July 4th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Want You Back Edition)


  1. 1
    Gerry Mandering says:

    I see the resemblance now…you are Nigel Farage’s love child.

    Vote UKIP for a virile government.

  2. 2
    Owen Jones QC says:

    “Dishface Cameron” Where will Boris stand? Hertsmere straight in as new favourite. http://wp.me/p4Dp6d-fC

  3. 3
    Old Salvo says:

    So if you teach me the back hand I’ll give you one.

  4. 4
    Mycroft says:

    “Pay your Tax”


  5. 5
    Dave says:

    Hey gazzer dude, fancy coming back to ours later and we can play ‘Pin a tail on the Donkey’

  6. 6
    Cabbage says:

    Did you let the black bloke in?

  7. 7
    EWOK says:

    Want to hear a joke about my negotiating skills?

  8. 8
    Oo-er says:

    A few of my old chums were in Boyzone

  9. 9
    MEOW says:

    Celebrity wife swap? You are on mate!

  10. 10
    MEOW says:

    Can you see George after? He needs a few tips.

  11. 11
    Senior civil servant says:

    “And this is how I shot golden eagles in the Bullingdon club…”

  12. 12
    Margaret Beckett says:

    Looks like SamCam fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    Did you nick my false teeth ?

  14. 14
    Cockney Joke says:

    Rolf: I’m a famous celebrity. Do you wanna come on my boat?

  15. 15
    Unlucky Alf says:

    Looks like a tortoise :)

  16. 16
    Anonymous says:

    Want to hear the joke that IS my negotiating skills?

  17. 17
    Jimmy says:

    I guess now it’s time for me to give up, I feel it’s time

  18. 18
    Brian Moore says:

    ‘You are Bary Garlow, and I claim my €100…!’

  19. 19
    Mr Owl says:

    More like a peedo who’s also a nutter.

  20. 20
    Steve Miliband says:

    Tool Britannia

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    You were the future once

  22. 22
    Ghost of Leon says:

    Have you got the Dossier on Simon Cowell ?

  23. 23
    Tired of it all says:

    Chukka asked if you would duet “Wichita Lineman” with him.

  24. 24
    Welshracer says:

    Dc “Oh my friend Andy also has a criminal record too”

  25. 25
    Corry O'Lanus says:

    “You droppin’ me like ‘Honest Andy’ Big Dave?”

    “In public yeah…sorry dude…especially if George’s tax boys take you down”

  26. 26

    “Of course I know who you are!”

  27. 27
    Alexei Romanov says:

    Haven’t I seen you on the HMRC’s most wanted list?!

  28. 28
    David Spameron says:

    Repaired potholes are excellent news ForHardworkinPeople.

  29. 29
    Dave the Rave says:

    I told you, you’re effing barred, now get out.

  30. 30

    “You book the room while I’ll ditch the beard.”

  31. 31
    Jean Claude Junker says:

    Gary Barlow:

    “Hey Dave, that handsome man, Jean Claude Junker didn’t half make a Hunt out of you, didn’t he?”

  32. 32
    David Spameron says:

    Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn’t mean it.

  33. 33

    Never mind Jimmy, you tried your best.

  34. 34
    Whack-a-mole says:

    Come on Gaz I’ve taken my teeth out now wallop it in.

  35. 35
    David Spameron says:

    Tax doesn’t have to be taxing, my dad taught me that!

  36. 36
    Piss-poor Comedian says:

    Sir, you farted in front of my wife!

    I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was her turn.

  37. 37
    Dave the Rave says:

    A fiver says she’s in my bed before yours? You’re on!

  38. 38
    Corry O'Lanus says:

    “aha 7×8?”


    “Gotcha -take that!! Explains the tax fella (-;…pip pip!!”

  39. 39
    The Growler says:

    Dave Boy, ” I know you, let me guess”

  40. 40
    Rickytshirt says:

    Hey Gary, fancy being my next coalition partner? Cause #You and me we can ride on a star. If you stay with me girl, we can rule the wooooorld!#

  41. 41
    David Spameron says:

    As my pater used to say “Tax doesn’t have to be taxing”.

  42. 42
    Vote Dave? Get stuffed says:

    And this time next year, Dave, you’ll be the Ex-factor.

  43. 43
    Steve Miliband says:

    Are you still selling cars or was that Moyles?

  44. 44
    Dave says:

    “Robbie! Hi!”

  45. 45
    Mycroft says:

    “Take That” meets “Fake Twat”… confusion reigns.

  46. 46
    Dave the Rave says:

    Yes, I remember I owe you a tenner Gary. And you owe me…

  47. 47
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I wouldn’t worry about it .. I just have the lawyers give Google a call and its all erased ..

  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    > >
    > > Borders
    > > Closed to further immigration.
    > >
    > > Illegal immigrants
    > > Found, stopped and sent back.
    > >
    > > National Commitment
    > > Re-establish National Service
    > >
    > > Parliament
    > > Obey its own laws and ask politicians keep their promises or have them disqualified
    > > from further election.
    > > No programs scheduled to start past the next election.
    > >
    > > Dual Citizenship
    > > Abolished (you’re either British or something else. If you’re something
    > > else, be a visitor then leave when your visa runs out.)
    > >
    > > Language
    > > English, Welsh, Gaelic only.
    > >
    > > Flags
    > > Illegal to display another flag except for consulates and embassies.
    > >
    > > Culture
    > > Respect the British culture, and stop immigrants trying to change it into
    > > the mess left back in their own countries. Stop trying to change us!
    > >
    > > Drug Free
    > > Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare Benefits!
    > >
    > > NO Freebies to Non-Citizens.
    > >
    > > Look after British BEFORE donating to other countries.
    > >
    > > No British welfare for any country that is developing nukes or spending
    > > more than a reasonable amount on arms.
    > >
    > > Bring all British soldiers home let the rest of the world sort out their
    > > own problems!
    > >
    > > British pensioners before all other nations.

  49. 49
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The two behind behind me? no idea..security or catering I suppose…

  50. 50
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Right .. and what does Barlow say in reply?

  51. 51
    wind rush says:

    I do not work.
    Try chemical romance.

  52. 52
    Anonymous says:

    Call me old fashioned but I don’t like seeing rock starts look like politicians

  53. 53
    Dr Death says:

    What a quality manifesto, run with it my friend its a winner…any one of the current fuckers come a knocking will get a copy of that shoved in their face… this has made my day thank you…

  54. 54
    Wishin' and Hopein' says:

    A UK government would need guts to implement that in this multinational mess of a country..

    So it ain’t going to happen.

  55. 55
    Anonymous says:

    He has something of the turtle’s head about him.

  56. 56
    UN council says:

    We must honour Owen with a UN Special Envoy status

  57. 57
    Parole Officer tbd says:

    On release is he going back (deported) to Australia?

  58. 58
    Winston says:

    Yo! Bro! Me and the ho dig your tunez, coz we ain’t no elitist.

  59. 59
    Norm Normal says:

    Ah so Barlow….you thought you hid your tax for good?

  60. 60
    Parole Officer tbd says:

    Released where.
    Back in Australia?

  61. 61
    MEOW says:

    “Bring me sunshine ………..”

  62. 62
    The Great British Public says:

    “So I said to Merkel in that boat, the Great British public have got a gun to my head, just like this, if you let Juncker win, my negotiating stance on the EU will be in tatters….”

  63. 63
    MEOW says:

    ” we fill in potholes for the little people ….who might fall in ‘em har har!”

  64. 64
    MEOW says:

    “You know that you’re paying for this now …..”

  65. 65

    “All I do each night is pray….”

  66. 66
    cured lefty says:

    Gary the only thing your pulling is my finger.

  67. 67
    Tianavaig says:

    How am I going to get paid if you won’t pay your taxes

  68. 68
    Chris Grayling says:

    I am now the molestor for fish and justice.
    All the British fishermen understand that I am fucked right up my bureaucratic fundament.
    My pension is secure.

  69. 69
    Bosun Higgs says:

    (Together) “Hey, you look older and shorter in real life.”

  70. 70
    Bosun Higgs says:

    Free association time at Wandsworth will never be the same again.

  71. 71
    David B says:

    Tax Avoidance is Good

  72. 72

    Dave: ‘Oi you Hunt, are you looking at my bird?’

  73. 73
    Tax Efficient says:

    I can recommend a good tax advisor

  74. 74
    Mr Anonymous says:

    Dave: I can’t stand all these personal attacks on me.

    Gary: I can’t stand all these personal taxes on me, either.

  75. 75
    MEOW says:

    Sorry Gary we cant have you as a candidate for MP – you havent slapped up a girlfriend yet

  76. 76
    Mr Anonymous says:

    Dave: No, Gary, I said I was in need of a good attack dog after Mitchell resigned… not a good tax dodge.

  77. 77
    Paul Bishop says:

    So, you didn’t mind coming in the tradesman’s entrance? It’s almost as if you went to Eton.

  78. 78
    Snotsicle says:

    Any idea where my wife is? One of the army guys asked her to model their new jungle camouflage and I haven’t seen her since.

  79. 79
    Snotsicle says:


  80. 80
    daveyone1 says:

    “Now I have sacked Coulson, do you want the job?” Poison challis edition

  81. 81
    Chris Grayling says:

    She now votes green. Move to Brightoyryboy

  82. 82

    ‘I’m a Bullshitter myself, but I like to hear a real professional at it. So I will carry on!!’

  83. 83
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Cameron: “Let me guess…..you’re Robbie Williams”

  84. 84
    Ohthisbloodypc says:

    Who won that Bacon Sandwich caption competition anyway?

  85. 85
    whodoyouthinkyouare says:

    Tax That

  86. 86
    Max Clifford's Bellend says:


    “you got me”

  87. 87
    ed milliband/nick clegg/david cameron says:

    Look dave; if anyone is going to piss my money up the wall on cack handed, fuck witted brain dead schemes it’s going to be me

  88. 88
    a non says:

    The ‘Unlikely Lads’ reunion?

  89. 89
    MEOW says:

    Was that one yours?

  90. 90
    Guardian Media Group says:

    Cameron — “get youself a bloody shave you scruffy bastard”

    Luvvie —-” bu’I’m wearin’ a tie”

  91. 91
    Take This says:

    Weren’t you popular a long time ago?

  92. 92

    GB The only folk who used to come here were whores and footballers.

    DC What position do you play?

  93. 93
    Dave says:

    Guard, this is the one who nicked her watch…

  94. 94
    England Chewing on a shit sanwich for 300 years and about to get worse with this lying twat says:

    I say if the Scots have got the best of both ,what does that leave the English with Jock?

  95. 95
    Doonhamer says:

    Can you give me the name of your hair restorer?

  96. 96
    David Cameltoe says:

    “Don’t give me any of that ‘three back at yourself’ rot. I’ll jolly well point at you any time I damned please, and there’s not a bloody thing you can tell me…”

  97. 97
    Barlow biffs a bufo says:

    You’re no Farage, are you.

  98. 98
    Salmond's tum says:

    England can have the moslemites.

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    Mustapha Cohen?

  100. 100
    JFT96 says:

    DC : Everything changes but you

    Barlow : we’re a thousand miles apart but I still love you

  101. 101
    Gaz says:

    Nah, but I’d give “Brown stoned cowboy” a go.

  102. 102
    Vote UKIP says:

    It’s a goody.

  103. 103
    Gaz says:

    Vote Tory? I may have a poor taste in music, but I’m not a moron.

  104. 104
    Liam & Noel says:

    Watch it!

  105. 105
    Liam & Noel says:

    Ee by ‘eck, that reminds me of the old days when I used to nip off down to t’Downing St, to suck off t’Tony Bliar.

  106. 106
    Anonymous says:

    Which one of them is saying that?

  107. 107
    Ghost of Jimmy says:

    I gave it to Rolf

  108. 108
    Anonymous says:

    Dc: If you’d paid your tax we wouldn’t have had to go to the Oxfam shop to furnish this room.

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest (Want You Back Edition)”
    Or should that be: But want your backing, more. Especially now Dave and Rupert’s Old Boy’s Band has just been broken up.

  110. 110
    disgusted of tunbridge wells says:

    Pull this and write the lyrics to a rocking fart, Gary baby.

  111. 111
    disgusted of tunbridge wells says:

    Pull this and write the lyrics to a rocking fart, Gary baby.

  112. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Vote for me and i shall cut your tax’s *wink wink nudge nudge*

Seen Elsewhere

100 Tories to Rebel on Plain Packs | Telegraph
May 2015 and the Art of Political Betting | MAY2015
Fate of Eurozone Rests in Hands of Videogame Expert | TechnoGuido
UKIP After Farage | Asa Bennett
Eichmann Called on Arabs to Continue War on Jews | Speccie
Mirror Hacking: 50 Legal Action Claims | Press Gazette
Mandy’s £400,000 Tax-Free Loan From Own Company | Guardian
Why We Must Remember the Holocaust | Hugo Rifkind
“Adjustments” Not Cuts | Gary Gibbon
The New Puritans | Alex Wickham
British Minister in Watch Gaffe | Straits Times

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers