July 10th, 2014

It Was Meant to Be a Joke

As revealed by Guido yesterday – and followed up on the front-pages today – government files relating to Diego Garcia and rendition have mysteriously suffered from flood damage.

Co-conspirators point out, this excuse is hardly watertight.

As Yes, Minister puts it:

“It is possible to remove everything of significance from a file released under the 30-year rule by saying that it is complete except for: 
a. A small number of secret documents. 
b. A few documents which are part of still active files.
c. Some correspondence lost in the floods of 1967.
d. Some records which went astray in the move to London.
e. Other records which went astray when the Department was reorganized.
f. The normal withdrawal of papers whose publication could give grounds for an action for libel of breach of confidence or cause embarrassment to friendly governments.”

Appropriately, Sir Humprey’s quote is from an episode called Skeleton in the Cupboard.


  1. 1
    BZ says:

    Glad you took in the Guardianistas

  2. 2
    Bill says:

    The 30-year rule…

    So when will we get to see the 30 year-old documents pertaining to Geoffrey Dickins’ dossier?

  3. 3
    Ghost of Leon says:

    err.. I’ve forgot what Lord Janner did !

  4. 4
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    Some documents stored in the Somerset Levels underground bunker facility,

  5. 5

    G’uardian taken out by a bludger ?

    Have they lost sight of the snitch ?

    They should click their heels and get back to K’ansas pronto before the Scarecrow gets them again.

  6. 6
    Janitor says:

    So… if that certain labour peer will not face charges of historical child abuse due to having dementia, then will that same dementia prevent him from being able to mount a libel case against anyone who outs him as a p’aedophile?

  7. 7
    The Lone Ranger says:

    Strange, this episode appears to be missing from youtube’s collection. Water damage?

  8. 8
    ? says:

    By the 2015 election all three main parties are going suffer because of this kiddy fiddling scandal worse than they did in 2010 as result of the expenses malarkey.

  9. 9
    Anonymous says:

    It must be nice to be in government. You can be a paedo, render people illegally and have the spooks shred your files while getting said spooks to spy on the proles and not shred those files of them going about their normal innocuous business.

  10. 10
    Owen Jones says:

    Thank you for the medical advice ;-)

  11. 11
    decnine says:

    They were waterboarded

  12. 12

    Could be bad news for some.

    Excellent way to check for leaks: Put some high pressure fluid into the system.

    But did the papers pick up the story from here ?

    Unlikely – but we now know who may share a source with whom. Good, innit.

  13. 13
    ???? says:

    Exclusive: Jo Swinson tipped to replace Ed Davey in Lib Dem cabinet reshuffle

  14. 14

    We’ve got copies ofvthem all, if it helps.

  15. 15
    Lee O'Britain says:

    Have I got dementia yet?

  16. 16
    Sue Denim says:

    I should get your prostate checked.

  17. 17

    We are still waiting for permission to clear out the drainage channeld.

  18. 18
    what a gay dave says:

    The role of politicians is to retain their seat in the lifeboat while trying to convince the rest of us that the water is just fine

  19. 19
    Bill Quango MP says:

    it was all so long ago…

    Missing documents

    Some stored on the Piper Alpha platform.
    Some were accidentally scrapped along with the CV Ark Royal
    Some buried with livestock during the foot and mouth crisis.
    Some used as fuel for civil servants in Whitehall during the winter of discontent
    Some documents used as emergency toilet paper for the ‘two bowls’ former deputy PM.
    Some files lost during the transition from Dos to Windows.
    Some files inaccessible due to being stored on magnetic computer tape and the machines for playing becoming obsolete and destroyed
    Some papers thrown in a bin by Oliver Letwin
    Some papers lost during the desks and cabinets thrown from windows period.. 2007-2010.

  20. 20
    YOUR Lord Janner says:

    Try me!

  21. 21
    Me says:

    Judging by some of the comments here, it seems to have gone over some people’s heads.

    Please explain if you are saying that the report of some files being lost in a flood is a joke OR that the use of that excuse originated as a joke in Yes Minister.

  22. 22
    YOUR Lord Janner says:

    In Today’s Daily Mail

    ” Has your pet got dementia?”

    Don’t call me pet.

  23. 23
    Drummond Base says:

    Vital documents of national interest lost.

    Out of interest how many people will be sacked for this gross incompetence?

    (answer: nobody, it’s the public sector)

  24. 24
    bbc lefties at large says:

    is it with tony’s dodgey dossier ?

  25. 25
    Civil, possibly, but no servant says:

    Dos to Windows, that’s for 2020

  26. 26
    Jimmy says:

    The proper quote is even better:

    Jim: How am I going to explain the missing documents to the Mail?
    Sir Humphrey: Well this is what we normally do in, circumstances like these. [hands over a file]
    Jim: [reading] This file contains the complete set of papers, except for a number of secret documents, a few others which are part of still active files, a few others lost in the flood of 1967. [to Humphrey] Was 1967 a particularly bad winter?
    Sir Humphrey: No a marvellous winter, we lost no end of embarrassing files.

  27. 27
    sssssssh .... don't go out in the woods without your fieldgun chum says:

    and the rest carefully retrieved post mortem

  28. 28
    Twit says:

    ” Pope to employ Chris Patten” #Innocent face

  29. 29
    NHS helpline says:

    try dyno-rod

  30. 30
    hamilton is a clown says:

    it’s probably in the same sodden pile as the files on Jimmy Saville and records of the briefings given to Prince Charles and Lady Thatcher warning them of his predilections.

  31. 31
    My five, six and 007 says:

    There are files we think we have lost, files we know we have lost, files we don’t know we have lost, and then the ‘ others’!

  32. 32
    Margaret Moran says:

    You do look a bit depressed.

  33. 33
    Opus Dai says:

    Patten has always been an employee of the Vatican

  34. 34
    Stan Collymore, professionally offended minority says:

    Today I will mostly be hitting women with an open hand.

    Those white bitches love it, they are all slags. They like it best when I pull their hair.

  35. 35
    Campbells soup says:

    Not as funny as the ‘good day to bury bad news’ gag

  36. 36
    OMG says:

    Guido Fawkes ✔ @GuidoFawkes
    In February and March 2014 MPs made 32,000 expenses claims with a value of £3.6m.

    Last time I counted there were only 650 of the buggers

  37. 37
    Unlucky Alf says:


  38. 38
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    They were burned during the strike. Members on the picket line were given old papers as fuel for their braziers.

  39. 39
    OMG says:

    It took a month for psychologists to decide whether Pistorious was suffering from anxiety, and 2 doctors ten minutes to diagnose Janner. Funny that.

  40. 40
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Or both? Or, indeed, neither.

  41. 41
    Ernest Saunders says:

    A court should decide. Charge him, otherwise they’ll all try it.

  42. 42
    Alan Rusbridger says:

    It Was Meant to Be a Joke

  43. 43
    Ockham's Razor says:

    They got so fat they had to wear them for their manboobs.

  44. 44
    BBC 24hr rolling bollocks says:

    I operate a similar 30 year rule when it comes to my wardrobe.
    The shit I used to wear in 1984 was indeed scandalous.

  45. 45
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Will he hang out under Blackfriars Bridge?

  46. 46
    Intertec Superbrain says:

    You mean they’re not still using CP/M?

  47. 47
    Ernest Saunders says:

    And then when, on account of having dementia, he gets off scot-free, he makes a remarkable full recovery. As you do. From an incurable irreversible neurological illness.

  48. 48
    You can trust Labour with Britain's finances. Honest. says:

    “There’s no money left! Tee-hee!” – Liam Byrne.

  49. 49
    Disgruntled Joe Public says:

    If we had trust in our politicians and knew them to be honest!
    What do we get?
    Liars, thieves, con-men/wimmen, hypocrites, and sexual deviants.
    Our fault for electing the trash, albeit on questionable majorities (and postal votes of course).

  50. 50
    George Galloway says:

    “We have enough missiles to fire for a year on a daily basis non-stop.” Same people who say Gaza has no $ for food, shelter, salaries

    Utter scumbags

  51. 51
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Unions fury at Tory strike ballot ‘hypocrisy’ as millions take to streets

    If this sounds rather unfamiliar, just consider that it is the Liverpool Echo. That explains all.


  52. 52
    left wing shouty person says:

    Aaargh I hate you I know I was brought up in the shires and wouldn’t know a Palestinian from an Israeli if they were stood in front of me and know absolutely fuck all about what’s going on but I’m soooo angry.

  53. 53
    Echo says:

    Unions fury at Tory strike ballot ‘hypocrisy’ as millions take to streets

  54. 54
    FellowHQ says:

    That’s what happens with waterboarding – water gets everywhere.

  55. 55
    Cinna says:

    Not to mention the 114 (approx) missing files from the Home Office. Incidentallt when are we going to get the titles of those files?

  56. 56
    Vauxhall Hooton down the road says:

    Ellesmere Port market was closed, but then the market staff will go on strike at the drop of a union hat, effects all those hard working market stall holders and the people in 4 small cafes in the market all having a forced day off, sack the market staff and employ some of the loads of Polish people who can’t get a job at Great Bear as it’s full up at a cheaper rate.

  57. 57
    Rolf says:

    I blame Jimmy Saville for losing the documents and for everything else.

  58. 58
    Dudley West Midlands says:

    The teachers round by us are too fucking lazy to man the picket lines

    The are all eating cake at the Merry Hill Center


  59. 59
    Jack Ketch says:

    Have you considered that it is not just the politicians this time, the blame extends to the Police (already revealed as rotten) to the judiciary and the whole higher civil service. It’s the old “Establishment” bunch again–maybe this time lamppost fodder.

  60. 60
    Name the St Albans Two says:

    Who are the two convicted criminal perverts mentioned in the top story here


    Name the St Albans Two

  61. 61
    Pissing in the Wind says:

    A clever suggestion, and were there a real commitment to open government it might be pursued but the object is to whitewash Parliament. If Cameron et. al. were serious a police force (other than the Met) would be involved rather than amateurs.

  62. 62
    Anthony Linton Blair says:

    Filed away with papers telling the truth about the murder of Dr. D@vid Kelly.

  63. 63

    Another source that is chasing Guidos tail. Keep in the lead Guido!

  64. 64
    Pissing in the Wind says:

    According to Permanent Secretary Mark Sedwill before the Home Office Select Committee, it was standard practice to destroy documents of “this type”. He was not asked what marked out these particular documents for destruction.
    Funny that.

  65. 65
    Dixon's not at Dock Green anymore says:

    It was always going to be problematic when ACPO was formed. It created another enclosed group that could be drip-fed with “hand picked” members that are “ad idem” with the Establishment. It also means that “Coppers’Coppers” don’t get considered for the top jobs. Just another step on the way to total control from Westminster.

  66. 66
    Winston! Start another, old chap. says:

    You would be seriously surprised how long it takes to erase this sort of information. Not like that 1984 crap where it’s just typed in. This requires real expertise. Can’t just cross something out and scrawl in something else, one has to arrange for entire Departments to be lost in “natural disasters”. Have you any idea how long it took to arrange the last war and get the buggers to bomb our archives?

  67. 67
    British establishment = Nonces and nonce colaborators says:

    Not forgetting those self proclaimed fearless champions of the common people, our beloved bent MSM.

  68. 68
    It aint going away this time round says:

    The yanks, the !sraelites and the Russians almost certainly know the full extent of the pee-dough rot within the stinking british establishment.

    Whether this is by intelligence gathering or active involvement in setting up the entrapment operations, remains to be seen.

  69. 69
    Vanessa says:

    Stan hit me.

  70. 70

    Fair play Guido you suckered me right in on tnis one .

    But it was nt April 1st!!

    You really are full of cunning and low guile .

    We ll have to watch you …..

  71. 71
    Mable & Cunt says:

    How long before “TOR” is banned or Google, Yahoo and co are told to remove it from their search links?

  72. 72
    Jack Ketch says:

    I forgot about them. I was recently reading up on the Boothby-Kray affair. The “Express” had the dirt on Boothby, but wouldn’t run with such a story against such a top Tory and tupper-in-chief of Mrs Macmillan. The “Mirror” picked up the story and ran with it until Cecil King realised that Tom Driberg was part of the same gang of toffs being supplied by the Krays with Cockney lads. The “Mirror” dropped the story, paid Boothby £40,000 (£650,000 today) in damages and fired an honest editor. Cover up indeed.

  73. 73
    non taxable pikey says:

    Ford Open Prison, leading the World in miracle cures.

  74. 74
    Department for Injustice says:

    Not at all.

    It was used in a recent court case by a council explaining why it no longer had any relevant emails on its server. (Claimed to have all been lost whilst transferring records from IBM to Microsoft sotware. As if they wouldn’t have backed everything up before they started…..)

    Lies and contempt of court, but surprisingly the judge didn’t see it…..

  75. 75
    Nurse Butler Sloshed says:

    Don’t you remember? – I told you yesterday.

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