PMQs SKETCH: The Best Reshuffle in Modern Times

Animal noises greeted Cameron’s arrival in the Commons. Countrymen will have recognised the noise that hogs make when the swill bucket arrives. Oh, it’s such a time to be a Tory. The best reshuffle in modern times has put the party onto an election-winning footing. They express their pleasure in the most elemental way.

Emma Lewell-Buck couldn’t make a dent in their cheerfulness:

“There are more bald men with £5m property portfolios and sons at public school going out with girls called Tallulah than there are women in the cabinet,” she declared, nearly.

Cameron said the gynemetrics of the cabinet were pretty good and absent those hoary reactionaries of the Liberal Democrats they’d be even better: a third of Conservative cabinet is now female.

Every week Cameron looks easier, calmer, more in control of his party, his policy and his election plan – and every week his opponent dances at the despatch box like a spastic marionette. What a rout it’s turning into.

Miliband began – he’d always undertaken to support the Government when they did the right thing (audience cringing), so he whole-heartedly supported the sacking of the Education secretary (audience turned, much laughter, some from Tories).

The answer was cute, in Cameron’s ave atque vale, major public school, Inner Temple way: Sir George Young had been so distinguished a parliamentarian for so long that only someone of Gove’s stature would be a suitable replacement. Admiring laughter at the deftness of the insincerity.

Why, Ed kept asking, his convulsive string master taking another swig of the meths, why did he sack Gove if everything had been going so well? Was it because of the failure of the Free Schools program that was a disaster for learning standards with unqualified teachers because it was actually a total failure, Vyvyan?

Goaded into the economy Ed declared that people were working “longer and harder for less” (if this were true, productivity would be rising), and that Cameron had “the worst record on living standards of any prime minister in history.”

Yes, any prime minister, any prime minister in history Vyvyan!

The cost of living crisis will hardly be eased by tax rises, Cameron casually pointed out. He said Harriet Harman had announced that the middle classes should pay more tax. And there she was sitting next to her leader mouthing surely: “They do! They do!”

Surely, she’d been asked whether the middle income should pay more taxes and she’d replied, “They already do pay more tax!”

She couldn’t be saying, “It’s true! It’s true!”

Ah, but she was.

Ed’s bacon sandwich, Harriet’s tax policy, Ed Balls – election winners.



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

GuidoFawkes Quote of the Day

Rod Liddle:

“Family of 12 from Luton – including a baby and two grandparents who are suffering from diabetes and cancer – feared to have joined ISIS… yay – result! That’s saved us all quite a few bob, no? Carry on like this and we might clear the national debt.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

MEGA INTERCONTINENTAL ROBOT WARS MEGA INTERCONTINENTAL ROBOT WARS
Dave Meets UKIP Dave Meets UKIP
Secret Fracking Report Doesn’t Reveal Much Secret Fracking Report Doesn’t Reveal Much
Environmental Advantages of Airport Expansion Environmental Advantages of Airport Expansion
PMQS SKETCH PMQS SKETCH
“Dodgy” Dave v “Jurassic” Skinner “Dodgy” Dave v “Jurassic” Skinner

Missed PMQs? Catch Up in Full Here Missed PMQs? Catch Up in Full Here
Do you have what it takes to join a GCHQ hacking SCHOOL? Do you have what it takes to join a GCHQ hacking SCHOOL?
IDS Expenses Row: Was Credit Card Suspended Or Not? IDS Expenses Row: Was Credit Card Suspended Or Not?
Questions Channel 4 News Don’t Want to Ask Questions Channel 4 News Don’t Want to Ask
Zac and Boris Warn Dave Zac and Boris Warn Dave
NHS UN-APPY NHS UN-APPY
MP Shagging His Secretary on Highest Paygrade MP Shagging His Secretary on Highest Paygrade
Owen Jones Gets Owned Owen Jones Gets Owned
Read Sajid Javid Speech Slamming CBI Read Sajid Javid Speech Slamming CBI
Watch: BBC3 Greatest Hits Watch: BBC3 Greatest Hits
LORD DEBEN’S CLIMATE ALARMISM LORD DEBEN’S CLIMATE ALARMISM
WATCH: Terror Training Exercise in London WATCH: Terror Training Exercise in London
Meet the Next Generation of Troughing MPs Meet the Next Generation of Troughing MPs