11
    FrankFisher says:

    No one’s having a pop are they? I like the trainer gag…

  12. 12
    Incontinental drify says:

    I just wet myself laughing.

  13. 13
    concrete pump says:

    It’s called kudos you plum..!

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    What a non-story.

  15. 15
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Get him on Question Time (no not Ed, Mike). :-)

  16. 16
    Commentator says:

    He is funnier that most of the entries into the caption competition. Much funnier than 8illy Kebab. Schrödinger’s cat is sometimes funnier but I don’t think he intends to be funny (see e.g. http://order-order.com/2013/02/03/read-guido-in-the-sun-today/#comment-1579849 – at first I thought it was an attempt at humor, but unfortunately the twat was being serious).

  17. 17
    Perse O'Nalley says:

    Heard most of them before. He’s just nicking them.

  18. 18
    Shooty* says:

    Sounds like a cool guy.

    Sadly, count the seconds to the outrage bus starting up, the deleted posts, the apology for using FB like a normal person and, depending on how Full-On-Leftie Ed is feeling, possibly the full David Kelly treatment…

  19. 19
    green blob says:

    1st of August – the silly season’s started.

  20. 20
    Slow News Day says:

    AKA Scraping the barrel

  21. 21
    Health & Safety says:

    What kind of dolt puts ornaments on their staircase?

  22. 22
    Slow News Day says:

    Although I am nicking the one about the trainer.

  23. 23
    Vote Tory, get unlimited immigration says:

    The bartender one was quite funny, if predictable.

  24. 24
    Tory Bare! says:

    He can count on my Vote!

  25. 25
    Bob cuntface Crow{Malaga} says:

    Heavy Metal running again today at Goodwood,get on it.

  26. 26

    Quite funny.

    Haven’t seen the bar joke in a while. G’old.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  27. 27
    Tory Bare! says:

    Probably Adopted – that would explain it…

  28. 28
    concrete pump says:

    I believe they’re owls….

  29. 29

    Those ornaments appear to be Owls.

    Perhaps the free ones Ed is going to dish out ?

    Vote UKIP :-D

  30. 30
    Skippy says:

    Finger on my trainer… Coffee everywhere!

  31. 31
    concrete pump says:

    Too slow bro….

  32. 32
    The two Muppets says:

    Well at least he has a proper job ,not like his cousin ,the dork .

  33. 33
    Jack Russell says:

    To be fair, anal cancer is funnier than 8illy Keb@b.

  34. 34

    That was true unintended comedy gold.

    How far will the T’reaty of R’ome get you today, in P’oland ?

    Vote UKIP :-D

  35. 35
    ClunkingMist says:

    Best stuff I’ve read on this blog for a long, long time

  36. 36
    Jack Russell says:

    :)

  37. 37

    Quicker on the send button – or you may be closer to the server.

    Fully conceded.

    But why would a police surgeon have a thing for Owls ? ;-)

    (Guardian of the dead…)

    Vote UKIP :-D

  38. 38
    Phone AxelBar says:

    Kin L.

    Labour would win the election with that bloke in charge.

  39. 39
    concrete pump says:

    Is it fluoride..?

  40. 40
    Mycroft says:

    So spaccer-ed and Bobby Ball are related!?!?!

  41. 41
    The two Muppets says:

    I doubt it ,he looks too intelligent .

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

    may it last

  43. 43
    The Establishment is infested with Nonces says:

    I would rather vote for him than vote for Ed. Those jokes were actually funny. Ed himself is a very bad joke indeed, and if he is PM next May, it will be an even worse joke on all of us…

  44. 44
    Frank says:

    A they are funny
    B don’t judge others by their skin colour or their relatives.

  45. 45
    kept away from Ralph says:

    Ralph did not know of him until he reached the age of twenty-five years.

  46. 46
    Holly says:

    Comedy genius.

  47. 47
    Fred says:

    A normal Miliband. Ed must be infuriated.

  48. 48
    Edinburgh Fringe says:

    Eds up here till sept 18th,Mike

  49. 49
    reporting to H&S says:

    The door in the picture looks a bit unhinged

  50. 50
    Pastimes says:

    1st of August. Happy “Yorkshire Day” to all in the Broad Acres (excluding Saviletown and Heaton/Manningham, obviously, where Ed is celebrated, unlike Donny where Eid prevails)

  51. 51
    Blades Supporter says:

    A Sheffield Wednesday fan? Well there had to be one somewhere …

  52. 52
    poking fun says:

    in the hole? Mike

  53. 53
    Man on a corner. says:

    Encore

  54. 54
    Man on a corner. says:

    Seems like all the positive genes went to the Ralph sister’s side of the family.
    Ed and his brother got the duds but make more money which shows the culture we live in.

  55. 55
    The Establishment Rules OK says:

    Here’s some Ed jokes for Dr. Mike:

    . Ed’s parents didn’t like him as a child. His bath toy was a toaster.

    . I’m not saying Ed is ugly, but when he was born the doctor slapped his mother.

    .When Ed’s father wanted sex, his mother would show him a picture of Ed.

    . When Ed played in the sandbox the cat kept covering him up.

    . Ed’s wife only has sex with him for a purpose. Last night she used him to time an egg.

  56. 56
    Jeremy Hardy says:

    He’s about a million times funnier than me!

  57. 57
    Big Momma says:

    I bet he has, and certainly will have, far more followers on Facebook than Red Ed.

  58. 58
    Toxic Toksvig says:

    But only 10 times funnier than me.

  59. 59
    Snake Oil Dave & Barry O'Bummer says:

    Another ceasefire anyone?

  60. 60

    Andy Slaughter MP isn’t exactly living on the ‘bread line':

    http://www.zoopla.co.uk/home-values/london/becklow-road/w12-9hh/

  61. 61
    Localtard says:

    So Ed *does* share some human genes, after all!

  62. 62
    Mike Handycock, Jimmy Savile, Max Clifford and Stuart Hall says:

    We liked the one about schoolgirl babysitter handcuffed to the bed

  63. 63
    VoteEdGetBalls says:

    Wow, this chap is brilliant. Where to begin?

    The video he posted on vaginal knitting (28 July) is quite a good place…

  64. 64
    David Cameron says:

    My values are J e w i s h values

  65. 65
    British Labour Broadcasting Corporation Employee says:

    If a Tory Or Ukipper posted like that on their pratbook/twatter accounts there would be such a massive storm of outrage that we’d be able to run anti-rightwing headlines for a week.

  66. 66
    Fatty Pang and his 7 Pensions says:

    Friday afternoon and space to fill

  67. 67
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Political Protests in Bristol.
    P is for Pal est ine.
    R is for Residents Parking.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/palestine-and-parking-protests-in-alliterative-clash-on-the-streets-of-bristol-9640808.html

  68. 68
    Dr Gordon Brown MP says:

    Where can I get some strobe lights ?

    Matron !

  69. 69
    It's The Way I Tell 'Em! says:

    So the liquor salesman, first day on his route, goes into “Mickey Monaghan’s Pub,” where he sees an Orthodox Joo cleaning up the place, getting it ready to open up. He asks to see Monaghan, the landlord.
    “Speaking,” says the Joo.
    “You must not have heard me correctly– I was asking for the landlord, Monaghan…”
    “SCHMENDRIK! I told you, I’M Monaghan!”
    They conduct their business, and as he’s leaving, the salesman says, “Not being a Nosy Parker here, but– how does a bloke like you come to have a name like ‘Mickey Monaghan’?”
    “Nu? Would YOU dr!nk at a boozer named ‘Moshe Mandelbaum’s’?”

  70. 70
    DK says:

    ‘Cock in the bacon slicer’ alike!

  71. 71
    Crap actor talks crap says:

    It’s a wingnut loon!

  72. 72

    The quality of propaganda is being strained…

    What credible news source would use ‘Sheeple’ ? Really…

    Vote UKIP :-D

  73. 73
    Crap actor talks crap says:

    The crowd applaud Cameron too.

  74. 74
    Global statesman? says:

    Lets talk about the Middle East Peace Envoy, oh, another non-story

  75. 75
    DK says:

    When are the BBC going to interview Hamas instead of some z list tory about IDF? FFS!!

  76. 76

    Point taken. But I see no football scarves…

    Very dedicated fan for such high quality Owl ornaments.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  77. 77
    Henny Lenry says:

    I’m funnier than all of you!

  78. 78
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Is that the Andy Slaughter of Crematorium to whom you refer?. Lots of money to be made in the funeral business.

  79. 79
    Norm Normal says:

    Why isn’t this guy on TV to replace some of those BBC ‘comedians’ who haven’t made anyone laugh in years.

  80. 80
    Anonymous says:

    Just goes to show, real people do real jobs.

    Weirdos like Ed do weird jobs – PR, bloggers, politics

  81. 81
  82. 82
    Anonymous says:

    Not my house…….don’t make assumptions!

  83. 83
    Norm Normal says:

    Bang, hiss, crack, boom, ratatatatat, boom, bang, screech, thud……did someone say ceasefire?

  84. 84
    Norm Normal says:

    Well you wouldn’t find me voting for or shaking hands with anyone who has I s l a m i c J i h a d values, you never know when they are going to spontaneously explode, kidnap someone or hijack your flight.

  85. 85
    Dee says:

    So he was a police surgeon? As a woman, those attitudes are of no surprise. Nothing has changed much since his day, either.

  86. 86
    Anonymous says:
  87. 87

    Vote UKIP :-D

  88. 88
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Over 20,000 deaths and 100,000 birth defects in Iraq as a result of the US ziomilitary using depleted fluoride shells!

  89. 89
    Norm Normal says:

    Bang, whoosh, crack, thump, ratatatatat, boom, crash, whizz……..did someone say ceasefire?

  90. 90
    Dangerous Brian says:

    You mean they let the rest of the family in as well?

  91. 91
    Jesus says:

    Really? I think women are a lot gobbier now. And you’re boobs got rounder. Whatever happened to pointy boobs?

  92. 92
    Jesus says:

    your *sigh*

  93. 93
    Eadon says:

    Labour should hire this guy as Leader, those are laugh-out funny jokes!

  94. 94
    Dr Mike Keen says:

    Thanks, Eadon, I have absolutely no political aspirations, I leave that to my cousins!

  95. 95
    Peter Cook says:

    Agreed – the guy’s a legend. If laughter is the best medicine then give Dr Mike Keen the Nobel Prize!

  96. 96
    Dr Mike Keen says:

    Only the biting sarcasm and irony is mine….all else is nicked.
    To whom it may concern……i was actually a very sensitive Police Surgeon especially when it came to interacting with, and the obtaining of forensic samples from raped women and men…..so don’t make assumptions based on a quirky sense of humour and a total lack of knowledge about the being behind
    that sense of humour. Black humour is one way of surviving huge emotional trauma which I and my Police colleagues endured on a repetitive basis without recourse to counselling to offload the nightmarish scenarios we faced…..just sayin………so don’t judge a book by its cover….also nicked but appropriate!

  97. 97
    lojolondon says:

    I agree this guy is quite funny – most people would at least listen to him, but the Liebour party would hate him and he wouldn’t last a second.

    This is why Liebour hate and fear Boris in equal measure – because he has a ‘personality’ – yet they insist in choosing gormless PC twats like Kinnock, Brown, Milipede, Harperson etc. and wonder why they keep losing.

  98. 98
    lojolondon says:

    Easy question – on the Biased BBC, it is perfectly acceptable to insult people as long as they are : Conservatives. Anyone else is a minority, so NOT fair game.

  99. 99
    lojolondon says:

    Classic – give her something to howl about!

  100. 100
    The Growler says:

    He is funnier than Mark and Rich, maybe Geedes could make an offer to him!!

  101. 101
    The Sun Still Shines says:

    :)

  102. 102
    The Growler says:

    The Dave and Gideon stitchup

  103. 103
    The Growler says:

    They once had B’Liar or had you forgotten, and look where that got them

  104. 104
    Jesus says:

    Don’t worry, the only assumption being made is that you’re a top bloke who actually contributes a great deal to society.

    We also like the moustache.

  105. 105
    The two Muppets says:

    I think that he is going to be more popular than Miliplonker .
    He will have to watch that he is not stabbed in the back after all
    he is family .

  106. 106
    The Growler says:

    If you had been a police surgeon, you would have developed a the bante similar to Mike’s or you would have been driven by mad the nasties you would have seen in your work.

  107. 107
    Cancer says:

    So am i

  108. 108
    The Growler says:

    It’s a pity the days of the Northern clubs are over, he would be making a fortune.

  109. 109
    Ebola says:

    I’m funniest.

  110. 110
    The Growler says:

    Peace Envoy did you say, he is not doing a very good job is he, who is the idiot?

  111. 111
    everyone says:

    Oh do fuck off.

  112. 112
    The Ghost of Bernard Manning says:

    He’s nicked my entire repertoire ;-)

  113. 113
    The Growler says:

    Don’t be silly the silly season has been with us since 2005

  114. 114
    Eadon says:

    It’s really sad day when we blokes feel compelled to justify cracking an off-colour joke or two. If you crack a joke, never apologise. If the kill-joys can’t deal with it, that’s their problem! The greatest source of misery is are not jokes, but the cold hand of political correctness. If one cannot laugh, then what’s the point?

  115. 115
    The Growler says:

    Down boy, down !!!!

  116. 116
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    The guy is a gem. Make him leader of liebor instead of the twat they have now.

  117. 117
    Winston says:

    Guido’s pathetic attacks on the Miliband, and now his family, are counter productive. We all know he’s getting his instructions from Tory CO, so it just reads as Tory dirty tricks and personal attacks.

  118. 118
    'Dr' Mike Handcock says:

    Dear Dr Mike Keen,
    I am very misunderstood, too.

  119. 119
    Dr Mike Keen says:

    As for the stairs…..they are not mine, the owls are not mine, the house is not mine….the family is mine! Would it really matter if they were, would it change your inaccurate assumptions about me…..your problem…owls….not mine you poor ochlophobic……maybe you’d like to talk about this irrational fear??

  120. 120
    Cardinal Biggles says:

    I try to forget. Unfortunately hundreds of thousands of dead and tens of billions of pounds down the toilet make it impossible.

  121. 121

    The moustache IS mine…..are there any pogonophobics out there as well….God forbid you should be ochlophobic as wel!!

  122. 122
    widescreen2010 says:

    If that really is you – well done, sir!
    Even PCs are too PC these days…

  123. 123
    Fashion gaff says:

    The wig goes on the head, not under the nose.

  124. 124
    Ed says:

    Mike, could you just stop now?

  125. 125
    Cristina Elisabet Fernández de Kirchner says:

    laugh … I nearly repaid all the outstanding bonds owed by Argentina

  126. 126
    RichUpNorth says:

    Get him on the telly!

  127. 127
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Funny that – i only mentioned Mel Brooks last night and this blog pops up!!!

  128. 128
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    The value has depleted. BTW EYBW @ 1:39 pm Imposter. i was at work.

  129. 129
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    On that score – you call all other western news sources credible do you … FAIL eupet.

  130. 130
    Charlie says:

    Why are members of the Labour Party complaining about Ed as their leader. I am going to have to put with him for the rest of my life!

  131. 131
    Free the rolf one says:

    Actually there was some really good shit in that lot. May use it myself when I back on the stage.

  132. 132

    I hadn’t heard of his past employment in the inhumation field… or is that the same as being a personal injury solicitor?

  133. 133

    This man is a freaking game changer !!

    His jokes are so good Bob Monkhouse (R I P ) would have stolen them were
    he still alive !

    Why the hell doesn t SillyMillie buy beg steal or borrow them before they go on twitter so he can throw them at Cameron at PMQ s??

    This would be an election winner no probs !!

  134. 134

    THE STAIR PHOTO SAYS

    Seriously …. The Marx Brothers ….Groucho and Harpo …
    ( aka Flywheel Scheister and Flywheel Attorneys at Law)

    and BTW — what s that on the stair tread ? an owl ..??!!!

  135. 135

    RussellBrand up forMayor if London ???!!

    Oris it Owen Jones ? Or both as a job share !!!!??

  136. 136

    Yeah ..

    Get him onto ” The Dufus Quiz” … or ” Have I Got Snooze for You”

    He could replace Toksic and Outslop respectively.

  137. 137
    Baracco Barner says:

    Odd! The Miliband gene produces electable leaders and the Labour Party chooses the unelectable one.

  138. 138

    Well… on reflection …. I suppose the same people who call the MSM presstitutes .

    Be aware I am stating a possible fact not a personal opinion.

  139. 139

    “Lock” of years since Midnight Cowboy Jon .

    The only film I ever paid to see TWICE.
    Still the years have treated you kindly .
    You still look the part and you are the proud father of at least one gorgeous and successful daughter –Mrs Brad Pitt !

    How s your old mucker Dustin ( Ratzo Rizzo) Hoffman making out ?

  140. 140

    I suppose that cartoon is another version of the joke about a woman asking her doctor if she is only “slightly” pregnant …

  141. 141

    The facts perhaps speak for themselves, and only themselves ;-)

    Vote UKIP :-D

  142. 142
    Escaped city boy says:

    I remember Mike from med school – good am-dram actor and top bloke.
    None of us is responsible for their in-laws so give him a break!
    (Good jokes by the way, Mike – thank you)

  143. 143
    Phucumall says:

    Can I book this guy for my Mums 95th birthday party

  144. 144
    Dr Mike Keen says:

    Thank you for the support and your kind words. email me if you want to reestablish contact ‘cos I don’t know who the hell you are and it’s bugging me!
    docmike.keen@gmail.com

  145. 145

    Looks like he would not vote for his cousin

  146. 146
    A Droyd says:

    Sounds like any typical police surgeon to me.

  147. 147
    Cockadeafun says:

    I wonder if they’ll try to get him put away?

  148. 148
    mandyUNO says:

    He reminds me of Groucho Marx. Wasn’t he a friend of Putin?

  149. 149
    mandyUNO says:

    Him and Bernard Manning – what a double act for the Northern Clubs – Labour’s Heartlands.

  150. 150
    FeeltheGreek says:

    What the fella with all those houses, and pots of money?

  151. 151
    FeeltheGreek says:

    2005 ? Don’t you mean since 1997 ?

  152. 152

    Fantastic gags ,funny.could you imagine labour supporting millionaire comics like Izzard or Jo brand telling gags like those ? No! Why ? Cos they are unfunny performers who can’t act daft

  153. 153
    Kim Novak says:

    Sorry Dr Keen, but they’ve all got whiskers on, though your banned for llife from the gym joke is merely an up-date of the ‘I’ve been banned from Tescos for life’ gag, about the guy who’s advised by his doctor to spice up his sex life by shagging his wife wherever the mood takes him.

  154. 154
    Dr Mike Keen says:

    I’ve already ‘fessed up that they were all nicked….so don’t waste your time, already!

  155. 155
    A doctor writes says:

    Hats off to you, if it really is you!

    And I agree that off colour humour is a very useful defence me hanism in many professions. It doesn’t always travel well outside though!

  156. 156
    A doctor writes says:

    Is the whole owl thing some Miliband family in-joke?

    If so, then I am looking forward to my free owl!

  157. 157
    Bob cuntface Crow{Malaga} says:

    Fuck the middle east ,its been nice having something lighthearted to read for a change.

  158. 158

    Rail Freight Intermodal Terminals is a co-business of iPort Doncaster UK. iPort Doncaster is a largest business ever UK.

    Visit Once Please
    Warehouse Doncaster | iPort, Doncaster, UK

  159. 159
    RWG says:

    I know a forensic surgeon, he told my some stories…

    EEEEEEEEEEWUUUUUUUWWW!

  160. 160
    Anonymous says:

    Here’s one.

    How do you get a man to change a light bulb?

    Answer: You get him to go to the light bulb shop first.

    How do you get a woman to change a light bulb?

    Answer: You get the man to go to the light bulb shop then he gives the
    woman the light bulb to put in …………………..

    Needs some work.

    He’s as funny as a lanced boil.


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Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

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