July 18th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Silent But Deadly Edition)


  1. 1
    Havocman says:

    “Look, Ed, I only suggested you actually meet a few working class people”.

  2. 2
    Havocman says:

    Ed B’s suggestion of wife swapping with Ed M didn’t go down too well.

  3. 3
    andie99uk says:

    David, get that knob out of my face
    Sorry, Ed, but he’s your choice for chancellor

  4. 4
    BBC 24hr Rolling Bollocks says:

    Ed smelt it Harman dealt it

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Miliband: “was that you or Harperson just drop one?”

  6. 6
    Ed Miliband says:

    Can I smell balls or is it his feet?

  7. 7
    Pedantic & Irritable Sod says:

    Did you drop that one Ed?

  8. 8
    Steve Miliband says:

    was it the Owl?

  9. 9
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Ed B to Ed M:

    Have you got rotten pilchards in your pocket or has Harriet just queefed?

  10. 10
    Wah wah pedal says:

    Either Bercow’s shit himself or Hattie’s on LBC again..

  11. 11
    peter sharp says:

    Uncle Ed, please make those nasty boys and girls from the posh school up the road stop it. They’re always laughing at me!

  12. 12

    “Don’t cry. You can be Shadow Minister for Social Awkwardness when Yvette takes over.”

  13. 13
    Rab C Nesbitt says:

    Shut yer legs Harriet Doll.
    Ah hate ra smell o PIE in ra mornin.

  14. 14
    Tom says:

    Vindaloo last night was it?

  15. 15
    concrete pump says:

    Sorry Ed, that’s the bacon sandwich.

  16. 16
    Colin McLeod says:

    Fuck…. have you been on the cabbage again?

  17. 17
    Owhine Jones says:

    ‘Fancy a cheese sandwich?’

  18. 18
    Fruitcake, swivel eyed loon, closet racist, crank and gadfly says:

    We are shit.

  19. 19
    Shooty* says:


  20. 20
  21. 21

    Ed Balls: Guess where my hands are?

  22. 22
    Whiffler says:

    “Hattie expects to be Deputy PM !?!?”

  23. 23
    NO SEATS NIGEL says:

    wish i could get a lovely green seat like that

  24. 24
  25. 25
    south7eventh says:

    ‘Don’t ever make me suck nettles before PMQs again!’

  26. 26
    Bug says:

    Fancy a bacon sandwich?

  27. 27
    Ed Miliband says:

    I was all like duh and he was like duh and I was like Duh!

  28. 28
    Tom says:

    You’re sure Hattie has been fracking methane gas? ITS true !!!

  29. 29
    Ed says:

    “What the fuck with you? I only said imagine shagging Harriet”

  30. 30
    Arse finder says:

    ed “That wasn’t me is was my arse!”
    ed “who are you calling arse – arse?”
    ed “If it looks like an arse, smells like and arse then you are an arse”

  31. 31
    Foxy says:

    Balls: “shall we bring your brother back Ed?”

  32. 32
    Fart-Ed says:

    Better out than in that’s what I say

  33. 33
    Julian The Wonderhorse says:

    The one who deficit denied it, supplied it

  34. 34
    Iain Duncan Smith says:

    Ed Balls “Fancy bumsex with Owen Jones?”

  35. 35
    Have you shit yourself? says:

  36. 36
    Kind Ed says:

    It’s all right we’ll scrag him in the playground afterwards.

  37. 37
    Surrey man in scuba gear to get to computer says:

    Christ, how long’s Gove been in there now?

  38. 38
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband: For fucks sake Ed, lay off the homemade Lasagna.

  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    Deny it all you like Mili, but Steph definitely told me she preferred Ed’s Balls.

  40. 40
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Too fart too fast.

  41. 41
    concrete pump says:

    Do you want to see Margaret Beckett’s holiday swimsuit photos.?

  42. 42
    forgotten man says:

    Didn’t smell until you arrived.

  43. 43
    Rickytshirt says:

    Look Ed, if you don’t want to come out for a pint and bacon sandwich, just say.

  44. 44
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Giving a Dalek a handjob was one thing but even geeky Ed found it hard to swallow the Ejaculate…Ejaculate….Ejaculate!

  45. 45
    Ed Moribund says:

    Sorry. Been doing the ‘Green’ energy policies.

    They look nice, but they really, really stink.

  46. 46
    M says:

    “Warn me when you release an economic policy”

  47. 47
    Russ says:

    ED B…”Are you sure it wasn’t chicken?”
    ED M…”No definitely bacon!”

  48. 48
    Penfold says:

    Eddy….I’ve done a widdle.

  49. 49
    Denier_Supplier says:

    Let that be a warning to you, Ed about the dangers of ‘Confidence and Supply’.

  50. 50

    Ed M: “Not another pint of bitter and bacon sarnie for lunch!”

    Balls: “What? I thought you had a seat up North. Oh, I see, you meant North London”

  51. 51
    John N. says:

    The things I have to do. That burger was DISGUSTING!!

  52. 52
    T dog says:

    Ed McMuffin for breakfast

  53. 53
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Hey, Mili..when you were Gordon’s bag carrier did you ever have to give him a sponge bath?

  54. 54
    Ed Miliband says:

    Forget the middle It’s the squeezed bottom that worries me.

  55. 55
    Bill Quango MP says:

    We’re going to have rename these green benches a different colour.

  56. 56
    Drummond Base says:

    “Harriet’s let rip again”

  57. 57
    verticalwater says:

    Balls:- “For fuck sake Ed. who are we siding with”?

  58. 58
    Gromit says:

    That one must have set a benchmark, Wallace!

  59. 59
    The silent one says:

    Wensleydale Ed?

  60. 60
    The Wrong Miliband says:

    Now I know how Nick feels – I did so want to be a Prime Minister one day.

  61. 61
    The Growler says:


  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Come on Mr.Balls even i can’t come up with something that daft

  63. 63
    Stu says:

    Not in here Ed you’ll have to wait a few minutes.

  64. 64
    Ockham's Razor says:

    That’s even worse than Gordon’s.

  65. 65
    Stinks says:

    The CSA inquiry Terms Of Reference document has entered the room.

  66. 66

    “Why are you crying?”
    “They’re STILL calling me weird.”

  67. 67
    Ed Sillyband says:

    “There’s this new invention, Ballsy– it’s called ‘mouthwash’– you may wish to try it, after you’ve downed a few Scotches!”

  68. 68
    Jack K says:

    *The Eds*: “Harriet there’s kicking up a stink and then there’s this! Eesh!”

    *HH*: “Don’t worry gents, my “gas” is progressive and hits the richest hardest, the common folk won’t even get a whiff…”

  69. 69
    Cam. Ambert says:

    God Ed! Your cock is so cheesy.

  70. 70
    nasal ed says:

    ooooof Blinker, I’ve told you to stop cooking Lasagne on a Tuesday night

  71. 71
    Double Agent says:

    “I’m telling you, the best Top Trumps series is Battleships by far”

    “No waaaaaaay. Tanks (series 2).”

  72. 72
    Corry O'Lanus says:

    Balls “Should we bring some useless birds in too?”
    Pede “FFS ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ working class scouser types??!!”

  73. 73

    Not the only bad smell in Westminister

  74. 74
    E says:

    Ok both Ed’s. Show us your cum faces

  75. 75
    Anonymous says:

    “My God, that’s strikingly similar to Yvette’s orgasm face.”

  76. 76
    Ian Bart says:

    EdB, “Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into. UMM”
    EdM crying…..

  77. 77
    fhip says:

    Paraphrasing the three coppers defence whilst lying their arses off in front of the plebgate select committee “she said what she said but she didn’t say what she did say”

  78. 78
    Was prodding cloth.. says:

    Can we open a window please Mr Sthpeaker, Ed’s followed through..

  79. 79
    Anonymous says:

    Is that our 2015 Manifesto I can smell….

  80. 80

    I din’t know what stinks more Ed, what comes out of her arse or her mouth.

  81. 81
    Oh, really? says:

    “Was that you, Ed?” “Yes, Ed, I am afraid it was. My media preparedness team had me practising eating bacon sandwiches all morning and I think I just shat myself.”

  82. 82
    Jim Halpern says:

    Miliband goes from out of touch to touching cloth.

  83. 83
    Winston says:

    Helen Goodman…would you?

  84. 84
    Everard says:

    ” The Tory policies make you sit and think ”

    ” Yes, and the bacon butties makes you shit and stink! “

  85. 85
    Everard says:

    ” Your speech was very moving, ….. bowel moving “

  86. 86
    geordieboy says:

    One thing you will win Ed is a Gurning Contest, all you need is the horse collar.

  87. 87
    The Critic says:

    So let me get this straight – your plan is to vault the dispatch box and give Cameron a karate chop whilst putting on your scary face?

    That won’t make you PM though.Come to think of it,neither will anything else

  88. 88
    Anonymous says:

    Have You Got a kleenex Ed that woman
    makes me cry!!

  89. 89
    Maimed Codger says:

    I can’t quite put my finger on what’s wrong…

  90. 90
    Nick H says:

    Really, the public don’t like me?”

  91. 91
    Mike Wilkinson says:

    “Harriet’s only gone and dropped a bomb again”….

  92. 92
    LabourNutter says:

    No more tory fume and gust.

  93. 93
    Carney Easing says:

    It was terrible, the bacon wasn’t kosher and there wasn’t any hummus or halloumi. Do they really live on that stuff.

  94. 94
    Mother Duck says:

    “Ed, I need to leave early; I’m touching cloth”

  95. 95
    Bloke says:

    ‘…and that’s what it will be like Up North if we allow fracking…’

  96. 96
    Scouse tory loser says:

    Did that dopey bitch HH really say that!

  97. 97
    The Anglo Saxon says:

    Harriet’s dropping hints again that she wants Grimsby as her next seat.

  98. 98
    Midge says:

    It’s MY party, and I’ll cry if I want to…

  99. 99
    2Eds are worse than 0 says:

    EdM: Your economics stinks!

    EdB: It’s not to be sniffed at.

  100. 100
    Grommitt says:

    Well I was going to bum you tonight but not now you have shat yourself!

  101. 101
    2Eds are worse than 0 says:

    “Golly, the stench of union power is disgusting.”

  102. 102
    Steve says:

    If you’re gonna blow it out your arse Ed … in future make sure it goes in the Government direction

  103. 103
    Vote Dave? Get stuffed says:

    Ed M: No I wasn’t looking at your wife’s bum the other day.

  104. 104
    Vote Dave? Get stuffed says:

    Do our policies stink that much?

  105. 105
    Another Headshrinker says:

    Either Harriet has eaten a shit sandwich, or she’s talking shit again!

  106. 106
    Vote Tory get Turkey says:

    We need an expensive air-purifier system in here. I know we will use the bankers’ bonus tax to pay for it. It pays for all our other spending commitments.

  107. 107
    howdi says:

    To think we both had Stephanie,and now we’ve ended married to the fugly sisters.

  108. 108
    AndyF says:

    Balls: The internet has finally discovered that you look like Mrs Tweedy from ‘Chicken Run’

  109. 109
    Tom says:

    Ed M: the one who smelt it dealt it.
    Ed B: the one who denied it supplied it.

  110. 110
    Anonymous says:

    looks like weare in the s*** again mate !

  111. 111
    Spon says:

    I hear Obama’s stocking up on Bacon Butties for your power breakfast!

  112. 112
    Paul Bishop says:

    How did you get so far with that gag reflax

  113. 113
    Mycroft says:

    EB to EM…

    That was a follow through wasn’t it!

  114. 114
    Fruitcake, swivel eyed loon, closet racist, crackpot, crank and gadfly says:


  115. 115
    Guido Fawkes, the last man to enter Parliament with honest intent. says:

    Don’t cry Eddy.
    But that nasty Cameron Major just did an eggy one in my face.

  116. 116
    geordieboy says:

    Havn’t heard from UKIP since Newark by election.

  117. 117
    Red Ed the allmighty says:

    Is that the sweet smell of success ?

  118. 118
    Giveusaprizewhydoncha says:

    Balls: “You really do need help Ed…weirdo…”

  119. 119
    Peter A Bell says:

    Don’t mention Johann! http://i.imgur.com/E75fZtf.jpg

  120. 120
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Ed Miliband – Jesus Christ who dropped that one.
    Ed Balls – It was either Emily Thornberry or Diane Abbott, I heard they both went out for curry last night.

  121. 121
    Harry Krishna says:

    No I don’t want Margaret Becketts phone number!!

  122. 122
    Ed U Cation says:

    Deadhead Ed: I’ve an idea, why don’t we just come clean with the Electorate and say that “whoever is in power next, there’ll have to be Tax Rises and Spending Cuts”?
    Red Ed: Don’t be silly, then there’ll be absolutely no reason for people to vote Labour, as all they know we can do is Spend, Spend, Spend!

  123. 123
    Anonymous says:

    Ed, please don’t tell me unemployment is down again and the economy is growing strongly – it makes my cry.

  124. 124
    Easy easy says:

    Ed Balls : “Eleventy?”

  125. 125
    bogtrott says:

    I told you not to have the sprouts and the bitter in the restaurant earlier today.Balls

  126. 126
    Ken Kennford says:

    ED1 – How can we stop the bad smell?
    ED2 – We could setup local groups to address this serious issue to the quality of life for people
    ED1 – We could call them “Forum to Address the Release of Terrible Gas Omissions”
    Ed2 FARTGO I like it – How do we fund them
    ED1 – Bankers Bonus Tax?

  127. 127
    Alexei Romanov says:

    I know farting is good for you but that’s honking!

  128. 128
    Froggie says:

    And I said to this weirdo “F off Taffy

  129. 129
    cecil rhodes says:

    Sorry Ed, It’s all that champagne and caviar. .

  130. 130
    MayfairMagFan says:

    That stinks, David!

  131. 131
    Ed Balls says:

    It’s not that I am dying for a shit, but the first inch and a half is stone cold.

  132. 132
    Ed Balls says:

    A whiff of my new improved endogenous growth theory will soon sort out the doubters!

  133. 133
    Ed Balls says:

    Did you just follow through?

  134. 134
    Ed Balls says:

    Karl Marx or Skid Marx?

  135. 135
    David laws lib dem fiddler says:

    What have you eaten?

  136. 136
    Vinny says:

    One of the Eds, it doesn’t really matter which one:

    “The stench of our hypocrisy has reached an all time high thanks to this Tory government.”

  137. 137
    Llareggub says:

    Did you fart before Ms Harman? But I did not know it was her turn.

  138. 138
    Lord Fondleboys says:

    FFS Bally have you been rimming Gay Gordon again? Phewoooar!!

  139. 139
    Rightallalong says:

    Just face it Ed ! The Tories are creating jobs.

  140. 140

    “No one dresses for PMQ’s in a Coalition tie.”

  141. 141
    Robbie says:

    So is it a double date night tonight?

  142. 142

    Milli: Jeez Ed I know you like to let one go sometimes but that was gross . Even Harriet will be overcome by the fumes!

    Balls : Wasn t me this time –honest! Must have been Diane from the backbenches.

    Milli: I knew I should have backed the Recall Bill.

  143. 143
    Shaft Ed says:

    Cost of loving crisis

  144. 144
    Ed says:

    I can always tell when Bercow has come into the Chamber

  145. 145
    Fabians are Evil says:

    “Will no one rid me of that woman?” ‘Blast!….. I forgot to put my hand over the microphone again’

  146. 146
    Anonymous says:

    No wonder they call you Femin-arsy.

  147. 147
    I Roger Boys MP says:

    And they made me eat a bacon butty !

  148. 148
    I Roger Boys MP says:

    “And i was just about to go down on your Yvette when her cock poked me in the eye”

  149. 149
    I Roger Boys MP says:

    “I decided to try one of those 69’s with Justine , as i went down she let rip right in my face”
    i got up to leave and she said “where are you going ” ?
    I said ” i couldn’t stand another 68 of those”

  150. 150
    Gordon Broon says:

    “So Hattie pulled off her knickers and ………..”

  151. 151
    Gordon Broon says:

    And then he said “get into bed with clegg “…..

  152. 152
    Gordon Broon says:

    “Bercow’s ego gets fishier every day …………..”

  153. 153
    Millibee says:

    oh, follow through . . .

  154. 154
    Harry Benn's Pig says:

    Smell it? I’m sitting in it.

  155. 155
    Anonymous says:

    BALLS: It wasn’t me, you prick!

  156. 156
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest (Silent But Deadly Edition)”
    Ed accidentally achieves what no true transitory politician has ever previously managed to do in the history of politics. Follow-through on a commitment.

  157. 157
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    I is for Imodium.

  158. 158
    Anonymous says:

    Ed to Balls “tell me Ballsy which one of us just tharted?

  159. 159
    Anonymous says:

    Hattie Harperson wants her Jack on the Shadow Cabinet.

  160. 160
    Big Momma says:

    Hattie Harperson wants her Jack to be on the Shadow Cabinet.

  161. 161
    Big Momma says:

    two entries due to very slow internet.

  162. 162
    Rowli Pugh says:

    What mirror??

  163. 163
    Anonymous says:

    Ed to Ballsey, “I dont want to know what Yvette does when you pull out”

  164. 164
    no.1 arse bandit - oh OK its Mandy says:

    “Brace youself Ed baby, there’s more, there’s more”.

  165. 165
    Anonymous says:

    Dear Guido and your fellow travellers.

    What the flippin eck is going on with your blog ( and that’s swearing!)

    I type in various posts and it is as if your WordPress blog is a valve set version.

    If it was any slower I would personally deliver a hand written letter – in lavish
    italic scrolling personally or via Vince ( call me Knocker ) Cable in order to get my ponit across.

    So come on get more Servers or butlers as they call them in Knightsbridge and speed the the thing up.

    Otherwise I can never get my blow in against Sky News or the BBC just in case some idiot who runs the TV News takes notice of all these posts.

    If you take no notice of this message missive then you are a big fat idiot.

    If you do then I withdraw the previous insult with no offence intended.

    Yours ever.

    A diconcerted poster/commentator.

    p.s I know everything and nothing.

    Anon. Brave but secretive.

  166. 166
    Neil Pace says:

    I know you’re nervous, but bloody hell…

  167. 167
    sandyhall1@live.co.uk says:

    Caption competition

    Do you really have to have a vindaloo every evening before PMQs?

  168. 168
    John Bellingham says:

    Of course I farted. Do you think that I always smell like this?

  169. 169
    polite if nothing else says:

    Balls: “Why not make Harriet deputy PM?”

Seen Elsewhere

Ministry of Justice Loses Death Inquiry Data “In the Post” | TechnoGuido
Europe’s Crisis is Cameron’s Opportunity | Speccie
Sajid Javid is the Ultimate Thatcherite | Buzzfeed
Ed Argar Selected in Dorrell Seat | Leicester Mercury
88% of New Labour MPs Are Union Bods | Mark Wallace
World’s Second Most Popular Porn Site is Infecting You | Techno Guido
Newspapers No Longer Willing to Toe Party Line | Roy Greenslade
Introducing the New CapX | CapX
Burnham’s Newsnight Debacle Dissected | Dan Hodges
How I Survived Dry January | Nigel Farage
Greens are Commies in Disguise | Andrei Rogobete

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Dan Hodges on Labour unity

“We’ve heard a lot over the past few years about how Miliband has united Labour. But he has not united Labour. He has pacified Labour. He has placed it into a medically induced coma following the trauma of the party’s 2010 defeat.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers