July 15th, 2014

MUSICAL SPECIAL: Claire Perry Does the Locomotion


  1. 1
    Chufa Train says:

    Choo Choo

  2. 2
    Lard Everard - Giant Cockroach says:

    Nice buffers.

  3. 3
    ancientpopeye says:

    She should go on celebrity dancing.

  4. 4
    Soubry, god almighty, how has it come to this says:

    What’s with these fucking dumb bimbos stopping to pose outside No10?
    Doubtless they soon find that the brief is completely beyond their minimal abilities and they’ll be out of their depth by the time they sit their arse on their comfy chair.

  5. 5
    a pattern is emerging says:

    Inland Empire, David Lynch, The Locomotion, underage girls etc.

  6. 6
    BBC Dromey says:

    Is she acting out some of the p o r n from her website?

  7. 7
    Iain Gill says:

    Government by the public school output, for the public school output
    Diverse my bum

  8. 8
    Stefan Dennis says:

    A complete fucking tard of a woman and I’m being kind here. She really is fucking hormonal nut job, transport is going to become a messy fucking train wreck with her at the helm. A right nasty arrogant bitch too but without the intelligence to back it up. Like most of the bints Cameron promoted today she is only there because of the axe wound between her fucking legs.

  9. 9

    She should go on one of those rubbish celebrity dance shows.

  10. 10
    Sammy says:

    The original is banned from Youtube, this is a replica Spanish version.

  11. 11
    WoRaft Chihuahua says:

    Henceforth all ministers should have a jingle and a hand jive to identify their brief.

    Michael Fallon gets lucky – he can do the opening bars of the James Bond theme and hold his hands in the pistol shape.

    Ed Davey has to spin his arms, pretend to do clog dancing and see a mouse, where, there on the stair, right there.

  12. 12
    Don't it make you feel good? says:

  13. 13
    Caroline Flint says:

    Window dressing.

  14. 14
    #Failed says:

  15. 15
    Everybody knows its all tripe now So come on baby do the locomotion. says:

    So Dave has finally tackled the sexism of the conservatives. Wonderful.

  16. 16
    You must be joking says:

    Tomorrow is another day Dave, we will be back on track and want to know who your going to employ as the new nonce finder general and why do so many MPs want to remove our privacy yet want to keep what they do hidden, the people of the country want to know, if you think your changes today will make a difference in May 2015 forget it , people want you gone and as your Conservatives are scared to remove you, the people will, even god forbid, we get Liebour back in.

  17. 17
    clunge watch says:

    No please, tell us what you really think.

  18. 18
    Chufa Train says:

    Why have I been derailed to the bottom?

  19. 19
    So far so facile... says:

    Why discuss the ‘emergency’ Data Retention and Investigatory Powers Bill being voted on tonight…when there are vital issues like a fly on Boultons face and ministers doing silly dances at hand?

  20. 20
    Victoria says:

    You should see my junction

  21. 21
    David Ruffley says:

    Nice Tracks.

  22. 22
    thematics says:

    You’re a bottom feeder?

  23. 23

    I thought she would get something along those lines.

  24. 24
    Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg says:

    Nice timing Dave. No one has noticed thanks to your cabinet making

  25. 25
    MI6.5 says:

    Is she a sleeper?

  26. 26
    Anonymous says:

    Girlfriend dumped you?r

  27. 27
    Spartacus says:

    meanwhile graduate Jambo Brokenshite is pushing through the data retention grab in Parliament, all in one day – with the help of his Grandmother sitting alongside him.

    A good day to bury bad news? The same day as the bought and sold media is showing a bunch of tarts being made ministers

    Of course this does not apply to gwidders who has plastered the privacy ramifications of this legislation all over his blog.

  28. 28
    Mrs May says:

    Nice platform shoes.

  29. 29
    F##k the LibLabCon says:

    I would.

  30. 30

    How’s that ‘state control of the press (but in a nice way)’ thing going for you, Tom baby?

  31. 31
    Jimmy says:

    Let me get this straight. In order to demonstrate his commitment to equality, spoonface has made Lady Stowell leader in the Lords but she will be paid 30% less than her male predecessor.

    He’s really quite special isn’t he?

  32. 32
    Good grief! says:

    “On 8 October 2012, Claire caused significant embarrassment in her capacity as an economic spokesmen, by stating that the national debt and national deficit were the same thing on national BBC Radio 5 Live.”


  33. 33
    Socialists = Sociopaths says:

  34. 34
    Anonymous says:

    You should learn to read before you write: http://www.claireperry.org.uk/about-me/claire's-biography

  35. 35
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    And ?

  36. 36
    Fat Cuntroller says:

    Will she be giving Berc unt that long awaited blowie now?

    Woooo Woooo!

  37. 37
    What's Nigel up to? says:

  38. 38
    Ms Perry says:

    I’ve been fast-tracked for promotion.

  39. 39
    community mental health team says:

    That’s strange, we always thought you were special too Jimmy, and I don’t think we’re too far off track.

  40. 40
    Defender says:

    What a vile comment. You should be ashamed of yourself. What on earth is the matter with you?

  41. 41
    This one says:

  42. 42
    Braveheart says:

    So now you have a rail minister whose bio says “I read, walk and cycle.” Something like “I travel everywhere by train” might have been less discouraging.

  43. 43
    ron Vibbentrop says:

    Heard she’s a bit of a shunter

  44. 44
    Women are childish and tend to throw tantrums says:

  45. 45
    Claire Perry says:

    Shut up, Dad. You’re not helping.

  46. 46
    ron Vibbentrop says:

    Fetch us a cuppa tea luv

  47. 47
    The Growler says:

    Come on Geedes that was before you were both born or did your older sibblings have an old record

  48. 48
    Jimmy says:

    Any further off and you’d be a Moscow tube train.

  49. 49
    Guy Rogers-Mann, MP says:

    I’m afraid she’s not my type.

  50. 50
    Jimmy says:

    Goes to show the lack of affordable housing under this government.

  51. 51
    ron Vibbentrop says:

    Is that the Euan that Gordon likes?

  52. 52
    community mental health team says:

    Oh, you mean that ‘former’ commie shithole?

  53. 53
    ron Vibbentrop says:

    Because you’re the ‘A’ train

  54. 54
    Outraged of Toxteth says:

    She doesn’t go for all five sets.

  55. 55
    napoleon from animal farm says:

    It seems that not everybody can afford to be real socialist these days.

  56. 56
    Fat Cuntroller says:

    Red box? Go see the doctor luv.

    Two sugars please.

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    Dave wishes us to know that Gove has not been demoted and will doubtless be telling us that the sun rises in the west and sets in the east any time soon. Has Gove made any comments about Eton in recent weeks?

  58. 58
  59. 59
    Kenneth Clarke says:

    Sounds like you’re not into women then. Are you free tomorrow night?

  60. 60
    Jim says:

    Nice change to see all the smiles and personal happiness today.
    Then I came to this blog.

  61. 61
    David Cameron says:

    Just to set the record straight, Claire got the job because she once played with her little brother’s train set, and not because she is a woman. She has personally told me that she’s looking forward to ordering new runways for all our major metropolitan stations.

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Camp blog post.

  63. 63
    J3ssica Val3nti says:




  64. 64
    Bollocks says:

    Reads like a load of bluff to me.

  65. 65
    Neitherdeadnoralive says:

    So would I .

  66. 66
    Bollocks says:

    But, according to ‘anonymous’ above, she is a fucking genius. She went to Harvard you know and started a business offering financial advice….

  67. 67
    Neitherdeadnoralive says:

    Is Claire Perry that guy that dresses up as a tart ?

  68. 68
    Civil Servant says:

    I’m still looking for the 114 files. There’s a box labelled “Geoffrey Dickens Files: Statements and Incriminating Evidence” but when you look inside there’s no papers or memory stick or anything. There’s just some bits of orange plastic with tiny wavy lines and blurred squares all over them, arranged in sort of rectangles.
    I’m totally stumped by that. I asked one or two older Hon Members and Milords if they had any idea what there were supposed to be or whether it was some kind of code or an early storage device but they said no, they just looked like some kind of packing material. There wouldn’t be anything of interest on them. I think I’m going to give up looking.

  69. 69
    Call Me Dave says:


    I’ll get this stasi bill through parliament with the help of the bent media shouting ‘Look over there’ and diverting the proles’ attention onto my cabinet reshuffle cup game.

  70. 70
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Ed Miliband, the leader that dare not change his shadow cabinet.
    Len McCluskey, the man that really leads labour, and says what goes.

  71. 71

    Gove’s departure is the real tragedy in all of this.

    Cameron, of course, focused on embracing PC — even at the expense of education reform.

    The Spectator’s editor Fraser Nelson summed up, unwittingly, the shortfalls that need to be addressed in education.

    “She (NUT chief Christine Blower) seems to have think that she has won,” he said, commenting on this aspect of the reshuffle.

    …seems to have think ? ! — From that publication, from that publication’s editor.

    And he’s a product of a more successful generation of schooling.

  72. 72
    Plusnet are fucking shite says:

    Don’t fill it with make up, sannies and sweets ffs.

  73. 73
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    If she is then many men will turn gay.

  74. 74
    Max and Rolf, weathermen says:

    We predict a long, hot bummer of love!

  75. 75
    Bumservative Partaaay says:

    No, that’s the one who gave Norman Lamont a good fisting one night.

  76. 76
    Man on the Clapham Omnibus says:

    Well it won’t look too clever when there’s a CBRN mass-casualty event in London, but the ladies need to nip out from COBRA to pick-up the kiddies from school.

  77. 77
    Jimmy says:

    That’ll be the cost of living crisis.

  78. 78
    Mycroft says:

    La Perry is actually a good and hard working MP!!!!!!!!

    Her work in her constituency has been well focused and she has been ‘big’ on the train front and the Electrification issue from virtually day one.

    Can’t comment on her performance in the House, but the above is fact.

    She has also been right in there over pensioners issues and hasn’t flinched.

    Not afraid of the long hours at all.

    Rare thing… a good MP!

  79. 79

    Loads of ambition, loads of misplaced confidence and no ability.

    A real Cameron patsy, appointed to push through HS2 with unquestioning loyalty.

  80. 80
    Bumservative Partaaay says:

    You make joke, remember when Louise Minge fucked off during the committee meeting with James Murdoch to pick up her kids?

    Daft cow.

  81. 81

    ‘Birthday’ is her best song.

  82. 82
    A small, remarkably smelly person says:

    I was turned gay by dinosaurs:


  83. 83
    A small, remarkably smelly person says:

    But not her best suit.

  84. 84
    You must be joking says:

    I see our privacy that they are trying to take away is being discussed by the same ones who want their privacy to be private and yet again the green wins, we have 640 MPs and if 30 MPs or more are discussing it , just had a quick count of 23, I would be surprised and shocked. how dare they force something through , democracy thrown out of the window.

  85. 85
    Fancy some discipline? says:

  86. 86
    Bluto says:

    FFS. Is this what Britain has come to?

    Is the fact that you are childish the reason you want to treat us all like children too?

  87. 87
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Ah! Been waiting to see you but not here every day. Here is how I replied days ago:


    Vote UKIP :-D

    (Especially after today’s confection of style over substance!)

  88. 88

    And very shrill, and shrieky. Like her mate Mensch.

    And not that bright — remember how she tried to take on Guido Fawkes? And the mess she made of that?

    I assume Mycroft is her new spad.

  89. 89
    Michael Portillo says:

    Barnes, Dolphin Square, North Wales, Haut Le Guarne, Mornington Crescent.

  90. 90
    Mycroft says:

    Counties are good, but there ain’t enough of them!

    So I chose regions, but the regions could and should be part of each county.

    I also think that ‘services’ should have a few seats each too, Representatives should really be that.

    Vote UKIP, doing anything else is almost entirely non-sensical and should require having your bumps read. :)

  91. 91
    Anonymous says:

    Deeply, deeply depressing. When did DC show good judgment? From parliament recall over Syria to choice of advisers/ friends ex NoTW and now demoting the most competent and committed minister of education in many years.

  92. 92
    RichUpNorth says:

    If she’s been put there to push HS2 through I think she’ll find that steam locos aren’t up to the job.

  93. 93
    Mycroft says:

    Well, when she wants a UKIP member as a SpAd I’ll be sure to put my name forward.

    Her performance with regard to a blogger with a paymaster is not a test I hold strongly to my heart, it is an indication of something, but as to whether it is a condemnation or just a weakness and foible I can’t judge.

    I judge my areas MPs by what they do and how they do it.

    Of the 6 in my area and adjacent, she is the only one that passes muster, all 6 are cons the other 5 are sh’t.

    I joined UKIP because I admire and cherish honesty and I will always ‘say what I see’, anything else is deception and that is worthless.

    You can hate what I say, you can rib me, taunt me even but I’ll say it straight.

    Too much bolleaux is spoken in Politics, gang mentality reigns and we get crap as a result, I want to do what I can to kill the crap and make things a bit ‘better’…

  94. 94
    Words fail says:


    This could become known as the Stasi Reshuffle, named for that diversion.

    Or, the Shrek Reshuffle, for the shrill, shrieky persons like this given government posts.

  95. 95
    Ockham's Razor says:

    I thought you were going more macro with regions (a la Europe) but see it was micro. Might be confusing to the Eurocrats, but perhaps that is your objective? :-)

  96. 96
    Professor Green says:

    Who carried her train?

  97. 97
    Braveheart says:

    You sound as though you really never got over your mother rejecting you. I have to say she made the right decision.

  98. 98
    monster raving loony party says:

    If you think the people are going to see any improvement in their day to day lives after this reshuffle think again.

    The only thing I can see on the horizon is multiple claims for additional payments for loss of office and bills for new office furniture and decorations.

  99. 99
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Very pleasant sitting here listening to Wagner’s Hockenheimring.

  100. 100
    Owen Jones says:

    You fucking wish I would you pervert😳😡

  101. 101
    Professor Green says:

    Soubry’s the one who makes unsupported claims on QT.

    “They come here to work.”

    “The ships are being built in this country.”

    Etc etc

    She’ll be BIG trouble.

  102. 102
    Eduardo Cojones says:

    There was an MP from Devizes
    With buffers of different sizes
    Now one was so small
    ‘Twas no buffer at all
    But the other won several prizes

  103. 103
    If Butler Sloss covered up for a Bishop she has perverted the course of jusice says:

    Yeah and she did so as part of a stunt designed to make her look so caring and ‘real’ . Daft bint.

  104. 104
    Anonymous says:

    Why Madam
    You did a similar motion when you walked out on your husband and Children in St.Thomas St. Old Portsmouth-What a disgrace.
    Was the fast track because your Daddy (Roy) was a former Euro Member- Four years is not enough for an Abinitio is it?

  105. 105
    The Reign of Terror 1997-2010 says:

    Caused by Gordon’s magnificent stewardship of the UK economy.

  106. 106
    Mycroft says:

    I will try for greater clarity in future.


    Vote UKIP!

  107. 107
    You must be joking says:

    See they’ve shoved a lot more bodies in to cover the green in the house of corruption.

  108. 108
    Mycroft says:

    Soubry is a dumb bint and no mistake.

    Thick as a blank domino.

    “Over-horsed” is the term we use around here, screw-up central is is sour-puss Soubry.

  109. 109

    Look at me! I’m a real journalist, impartially asking the probing and serious questions the public want to hear:

    On the green in Westminster at 7 to debate David Cameron's women problem with @GloriaDePieroMP and @KateMaltby. Weirdly no Tory MPs wd talk— Cathy Newman (@cathynewman) July 15, 2014

  110. 110

    I thought she was angling for some breast implants .

  111. 111

    Look at me! I’m a real journalist, impartially asking the probing and serious questions the public want to hear:

    My latest tweet:

    On the green in Westminster at 7 to debate David Cameron’s women problem with @GloriaDePieroMP and @KateMaltby. Weirdly no Tory MPs wd talk

  112. 112

    “My little baby sister
    Can do it with me
    Then we add a man
    And jt s called 1-2-3″

  113. 113
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    The important lesson we have all learned today is that if you will listen into other people’s telephone calls you can end up looking a complete prat wth egg on your face.

  114. 114
    Mycroft says:

    Wrong person, you are possibly mixing Caroline Noakes (nee Perry) with Claire Perry.

  115. 115

    MotherTeresa May was the best though .

    When she came out of No 10 in May/June 2010 she looked as though the weight of Atlas had been put on her shoulders and that the ground should swallow her there and then .

    She had just been made Home Secretary

    How propitious her angst has proven…

  116. 116
    Alexander Pope (who felt at home bare in the woods) says:

    Hündinnen hocken in den Wäldern?
    Sind Sie mich verarschen?

  117. 117
    Bill Quango MP says:

    That reshuffle in full:

    Cameron – “Gove, I want you to
    lay down a suppressing fire
    with the incinerators and
    fall back by squads to the
    APC, over.”

    Gove – “Say what? you want us to lay down?”

    Cameron – “Erm..no ..I said i want you to ..lay down a suppressing fire on the unions and erm..retreat back to the centre ground..and..”

    Gove “Say what?”

    RipleyMay whispers .. ” Its too late”

    Cameron ” I know”

  118. 118
    The BBC are cunts says:

  119. 119
    Diane Fatbott says:


  120. 120
    Less Trussed than Nick Clegg says:

    Nah that’s Liz Truss. ‘Former Liberal’ who’s very free with her favours.

    Got felt-up by Mark Field and no one know’s who’s the Daddy of her babbie. Mr Field’s wife cited Liz in her divorce.

    “A senior Conservative revealed: “The Tories have a system of established MPs acting as mentors to young activists. Liz, who very much wants to be an MP, was sent to ‘shadow’ Mark in his role but it seems Mark took his mentoring duties more seriously than intended.”

  121. 121
    Peter Mandlesonson says:

    Hmmm, have him oiled and sent to my tent

  122. 122
    Cyril Smith says:

    Pass me a new boy, this one’s split

  123. 123
    Karl Marx says:

    Aye, real socialists have a minimum of a 6 figure income. If you’re poor, Labour doesn’t want you, just your vote.

  124. 124
    ? says:

    Mycroft is not Mensch, is it ?

  125. 125
    Chris Bryant says:

    Bottom, you’re my kinda guy, are you lonely?

  126. 126
    Jimmy Saville minister for children says:

    Who’s the new Minister for little boys?

  127. 127
    S.Vettel says:

    Ich bevorzuge die Stammfahrer von Nürnberg, aber es müssen nach Hockenheim in diesem Jahr

  128. 128
    V.McCoy says:

  129. 129
    Lard Everard - Giant Cockroach says:


  130. 130

    Cameron is a goner.

    None of his Totties will save him come 2015.

    They’ll be out of office before they even get to grips with their new portfolios.

    He wants another coalition with the LibDems.

    He could get back in if he reached out to UKIP, but he won’t.

    The LibDems won’t want DC. They can’t survive another deal with him.

    They will reach out to Labour, and enter coalition with at best two cabinet seats.

    Someone turn out the lights then, or the Green Crap taxes will.

  131. 131

    Cameron is talking grade one bullshit.

    He has just said Gove is one of his “big hitters” so he moves him out of Education which effects all children in this country and makes him Chief Whip to deal with internal party politics.

    Internal party politics are now more important than your children’s education .

    Wake up and smell the coffee if you have a vote !

  132. 132
    Well! says:

    But the braindead in the North West will still vote for more misery next year when Liebour get in and when Liebour start cutting pensions and benefits and they find out at the same time Liebour don’t need them so don’t have to be nice to them, oh the joy to come.

  133. 133
    Anonymous says:

    Deep breath. I didn’t say she was a genius, I was just pointing out that the previous commenter shouldn’t be so to quick to dismiss her, apparently due to her lack of intelligence. And by the way, I thought Harvard was one of the best universities in the world? Surely that’s good thing and not a bad thing as you sarcastically suggest?

  134. 134
    Anonymous says:

    To go on the TV and say that Gove has not been demoted is bloody stupid.

  135. 135
    táxpáyér says:

    The palis are the regions gypos.

  136. 136
    You must be joking says:

    The dishonourable members are congratulating themselves for today’s work, third reading will be pushed through, you can even hear their fckin phones letting them know they have a message , more crap from Cooper.

  137. 137
    concrete pump says:


  138. 138
    The British media are cunts says:

    Well said, the BBC loves 3rd world immigration, so how come the likes of twats like Nikki Campbell haven’t been replaced by immigrants on min wage?

  139. 139
    Wymyn, you have nothing to lose but your dictionaries says:

    Feminism jumps the shark:


    (Delete + sign to get the right URL — it would be modded here otherwise.)

  140. 140
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Die Walküre an absurden Geschwindigkeit!

    Abstimmung UKIP :-D

  141. 141
    Ockham's Razor says:


  142. 142
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Ständige Sitzungen im Bundestag, die können selbst für eine Kanzlerin manchmal ganz schön langenweilig sein.

  143. 143
    Ockham's Razor says:

    I have never knowingly fucked an MP but they all appear to have fucked me.

  144. 144
    on bennies and food banks says:

    Crisis, what crisis?

  145. 145
    Tachybaptus says:

    Gove was sacked for succeeding. Proof, if proof were needed, that Cameron is a socialist.

  146. 146
    ████ 'changed my tune ' Hoon says:


  147. 147
    Ockham's Razor says:


    Appreciate your aim. Seriously. Wonder if it is as easy to do as say…

  148. 148
    Anonymous says:

    Harvard is so good Andy Hornby, late of Halifax B.S. came top of the class.

  149. 149
    hmmmmm says:

    That usually gobby little shite Chris Bryant has gone really quiet lately, I wonder why.

  150. 150
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Hamas are so fucking stupid that they have lost the advantage they get from such a large proportion of the biased world media.

    Bibi, often criticised by the bedwetters, has played this one superbly well.

  151. 151
    this country is full and overflowing says:

    I ldo not, as don’t the majority of the indigenous English population, need a totally biased BBC socialist skewed programme, made with my money, telling me that it’s all O.K. to have the rest of the world invading this country.

    There should be a total ban on any immigration for the foreseeable future and all efforts should be focused on first of all removing the two million plus illegal immigrants and then encouraging the removal of the rest of the incomers.

  152. 152
    Anonymous says:

    Even Jimmy is slightly to the right of this cockalition government ffs.

  153. 153
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    So Cable and Sergeant Smith stay in their jobs? Two dickheads who take incompetence to new uncharted depths.

    Well done Cameron, you twerp.

  154. 154
    One of Jon Snow's Awful Ties says:

    No you’re not, you’re an irritating leftie being paid at my expense. Go away.

  155. 155
    The British media are cunts says:

    I see Stella Greasy is still bitching away about the new rules in pay day loan companies, yet this dopey dyke fails to mention this type of business started up under Labour who did nothing to regulate it. When challenged Greasy just refuses to answer. I seem to remember some of the directors of these companies made big personal donations to Labour.

  156. 156
    Bouncer the Dog says:

    She could be one of your Neighbours, everybody loves good Neighbours…

  157. 157
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    As i said on a previous thread, if the government can lose 114 files and rendition documents due to flooding in Diego Garcia then any corporation/phone company/ISP can do the same when asked for data by the authorities.

    Just say that the requested data was lost/destroyed in a server crash/fire/flood etc.

    What’s sauce for the establishment goose is sauce for the corporate gander :-)

  158. 158
    Niki Lauda says:

    Wagner’s music is better suited to the Nordschleife, my favourite track.

  159. 159
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:


  160. 160
    anon says:

    Even worse, he’s an out of the closet LibDem.

  161. 161
    Sir Peter Morrison, PPS to Mrs Thatcher says:

    There are no child abusers in the Tory party and there never have been. Only Labour and Lib Dems have nonces. Even though I was exposed as a p*edophile after my death, there nonetheless have never been any child abusers in our party. Bumsex is sick, as my good hetero friends Keith Joseph, Lord Boothby, Harvey Proctor, Peter Hayman and Sir Rhodes Boyson will tell you.

  162. 162
    The Portuguese Hat Monkey says:

    To be insulted by Blowing Whistles is a sure sign that what you have said is right.

  163. 163
    Sir says:

    It’s A-ffects NOT E-ffects, you at the back of the class.

  164. 164
    Sir Peter Morrison, PPS to Mrs Thatcher says:

    To all my friends, such as the “Doctor” at Dolphin Square and my friends who enjoyed the parties during Brighton conference, I say not to worry. Our secrets will always be safe. Mr Cameron may be a bit dim but he’s not really going to let your secrets get out while you’re still alive. Remember, we’re all in this together. Just as Mr Blair has looked after the secrets of his friends, Mr Cameron and Miss May will protect yours. And remember, if any of the belligerent working class vermin we enjoyed at our parties threaten to expose us, our special connections can always disappear them.

    Don’t forget to make copies of the London Tape. That was one of my favourites in my day. We had such a good laugh watching that 8 year old get buggered, mutilated and decapitated. One of the perks of being the party of traditional values is no one suspects you trading in child snuff. Maggie wasn’t a fan but she agreed to cover it up anyway. Toot toot.

  165. 165
    albacore says:

    Only tens of thousands – Dave gave his word
    Any more per annum would be absurd
    Still, that definition’s so nice and blurred
    It includes all the millions that occurred

    (I’d have used a different last line there
    But one rhyming word makes Fawkes tear his hair)

  166. 166
    Mata Hari says:

    But it will never be lost as gchq will always have a copy,and the nsa and those nice chinese people who built our network routers.

  167. 167
    Anonymous says:

    The Tories must lose the next election just to wipe that smug, arrogant smirk from Cameron’s face even if it means Miliband will be the next PM. At least a Miliband led Labour government will piss off Dan Hodges.

  168. 168
    'Gypsy' Dave Cooper says:

    Why are UKIP always fourth when listing them in order?

    It should be LD or would that be too radical. Wankers.

  169. 169
    The British media are cunts says:

    Fat Polly in Newsnight talking about Gove, will anyone mention what sort of school she sent her kids to?

  170. 170
    Anonymous says:

    I think that is called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

  171. 171
    Tachybaptus says:

    Cameron’s reshuffle is so like that famous scene in Downfall that to do another mash-up would be superfluous.

  172. 172
    you need more than a bulldozer says:

    Perhaps a ice-braker ploughing through all before it. Still HS2 may be sold by Cameron down the river.

    Putting a tunnel under any old motorway would do the trick.

  173. 173
    HH says:

    sexist reshuffle

  174. 174
    The Portuguese Hat Monkey says:

    Yes, I have expressed an opinion, as you do far too often, and in doing so reveal yourself as a truly nasty individual.

  175. 175
    Anonymous says:

    Thee Tory vote has declined election by election over the years
    and they will be lucky to hit around 30% of the turnout this time.

    The redrawing of boundaries has not come about quickly enough to save the day and the Lib – Dems North of Wolverhampton will probably vote Labour in sizeable numbers and possibly the South West will do something similar.

    The Tories lifelines are in the Southern Shires and a few other shires but UKIP will eat into some safe seats I’m sure. Not enough to win outright but enough to cause jitters from the right wing.

    Milliband will trundle on as Labour voters vote for party not leaders. If they only get 32% of the vote they will join in a different Coalition with
    remaining Lib – Dems.They will have a majority between them but no
    great mandate.

    Whomever wins the Election they have the unenviable task of implementing the real deep tranche of austerity cuts ( somewhere in the region of 55- 60 % of Public spending cuts over the next Parliament).

    The choice will be be: Offend the Bankers or offend the Electorate. It has always been thus.

    Enjoy your Austerity and keep a wary eye on your bank accounts.

  176. 176
    Cabinet Secretary says:

    Speaking on behave of current and past Cabinet Secretarys since WW2 we judge, and not lightly, Duncan Smith is not up to the job and the worst minister any of us have ever experienced.

    Why does Cameron keep him?

    How will the mess at DWP be covered up?

  177. 177
    lojolondon says:

    As thick as a teak sleeper, she will do whatever Brave Dave wants, like a proper trained ape.

  178. 178
    Joss Taskin says:

    Have you heard of alphabetical order ?

  179. 179
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:

  180. 180
    Lionel Asbo says:

    Fucken Sie off mit your krautisch talk. Win the World Cup and they come on here taking liberties.

  181. 181
    David Axlegrease says:

  182. 182
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    So why all the fuss over legislating for corporations having to keep data for 12 months then if the authorities already have a copy?

  183. 183
    post David Davies says:

    Philip Davies’ star is up.
    The star of Philip Davies is on the rise.

    Phillips of Netherlands says: why is the above “double dutch”
    All the magnification is in the ear. 2 ears equals (=)

    Given that man is not in the jungle anymore, property prices have got the message and done wonders in Waltham forest. Post Robin Hood of Nottingham forest fame, Specific fruits of the forest are worthy at present. Try blackberries.

  184. 184
    Anonymous says:

    I love Claire Perry and am not ashamed to say so.

    She is the finest lady in the cabinet.

    It was lovely to see the Conservative ladies at the grave of Emily Pankhusrt.

    Emily would have been very proud that current members of a party that was so vitriolic
    in its oppostion to Womens Votes are heaping praise on the Suffragette Movement.

    Brought an ironic tear to my eye it did.

    PR is everything these days.

  185. 185
    Anonymous says:

    I love Claire Perry and am not ashamed to say so.

    She is the finest lady in the cabinet.

    It was lovely to see the Conservative ladies at the grave of Emily Pankhusrt.

    Emily would have been very proud that current members of a party that was so vitriolic
    in its oppostion to Womens Votes are heaping praise on the Suffragette Movement.

    Brought an ironic tear to my eye it did.

    PR is everything these days.

  186. 186
    Anonymous says:

    Maybe his mouth is full?

  187. 187
    Anonymous says:

    They’re just playing catch up.

  188. 188
    Anonymous says:

    I dont understand the reshuffle,Some of the clowns are dressed up like women but it is still the same old circus.

  189. 189
    Poeticus says:

    Tot up your totties
    And what you have got is

  190. 190
    Jimmy says:

    Four days.

    Who says demos don’t work?

  191. 191

    ‘It is only after a term or two the head recognises they have taken on a lemon,’

    [michael gove, secretary of state for not very much at all any more, sept 2012]

  192. 192

    Michael Gove did not fail. I did however find it necessarily retrospectively to adjust the passing grade boundary.

  193. 193
    The stooge in no. 10 whose purpose is common with Vacant Ned's says:

    Didn’t I do well ?

  194. 194
    Mick Abrams (one of Kelly's heroes) says:

    Wenn Sie heute aus dem Wald zurückkommen wollen, empfehle ich Ihnen, die M1 zu nehmen.

  195. 195
    Maelstroms suck says:

    Wenn Sie im Kreis gehen, dann ist der einzige Weg nach unten.

  196. 196
    Cameron's toast says:


  197. 197
    Why is the BBC ? says:

    Because the other 5.92 are women. Duh !

  198. 198
    Jive-Arse says:

    A true classic is never out of date, even if it comes from across the Pond.

  199. 199
    Mandy the floater says:

    I’ve come over all emotional.

  200. 200
    Old Cock says:

    Never wear green. It indicates that you’re a cuckold.

  201. 201
    Dave's purpose is to take the UK into the state of FUBAR, in common with the rest of the LibLabCon says:

    “Why does Cameron keep him ?” You seem to have already answered your own question.

  202. 202
    Tachybaptus says:

    Let’s get this straight. Gove has done his best to sort out the shitty mess that socialists, starting as long ago as the 1960s, have made of our country’s education system. He has been quite successful but it is a long-term job. He has run into opposition from the corrupt educational establishment and it has caused trouble. His weak and foolish boss Cameron, easily swayed by public opinion, has stupidly pulled him out.

    None of this has anything to do with your spiteful quotation of a remark he made in another context.

  203. 203
    I can see clearly now says:

    LD = stone-age propagandists.

  204. 204
    Jason Bourne says:

    @Chufa Train
    Beware of US involvement in Eton. You’re likely to meet your Waterloo.

  205. 205
    Every Socialist government has a silver lining says:

    I reckon there’s going to be a market for mattresses with lockable compartments pretty soon.

  206. 206


  207. 207
    Play this in every University says:

  208. 208
    Dolphin Square Club says:

    We’ll keep your usual suite for you Willy

  209. 209
    Dolphin Square Club says:

    Would be funny if it wasn’t all true

  210. 210
    Enemy of the State says:

    Rolf Harris imitates a locomotive:

  211. 211
    Anonymous says:

    Dame Millicent Garrett Fawcett, President of the National Union of Women’s Suffrage Societies (NUWSS) and co-founder of Newnham College, was a member of the Liberal Unionist Party. It was initially allied to the Conservative Party and eventually merged with it.

    The NUWSS was the main suffragist movement in the UK.

  212. 212
    constituency trainbound says:

    pathetic nonsense … the powers are no more than those already available and given there is a sunset clause perhaps better framed to give the bedwetters some comfort

  213. 213
    constituency trainbound says:

    ‘I joined UKIP because I admire and cherish honesty’

    yeah right

  214. 214
    Please be minding the gap says:

    She trained for hours to get the timing right.

  215. 215
    atters says:

    what are you on ?
    it rises in the south … wanders north towards hampstead and then resets in the south again

  216. 216
    albacore says:

    The Locomotion, that ain’t Dave’s song
    Seeing as how he shuffles along
    Somebody give him some straight-laced shoes
    His tune’s St James Infirmary Blues

  217. 217
    pedant says:

    don’t waste your breath

  218. 218
    Please be minding the gap says:

    Let the games begin – just effinwell get on with it.

  219. 219
    George Galloway says:

    I’m opening a new cafe for Ramadan and opening between sunrise and sunset. I’m going to call it ‘All you can’t eat.’

  220. 220
    Owen Jones says:

    I go nuts if a Christian bakery refuses to make a cake for a gay wedding, but Muslim schoolteachers wanting gays to be stoned to death is OK.

  221. 221
    z says:

    its not funny in any sense

  222. 222
    Labour...mendacious expedient sociopaths says:

    not quite as smug and trite as tristram hunt whose unqualified teacher jibe wears thinner and thinner

  223. 223
    Labour...mendacious expedient sociopaths says:

    this lad is such a c’unt you just have to chuckle

  224. 224
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:



  225. 225
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    The practical effect of this reshuffle is that there will be more people sitting in on Cabinet Meetings.

    Has any member of the Press calculated and published the extra expense this will cost the taxpayer? Of course not.

    Esther McVey has the same job as before, gets to sit in on a few meetings and gets a pay increase which will needless to say impact upon her pension and loss of office package.

    Voters are plain stupid.

  226. 226
    Deviant behaviour is king or Queen? says:

    …..Full of what?….oooo.. don,t answer that, ..the mind boggles!

  227. 227
    A hypocrite despises those whom he deceives, but has no respect for himself says:

    Huh! BW – attacking & smearing yet again … How telling of his ignorance. All others “Flattered” as ever.



  228. 228
    SEXIST DAVE says:

    I only apoint people on their sexual prefernces or gender
    Women and homo’s , i dont care if they are any good at the job
    I just pander to the labour party and the hacks

  229. 229
    A1 says:

    Any party that has whips is anti-democratic.

  230. 230
    Anonymous says:

    An old boiler like Soubry might have been a better choice.

  231. 231
    Anonymous says:

    “Claire Perry Does the Locomotion”
    The HS2 train currently tearing through your boondocks station, is the non-dispenser of any financial advantage to the sticks squander project. Would-be unwilling passengers are advised to step away from the edge of the hype, for fear they may get sucked in.

  232. 232
    RickB says:

    No doubt that Soubry will be gone at the General Election – a majority of just 390.

    We will bring her down – vote UKIP.

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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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