July 15th, 2014

The New Cabinet in Full

The Cabinet

David Cameron – Prime Minister

Nick Clegg – Deputy Prime Minister

William Hague – First Secretary of State, Leader of the House of Commons

George Osborne – Chancellor of the Exchequer

Danny Alexander – Chief Secretary to the Treasury

Theresa May – Secretary of State for the Home Department

Michael Fallon – Secretary of State for Defence

Vince Cable – Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills

Iain Duncan Smith – Secretary of State for Work and Pensions

Chris Grayling – Lord Chancellor and Secretary of State for Justice

Nicky Morgan – Secretary of State for Education, Women & Equalities Min.

Eric Pickles – Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government

Jeremy Hunt – Secretary of State for Health

Elizabeth Truss – Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs

Justine Greening – Secretary of State for International Development

Alistair Carmichael – Secretary of State for Scotland

Edward Davey – Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change

Patrick McLoughlin – Secretary of State for Transport

Sajid Javid – Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport

Theresa Villiers – Secretary of State for Northern Ireland

Stephen Crabb – Secretary of State for Wales

Philip Hammond – Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs

Also attending Cabinet

Michael Gove – Chief Whip and Parliamentary Secretary to the Treasury

Francis Maude – Minister for the Cabinet Office and Paymaster General

Matt Hancock – Minister of State for BIS, DECC and Portsmouth

Esther McVey - Minister of State for Employment

Oliver Letwin – Minister for Government Policy, Lord Privy Seal

David Laws – Minister of State for Cabinet Office, Schools

Grant Shapps - Minister Without Portfolio

Baroness Warsi – Senior Minister of State, Faith and Communities

Greg Clark – Minister of State for Universities and Science

Jeremy Wright – Attorney General

Baroness Stowell - Leader of the House of Lords


  1. 1
    Tony Blair says:

    Today, I got my party back.

  2. 2
    Ghost of Leon says:

    Crooks !

  3. 3
    Well I Never says:

    Surprised to see cameron is still in the Cabinet.

  4. 4
    Willy Hague says:

    Cheerio……off for a jolly next year with a high paid job with the UN ;)

  5. 5
    Plus says:

    Loads of associated bag carriers / SPADs / Groupies

  6. 6
    David Cameron says:

    Tally Ho !

  7. 7
    Mystic Mog says:

    Lard Hague of Richmond.

  8. 8
    DtP says:

    Yes, I believe you did. If this was Crosby’s broadside for the election then, well, good luck with it.

  9. 9
    Executive Summary says:

    Vote UKIP

  10. 10
    DtP says:

    Why don’t you promote Hattie then sweetie or her husband?

  11. 11
    Mother Nature says:

    They should drop “minister for climate change”. Like King Canute could not stop the tide the minister can not stop the climate from changing.

    They will be having ministers for sunsets and sunrises next.

  12. 12
    Jimmy says:

    Can a board position with British Caribbean Bank be far off?

  13. 13
    White Dee says:

    No chance of number 10 getting hit with the bedroom tax

  14. 14
    Slack Alice says:

    And he’s still in the closet.

  15. 15
    Geography Lessun says:

    The Caribbean is far off yes.

  16. 16
    Steve Miliband says:

    Too many Lib Dems

  17. 17
    May Day says:

    That’s why the best home secretary ever, and widely regarded as so even by Her Majesty’s opposition is a right wing female.

  18. 18
    Ed Itor says:

    Shurely off for a Jolie.

  19. 19
    Well I Never says:

    OK – there’s some more totty in the Cabinet – but aren’t transvestites still under represented ?

  20. 20
    Roger Daltry says:

    “Look at the new boss… Same as the old boss… We won’t get fooled again.. Oh no”.

  21. 21
    Brian J. says:

    The Tories love women but don’t really know what to do with them. And you can take that any way you want.

  22. 22
    Ladies of the right says:

    Only the best and that is how it should be regardless of gender.

  23. 23
    Grant Shapps says:

    I almost caught someone screwing my missus last night, but he dived out the window as I burst into the bedroom. After slapping my wife around a bit, I chased after him.

    “He went that way,” said my mate Dave, pointing to next door’s garden.

    “Cheers, mate,” I replied, scaling the fence. “And get some fucking clothes on, you’ll catch your death.”

  24. 24
    8ackstairs 8illy says:

    Brad’s more my type.

  25. 25
    Tony Blair says:

    Banks make great sinecures.

  26. 26
    The Spice Monopoly says:

    Warsi is hanging on by her fingertips.

  27. 27
    A voter says:

    Their sausages are shite.

  28. 28
    Damian McShite says:


  29. 29
    Fick as a plank Laber voter says:

    Yes, we will

  30. 30
    Chris Bryant says:

    I shall be uploading a picture of my underpants in celebration of this re-shuffle

  31. 31
    Chris Bryant's gaping anUS says:

    Watch for the result from Havant in the GE

    Dave Willets achieved miracles keeping that constituency blue.

    Given the truly vast numbers of feckless scrounging fucks there, it is a political miracle he held on there each time.
    It has a small middle class area, the rest is all council estates.

    Now it will go Red,,,a great pity

    I met Willets once in Havant, when he came to a high tech business I was working at. a very impressive politician, but i imagine working for that cretin Cable has put him off politics

  32. 32
    Witty Monker says:

    Good point – wtf is she still doing in there?

    Oh yeah, ticking boxes.

  33. 33
    Gordon Brown says:

    Whats been happening?

  34. 34
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Too many MP’s

  35. 35
    William Hague says:

    But I promised Angelina a seat in the cabinet.

  36. 36
    Larry the Cat says:

  37. 37
    MI5 says:

    To many rumours

  38. 38
    My thoughts exactly says:

  39. 39
    A Few good men says:

    Willets is a good bloke.

  40. 40
    Cillit Bang says:

    Try Photoshopping the skid-marks off first.

  41. 41
    Henny Lenry says:

    Where are the black faces in the cabinet?

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

  43. 43
    Bloomers says:

    With all those women around. there won’t be anything to play with underneath the fridge Larry.

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    Why do the BBC keep showing the German football team’s victory parade in Berlin?

  45. 45
    A J3w comments on the Christian church says:

  46. 46
    táxpáyér says:

    Lord Hill – who are you? My reaction to the news that Lord Hill has been nominated to be the UK’s next European Commissioner by the Prime Minister.

    There is nothing in Mr Hill’s career path that would suggest that he is the one to renegotiate radical reform. I am surprised that David Cameron, at this juncture, would nominate someone who was special advisor to the Europhile Kenneth Clarke.

    Nigel Farage MEP

  47. 47
    shitbag says:

    Gaby Hinsliff @gabyhinsliff · 2h
    Good day for those well-known women Jeremy Wright, Michael Fallon, Stephen Crabb, Matt Hancock, Lord Hill and Nick Boles #reshuffle


  48. 48
    táxpáyér says:

    I think he’s off to his montana ranch to re-enact brokeback mountain.

  49. 49
    Engineer says:

    Good luck to Liz Truss, then. She’ll have to be very good indeed if she’s to be better than the bloke she replaces.

  50. 50
    táxpáyér says:

    Lefties We love tokenism! So many tokens! Get them all! We love diversity but hate any one who disagrees with us.

  51. 51
    táxpáyér says:

    Thermogeddonists are a bunch of cnuts.

  52. 52
    Hattie Harbottle says:

    What? She’s a woman. She’s bound to be better than a man!

  53. 53
    Shooty* says:

    Perfect opportunity to get rid of Warsi, and he bottles it. FFS.

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Not a chance. Dave has shown his environmental credentials

  55. 55
    The Sun Still Shines says:

    Time to kick some Balls in the Shabby Shadow cabinet.

  56. 56
    Gerry Prayson says:

    Where are the xdressers in the cabinet?

  57. 57
    ancientpopeye says:

    No Liberals kicked out of the cabinet?

  58. 58
    Morbidly Obese says:


  59. 59
    Bunny says:



  60. 60
    Warsi says:

    Allahua Akbar

  61. 61
    still walking into darkness says:

    Not a single member of the Cabinet is in the same class as Nigel Farage, the Prime Minister of the people

  62. 62
    Who. Who are you? says:

  63. 63
    Persona Non Grata says:

    Because the Queen is German, and likes seeing her people on TV.

  64. 64
    Jimmy says:

    I think this exciting new line up deserves a chance to get its own endorsement from the electorate as soon as possible.

  65. 65
    Outraged of Toxteth says:

    King Canute knew he couldn’t stop it.

    But his Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change, Ed ‘Cnut’ Davey, though he could.

  66. 66
    Mycroft says:

    …in a fire sale.

    The spaz-cam seems to have an endless supply of ‘stupid’ for sale at the moment.

    The man in congenitally hopeless and in reality powerless, he was handed his ahse in Europe’s Bedlam and in an effort to appear to be in ‘Command’ he instigates a flick the bean re-shuffle.

    The aura of failure dogs his steps… people generally loathe him here in the Shires, outside his circle he’s screwed.

    We (UKIP) have taken a goodly part of their troops on the ground and they are now working for us.

    By disregarding the natural Tory and being seen by many as a ‘Gay campaigner’ he’s done more damage than he realises.

    As a UKIP activist I think he is the best thing to happen to our party.

    His comeuppance is on the horizon and is rushing his way at a shattering rate.

    Happy days.

  67. 67
    gildedtumbril says:

    I call him witless.

  68. 68
    gildedtumbril says:

    Just another string of worthless trollops.

  69. 69
    Owen's Remedial English teacher says:

    Illerate loose-thinking clod.

    Game, set and match for them to succeed or fail?

    Game, set and nearly match? Game and set mean you are at least a whole set away from match. Do you mean “nearly game, set and match”?

  70. 70
    The Vampire says:


  71. 71
    Chris Bryant's gaping anUS says:

    Agree 100%
    But far too idealogically motivated for the heir to blair, big dave cam

    I guarantee you though that will be a gain for the Marxist rat next May

    Big Dave is fucking me off more and more im afraid, but i cant bring meself to betray the true tories and vote for the UKIP frauds

  72. 72
    Can you tell what it is yet? says:

    Lord Hill: Never been elected, never done a proper job, never run a government department, former Ken Clarke Spad and worked for Bell Pottinger of Wikipedia fame.

    We live in the age of simulacra.

  73. 73
    Crime Watch says:

    Remember… dont have nightmares…

  74. 74
    Mark Textor says:

    But has Digger Lynton done enough to scandalproof the Cabinet?

    You can only delay enquiries so long and, “We will stop the boats, stop the big new taxes, end the waste, and pay back the debt”, only works for so long as people are stupid. Digger may not have sealed all the holes

  75. 75
    Anonymous says:

    When the chips are down, tory toffs don`t really care about state education. If Cameron genuinely cared, he would have left Gove where he was. He isn`t and didn`t. Cameron is just a flim flam merchant like Tony Blair.

  76. 76
    Reshuffle latest says:

    Apparently only one new minister with a beard – I thought the Conservatives were full of them…

  77. 77
    Cynic says:

    So thats 16 old grey men and 5 women…. transformational!!!

  78. 78
    Frederick says:

    How come Jesus did not have any women apostles ?

  79. 79
    Ministry of truth says:

    In the upside down world of UK Education, where delivering results is the only sort of Fail allowed.

  80. 80
    Freya says:

    Who loves ya, baby…?

  81. 81
    Greens cannot see the wood for the Trees says:

    In this case “Village Idiot” = Useful Idiot

  82. 82
    Fuck wit still there says:

    Donkey Smith still doing his make believe act.

    WHY Mr Cameron? Do you believe the deluded oink will deliever?

  83. 83
    naked man says:

    strip them all

  84. 84
    L Crosby man from downunder says:

    get IDS with luck

  85. 85
    Desmond says:

    Just like sewage the scum always seem to rise to the top.

    (and eventually break up and drop to the bottom again).

  86. 86
    Renter IDS says:

    Retrospective legislation targeting IDS, as he rents, could make the odious chap cough up having been forced to take his own medicine.

  87. 87
    Kulak murdered by Marxist filth. says:

    Dave Laws. Why is this thieving shyster still in Government ?

    (Was ‘ He ‘ ever in care ?)

  88. 88
    Mycroft says:

    How ‘useless’ does he have to display before you realise he is a charlatan?

    Short of walking around the HoC with his pants on his head and two pencils stuck up his nose he’s done enough?

    Loyalty is a fine attribute, but loyalty to the point of despising your own position is a too far.

    Stop giving your vote to a party that will constantly just take you for granted and join us in UKIP where your vote will count toward a return to something you will no longer feel ashamed of being part of.

  89. 89
    Kulak murdered by Marxist filth. says:

    BTW ,,,,, How many were in Churchill’s wartime Cabinet ??

  90. 90
    cross breed says:

    Fathered by Iain Duncan Smith allegedly.

    More to come in September.

  91. 91
    Angelina says:

    You’re welcome at our place anytime. “innocent face”

  92. 92
    non believer says:

    as a non believe in the new testment commenting on those who do is not exactly polite.

  93. 93
    Cinna says:

    It’s all gone (.)(.) up.

  94. 94
    Mycroft says:

    Don’t worry about menorrheic synchronicity making the place ‘insane’ for a few days week, worry about ‘roid rage as the HRT prescriptions synchronise…


  95. 95
    Dangerous Brian says:

    Great news indeed, we defenitely need more lezzas and gay chaps in positions of influence in our great inclusive all encompassing democracy.

  96. 96
    Anonymous says:

    I can no longer think of a reason to vote Tory. My one hope was that Mr.Gove would continue as Education Secretary so that working class kids could be given a chance in life by a good education. Mr.Cameron has given way to the left wing nutters that lead the teaching unions. Now we have to submit to a dumbing down of education, teachers unable to be sacked for imcompetence, strikes when the teachers dislike a policy which interferes with their easy hours and obscene lengthy holidays etc. What a fool you are, Mr Cameron, to sacrifice a magnificent secretary of state in order gain a few votes from teachers pleased they are getting their own way. Shame on you.

  97. 97
    All MP's are scum says:

    Dear Mr Cameron.

    I’ve got a f@nny. Can I have a job please ?

  98. 98
    Jim says:

    Does anybody give a shit about the parliament of paedophiles?

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    There will be blood (usualy once a month)

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Most likely off to a country that doesn’t have an extradition treaty with UK

  101. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Seriously? May is a buffoon.

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    No, the left love diversity as long as it’s no where near them

  103. 103
    Joe Publik says:

    Three words come to mind:


  104. 104
    Taxfodder says:

    The Tory Reshuffle….an utter utter box of establishment junk!

    If this is the best god help you in 2015

    Dave give it up, do yourself a favor mate you ain’t it!

  105. 105
    how very odd says:

    ‘Matt Hancock – Minister of State for BIS, DECC and Portsmouth’

  106. 106

    Great news for femi nazis everywhere you can now officiate every time a load of superstitious old fools get together for their medieval mumbo jumbo sessions
    HALLELUJAH !!!!!!
    Strange how women reach prominence in an organisation only after it becomes totally irrelevant to 99% of the population.
    Rational people would not give a stuff if they ‘enthroned’ the inhabitants of ofLondon Zoo monkey house.

  107. 107
    Jealous Yankee says:

    Today the World Cup, tomorrow they invade Austria.

  108. 108
    Ed Millibrain says:

    I’m an atheist, actually, apart from when I’m in Israyel

  109. 109
    Cinna says:

    The p*llock said on TV that it’s a team that represents “modern Britain”. F*ck that. We need the best team for the job, not a team with the acceptable number of gays, women, lesbians, muslims, etc.

    FFS Dave, grow a set!

  110. 110
    We Love Angel Delight says:

    Tokens schmokens http://www.theagedp.com/?p=8350

  111. 111
    Professor Green says:

    Did Paterson’s removal have something to do with the fact that the grid has not collapsed in Germany as a result of its green energy programme and that in fact the green energy programme has gone from strength to strength, while Germany’s economy has continued to do superlatively well?

    And also that the Tories have been losing the green vote as well.

  112. 112
    Mr Quelch says:

    Exactly : any Prime Minister worthy of the name should appoint a ministerial team which has the ability to do their jobs for the benefit of the whole country. We (the people) give our consent (by voting) to politicians to run our country on our behalf. All this shuffling around of faces , regardless of their abilities (or lack thereof) , is just political jiggerypokery to trawl in a few more votes. I don’t care if a Cabinet Minister is male, female, not sure, black , blue or puce – as long as they are up to the mark in working for us. Nothing else matters. This is just Sixth Form Debating Society wa&k.

  113. 113
    Professor Green says:

    No, this time they are thinking really big – it will be Australia.

  114. 114
    Warsi Watch (Someone's Got to Do It) says:

    Is Baroness Warsi working? She seems to have done nothing for the last three months.

    Does anyone know why we haven’t heard from her ? (not that I’m complaining of course).

  115. 115
    Anonymous says:

    Today, we bring on all the substitutes- so they can say they got a game. And a resettlement allowance when they are obliterated in 9 months time. Great stuff, trebles all round. Our expense, of course!

  116. 116
    Lord Tristram Hunt says:

    And what exactly is wrong with never having a proper my little man?

  117. 117
    thick as a stump says:

    Where’d the conservative party go.

  118. 118
    thick as a stump says:

    The Teachers still won’t vote conservative. Can’t get pensions bigger than a wage packet out of them.

  119. 119
    Bloke says:

    What a useless bunch of fucking twats they all are.

  120. 120

    Sorry — we have a Minister for PORTSMOUTH now !!!

    And js this the same matthew Han(dy )cock we all know and love from that neck of the woods ?

    He attends Cabinet !!!

    If true you could nt make it up …..

  121. 121

    Does he have the charisma of a demented bookmaker and the appearance of a melvyn Bragg Nigel??

  122. 122

    Do you mean there WILL be blood …blud??

  123. 123

    He attends under sufferance and is tolerated under duress.

  124. 124

    Try Asuncion Paraguay .

    Weather very good . Life becalmed. Opportunity to encounter many ageing war criminals from Lower Bavaria out for an evening stroll with their Senoras.

  125. 125

    ” these boots were made for walkin'”

    Seriously I had them made for me by Jimmy Choo Choo Choo.

  126. 126
    Jack Ketch says:

    WTF has the politics of the Anglican Communion to do with an atheistic follower of Baal?

  127. 127
    Carlo Gambino says:

    Except the teechurs won’t vote for him.

    Only in Cam the Sham’s pea-brain is there huge softy-wofty, libby-wibby, drippy-left bloc there ready to vote Tory and sweep him back into power.

    The Libbies poll 6%, UKIP can be north of 30% – I know which bloc I’d be pitching at.

    Still fair play to The Sham for doing a fantastic job of building up a political party. Shame it wasn’t his own.

  128. 128
  129. 129
    Tossers R Us says:

    Its amazing, wankers always cluster together in the same places, no change in Westminster then.

  130. 130
    Anonymous says:

    “The New Cabinet in Full”
    No mention of any reserves then. So what happens, if some Inquiry excreta happens to impact that impending impeller?

  131. 131
    Tacitus says:

    Vince Cable is one of the most incapable people in the cabinet and should have lost his job. Political expediency and sensitivity obviously overrules capability.

  132. 132
    Herman the German says:

    £200 million fine in Germany to sausage manufacturers for forming a cabal to keep sausage prices high. You could not make it up.
    Next up Sauerkraut – you heard it here first.

  133. 133
    Just Saying says:

    Based on ALL the previous Labour Home Secretaries she is a genius in spite of recent missteps.

  134. 134
    Just Saying says:

    “nearly” yet again reveals Twatson’s lack of understanding of the real power game

  135. 135
    Cor Blimey. says:

    Since when did Red Ed get religion?
    Oh I forgot it is simply another bandwagon for him to climb on.
    What is his view on ending life? Thought not, as his union masters have not told him yet.

  136. 136
    Lard Presclot. says:

    I had a real job. I was a waiter on a liner.
    Never worked since and still on the public teat.

  137. 137
    Herman the German says:

    Green Energy Programme? We are using more coal than 30 years ago.
    How can you be so wrong? Oh, I now understand, you are a British Professor.

  138. 138
    stushie says:

    The Wimmin’s Collective will still not vote for the prat. The ‘Schemy’ breeders certainly won’t….Their votes will magic into Labour ones via Postal Voting coordinated by their councillors. Is no one guarding this back door?

  139. 139
    Cumbrian says:

    Where is the Rory ‘The Tory’ Stewart ?

Seen Elsewhere

Liz Kendall For Leader | Indy
Bashir Booted Out By Respect | Respect
Americans Try Haggis | Guardian
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Steven Woolfe For UKIP Leader? | Asa Bennett
Mohammed — in Pictures | Speccie
Leon Brittan’s Accusers Must Show Their Evidence | Dan Hodges
New Saudi King Renames Roads While Body Still Warm | TechnoGuido
In Davos, Carrying a BlackBerry is a Status Symbol | Business Insider
New Labour in Peep Show Quotes | Telegraph
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC

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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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