July 3rd, 2014

Finally a Politician Begs for Expenses Forgiveness


  1. 1
    Ghost of Leon says:

    Not a chance !

  2. 2
    Charlie's Dead says:

    Guido as always at least 24 hours behind the rest of the world.

  3. 3
    Elliot Morley says:

    I’m gutted.

  4. 4
    Cathy Newman says:

    This morning the great Gordon brown, who helped shield the UK region of the EU from the right-wing, white male evil capitalist GLOBAL (except China, India, Australia, Brazil) financial crisis wrote me a message asking for a job at C4News.

    I want to know – why did he write “Dear Doris”? And why does everyone in the office now call me Doris?

  5. 5
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    Don’t pay our lot any expenses. That’ll get them crying.

  6. 6
    Alas, Poor Albion says:

    It is not remorse: it is shame, haji.

  7. 7
    Mycroft says:

    A BAFTA awaits this man…

  8. 8
    Nick Clegg says:

    He’s not even in my league.

    “I’m..{hic}..so…so…{sob} ..so..Very sorry ..{boohoo..boohoo}”


  9. 9
    I spy a dead tree newspaper hack says:


  10. 10
    Ed "Sturmbannführer" Balls says:

    You don’t look much like a Doris.
    More an Eva.

    With the hair in the Fraulein style and the jackboots and that..

    I find it very attractive

  11. 11
    Gordon McAbsent says:

    I bet that Jap even turns up to work occasionally!

  12. 12
    Alas, Poor Albion says:

    The point of the distinction being that the lowlife scumbag feels sorry not for those he robbed, but for the ostracism he, and his family, will suffer.

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    It’s a shame that most of our politicos don’t show any remorse.

  14. 14
    Alas, Poor Albion says:

    Remorse is easily faked. It’s very hard to fake imprisonment, though.

  15. 15
    Yvette "Kriminalobersekretär" Balls says:

    if you think you’re getting the leather basque with the full stockings, cuffs and whip tonight, you can forget it!

  16. 16
    Ian boring snoring Katz. says:

    This will be ideal for the last item on my dumbed-down Newsnight tonight. Who cares if everybody’s already seen it?

  17. 17
    A Nip In The Air says:

  18. 18
  19. 19
    Cathy "Doris"Newman says:

    Du solltest mich in Lederhose sehen.

  20. 20
    Vince Incableable says:

    I don’t remember Ryutaro Nonomura..

    No…seriously, I don’t.

    Is he the bloke on the moped that brings the sushi?

  21. 21
    Nice tits! says:

  22. 22
    Ed "Sturmbannführer" Balls says:

    Phwoor! Ich wette, Sie haben sehr dunkle, braune Brustwarzen?

  23. 23
    Reimer says:

    Japanese-style ritual disembowelling a few of them might get their attention. Could even shut Yvette and Hattie up.

  24. 24
    it's the way i tell 'em says:

    What do they call a disgraced Japanese politician throwing himself off a tall building?

    A nip in the air.

  25. 25
    13 year old producer says:

    But you promised we could do an interview aboutn the global economic outlook with the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers!!

  26. 26
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    They’ll just award themselves a huge pay rise instead.

  27. 27
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I remember Denis McShane telling me years ago when I became an MP that

    ” the greatest asset a politician can have is sincerity.

    Fake that and you’ve got it made.”

  28. 28
    Schwarzenegger says:

    Gott in Himmel – He iz ein wurst actor zan me!

  29. 29
    Yoof innit says:

    The BBC used to target their programmes by IQ – now they do it by age and political leanings.

  30. 30
    Cathy "Doris"Newman says:

    Komm her und finden Sie heraus, großer Junge!

  31. 31
    Chuka says:

    Pass me the Wichita sauce.

  32. 32
    Chukka says:

    I can’t comment now I’m in Wichita

  33. 33
    MPs fail at Geography says:

    So We now have Diane Abbott who didn’t know where Newark was and Chuka who thinks Worcester is Witchita.

    And they want to represent the people of Britain?

  34. 34
    Restless in Godalming says:

    I would love to see the One-eyed Scottish Loon and Son of the Manse wail begging forgiveness for giving our gold away and pissing the economy up the wall.

    Long wait, I guess…

  35. 35
    joekano76 says:

    I see Class IVg of Eton have had their internet access restored again tonight.

  36. 36
    Tony Blair says:

    Education, education, education.

  37. 37
    Diana Abbott Ft Chuka says:

    Fuck where dem newarkshire or it hobbit people is.
    There jus be the nort and sout London massive and that it.
    Now get owt me face for I cut you white boy.

  38. 38
    The Blokes a C*nt says:

    Look closer and you can just see Ed Miliband

  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    Drama Queen, pure and simple.

  40. 40

    Finally! One politician out of the thousands world wide.

  41. 41
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Its Houses at Eton. Not classes.

    Walpole, Godolphin, College etc.

    Its how you get your business name. Your prep school and your pulic school house.

    I am ‘Bristowe Stubbs’
    Guido looks like a ‘Spencer Mullins’, but i don’t really know.

    The Sturmbannführer there, would be ‘Bawburgh Keeble.’

  42. 42
    WoRaft Chihuahua says:

    I thought most of our open prisons faked imprisonment? It seems very easy to walk out of them and not particularly arduous when they are in. They can only be called ‘prisons’ for PR effect.

    Being left on Rockall and told to make do with eggs and guano, that’s a proper open prison.

  43. 43
    Dangerous Brian says:

    Where me rice n’ pea

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    He was only asked “what was 7 X 8 “?

  45. 45
    Ken M says:

    If you commit seppuku with a blunt sword and have NO retainer to cut off your head, we may forgive you.

  46. 46
    I'm actually ejaculating as you read this message says:

    Shibaku zo boke! Ketsu keru zo!

  47. 47
    I'm actually ejaculating as you read this message says:

    O-shiri pen pen shite kudasaimasen ka, mama-san?

  48. 48
    Alas, Poor Albion says:

    @ WoRaft Chihuahua. I applaud your redefinition of open imprisonment. This would have the added benefit of boosting the popularity of the Shipping Forecast: ‘There are warnings of gales in Rockall, …’ would significantly improve the mood of the nation.

  49. 49

    Crocodile tears . Was nt even crying .

    It s a complete whitewash .

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