July 22nd, 2014

Grumbles at the Dave’s BBQ

“No10 summer barbecue last night – cross between a wake (sacked and overlooked) and a stag party (or hen party!) for newly promoted” tweeted Mark Pritchard this morning. While Dave has enjoyed a spectacular turn around in party unity over the last year, there are some jolly bruised members either still on the backbenches, or unwillingly back there. How was the PM’s small talk, Guido asked a few Tory MPs. “Sheepish” says one. “Haughty” said another. Happy holidays!


  1. 1
    Lord Wellard of No Apologies says:

    Dave’s problem is that, like Blair, no one will respect him once he’s finished.

  2. 2
  3. 3
    He probably didn't eat any Pork says:

  4. 4
    Yvonne from the Colliers Arms Clydach says:

    In my experience if you start cooking beef burgers wearing a white cotton shirt you are heading for trouble.

  5. 5
    The Badger in the Parlour says:

    How was the PM’s small talk, Guido asked a few Tory MPs.

    “Sheepish” says one. Says another, “Dozy Dave milked it for what it was worth. He talked a lot of bull, and they were all understandably cowed”.

  6. 6
    Heston Bloomenjoo says:

    We did a special ‘Signature’ Twat burger for the event they were £39.00 each just like Iain’s breakfast

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Troll didn’t get fed?

  8. 8
    Googlies says:

    I will, he had the courage to take on the job of clearing up labours mess.
    Labour obviously want to wait until there is money in the coffers that they can steal. Deliberately losing with the current labour front bench!

  9. 9
    derp Blustering Wheezes says:

    Keep up the good work minion, would you like a Scooby snack?

  10. 10
    Daveykins, your friend in number 10 says:

    I love the smell of BBQ former cabinet minister in the morning

  11. 11
  12. 12
    Pervert Watch says:

    jolly bruised members?

  13. 13
    SamCam says:

    Hm mm

  14. 14
    N.Evans says:

    Careful now, strangely attractive stranger…

  15. 15
    Nick Clegg says:

    For the burger
    540g/1lb 3oz minced beef chuck steak
    25g/1oz chopped coriander
    1 onion, chopped
    1 tbsp Dijon mustard
    1 free-range egg yolk
    1 tbsp olive oil
    salt and freshly ground black pepper
    To serve
    4 slices mature Cheddar
    4 tbsp mayonnaise
    ½ iceberg lettuce, shredded
    4 ciabatta rolls
    1 red onion, sliced
    1 beef tomato, sliced
    Preparation method
    Place all the burger ingredients in a mixing bowl and stir to combine. Using your hands, shape into four equal-sized patties.
    Preheat the grill to hot. Cook the burgers under the grill for 15 minutes, or until cooked through, turning once.
    Top each burger with a slice of cheese towards the end of the cooking time.
    Before serving, mix together the mayonnaise and lettuce. Cut the ciabatta rolls in half and toast under the grill on both sides.
    Top the bottom halves of the ciabatta rolls with the lettuce and mayonnaise, followed by a slice of tomato.
    Arrange the burger and cheese on top of the ciabatta, followed by a slice of red onion. Top each burger with the other halves of the ciabatta rolls and serve.

  16. 16
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Scroungers, Parasites, Criminals, Layabouts & other Wasters says:

    Bring back the workhouse for all these parasites. I’m sick of paying so much tax.

  17. 17
    Ghost of Lady Thatcher says:


    You sacked the only principled Conservatives your cabinet, Gove and Patterson to appease the Blob, and promoted Wimmin hoping you could do a Blair and count on their lack of other career options to guarantee their loyalty to you.

    you are playing Neville Chamberlain to Boris’ Churchill.

  18. 18
    Pervert Watch says:

    Did I make a fist of it?

  19. 19
    Beef curtains says:

    Yet another article on FGM in the Telegraph that doesn’t mention the perps once!

    We must protect the victims of FGM, says Theresa May


  20. 20
    Ellie-Mae (9) says:

    Dear Nick, when you get that job at MacDonalds, you will discover that these are not the ingredients you are looking for. Just take ball of mince, fling at wall, if it sticks, remove from wall and grill…don’t forget the “Have a Nice Day” bit…you really must practice.

  21. 21

    Just an FYI: We are in a J’uly crisis of sorts, 100 years since the last one:


    Vote UKIP :-D

  22. 22
    Chef Top Tip says:


    Always keep a bottle of your jizz to hand.

    Just in case Nick Clegg walks in to eat and you can’t get it up.

  23. 23
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Ed Miliband knows that eating burgers whilst wearing a white shirt is a recipe for disaster, especially when the press are there to record his efforts.

  24. 24
    Edward Snowden, The Guardian's hero says:

    At least he’ll not be appearing at The Hague in 20 or so years time.

  25. 25
    Edward Snowden, The Guardian's hero says:

    Vote UK – they just don’t like it. :)

  26. 26
    David Blanchflower says:

    It will be at least Q4 2016 before we see another July.

  27. 27
    concrete pump says:

    It’s called ‘chef’s special sauce’.

  28. 28

    “Should the Tory Party suspend taking donations from companies owned by Russians.”

    [lord cashcroft of selize. he really said this]

  29. 29
    Lord Wellard of No Apologies says:

    He’s taken it on alright, but he’s still spending far more than he’s taking in taxes – stealing money from Brits who aren’t even born yet. He’s done nothing useful about the huge amount of immigration that continues to blight the quality of life of native Britons and dilute British culture and values. Over and above that, he’s continued to welch and prevaricate on the democratic right of the people to express their view on Britain’s membership of the EU and the nonsense we have to put up with from an overly activist judiciary that gold plates and extends ECHR laws, again, against the will of the people. Dave is nothing but a careerist middle-of-the-road opportunist.

  30. 30
    Maqb­oul says:

    He’s heading for even more trouble wearing that UKIP tie.

  31. 31
    Max Miller says:

    Pour it on BW’s head. Good duffing you gave him last night.

  32. 32
    Carlo Gambino says:

    Maybe when they’ve come up with a second policy.

    I quite like the first one though.

  33. 33
    Red Len says:

    As opposed to Russian controlled Unions.

  34. 34
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    Unfortunately Nick you will have to work your way up to a 5* MacDonald’s General which takes applying agreed principles. This could be beyond your abilities.

  35. 35
    Diane Hugebott says:

    Any Whaleburgere going?

  36. 36
    Red Len says:

    Yup, he will have been crying in his bedsit all morning.

  37. 37
    Carlo Gambino says:

    Blimey – you must be the only person that’s ever come on here and believed Cam the Sham.

    Go and sit on the gullible f*ckwit stool.

  38. 38
    Vote Tory, get unlimited immigration. says:

    True up to a point; he had the courage to take on the job of clearing up Labour’s mess, but then he decided it was too difficult and so he chose to sit back and legalise gay marriage, instead. Meanwhile, the national debt doubled, immigration increased, and our EU contributions increased, too, the wheels of government fell off and the economy bumped long at the bottom for four years.

  39. 39
    Nigel Evans landlord of the Wrinkly Scrotum says:

    I like to call it ‘Cream of Sumyungguy’

  40. 40
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Shoot most leaders now and people would applaud. A very few exceptions.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  41. 41
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    The trick is to see which side the Germans join, and fight on the other.

  42. 42
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    Isn’t Putin funding antifracking campaigns across Europe?

  43. 43
    I take you'll want fries with that says:

    No Diane, just have 14 of the ordinary ones as usual.

  44. 44

    Dave, burning while MPs fiddle……

  45. 45

    So, in short:

    Vote UKIP :-D

  46. 46

    As demonstrated in 1914, shooting leaders does not necessarily fix problems particularly if they are key to keeping peace.

    That is perhaps why R’ussia are resisting the temptation at present – but they may revert to type again soon. Maybe eyes on F’rance, especially if H’ollande rightly decides to deviate on the warship deal.

    Vote UKIP :-D

  47. 47

    Forced fun is no fun

  48. 48
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Brilliant. Just brilliant Jimmy.

    If you only weren’t such a dull, unfunny, hypocritical lefty twat people on here might start to take notice of your amazing posts.

    How’s that Middle East peace envoy getting along? You know, your hero the warmonger.

  49. 49
    Jimmy says:

    Made an excellent speech yesterday, a domestic tour d’horizon if you will. You should definitely look it up

  50. 50
    Sovietsalami63 says:

    Sovietsalami63 here ,
    the United States and Britain is now going to pay for the. Romanov Murders .

  51. 51
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Sorry but I’m too busy watching paint dry. Care to summarise for me?

  52. 52
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Are now going to pay.

    Now kindly fuck off you fucking mong.

  53. 53
    Realist says:

    You were doing ok, until you mentioned “Boris’s Churchill”. Oh dear, he’s got you fooled has he?. Just start thinking a little.

  54. 54
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    No sane person ever respected Blair or Cameron!

  55. 55

    Grilled Bacon Butties, ennit?

  56. 56

    What a pillock the man is . No sense of occasion .

    Barbecue night . End of term . Time for in his favourite phrase “chillaxing” and what does he wear ? Polo shirt ? Chinos ? Slip ons ?

    No chance . Uptight buttoned shirt and tie even though he s clearly sweating his bollox off .

    Oh and BTW –did we the taxpayer fund the meats and the “quaff” — no change there then …

  57. 57

    So if you want to protect them “Mother” Teresa why did you let those two little innocent girls be deported to Nigeria two months ago to have that very thing done to them . ?

    How would you like it if your twat was “redesigned” and you had no say in the matter .

    Craven hypocrite!

  58. 58

    Yeah but on thus one let s be fair .

    Ed Milli has clearly delivered the pre emptive knock out blow in the crass idiocy “steaks” by his attempted consumption of a bacon sarnie .

    They will photoshop that image onto his resignation letter if he loses the election.

  59. 59

    They have had over four years in power to deal with FGM but lets get tough with it when we should be standing off the Russian President under threat of WW3.

  60. 60

    S’all under control Carlo . We re getting him ready for the final mix of slurry that will finish the last pillar on the New Jersey Turnpike as we speak , capo….

  61. 61

    Bit harsh — but fair comment on the new intake of “Stepford High Fives”

  62. 62

    OK Cleggers you and your catering team can knick it on the head now and piss off half an hour early as all the washing and bottlewashing looks as if it s been done .

    My man will pay you in folding Scottish Pound Notes as we agreed. Come to the tradesman s entrance at 10 o’clock will you …

  63. 63

    sorry bout the misspellings answer went of its own accord pre spellcheck…

  64. 64
    william dampier says:

    Its a wipe clean shirt used at such events inc feeding babies lol

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