July 4th, 2014

Ruffley: “I’m Cheerful” After Caution for Assaulting Woman

Guido bumped into a tired looking David Ruffley at the Spectator summer party last night. Given the circumstances (he has accepted a caution for assaulting his ex-girlfriend) it seemed polite to ask him how he was, “I’m cheerful,” was his surprising reply. Tension started to rise as the Tory MP then accused Guido of “inaccuracies” in our reporting, when pressed on what those inaccuracies were specifically he offered no specifics. He then went off in huff with the Sunday Times political editor. Ruffley later left Westminster’s Blue Boar bar with a leggy blonde around midnight…

Guido is reliably informed that Ruffley has gone into hack-schmoozing overdrive in the last two weeks, organising lunches with Lobby journalists, offering punchy and colourful off-the-record source quotes and briefing against fellow Tories. Indeed at last night’s bash he took journalists from several papers aside for one-on-one chats. Making himself useful to the papers is his cynically calculated way of making sure his own name stays out of them…


  1. 1
    Owen Jones QC says:

    Pensioner who is not Rolf Harris jailed for four years at Woolwich Crown Court for string of indecent assaults dating back to the 70s

  2. 2
    Dangerous Brian says:

    Translates to “I’m cheerfully still in my seat, cheerfully getting pissed on exes, cheerfully looking forward to a shag and cheerfully pleased that we at the “top” know how to look after each other when it counts. Cheers Guido”

  3. 3
    Owen Jones QC says:

    Sentencing will now take place at 13.45, according to His Honour Justice Guido Fawkes.

  4. 4
    spelling B says:

    blue BORE bar more like

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

  6. 6
    Angela Eagle says:

    Why the emphasis on the victim being a woman
    I am always being told they can fight fart and fuck as well as any man.
    Surely that extends to taking a whack.
    Stop moaning girls take it ‘Like a man’.

  7. 7
    BBC Red Bottom says:

    If you say Owen Jones’ name three times very quickly, he will appear in the newsroom.

  8. 8
    Well, SOMEONE Had To Do This Joke says:

    Ruffley Ruffley Schmoozey Donkey.

  9. 9
    Chukka Umbrella says:

    Go Team Wisconsin!

  10. 10
    Unlucky Alf says:

    He sounds like a bit of a cuunt.

  11. 11
  12. 12
    Owen Jones QC says:

    Rolf Harris’ defence team asking for the judge to take his age into account when sentencing.
    Just like Rolf didn’t when offending…

  13. 13
    Whack-a-mole says:

    I prefer to stick a finger down my throat – it works just as well as the sight/sound of OJ Simpleton.

  14. 14
    shaken not stirred says:

    Are the West Indians being ‘ethnically cleansed’ from yet another part of Birmingham by the muslims? The violence between them is getting worse but the media aren’t telling it like it is.

    Meanwhile, where’s Liam Brittan these days? Anyone seen Greville Janner recently?

  15. 15
    Jimmy says:

    “Given the circumstances (he has accepted a caution for assaulting his ex-girlfriend) it seemed polite to ask him how he was”

    He’s harder hitting than you are.

  16. 16
    Andrew Speed, roughly an apologist says:

    We expect our man Ruffley to beat the opposition with the same gusto he has shown with his missus.

  17. 17
    Norma Stitz says:

    She should have been warned off by his surname!

  18. 18
    Dumb Dave says:

    Withdraw the whip? As if.

  19. 19
    yawn says:


  20. 20

    Maybe she deserved it?

  21. 21
    The Growler says:

    So he is called Huffley Ruffley now?

  22. 22
    Observing quietly says:

    … which is why he is adamant that he will not call Leon before his committee to answer a question or two.

    Methinks Vaz is beginning to get wet knickers over all this…

  23. 23
    Soshalistatemybankandpenshun says:

    It’s Wichitashire you frug

  24. 24

    Guido was lucky not to get a whacking. This extremely Dishonourable geez is off fleshing the press.

  25. 25
    tories are cunts says:

    Ruffley’s behaviour is very reminiscent of most tories – scumbags the lot of ‘em

  26. 26
    Biffo says:

    More or less incidents than Rolf? He’d 12 hadn’t he?

  27. 27
    Biffo says:

    Liked the pleas about his ill health, his missus’ ill-health, him being her main carer etc etc. Real attempt for the old sympathy vote. Didn’t get him very far though did it? He’d have done much better to admit to it all & express deep regret at the beginning. Rubbishing the women’s claims & then being found guilty – well. We all make mistakes but he seemed to keep on making them. Sad for his family.

  28. 28
    Anonymous says:

    “the Tory MP then accused Guido of “inaccuracies” in our reporting, when pressed on what those inaccuracies were specifically he offered no specifics.”
    Don’t you just love politicians? Ever ready with an answer to anything, except a straight question.

  29. 29

    My MP is just as smugly complacent. Politics just seems to attract these kind off people.

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