July 8th, 2014

SPEAKER WATCH: Bercow isn’t Happy

John Bercow is a little cross. Short-tempered, you might say. Definitely not Happy. Why? Well, some small-minded MPs have been making jokes about the Speaker’s height, presumably hoping they would go over his head. 5ft6 Bercow’s attempts to be the bigger person fell short, however, when he claimed that mocking someone’s size was only a little off racism or homophobia:

“Whereas nobody these days would regard it as acceptable to criticise someone on grounds of race or creed or disability or sexual orientation, somehow it seems to be acceptable to comment on someone’s height, or lack of it”

Equality campaigners say that’s a tall order. Guido would poke fun, but feels that’s beneath him…


  1. 1
    Vote Dave? Get stuffed says:

    Is he feeling grumpy?

  2. 2
    Major Minor says:

    That’s enough of this small talk. Move on to serious issues.

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:


    And tell that oik to stand up when he talks to me.

  4. 4
    So Why is Porn a public health issue for Abbott? says:


  5. 5
    Looking for Sally's Ring says:

  6. 6
    Timmy Tour says:

    His complaints should be given short shrift

  7. 7
    Ronnie Corbet says:

    I agree with the Squeeker.

  8. 8
    Come on Chelsea says:

    David Mellor. You don’t hear from him for 20 years, then suddenly like a rash he is all over the meeja. What’s woken him?

  9. 9
    Nappyoleon says:

    I was a bossy conceited little cvnt as well

  10. 10

    It is not the fact that he is a diminutive, underdeveloped, insignificant, puny, undersized, squat, stunted runt which makes him so widely reviled.

    Much simpler.

    His thinking is poor and his wife is a whore.

  11. 11
    Parliament is a Gay Disco says:

    It’s Fugly week

  12. 12
    When Johnny met Sally says:

  13. 13
    Casual Observer 2 says:

    The shits concerning the inquiries.

  14. 14
    WoRaft Chihuahua says:

    Short people of the world, unite and end this tyranny of the top shelf in the supermarket.

  15. 15
    Comrade Owen Jones says:

    Thousands of Secret KGB Espionage Documents Are Now Available for Public Viewing http://rss2twi.com/link?post_id=1572201

  16. 16
    Arsene Allnight says:

    Wasn’t it that skinny foreign bird who he let wear his Chelsea shirt till she pulled it off?

  17. 17
    Unlucky Alf says:

    John bumped into Sally at the weekend and got a nasty crack on the head.

  18. 18
    Deputy Speakers anal probe says:

    Good for him, it’s about time he put his built up foot down.

  19. 19
    Silly Sally B13COW says:

    I prefer big boys, so I go out a lot.

  20. 20
    Slim says:

    Thing about Greedough is that he’s a fat Lardarse Blubbergut who would have a heart attack if he tried to excercise his Todger. The kind of Fatso we used to take the piss out of at school.

  21. 21
    Dead Tree Porn says:


  22. 22
    A1 says:

    Equality now! Make more porn for women!

  23. 23
    Well says:

    My granny would tell him to stop making
    such a fuss and just grow up.

  24. 24
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    As an Alpha male, Bercow must be embarrassed that he struggles to put food on the table.

  25. 25
    what a gay dave says:

    Are there any websites where these 20 westminster pedos are named?

  26. 26
    On another planet says:

    Whereas nobody these days would regard it as acceptable to criticise someone on grounds of race or creed or disability or sexual orientation,

    He must live in a strange place then.

  27. 27
    hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihooooooooooooooooooooooo says:

  28. 28
    Pepetitive Strain Injury says:

    But what are the health issues?

    Blindness? Sprained wrists?

  29. 29
    Enoch powell says:

    What about rights for ginger or fat or thin or lazy or people with bo. But four eyed glasses wearers, they’re just wankers

  30. 30
    Sally Bercow says:

    I wish I was Snow White. I could advertise 7 Up lemonade for Coca Cola.

  31. 31
    You'll find them here old chap says:


  32. 32
    Little John says:

    Why aren’t ‘ Comments Off’ on this thread?

  33. 33
    The Young Ones says:

    Hello Kitty…..

  34. 34
  35. 35
    Billiam says:

  36. 36
    Ah! but says:

    Every cloud…

    He loves eating the fuzz standing up.

  37. 37
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    Your piss taking abilities haven’t improved much since then.

  38. 38

    More than 85 rockets fired from Gaza into Israel on Monday.

    What do we hear from the BBC? Nothing. Sweet fuck all.

    Unless you go to their Middle East page:
    “Israel has carried out more air strikes on the Gaza Strip, following dozens of rockets fired by the Palestinian Islamist movement Hamas.”

    A model of balanced reporting?

    Israel is the aggressor for retaliating. Hamas are the victims for attacking first.

    When is the BBC going to be dismantled?

  39. 39
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    Get out more … for a spot of dogging ??!

  40. 40
    Ah! try says:


  41. 41
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    Nothing a little stepladder can’t sort.

  42. 42
    R Sally says:

    Someone asked me if I have ever been picked up by the fuzz.

    I said no but I’ve been swung round by my t1ts.

  43. 43
    Anonymous says:

    That’s the long and short of it alright.

  44. 44
    Who wud've guessed she wants 2 b Labour Mare? says:

  45. 45
    Peeping Tom says:

    I was only following Diane Abbott’s advice your honor

  46. 46
    WoRaft Chihuahua says:

    If you fall off a wobbly pile of Gruaniads whilst reaching up, yes.

  47. 47
    Alan Douglas says:

    Stature has nothing to do with physical height. He has neither.

  48. 48
    Diane Abbot says:

    And here is a photo of me entertaining the invisible man.

  49. 49
    Birmingham's state education system says:

    All white Western women are whores.

  50. 50
    RNIB Stag Party says:

    Get em out fer the lads.

  51. 51
    Vidal Baboon says:

    £500 for that fucking haircut! Someones having a larf!

  52. 52
    Anonymous says:

    Blimey, that Idi Amin has let himself go.

  53. 53
    Sitting in his £2 million mansion paid for by you, Ed Miliband says:

    Houthing cwythith in London? I am not aware of thutch a cwythith.

  54. 54
    Putin (5'7") & Medvedev (5'4") says:

    Stop whining, Bercow. Do the British thing. Form the Vertically Challenged Awareness Campaign and bag a whole lot of taxpayers money.

  55. 55
    Bert says:

    Has he ever been seen together with Guy Maurice Marie Louise [sic] Verhofstadt?

  56. 56
    Birmingham's state education system says:

    Quite. Clearly he needs to visit Birmingham, where we will tell him what we tell our children: Non-Muslims are worthless whores and dogs.

  57. 57
    DVLA says:

    John’s bought a new private reg plate… M1DGT

  58. 58
    Bert says:

    Disclaimer: SC’s post was paid for by the publishers of the new, pop-up edition of Roget’s Thesaurus.

  59. 59
    Ah! good idea says:

    Air travellers with dodgy laptops, will be allowed to post them home. Surprising how many Muzzies live in 10 Downing Street.

  60. 60
    the management says:

    naked pictures of Diane – could be used like a health warning on cigarette packets, if they put her on a banner ad on the porn sites, it would kill off the industry immediately

  61. 61
    Unlucky Alf says:

    I bet it’s like going up in the loft :)

  62. 62
    Greggs says:

    Same as usual this week? 72 jam donuts and a kilo of cake ?

  63. 63

    Bercow is inching his way to oblivion.

  64. 64
    Walter Mitty says:

    I stopped as soon as I needed glasses …..

  65. 65
    The association of Halal abbatoirs 'Birmingham' says:


    ‘What we tell your children’

  66. 66
    Rolf Harris says:

    i’ve not turned down many opportunities, but in your case Diane, I just couldn’t sorry

  67. 67
    Little Johnny B13COW says:

    It’s right and proper that we should all have our own personal ‘Victim Card’ whether it’s for height ( or lack thereof ) for girth of waist, colour, religion, creed, hair colour, skin pigmentation, political affiliation or gender. We should all be able to scream out loudly, ‘Racist’, ‘Sexist’, heightist, fatist, etc.,etc.,

    We should all be able to go around whinging and whining about one or more of our individual attributes.

    Any compo available ?

  68. 68
    Old Tory Grandee says:

    I prefer small boys, me.

  69. 69
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    Her solution to the housing “problem” in London is Venezuelan economics – cap the selling price/rents of “exploitative landlords” and, by some magic, supply will be unaffected.

  70. 70
    Jacqui Smith says:

    Tell me about it!

  71. 71
  72. 72
    Anonymous says:


  73. 73
    noix says:

    Does that mean that fat people are horizontally unchallenged?

  74. 74

    Why is there no true synonym for thesaurus?

  75. 75
    Whack-a-mole says:

    Ugh! Desmond Tutu with tits.

  76. 76
    Grumpy says:

    Actually it’s not pleasant what society deems is acceptable to throw at short people. Now I’m a live and live sort of guy but what annoys is that some inherited characteristics are deemed worthy of protected status (race, religion, gender) and others aren’t. Personally I’d throw the lot in the bin and just ask that people are nicer to each other and/or develop a thicker skin.

    It’s the double standards that annoys.

    Cue abuse. Just when you right it put in a racial insult and not a short one and see how that makes you feel.

  77. 77
  78. 78
    Anonymous says:

    “Bercow isn’t Happy”
    This may be something of a tall order-order, for you John. But the measure of a human is not their physical stature. It is the way they conduct themselves. More a case of never mind the height, marvel at the magnitude of the humanity manifested.

  79. 79
    Witty Monker says:

    Yeah, we’ve heard about you with seven dwarves, and that John wasn’t among them.

  80. 80
    AlecM says:

    Bet his Dad served on a Midget Submarine!

  81. 81
    Morgan's Organ says:

    Grumpy was having a bad height day.

  82. 82
    Bob Rusk says:

    Interestingly, Napoleon (about 5’8″) was taller than Nelson (about 5’4″) although the press at the time always portrayed Napoleon as a short arse.

  83. 83
    Mr Kipling says:

    I found a couple in my garden the other day

  84. 84
    Ellie-Mae (9) says:

  85. 85
    Cinna says:

    He obviously doesn’t read this blog then.

  86. 86
    wrinkled weasel says:

    I peaked at 5’6″ and personally it has never worried me. It seems to worry other people, but mostly it is a blessing. I get ignored by pushy sales people and gate-keepers. It is practically a cloak of invisibility, unless you start jumping up and down and squeaking, in which case, you get called a noisy little shit.

    Sorry, if this sounds a bit sour, I woke up feeling Grumpy.

  87. 87
    Cinna says:

    His demeanour and conduct has always fallen short of that required for his high office.

  88. 88
    Cinna says:

    In fact he’s just not up to it.

  89. 89
    5ft 5in, never been on Crackerjack says:

    I’m agreeing with the Speaker on this one.

    People should stick to discussing the issues of the day and not make personal comments.

  90. 90
    Anonymous says:

    Surely having a body fat percentage similar to that of a pork scratching is more of a health issue?

  91. 91
    Cinna says:

    They are using his height as a metaphor for his charmless, arrogant behaviour. They’ll stop at nothing short of getting rid of him. He needs to get off his high horse, step up to the plate and rise above it all. Unfortunately he does not have the stature to come up to the high expectations of one who holds the office of Speaker.

    When Labour managed to shoehorn him into office they sold us all short.

  92. 92

    The office of Speaker is much diminished.

  93. 93
    Horny Thologist says:

    What’s woken him up? All those chicken coming home to roost, or maybe it’s the buzzards circling.

  94. 94
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

  95. 95
    The Growler says:

    Or if could imagine it a naked picture of Eric Pickles, he has got to weigh more than Di

  96. 96

    @MrSpeaker #fail ** innocent face ** Vote #UKIP :-D

  97. 97
    The Growler says:

    The worst kind of fatness is not immediately obvious, the amount of fat around the heart and liver is the worst type of fat deposit that’s, why some not considered fat have heart and liver problems, so that makes me in theory a prime candidate, the sergeant majors midriff.

  98. 98
    Blackman says:

    7 Up, that’s a bit small for your taste.

  99. 99
    Roma Bert. says:

    Little John might consider creating an offence of ‘Taking the Piss out of the Squeaker’?

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Speaker Bercow. Standing on the shoulders of giants.

  101. 101
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    Mmmm. Methinks there may be other reasons they take the piss out of him but he isn’t bright enough to work this out for himself.

  102. 102

    His wife prefers taller men….. taller black men

  103. 103
    The two Muppets says:

    Does that 5ft.6 include his built up shoes ?

  104. 104

    He is very small, so his tiny dick cannot keep Sally happy …so she has to chase some real luv where she can get it…

  105. 105
    The two Muppets says:

    The worst Speaker by far ,even worse than Gorbals Mick. who had
    an excuse because he was extra thick .

  106. 106
    Fabians are Evil says:

    Well he ain’t happy so he must be grumpy

  107. 107
    Anonymous says:

    Poison dwarf…..

  108. 108
    R Timney says:

    I did, dear, and came clean (with a little help from Kleenex)

  109. 109
    A Psychiatrist says:

    It’s a tall order but he needs help.

  110. 110
    We demand to know says:

    and did he get back on his high horse?

  111. 111
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    So has Bercow said anything about his wife’s smearing of Lord McAlpine? How does Bercow’s moralising stand up to that. Fucking short arsed hypocritical arsewipe. Resign you twat.

  112. 112
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Abbott anti-business.
    Labour anti-business.
    Abbott can scrounge from the tax payer, but anyone in business is bad.
    Abbott, hypocrisy with stupidity, a labour quality.

  113. 113

    Is he aiming above his pay grade ?

  114. 114
    tlillis4 says:

    The Hon. Speaker is confusing height with stature. Even were he seven feet tall he’d still come up short in that regard.

  115. 115

    Did he get caught short ?

  116. 116
    The Apocalyptic Scribe says:

    No one would criticize homos but homos make it their life purpose to harass as many Christians as possible. Let’s go find a Christian (fill in the blank) and ask them to make a Devil’s Food Cake or say bad things about Jesus and then we can sue them when they won’t because it is so unfaeiries!!!!

  117. 117

    Likes to hand it out, but the Hon Mr Spooker is a bit thin skinned when ‘small minded MP’s’ make jokes about the small, short Hon Mr Spiker. But he has had this, most likely a life long and he will have to put up with it until they bury him in a shoe box!

  118. 118
    Mini Me says:

    This is a small issue and his complaints fall short of legitimacy.

  119. 119
    John says:

    Bilbo, Frodo, Bercow…

  120. 120
    Robin J Smith says:

    Yes, that’s the long and short of it.

  121. 121
    Empty says:

    I suppose Sally is these days, what with having to keep a low profile!

  122. 122
    RWG says:

    I prefer the Profanisaurus.

  123. 123
    RWG says:

    Did Grumpy like it?

  124. 124
    5ft 5in, never been on Crackerjack says:

    Thank you for your explanation.

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers