July 7th, 2014

Reshuffle Rumour Round Up
Diaries Cleared for a Week Today

The reshuffle speculation level has been raised from ‘fevered’ to ‘panicked’. Guido hears that Downing Street have instructed departments not to schedule anything for a week today. This, however, could be anything from an elaborate bluff, to an unintentional display of competence. The latest chatter still says it’s going to be ladies night and whilst plenty of women MPs are expected to rise up the ranks, vivacious and pushy Esther McVey – tipped for the cabinet by many – is in fact still in the PM’s doghouse after her spectacularly unhelpful comments during the Maria Miller scandal. Penny Mordaunt, who has impressed recently, is tipped to replace Andrew Murrison at Defence. 

Whilst previously Cameron has preferred tinkering reshuffles, there are some whispers of a big upheaval that could even see a job swap between Iain Duncan-Smith at Defence and Phil Hammond at Work and Pensions. Hammond is not hugely popular with the top brass, and could deploy his famed safe pair of hands at DWP, while IDS, a former military man, would be unlikely to accept any other job. Speculation about the future of Grant Shapps at CCHQ has all but died out, while Ken Clarke seems resigned to his fate. This is all rumour mill though…

Any government reshuffle will indicate that the new EU commissioner has been decided, which would point to a delay. Andrew Lansley is said to be out, Willetts has let it be known he speaks French and German, while others say Michael Howard is still worth an outside bet. Lord Howard has certainly not ruled himself out of one last big job, and the PM owes him one after Dave’s then boss delayed the 2005 leadership election to let his favoured successor get their campaign in gear. It would also avoid a messy by-election.

Some in No. 10 are anticipating that in all likelihood No. 10’s first option for Commissioner will be ‘Junck-ed’ in petty retaliation. While in the past, Downing Street have allowed reshuffle rumours to last for months, cunningly keeping everyone on best behaviour, they’re running out of time to bed in new ministers in well before the election. It’s hardly like they’re going to be legislating much, mind.




  1. 1
    Hidden says:

    use gold to buy platinum, silver though is cool.

  2. 2
    Hank Marvin says:

    Willetts has let it be known he speaks French and German

    WTF don’t they speak English – the rest of the world does.

  3. 3
    Flood gates seem to indicate green says:

    Gay Dave should sort out the peedo mess before it destroys the lot of them

  4. 4
  5. 5

    “We trained hard, but every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reshuffled. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reshuffling, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while only producing inefficiency and demoralisation.”

  6. 6
    Super Mario Asylum Seeker says:


  7. 7
    Gerhard says:

    Nothing like a bit of unnecessary reshuffling to window-dress the cabinet to make it look more “inclusive”.

    Does sacrificing useful ministers in the name of “equality” make people more likely vote for this lot next time round?

    Is the electorate really all that stupid?

    Why not do something radical like getting the right people to do the right jobs rather than playing to the BBC/Grauniad/RandomOtherLefty media circus.

  8. 8
    Harvey Proctologist says:

    Maggie looked after me and made sure I and the other members of the Spartacus Club who visited Elm Guest House were protected.

  9. 9
    Luciana Burger says:

    I was.

    Oh, sorry, I thought you said who was blowing Chuka last night.

  10. 10
    Dr Death says:

    Reshuffle the fucking lot of them into the nonce wing at Pentonville….

  11. 11
    BBC 24hr rolling bollocks says:

    Makes a change from the five knuckle shuffle I suppose

  12. 12
    Mornington Crescent says:

    The Met Office, budget 104 Billion Pounds per annum:

    “There is still some uncertainty about the weather for Wednesday, so stay tuned. However, we can say that, as a direct result of Climate Change, the weather certainly will get much, much hotter in 75 years, 3 weeks and 2 days’ time.”

  13. 13
    Hmm says:

    Where would you hide if you were a zebra?

    Where would you hide if you were a p4edophile?

  14. 14
    SackMillerand Hancock. says:

    Iain Duncan-Smith at Defence? But he is as thick as a plank and everyone at the MOD knows it. Plus why should Hammond pick up the balls-up left by IDS at Work and Pensions?

    I think that Grant Shapps would be excellent for the commissioner job – proposing him would clearly show the EU that we had nothing but contempt for them.

    As for the other senior tories mentioned, can we certain that they are not about to be led off in chains as the search for pedos gathers pace?

  15. 15
    now then now then says:

    bedding ministers in?

    do i get a slice?

  16. 16
  17. 17
    Paul Daniels Wig says:

    A pack of cards full of Jokers give it a good shuffle Dave see what you can come up with.Same to you Ed.
    I’ll tell you the result in advance if you want.
    Promise I won’t peek.

  18. 18
    Nigel Farage says:

    Everyone knows that if you wish to communicate with Johnny Foreigner, perhaps to order a G&T or something all one needs to do is speak louder.

  19. 19
    ? says:

    A:On a Zebra crossing
    B:The Vatican

  20. 20
    Mario says:

    Theresa May say ‘yes’

  21. 21
    Whack-a-mole says:

    You might call it a reshuffle – I call it rolling a turd in glitter.

  22. 22
    A full bullshit inquiry says:

    If anyone seriously believes the inquiry will expose the nonces from the 1980s, they’re naive as fuck. There’s a reason these people have never been arrested and charged. They were well protected then, they’re well protected now. That’s why Dickens had death threats, his house was broken into and he was told his name was on a hitman’s list. And why Simon Dczanjuk has said a Tory MP leaned on him last week not to name names. These p*edos will never be brought to justice, because the rot extends to all branches of the establishment. Executives, lawyers, judges, celebrities, the BBC, Labour, Lib Dems, the House of Lords, doctors, charity workers, teachers. The inquiry is just their way of hoodwinking the public into believing something’s being done.

    The establishment has always looked after itself. Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall, Max Clifford et all are just a way of throwing a bit of red meat to the gullible masses to make them think justice has been served and it’s all ok now. The Labour nonces are protected by Blair’s 100 year D notice and the Tory nonces from the 80s are protected by the organised cover-up. The inquiry will probably find a couple of obscure elderly nonces in their 90s who were drivers or cleaners in the Commons to be the sacrificial lamb to give the public whilst the high ranking kiddie fiddlers will be looked after.

  23. 23
    David Cameron says:

    I will be reshuffling myself in order that I may spend more time at home with my Anal flashlight.

  24. 24

    Of course, they like to pretend that ‘weather’ and ‘climate’ are qualitatively different, so that weather is the random ‘noise’ on a predictable climate ‘signal’. This is untrue. Climate is merely weather averaged over longer periods. It is a summary of the same chaotic variables, its graph is of the same fractal dimension, and it is as futile to forecast climate a long time ahead as it to forecast next year’s weather.

  25. 25
    David Cameron says:

    Yes, but lessons will be learnt.

  26. 26
    A full bullshit inquiry says:

    Were any of the readers here members of the infamous Spartacus Club? Carole Kasir and her hubby offered 10% discounts to members of the Spartacus Club who attended parties at Elm Guest House, where boys were made to dress up as girls and routinely r*ped by politicians and celebrities, many of the former who would then go on TV and in the Commons and talk about traditional family values.

  27. 27
    MEOW says:

    Will Dave show leadership and reshuffle himself?

  28. 28

    My god, imagine IDS at Defence after the shambles at DWP. Let’s hope the French don’t decide it’s time to take the Channel Isles.

  29. 29
    MEOW says:

    “traditional family values”

    Round here in Norfolk those are traditional Family Values. We cant afford sheep like those flash gits in Cornwall

  30. 30
    Mr Bumley says:

    Not me. Oh no, certainly not me.

  31. 31
    The service revolver in the desk drawer. says:

    I need an airing.

  32. 32
    IDS says:

    How many bedrooms does an aircraft carrier have?

  33. 33
    Sir Nob Skelpoff says:

    They’re all muppet puppets anyway…

  34. 34
    DAVE WAXWORK says:

    no pebble will be unturned

  35. 35
    The Public says:

    We need a new Cabinet position of Noncefinder General.

  36. 36
    Tired BISS says:

    we need a new BIS.
    Bank of International Settlements.

  37. 37
    Rubbish. says:

    And when the public are not looking everything will be quietly dropped, maybe we can put another doosey up to quieten those nasty nosey people.

  38. 38
    Winston says:

    Pure window dressing and something to feed their media sycophants. F**k the establishment by voting UKIP

  39. 39
    Prime Miister David Cameron says:

    Bumsex !

  40. 40
    Mornington Crescent says:


    What has been remarkable is Labour’s reaction to this: jumping up and down all over the place. Mrs. Balls, Watson, Danchuck, Vaz &c. &c.

    Odd, isn’t it? Anyone with a brain would think they’re trying to throw up a smokescreen – and make a bit of short-term political capital, 10 months out from the GE.

  41. 41
    The British media are cunts says:

    The brass fucking neck of Yvette Cooper when her best mate Hattie Harpic has some serious fucking questions to answer about PIE is amazing.

  42. 42


  43. 43
    Fruitcake, swivel eyed loon, closet racist, crank and gadfly says:

    Won’t make a halfpenny worth of difference. The proven liar will still be in #10.

    Vote LibLabCon get the EU.

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    They could not have got the weather more wrong than for the Tour de France.

    They are just a political body.

    The US forecast for Yorkshire was correct one week in advance. Met Office could not manage a day.

  45. 45
    Persona Non Grata says:

    Has Galloway got a copy of this for his upcoming blockbuster, the killing of Tony Blair?

  46. 46
    No stone left unturned.. says:

    Just cast the net anywhere near the HoC bound to catch loads…

  47. 47
    Loki says:

    Chris Grayling has to go after the Prison/Probation/Legal Aid fiasco.

  48. 48
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    Gissa job.

  49. 49
    Wirral Person says:

    Not worth putting McVey anywhere. She’ll lose her seat at the election…

  50. 50
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Looks like the Shadow Cabinet might be re-shuffling me.

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    Some of his MPs have histories that are waiting for 2015. Timing is everything.

    Cameron knows already who they are. So why does he promote them?

  52. 52
    Anonymous says:

    As you say the hustings delay will demand a high premium but perhaps it’s already been paid. Who knows?

  53. 53
    Flood gates seem to indicate green says:

    The Met Office’s supposed noise and signal analysis is totally idiotic. If they actually think it’s correct then WTF don’t they use it to predict the FTSE100 and wipe out the National Debt in 20 years time?

  54. 54
    Wirral Person says:

    Shambles? Well, in the face of a profoundly left wing bunch of civil servants, it’s easy for them intentionally to make a mess of things when attempts are made to change their roles. Michael Gove found this out too at Education.

  55. 55
    Anonymous says:

    Because it is what you overhear that is more important than what is said to you.

    Declaring the ability is the stupid bit. It is better just to listen.

  56. 56
    Anonymous says:

    Just like Hopkins.

  57. 57
    Anonymong says:

    Why the fcuk would Hammond step into the stinking pit that IDS has created with Universal Credit? Everyone in the cabinet knows it’s an unmitigated disaster that will have to be scrapped after the election.

    If Hammond takes it on now he gives IDS an easy escape and sets himself up as the fall guy for someone else’s mistakes. Hammond surely can’t be that dumb?

  58. 58
    Martian canals says:

    I hope there is an enquiry into intelligent life on Mars soon. Many people believe it exists so it must be true.

    (Note: this is official obfuscation from the most top secret establisment protection organisation)

  59. 59
    Flood gates seem to indicate green says:

    Indeed – vote UKIP :)

  60. 60
    BBC says climate change is "supported by evidence from computer modelling" says:

    ’nuff said gov.

  61. 61
    Rich Clifford says:

    What sort of Chrome plated Bell Ends work for the Met Office?

    in their annual report “The Met Office isn’t a private sector company with an unlimited development budget……..”

    Is this what they think???

    I think this sentence alone summarises the fucked up thinking in the public sector


  62. 62
    Osama the Nazarene2 says:

    Why on earth do they need a reshuffle now, 10 months from an election.

  63. 63
    Mr Plod says:

    Breaking street lights as well eh? You’re nicked, vandalism and being very silly in a public place!

  64. 64

    Many of them do – and not just in Wales.

    Why would a Judge Led anything not be a smart move right now ? :-)

    Need to decouple the UK Supreme from the ECJ.

    Look at the Constitutional Affairs mob as well…

    Vote UKIP :-D

  65. 65
    Rubbish. says:

    Their talking about child abuse and fkin Skinner is talking about pay, nice to know Skinner is cares.

  66. 66
    Anonymong says:

    Look again Wirral. UC was a terrible concept from the start, it could never have been implemented satisfactorily because it was fundamentally unsound. Everyone in the cabinet and shadow cabinet knows this and it’s only a matter of time before it goes public. UC will be scrapped after the next election, regardless of who wins.

    It didn’t save money, it didn’t target the areas of the welafre system which needed reform, its proposed systems were even more complex than existing ones, it targetted those most in need while letting those who play the system play it even more easily. Even if Duncan Smith had gotten his every wish fulfilled during implemetation, it would still not have worked.

    4 years in and only a tiny number of single claims are being done in a small number of regions – BY HAND. That should tell you something, unless you are the kind who thinks those who wear a particular colour of rosette can do no wrong.

  67. 67
    Lest we forget says:

  68. 68
    The public are mugs says:

  69. 69
    Jimmy says:

    “while IDS, a former military man, would be unlikely to accept any other job”

    Surely in keeping with his policies and principles he’ll take whatever shitty job he’s given and be thankful for it.

  70. 70
    A full bullshit inquiry says:

    The abuse victims were predominantly young orphan boys from working class backgrounds in care homes. To the rich, middle aged and elderly abusers, they were just playthings to be r*ped and disposed of. Many of them vanished without a trace. Why is that? It doesn’t take much to figure out why. They were orphans, faceless statistics who could be disappeared without anyone asking what happened to them. Anyone who thinks the establishment isn’t willing to kill to protect itself is sadly naive. The establishment has always been willing to murder anyone who poses a threat. The child r*ping politicians of the 80s and since have done away with scores of their victims. Abuse and murder are at the heart of the political establishment and in all the parties. That’s why Labour never exposed the Tory nonces and why the Tories have never exposed the Labour nonces. It’s all one filthy, depraved cesspit. Cameron knows who the Tory pedalos are and Miliband knows who the Labour kiddie fiddlers are. The inquiry is just a carrot to keep the mindless masses happy. They’ll dig up a couple of old coffin dodging perverts no one’s ever heard of, put them in prison and say that concludes the inquiry and all is well.

  71. 71
    Wotdifference says:

    “Esther McVey – tipped for the cabinet by many – is in fact still in the PM’s doghouse”

    And what unvarnished Scouser wouldn’t be?

  72. 72
    Pat riot says:

    This stinks of UAF, Antifa, Hope not Hate, shit stirrers…The cctv will catch them just like the one hovering over the Lawrence memorial ???

  73. 73
    Ed Balls says:


  74. 74
    Pat riot says:

    I see dead people..wot done it.. above has nailed it..post of the day..

  75. 75
    rabblerouser says:

    Surely the obvious deadwood has to go like slimey Ed Vaizey or Helen Grant at DCMS?

  76. 76
  77. 77
    táxpáyér says:

    They’re the owner of the largest most expensive dice in the world.


    You can’t average out this sort of error.

  78. 78

    Setting the battle lines for the next election

  79. 79
    Mr Plod says:

    Shush I’m trying to read todays establishment coverup bulletin! It says we have to secretly arrest people who know too much and send them off to be microchipped and lobotomised.

  80. 80
    táxpáyér says:

    I think being in the army you “take whatever shitty job he’s given and be thankful for it. “

  81. 81
    Ed Ballsac says:

    Utter Hunts.

  82. 82
    Peter Bottomreamer says:

    Nobody was r**ped at Elm House, they were all paid better than the going rate at the time.

  83. 83
    Ed Ballsac says:

    As opposed to any shit former labour cabinet minister doing the same?

    Big fucking F for Fail again Jimmy.

  84. 84
    Border Terrier says:

    Esther McVey – gobby and pushy surely.

    Be interesting to see if she is promoted over her former friend Ed Vaizey (simple observation no slur or innuendo intended).

  85. 85
    Euan Flatearthist says:

    Okay, then.
    The FTSE100 will be higher in 20 years than it is now.

    Job done.
    God it is easy to prove climate change is real

  86. 86
    Black Jack says:

    Elevating women on the cards eh. H Harperson should be a good bet, perhaps she could bring some PIE?.

  87. 87
    DC says:

    Yer think?.

  88. 88
    Batshit crazy says:

    The lizard people did it!

  89. 89
    Conspiritardfinder General says:

    I don’t want this under my remit….too busy!

  90. 90
    P.I.E. says:

    Hi there, still here.

  91. 91
    The Growler says:

    Well it will not be long before the little darlings disappear for over 2 months, then they will have only 8 months interrupted with another 6 or so weeks of jollies to do any more damage(/del> good.

  92. 92
    The Growler says:

    Ooops damage good

  93. 93
    Shit Shit everywhere says:

    Shit Shit everywhere
    Duncan Shite coming

  94. 94
    The Growler says:

    Probably no room, Pentonville is in London, outside London we don’t want them

  95. 95
    The Growler says:

    Does he ride a Noddy bike

  96. 96
    Labour HQ says:


    You’re sacked for being shit. Now fuck off.

  97. 97
    The Growler says:

    Reshufflilng gives the impression Dave is doing something, rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic’s deck before it goes under. You could ask yourself, who has led a department which has again been the biggest losser in the IT systems cock ups, for some reason it seems to be the same departments every time.

  98. 98
    The Growler says:

    I will not know anyway in 20 years, I will be pushing up daisies somewhere.

  99. 99
    The Growler says:

    You could say Australia they were operating there, the other best place is LONDON, provided you are of a non-descript appearance.

  100. 100
    The Growler says:


  101. 101
    The Growler says:

    None of them were in power then, they had managed to keep themselves out of power for 19 years. This has fallen into the hands of Liebore, provided they weren’t involved apart from innuendo, they are on to a winnier provided they don’t cock it up as usual.

  102. 102
    The Growler says:

    The Posh ones in Cornwall aren’t Cornish, they just one’s holiday home there.

  103. 103
    The Growler says:

    American PIE?

  104. 104
    south of the M4 says:

    Poloneus of Ancient Rome if memory serves. Nothing changes it seems.

  105. 105

    “Wonderful Land ” Hank.

  106. 106

    Nonce , Ponce , — whatever .

  107. 107

    Ian Druncan “Caporetto” Smith . Sec of State for Defence .

    Has a nice ” sting” to it.

  108. 108

    This is dynamite . It should be on every blog and sent to David Icke , Alex Jones , Zerohedge et al .

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:

    ”Now if there’s a smile on my face

    It’s only there trying to fool the public

    But when it comes down to fooling you

    Now honey that’s quite a different subject”.

  110. 110
    Cinna says:

    We must ensure this never happens again.

  111. 111
    Anonymous says:

    ”Now fuck off.” So there really is no beginning to this mans wit.

  112. 112
    Mycroft says:


    Hello, Samaritans? Look I’m in a bit of a spot, it’s child abuse, I feel like ending it all… No, I’m 48!.. What do you mean? “Get off the line you dirty f’cker!”… I’m the victim here!.. I AM!!!… you’re all hopeless and I’m going to be a victim of child abuse and it’s not fair, goodbye!

  113. 113
    Anonymous says:

    A little off-topic, but seemingly related, Piers Morgan on David Cameron:

    “Our great leader made no effort to contact Andy during his excruciatingly humiliating and painful ordeal. And he couldn’t find a single word of support for him in his darkest hour. Instead, he chose to deliberately pour petrol on to the flames of Andy’s immolation.”

    “That’s not the behaviour of a friend, it’s the behaviour of a self-serving, politically motivated, soulless weasel.”

    For once Piers make a good call.

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    Is there anything like a good reshuffling to bury bad news – and old reports?

  115. 115
    Anonymous says:

    I don’t believe it! The hard right have found a way of blaming the BBC for the weather.

  116. 116
    Anonymous says:

    Clearly, the Tories would never be into making a bit of short-term political capital?

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    P.S: Sorry, calling David Cameron a ‘self-serving, politically motivated, soulless weasel’, is most unfair – to weasels.

  118. 118
    inside out says:

    It takes one to know one Piers “That’s not the behaviour of a friend, it’s the behaviour of a self-serving, politically motivated, soulless weasel.”This description fits Morgan to a T.

  119. 119

    It was those ‘men’ of no appearance.

  120. 120

    Exactly – in the next few years, (if not sooner), the Dollar is deliberately going to go tits up!

    Convert your currency which you’ve built up in savings over the years to precious metals before your bank account becomes worthless by NWO design.

  121. 121
    Kim Novak says:

    IDS a ‘former military man’? Are you sure you’ve got that right, Guido?

    I thought he was a Lance Corporal along with Jonesey, in Mainwaring’s hapless crew at Walmington-on-Sea. He looks as clueless.

  122. 122
    Anonymous says:

    “Reshuffle Rumour Round Up”
    To rephrase a final observation aboard the Titanic: Come on youse guys. Those deckchairs are not going to rearrange themselves.

  123. 123
    Anonymous says:

    Pertoneus Arbiter?

  124. 124
    Eye up lad says:

    Staggered Cameron is allowed to make decisions about ANYTHING. Smooth talker he may be, but so are most con men. Cameron conned the Conservative Party into thinking he would be a good Tory PM. Some trick for a man who hasn’t a Tory bone in his body. He and Osborne are now acting like the blokes pulling off the 3-card trick in Oxford St. The British economy is in a terrible state. The Coalition has proved a disaster because the urgent things that needed to be done like tackling welfare on a truly epic scale, have not been done. The national debt has doubled in 4 years to close on £1.5 TRILLION – an eye watering amount of money. The annual deficit is still way over £100 billion a year. So any idea that Cameron can actually run this country is dellusional. We need to dump the coalition agreement; we need a General Election NOW – and any PM who gave up his constitutional right to be able to go to the Palace, in favour of fixed term Parliaments, had to be off his trolly. We need a referendum on the EU now.

  125. 125
    Flying over the Westminster Village says:

    Year four of a five year term is it expecting too much of a PM to have his top team in place working their socks off for the taxpayers’ benefit ?

    Major changes now will lead to rumours all is not going well.

    Saying Osborne Hague and May are the star performers is perhaps enough to make people wonder.

  126. 126
    Yvonne from the Colliers Arms Clydach says:

    Every time David Cameron opens his mouth or turns red I find him a real turn off.

  127. 127
    An old Ethiopian says:

    Prime Minister Esther McVey…………………..

    Now that would have them jabbering on the playing fields of Eton.

Seen Elsewhere

Liz Kendall For Leader | Indy
Bashir Booted Out By Respect | Respect
Americans Try Haggis | Guardian
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Steven Woolfe For UKIP Leader? | Asa Bennett
Mohammed — in Pictures | Speccie
Leon Brittan’s Accusers Must Show Their Evidence | Dan Hodges
New Saudi King Renames Roads While Body Still Warm | TechnoGuido
In Davos, Carrying a BlackBerry is a Status Symbol | Business Insider
New Labour in Peep Show Quotes | Telegraph
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC

Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers