June 30th, 2014

SKETCH: Juncker Statement Gives Ed a New Purpose

We may have found a use for Ed Miliband. We’re going to put him in for the Turner. He’s art. He’s an installation. Not lifelike of course, not comprehensible, very expensive and widely agreed to be useless.


This afternoon he looked like the conductor of a hyper-nationalist Last Night of the Proms. The Tories were the orchestra. He pointed his finger at the horn section. They blared patriotic fervour. He jabbed at the strings, they hit the high notes. He waved his arms at them all, “More! More!” he screamed, and they rose en masse to his level. “Wilder!” he cried. “More passion, more fury!” Oh, how they responded, louder still and louder.

The prime minister had been humiliated, isolated, routed, he said. Tory spirits soared. The prime minister was incompetent, absurd, toxic. Tory cheers lifted the roofbeams. He had failed, he was in tatters, he’d been outwitted, outmanoeuvred and outvoted.

The Conservative party felt themselves heading towards the fourth or fifth of their seven heavens.

One after another they rose to congratulate, thank, encourage the Prime Minister: Howarth, Redwood, Cash, Lilley, Edward LEIGH!

Five points up in the polls. A party united as never before. Cameron’s lordly ease and gentlemanliness has returned.

And the opposition is led by Tracey Emin’s unmade bed.

After very many years, it’s time to be a Tory.


  1. 1
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Yes, but the thing is – Dave fucked up. Nothing can hide that, not even whistling in the dark.


    • 10
      Curious says:

      How? Juncker is a twat. Cameron called him out. All the others agreed. Cameron called a vote. They all chickened out.

      The only thing Call-Me-Dave is guilty of is not dropping his trousers and bending over.

      Milliband would have bent over. Milliband wants to be in charge so that he can bend over.


      • 16
        Vote Dave? Get stuffed says:

        Cameron is just piss and wind. He will never truly stand up for Britain. Whingeing is all the Tories can manage when real action is required. Only UKIP will provide that.


        • 44
          President Chuka Umunna says:

          “My fellow Britishers

          It is truly a great honour to speak to you from the Oval Office, 10 Downing Street as I humbly accept the honour you folks have bestowed upon me. Following in the footsteps of my predecessors Abraham Lincoln, Bill Clinton & Barak Obama, as I do……”


          • Alan Mullet says:

            Everyone look at me for a moment. This is what a WordPress account, combined with a Gravatar, could do for YOU.
            And all this from the Tor Bus. I thoroughly recommend it.


          • Matthew Amawillywally says:

            That’s nice, dear. Was it easy to undiscombobulate and do you feel it was time misspent in a useful way?


          • Alan Mullet says:

            Not really. No.


          • simon_coulter says:

            I think the issue here is that the *Golden Age* of, mindlessly, clicking on web sites/forums/chat rooms occured five or six years ago.
            That we attempt to bring some jollity and merriment to what is, otherwise, a rather bland waste of bandwidth and electricity should be hailed as *noteworthy* in the *brain* of the average passer-through.
            This is not an easy medium to master and, I feel, we do not get *read* as often as we deserve.


          • Matthew Amawillywally says:

            PLEASE do the “tomato juice” joke one more time, simon. My boss pissed himself.


          • simon_coulter says:

            Fruit juice-based jokes aren’t in themselves funny, are they? It needed Briananonny as the fall guy and Brenda Lacluster/MAN ON WATERLOO BRIDGE/E.Botha/Igonikon Jack, USA to *smooth* it through the moderation process.
            It was a one of a kind *gag* which occurs every so often at this level.


          • Alan Mullet says:

            Botha’s banned from here for not taking it seriously. I’ve never heard of the others.


          • simon_coulter says:

            The crux of the matter here is that Ewanme doesn’t care that she’s a pain in our arses. We fart/type utter shite for a living. I *hands up* am the worst for crapping myself via the keyboard.
            I type the rubbish that my, limited, view of the of the world allows me. No university education for simon, I’ll have you know. Ask me about vegetables and you’ll get the same answer.
            I’m contracted to say some *mind bending* stuff but I’m as clueless as the rest of you, I’m afraid.
            Apart from Ewanme, whom I wish to bum intensely.


          • E says:

            Class , as always , babes : )

            Kiss kiss .

            E x x

            P.S. How many times , yeah ??


          • Matthew Amawillywally says:

            Many. It’s a pain not worth going through, dear. Leave these tiny little shits to it.
            google me @mattiplayer.com


        • 232
          Anonymous says:

          Cameron has said he would never fail in his EU renegotiation, and has therefore always refused to answer the question in interviews:- would he campaign to leave if he failed to repatriate any UK powers..

          Clearly he has now failed at the first hurdle which puts in doubt his entire defence and raison d’être…

          Clearly he cannot dodge the question any more, would the Conservatives vote to stay in the EU without any changes in power ?


          • England: the world's rubbish tip. says:

            Cameron has also never said exactly WHAT he would re-negotiate, so we can’t tell whether he’s winning or not! Slippery little shit, as usual!


          • The Growler says:

            As time goes on the more I see and hear what Dave the Etonian says and does including his “cast iron” guarantees just can not be trusted, as he has changed his mind so many times as and when he thinks it is to his advantage to do so. There are many types of cast iron, the basic types which shatter if they are struck and malleable cast iron, Dave Boy’s promises seem to belong to the former group.


        • 291
          Anonymous says:

          Please be sensible, the PM has played a blinder.He has out nigelled Nigel !Which is what he intended all along.Who can now say he is letting Brussels walk all over him ? and the more Milliband tries to make him look a failure the better it plays out with the voters. Ha Hahaha Ha.(strokes white cat !)


      • 204
        Red Collared Nightmare says:

        Yeah, yeah…with one bound Cameron was free…and Federalist Dragon and had been killed.


    • 19
      jgm2 says:

      Fucked up? How?

      He’s the one leading in the polls.


    • 26
      Tom Catesby. says:

      Where’s our referendum?


      • 32
        Tim Yeo-Yo says:

        Referendum on what? The Lisbon Treaty?

        Sorry mate but the one eyed jock mong already signed it. Nothing Dave can do about it.


        • 60
          EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

          He DID NOT sign it with the CONSENT of the British Public. aND HE had no electoral mandate TO SIGN IT EITHER. It’s all rather embarrsassing for the msm / dtp who sold on the dud – as if it were real though.

          “Informed consent” – not consent stolen.


          • Keitho says:

            Nah . . sorry. He was the head of an elected government ( not himself obviously) and so had the mandate to do what he did.

            My problem is with Elizabeth II who had to sign off on this bit of insanity. Has she signed or not. If not we can beat this thing, but if she has who’s side is she on? Her job, her only real job, is to make sure that our political elite can’t sell us to Johnny Foreigner.

            What is our current situation?

            Liked by 1 person

          • EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

            Brenda and all her hangers on are a false dynasty of pomp and pompousness. They have been living the lie with a few monied others.

            Look here – Who actually controls and runs the Bar Association of the US?


    • 34
      Anonymous says:

      Regardless of the poll figures, one thing has not so far been considered. It has been clear for some time that Euosceptism has been rising and trust in Camerons “renegotiation pledge” has been deminshing. Knowing as we do that the EU greatly fear the posibility of a UK withdrawal have any of you considered that the whole Junker affair could be a cherade concocted by both Cameron and Brussels in order to elevate his poll ratings,
      Cameron has always declared that he will fight to remain in the EU and in spite of his “renegotiation” claims he is very reluctant to spell out exactly what is up for renegotiation. Yes I know its a cynical speculation but we are talking polotics here and this issue has given him personaly a boost.


      • 62
        EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

        i do believe i touched upon this subject mattter on this forum a few nights ago. But hey ho – what the F would i know?


        • 189
          lower case says:



        • 247
          táxpáyér says:

          “what the F would i know? ”

          At last something approaching the truth.


          • EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

            Long may your ‘singular’ obsession with i continue. You make yourself look a prick every time that you ‘attack and smear i’. Well done keep it up – truth will out.


      • 175
        Begone Cameron says:

        I seem to remember a somewhat similar scenario not all that long into Cameron’s spell in no.10. It appeared very briefly that Dave was standing up to Brussels but this quickly proved to be nothing more than a deception.


      • 258
        (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

        Exactly as I posted in the Telegraph a couple of days ago, except that I think it’s been cooked up by Cameron and Merkel!


    • 43
      wimbledon says:

      wimbledon is clean.
      wimbledon is cool.
      time to export it.

      skinny dipping in wimbledon is #%^[]}}><|__| exterminate.


    • 46
      Anonymous says:

      Tory Eton Voting Song

      Jolly voting weather
      We are all Europhiles
      We’re very clever
      And lie to you all the while
      You fell for our promise especially the CAST IRON trick
      We’re all from Eton, and you lot are all too thick.

      Regarding our expenses
      We will fill our boots
      We know you don’t like it
      But we don’t give two hoots
      If we get found out we will not shed a tear
      We’ll still be MPs on £60 odd grand a year

      If you think I’ll claim back powers,
      You haven’t got a clue
      We’ll hand the UK to Merkle,
      There is nothing that you can do
      No referendums Changes through on the nod
      I am the PM and I’m a duplicitous sod

      As for immigration
      I know it gets on your tits
      We will flood the nation
      And pay their benefits
      We are from Eton; and we are the ruling class
      If you don’t like it, you can just kiss my a***

      Junker has been elected
      We made a mighty fuss
      The voters have not detected
      Junker is one of us
      We are for Europe becoming just one big state
      When Britain wakes up it will be far too late


      • 129
        John Bellingham says:

        60-odd grand a year?

        And the rest.

        And then the expenses, government pay, perqs and pensions etc.

        Oh, and the bribes.


    • 63
      Let's be clear says:

      Cameron may be a Tory, but he’s no Conservative.


      • 101
        The two Muppets says:

        But now is not the time to rock the boat .The only way to get an
        in/out referendum is to vote Conservative . The very best that UKIP
        will get is maybe 2 or 3 seats and for that Miliband and Balls will
        be running the country . I detest the Labour party far more than I dislike The EU.


        • 177
          Real Conservatives vote UKIP says:

          Big mistake.


        • 200
          Anonymous says:

          Cameron will only allow a referendum if he is fairly sure the answer will be “in” and he will do everything he can to get that result.

          Most likely he will point to some meaningless gesture from the EU and call it significant concessions which remove the need for a referendum.

          The shrillness of the “vote UKIP get Labour” meme pushers shows how afraid they are that the public will simply vote UKIP to get UKIP in large numbers.


          • John Bellingham says:

            I expect a reasonable promise from the EU; which simply won’t happen after the non/yes referendum: similar to Blair’s giving up our rebate for … ho ho ho! CAP reform


        • 246
          táxpáyér says:

          Don’t vote UKIP, get LibLabCon


    • 118
      a crisis in confidence says:

      bvlgari says buy bulgaria.
      criminal activity is rumoured.

      rumours was the name of some album.
      was blair part of the scam whilst mandelson went shopping?


    • 255
      Taxfodder says:

      Ed may be a useless article but then Dave certainly is….

      And no poll or any amount of spin bluster huffing and puffing will change that undeniable fact!

      Polls seem to work on the premise that if a crowd of raving morons decide to eat warm cat sick at some point in time…..its the trend a foregone and you should rush to do the same.

      All I see is sheep queuing up for fleecing…..


    • 265
      Cato Street Conspirator says:

      ‘A poll showed Labour holds a five-point lead over the Tories, while the Ukip were supported by 17 per cent of voters and the Liberal Democrats languished in fifth place, behind “other”, on 7 per cent.

      ‘Andrew Hawkins, the chairman of ComRes, said: “Despite talk of the polls narrowing in favour of the Conservatives, this poll shows that in the seats which really matter Labour remain stubbornly in front.’


  2. 2
    Mycroft says:

    Dunkirk spirit… Retreat with boasting.

    The louder and more stentorious the voice the more fearful the mind.


    • 73
      W.W. says:

      We may have retreated at Dunkirk, but we did go on to win WW2.



      • 148

        Withdrawal is a deeply honourable action. I have done it several times.


      • 156
        Mycroft says:

        Would you like to complete the analogy?

        The USA joined the war… and then we won… in this analogy UKIP is the USA.

        Dunkirk remains retreat with boasting… Tories are good at masking failure in the cloak of honour.

        Spaz-cameron was humiliated, his only hope is to get UKIP and the Cons to come to an arrangement prior to the election.


        • 171
          Ockham's Razor says:

          USA was not as good as UKIP. Nothing like! They stayed on the sidelines until Pearl Harbour made their response inevitable. Britain was all alone up to this moment (a 9/11 equivalent), OK helped by lease-lend, for which we repaid for decades afterwards – when the enemy was absolved of all debt and assisted by the Marshall Plan. Sorry to sound rather bitter about this but some of us have long memories.

          UKIP has fought this all the time, especially when led by Nigel Farage.

          Oh, and by the way. There is one more very important thing…

          Vote UKIP :-D


          • Mycroft says:

            I kind of look at it that UKIP gave the Tories the means to being popular, EU scepticism, just as the US gave us the tools to do the job prior to Pearl Harbour (q. Churchill).

            The UK political Pearl Harbour is fast approaching and unlike PH it is a known date.

            It’s May 2015.

            Spaz-cameron knows that spaccer-ed is not the real problem, the British public is!

            It is us that he has a problem with, we don’t think he’s much good!

            We also think he’s a liar.

            An opportunist.

            A deceiver.

            A weak man.

            The latter is fatal, we can cope with the other three, but a limp-wristed wind-blown man is never tolerated.

            He knows he’s weak, his party knows he’s weak that is why they cheered him so fiercely, hoping the cheers today will give him some backbone.


          • Definitely not Jimmy says:

            To be fair, when 36% of the population are prepared to vote for Ed, he may have a point.


          • Your facts are wrong says:

            We never paid a penny for lend lease. It was all free. Every gun and bulletin and sack of grain and barrel of oil was entirely free.

            And as for Marshal aid,, the largest recipient of this free cash was the UK who got more cash than either France or a Germany.

            In fact the UK got just slightly under France and Germany’s combined cash total.

            So fuck you UK.
            You never stop telling yourself what poor, hard done little creatures you were. The bad old yanks never helped you out..boo fucking hoo.

            We bankrolled your entire war and your peace you goddam mooching freeloading pan handlers.

            You whine and whine that the French are not grateful for your assistance in Liberating them, yet you are exactly the same re America.

            Go read a history book you ungrateful spoliled cousins.


          • Hermann Göring says:

            Hmm … now who was it exactly that bankrolled Germany so that they could have their little war ?

            Silly me – of course, it was devoted followers of Mrs Beaton, saving money out of the housekeeping.


          • Mycroft says:

            “Your facts”

            It was an astoundingly generous move by the USA, anyone who knows his history is aware of this fact.

            But it was not free.

            First we gave the US the UK technology on not just the Jet engine but also the technology on the Turbo-fan Jet, which Whittle had designed and was a closely guarded secret.

            Pratt and Witney were decades behind us as were the Germans.

            Radar technology was handed over lock, stock and barrel and after 1946 we also gave that to all the World except Russia who was not on a par with the West until the 1950s. Plus we sent our best technicians in 1941/2 to install stations on the West coast of the US so you had warning of the much feared Japanese invasion.

            We also handed over our essential research that allowed the US to develop the A-bomb, Los Alomos would have taken another year to get to dropping one, thereby saving countless lives by not needing to invade Japan. Plus the many Scientists that were there doing the less glamourous work were Germans we (at huge risk to our airmen and networks) smuggled out of Germany in 1940/1.

            Not one penny or cent was paid for those three technologies by the US, they were freely given without let or clause by a grateful nation.

            Now not only did we do that (and we did it and still consider the US to have been immensely generous) but we also finally paid the last amount (which was based on a simple Cost+ sum) in 2006.

            So you didn’t in any way, shape or means make a cash profit from the generous help, but you have an Aircraft Industry that dominates the World thanks to it, you save all those lives in the East, a fair return in kind for the losses in Europe I and many others feel.

            I think that neither party has the right to claim ‘unfair’ or similar.

            But the great ‘idea’ was Roosevelts and many here revere his endeavour that found a way ’round neutrality to do it.


          • (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

            Not so much of the “Britain stood alone” bullshit, if you don’t mind! That always does great disservice to the memory of our gallant Australian, New Zealander, Canadian, Indian and other allies who stood with us………………from the beginning!


          • (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

            Lend-lease was NOT free! In exchange for LENDING 40 obsolete destroyers, the US was handed the LEASES to sundry British Naval dockyards around the Empire! We were billed for the war materiel supplied by the US – whilst our former enemies received the Marshall Plan – which we finally paid off in 1994! YOUR facts are wrong! YOU go and read a fucking history book, cupid stunt!

            Liked by 1 person

          • Ockham's Razor says:


            It was not my purpose to diminish the fine support our former Empire colleagues who, as you rightly state, stood by us from the start.

            Within the confines of brevity, I was speaking about how Britain stood in the immediate threat of war upon its own land, all other lands in the European theatre having fallen to the Nazis, declared neutrality or having collaborated with the enemy. Rather a mouthful to have tried to squash in.

            You are quite correct about correcting “Your facts are wrong”, who presents an extremely idealised account of events, in part corrected by Mycroft but even he concentrates over much on the financial and matériel rather than the human spirit in the face of adversity aspect. The USA have seldom had to face this as they fight their wars on foreign territory. Hell, many of them even funded the IRA in helping to kill and maim so many of us – let us not forget that!

            Hardly surprising that they lose their direction in the story and when confronted with a 9/11 incident, then the whole world has to pick up their tab, which we do today through anti-terrorism laws used to oppress the law-abiding rather than the intended aggressors.

            I know and love many Americans and travelled there right after 9/11, undaunted by terrorism so I do not hold any grudge against the people themselves.

            Accordingly, Yfar can go and stick a very large one right up his arse and spin, if he thinks he can play hardball. I won’t tell him to read a book as he will only have the patience to see a film which, itself, will present factual accuracy to the same level of mythicism and mythopoeia as witnessed in the film Braveheart.


  3. 3

    Dave is a singing ‘I can’t get no humiliation’.


  4. 4
    Jimmy says:

    In other words a party which is hugely impressed by David Cameron.

    So long as you’re happy.


    • 14
      Stu says:

      Better that than a party impressed by a totally useless moron like milliprat.


    • 15
      Sicko Fant says:



    • 30
      Tim Yeo-Yo says:

      Ha ha. Classic fuckwittery from Jimmy.

      I wonder if your hero Blair will get on the airways and give his full support to Milliband. That’s got to be worth at least another 5 points to the Tories.

      Just face it Jimmy, Labour are toxic and fucked it totally by letting that spaccer Milliband become leader.

      If you work hard for a living and really care about all that shite on your piss poor website you should vote Ukip!

      One day you might even realise that the Labour Party are just one big hypocritical pile of student common room bullshite. Until useful idiots like you realise that they’ll just keep in using you.


    • 50
      Anonymous says:

      Yes let’s all vote Labour. I’m sure they won’t bankrupt the country again next time, because Ed Balls has a magic money tree.


    • 150

      The pleasure is all yours.


    • 288
      The Growler says:

      Jimbo, when opening a bees hive make sure you have a smoke generator and are suitably attired, and no harm will become you.


  5. 5
    Old Nick Heavenly says:

    Angie and Jeza


  6. 6
    Real Conservatives vote UKIP says:

    You could try telling this to Clique Cameron :

    After many years, it’s time to be a Conservative.
    Sadly, that’s something that Cameron will never be.

    Vote UKIP :D


    • 290
      The Growler says:

      I beg to differ there Dave is a Con. but not necessarily as you know one. The problem with Dave for rather understandable reasons has chosen a fairly close group of Eton and Oxbridge people around him , the type that have breathed rarified air for a long time, most have not experienced working life in the same way as lesser mortals, or even had to fight up from a fairly lowly background, Liebore seem to going the same direction, which basically why folks are turning to what they perceive as the only party left (rightly or wrongly) which can give the Cons and Liebore a jolt, namely UKip. The LibDems have lost total credibilty as they viewed as pink Tories, they can no longer be viewed as the party of protest, this mantle has been take by UKip.


  7. 8
    Rejoice at that news says:

    Meanwhile back on the farm the sheep see Dave go with a cow and come back with beans.


  8. 9
    Bill Cash says:



  9. 12
    The CBI says:

    We have never been right about anything.


    • 31
      The Labour Party says:

      Well we have! WMDs, for example. And multiculturalism! That was a good thing to do. And putting Andy Burnham in charge of patient care.

      We’re dead clever, we are.


    • 74
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      Yes the B/S of the CBI ‘suborned at arms length mouthpieces’ for the !Captains of industry (pirates more like) and their No 1 mouthpiece during the past 10 years was none other than SHYSTER Lord ‘gimme a gong’ Digby Fucked up Jones.

      Did you know that for every – FoS complaint that the FoS ‘closed down’ there were various £500 bungs paid into some accounts overseas by the leading banks?

      Where is that gaffe prone (Credit card) fucktard of Irish / Canadian decent Barrett these days?


  10. 13
    Eco-Biff says:

    Just like us!


  11. 17
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Imagine just as Prince Charles has waited all these years for Lizzy to pop her clogs, so that he can become King, only to find the monarchy abolished to make way for Britain’s entry into a Federal Republic of Europe.

    You’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh :-)


  12. 18
    Vote Dave? Get stuffed says:

    When it comes to the EU Cameron is like a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.


  13. 20
    Scammers unite says:

    What’s a Conservative daddy, long long ago we had a political party led by a woman, who did what she said she would do, today we have a political party supposedly led by a man, his U turns and lies, makes you think he’s a woman who is having an affair with some foreigners, his family, he just walks over them as if they are crap in a carpet, one day, the carpet will have to be cleaned and the price he will pay is getting caught out and the affair being found out.


    • 89
      Canadian Carney Cameron's Chum says:

      The interest rates will rise as soon as the employment level goes down to 7% the chavs have stopped spending more than they can afford.


  14. 21
    Abu Waleed says:

    All bow to me


  15. 22

    The Tories had a good week – they appeared to be sticking the finger up to Europe but they continue to allow the finger to be stuck up them.


  16. 23
    George Galloway says:

    Hamas are murdering bastards,and I’ll kick the shit out of them,when I meet the scumbags.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 48
      Yasmin Ali-Brown says:

      They were trespassing.

      In different parts of the worlds there different customs in dealing with it. America you can be shot. Muslim countries its eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, life for a life.

      Weren’t the Muzzies kind in burying them.


  17. 24
    táxpáyér says:

    “Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than they hate us.”Golda Meir


    • 36
      jgm2 says:

      The religion of peace simply cannot get its head around the fact that six million big noses consistently kick the shit out of 1.2 billion religion of peacers.

      ‘But, but, but we’re supposed to be the ones kicking the shit out of everybody….’

      In fact it’s the same all over the world. The religion of peace, brought up believing some medieval warlord’s self exculpatory ‘book’ justifying, murder, r*ape, and theft on an epic scale is actually the word of God’, simply cannot get their stupid, fucked-up heads around the fact that the reason the entire world wants nothing to do with the c*unts is because they (religion of peacers) are demonstrably fuckwits. And lazy fuckwits to boot.

      The reason old Mo didn’t designate an heir is because he didn’t give a shit what happened once he was dead. He’d conned the daft c*unts into making him one of the richest, most powerful men in the world and that was good enough. And the thick c*unts are too thick top see it.

      You think an all-knowing God wouldn’t have foreseen the problems caused by a schism? You think an all-knowing God wouldn’t have had Mo designate an heir to avoid them?

      What a bunch of fuckwits. Keep well away from them.


      • 126
        Cinna says:

        An admirable summing up of the situation sir.


      • 244
        táxpáyér says:

        How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries. Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement; the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property‹either as a child, a wife, or a concubine‹must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men. Individual Moslems may show splendid qualities. Thousands become the brave and loyal soldiers of the Queen; all know how to die; but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science‹the science against which it had vainly struggled‹the civilisation of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilisation of ancient Rome.”


      • 284
        JH26213-454635 says:

        I have nothing to add. Bravo.


  18. 25
    jgm2 says:

    Ahhhh. The good old religion of peace up to its old tricks again.


  19. 27
    Reds under the Bed says:

    Your best sketch ever.

    I watched it live and it was JUST like that.

    How the usual suspects beamed with pleasure when Dave replied to them with. “As my honourable friend says…


    • 41
      M(.)rningt(.)n Crescent says:

      “And the opposition is led by Tracey Emin’s unmade bed.”

      Excellent stuff. Brings back memories of Michael Foot – except Militwit doesn’t even have his skills of oratory.


    • 90
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      i do love these sketches – they say more about the pitiful circus performers than the msm political editors would ever dare.

      The truth is always there in the irony written about these political puppets.


  20. 29
    Theophrastus says:

    Get real! Vote tactically! Don’t vote UKIP where you’d let a socialist in!


    • 33
      A bearer of bad news says:

      Your vote will have no affect on the outcome of the election.


      • 102
        Postal Voters - thousands of 'em! says:

        We’ve already won the next election for Labour, ins’Allah.


    • 40
      Scammers unite says:

      Vote UKIP, it’s our only chance of putting the Great back in Britain.


    • 94
      Jack Ketch says:

      As Labour currently have the most inept, most useless, most disorganised and most crashingly thick leadership since 1918, doesn’t their possible chance of forming a government in 2015 offer an opportunity?
      All Labour governments have acted like a bunch of shaved monkeys let out for the day, but they have usually had one or two individuals with some competency and talent and most important, there was always the Civil Service to prevent them from burning every last building down and sowing the fields with salt. Of course they came quite close sometimes, but were always thrown out in time. However, the fact that the last crisis, 2008-2010 was so bad, worse than 1949, worse than 1964, worse than 1979 is indicative that the Civil Service have been Common Purposed and politicised and may account partially for the coalition’s poor performance. Should the current bunch of homunculi gain power in 2015 they will absolutely devastate the country. They will drive the economy into penury, invite in hordes of Turks, Serbs and assorted Wot-Nots, give Europe and the Jocks anything they want, cancel Trident and generally create a wasteland. After a couple of years perhaps the reminder of the country would rise up and string them all up putting paid to any more Tweedledums for two or three generations.


  21. 35
    Not in my name says:

    Cameron was badly advised: it has been obvious for a long time that Merkel had to dance to the tune of minority parties no matter what she really wants.

    This is not new. Why else would anybody be so dumb as to nix ALL nuclear generation capacity in a painfully short timescale?

    Anyway he has said what all the others apart from Hungary bottled out of.

    Would Ed have done the same? Of course not.


    • 91
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      Cameron is a turd – and no matter how hard the msm try to polish up his image – he is still a common purpose lefty turd.


    • 93
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      msm going all out to polis.h up that turd called Cameron.


    • 96
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      Camoron is ‘still’ a tu.rd – and no amount of pol.ish is going to make any difference.


  22. 39
    Anonymous says:

    Regardless of the poll figures, one thing has not so far been considered. It has been clear for some time that Euosceptism has been rising and trust in Camerons “renegotiation pledge” has been deminshing. Knowing as we do that the EU greatly fear the posibility of a UK withdrawal have any of you considered that the whole Junker affair could be a cherade concocted by both Cameron and Brussels in order to elevate his poll ratings,
    Cameron has always declared that he will fight to remain in the EU and in spite of his “renegotiation” claims he is very reluctant to spell out exactly what is up for renegotiation. Yes I know its a cynical speculation but we are talking polotics here and this issue has given him personaly a boost.


    • 79
      Sparatcus says:

      Get real. The common market needs the british milk cow.

      without the constant supply of money, they cannot bring more beggars in from all over north africa and asia. nor can they bail out all the sinking piigs.

      before we know it japan will be part of the european common market


    • 106
      Wotchoo bringin to the party boy? says:

      It takes at least 2 to negotiate, even if you believe Cameron which is a silly thing to do.


  23. 45
    Parliament 2017 .. ... .. says:

    There can be no referendum because the Scottish can not be included. We will have to have a fresh vote.


  24. 51
    Sloberdoun Mikokubitch says:

    Junker, Junkers or Juncker?


  25. 52
    Owen Jones,Socialist turned Capitalist says:

    These Muslims are beneath contempt,animals behave better.

    Surreal: ‘Palestinians’ attack IDF humvee removing kidnapped boys’ bodies http://bit.ly/1jDAs3h

    Liked by 1 person

    • 58
      George Galloway says:

      Hamas is responsible and Hamas will pay,Owen.


      • 141
        John Bellingham says:

        Yankee Go Home!

        For Fuck’s sake, their plastic bin-lids are worse than their plastic micks.


    • 165
      NE Frontiersman says:

      Blog of a US lawyer who moved to the Holy Land and had eight children. Did they have trouble finding land to build a house on?


  26. 53
    • 55
      Bloomers in rain-soaked Bongo Bongo Land says:

      Don’t be daft.


    • 104
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      Here’s one to ponder – innit funny how most of the p.lish government was wiped out in a plane cra.sh in 2010 – yet the one person who didn’t get onboard was R Siky – he who is linked to conneo anne get yer apple gunbaum?

      And of course he’s being promoed as we speak… Odd that innit?


    • 107
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      As fork mr elly – you got it wrong; the enemy was within – within government – Blair and his fellow front.iers.

      Who’s paid him for his doing their business – come on let’s be avenue?


      • 138

        Not acting in UK’s interest. That is for sure.

        Check the real implications of tearing up Sykes-Picot.

        WWIII it may yet be: If S-P is reversed and P’alestine becomes properly recognized as a State: !srael vanishes.

        C’hurchill made a very bad decision in 1922.

        Vote UKIP :-D


      • 151

        Knowing who started WWI – R’ussia – and why… talk about playing the long game… :-D

        C’hurchill’s one mis-calculation was not anticipating Nuclear Weapons.

        VOTE UKIP :-D


    • 109
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      and to add – i put out a few ‘tiddlers’ (sprats) last night about a cat – and didn’t i catch me the mackerels.


  27. 54
    The British media are cunts says:

    Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall.

    When up to their pervy tricks, what TV network was employing them?

    Isn’t it about time the BBC was put on trial? How many more pervs are hiding away at old Auntie?


    • 72
      anonymous heterosexual male of the species says:

      Let us not forget the initial victims in all of this.

      If they had come forward at the time a lot of innocent little girls would not have been attacked.

      Surely the CPS are looking to prosecute.

      Women must realise that in this day and age if they are sexually assaulted it is their legal duty to report the matter to the Police without hesitation and delay to protect innocent people.


      • 113
        Anonymous says:



      • 116
        EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

        What about the fucking pigs and mi5 who ‘closed down’ investigations for some or other or multiple reasons – when people DID FUCKING COMPLAIN – like as if the cyril smith thing wasn’t ‘closed down’ by an elite protection squad – for multiple protection reasons?

        The words – can worms of off lid of lifted a closed – spring to mind.


        • 279
          Lunatic asylum says:

          Women must realise that in this day and age … I think that’s where you fucked up your own argument. This happened 40 fucking years ago, So in effect these events occurred at least 30 years before you were born


    • 76
      Legal Beagle says:


      There must have been hundreds of BBC staff who knew this wss going on

      Or were they participating as well?


      • 78
        The British media are cunts says:

        The BBC is infested with lefties and we know lefties have shall we say a liberal attitude to shagging children?


        • 120
          EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

          oh please … are all the readers on here as fookin stupid as you would make out – there has been an across the board political cover up for decades.

          This is the one subject matter that is the thorne in the side of the whole political circus and what do they do by majority about it – SFA.



        • 158
          pie and mash says:

          Did Harman,Dromey and Hewitt know what was going on at the BBC?


          • NE Frontiersman says:

            Several known PIE members were convicted for child sex offences the same year she joined the NCCL. One could say ‘Join the dots’, but it seems all too credible that HH has spent her entire life knowing nothing about anything.


          • Harridan "the beard" Harman says:

            Back in the 70’s, Jimmy, Rolf, Stu, Cyril, Jack and I were simply at the Newsagents looking for holiday brochures on the top shelf when the newsagent kindly offered to show us the special brochures he kept in the back passage which the boys entered via a three-year-old’s bottom while I perused a copy of Spare Rib


      • 149
        BBC - nein danke says:

        Joan Bakewell was on the news earlier saying she learned how to protect herself at the BBC, such as keeping her back to the wall in the lifts, or kicking a shin.

        Fine for an intelligent adult woman.

        She didn’t mention what she did to protect the vulnerable young, though, knowing who the perps were.


      • 212
        Anonymous says:

        Have you ever been involved in one of these lefty dominated organisations? Everything is subordinated to the furtherance of their ideological goals and anyone who is prepared to espouse them can get away with anything.

        They will sit in meetings and listen to damning evidence, then just smile and vote as a bloc to ignore it.


    • 147
      John Bellingham says:

      I demand an investigation into whoever makes the female presenters of Newsnight dance with their tits out.


  28. 56
    David Axlegrease says:


  29. 57
    DK says:

    “And the opposition is led by Tracey Emin’s unmade bed.”

    Apt description for the “wind torn tree snagged black binbag”!!


  30. 59
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Ed Miliband has lost it totally.


  31. 61
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:


    • 114
      Anonymous says:

      About the same percent as those employed by the state – which is only recirculating taxes anyway.


      • 184
        Fuck the LibaLabCon says:

        Interestingly the rises seem to be irrespective of whether there was a Tory or Labour government in control.

        That tells you all you need to know.


  32. 64
    Eaton mess says:

    Total wankers…


  33. 65
    Anonymous says:

    Three teens murdered and the mask slips. This was RT’d by Owen Jones.


    • 86
      Mossad says:

      Owen Jones is a confused homosexual,pity him for he knows not what he is doing,


    • 123
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      The whole ‘timing’ of this issue bears proper lawful scrutiny.


      • 238
        táxpáyér says:

        Fluoride-Helmet boy. I just knew you’d make a total dickhead comment.


        • 299
          EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

          Thanks again for one of you highly intelligent comments – as ever you show your own intolerant ignorance of the subject matters and descend to your usual level. Thanks again.


    • 125
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      There were some serious strange delays about various reportings of the kidnaps / original dismissals / so called phone calls & transcripts … and lots more … and there are many j’s questioning the timing of it all – AS FUCKING WELL.


    • 131
      Jimmy says:

      I think the point is that there were more than three teens murdered. Admittedly he did use some quite long words but I think it’s pretty clear.


    • 174
      Keitho says:

      That’s fine and well. They were enemy combatants and so deserved to die. Besides Palestinians get a worse deal from the Israelis.

      You seem to be saying that the Israelis shouldn’t be upset at the killing of three of their children because we Palestinians are quite sanguine about this stuff. OK.

      The Israelis gave up Gaza for peace and it hasn’t happened. What do you think they will do next?


      • 306

        In 1973, a Mossad commando unit murdered a Moroccan waiter in the Norwegian town of Lillehammer in the mistaken belief that he was a PLO terrorist. He wasn’t. Several agents were sent to prison, Israel paid compensation to the man’s dependants (how noble). Fast forward to 2009-2010. A team of 27 Israeli agents murdered a Hamas representative. They did so by cornering him in a hotel room in Dubai. They travelled using the following mix of fraudulent passports: British, Irish, French, Australian, German. I invite you to think about what they have undoubtedly done in the intervening nigh-on 40 years between those two incidents. It is impossible to reconcile supposedly being the people to whom “Thou shalt not kill” was first given….and being world leaders in the art of killing. I know when these people are lying. It’s when their lips are moving.


  34. 66
    A French Public Prosecutor says:

    Apparently the Spaniards and Italians are already at one anothers throats arguing about who is going to build the wings for Airbus when the UK is turfed out of Europe.

    I really think David Cameron should be making his position perfectly clear on this / no one in their right mind would apply for a job at BAE with this hanging in the air.


    • 71
      Chief Capo at Barclays says:

      Don’t worry

      We will organise another criminal deal to sort this out


      • 88
        A Ship's Lawyer says:

        When Dave signs the documents taking us out of the EU he must ensure there is a clause inserted to ensure we get a fair share of the money when fines are imposed for all thos illlegal Airbus subsidies/


        • 94
          Robespierre says:

          Bojo should put his foot down and stop the building of that new French School in London right now.

          Them Frenchies wont leave voluntarily and the place is already like a ghettoe.

          Minimise the problem now because I can see the area being closed down in a combined police and military operation.


    • 179
      Keitho says:


      It is quite sad that these MININFAP types climb on here to try and minimise what we are about. Surely they realise that what scares us won’t keep us in, this is about why we should want to be in.

      So far. Total silence.

      That’s OK but we aren’t small and unimportant. We have access to a world, just like in the past. Europe is being a dick.


    • 217
      Anonymous says:

      As Airbus currently has suppliers in non EU countries like Japan, the answer to the question of who will build the wings is the UK. It’s not as if Airbus will want to lose the UK market to Boeing after all.


  35. 67
    John "Gigolo" Kerry says:

    I have just said on CCTV Chinese television station that the invasion of Iraq was a “serious mistake”

    It only took me 11 years to work that one out


    • 130
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      One does have to wonder about all these ‘Criminal Enterprises’ that Blair has allowed to prosper … and also take into account that he is of the closed shop of Shysters.

      What a mix – eh closing down any investigation that ‘shine.s’ light at their own?


      • 133
        EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

        i forgot to add – aided and abetted of course, by every police farce which was ‘bought off for business purposes as well. What a trick eh?


  36. 68
    Kinnochio says:



  37. 77
    Bing Crosby says:

    Nothing like a bit of hand baggibg by Wavy Davy to make a pop in the polls

    Waltzing Mathilda and all that


  38. 80
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    I consider the current ruling LibLabCon to be utter scum and happy to debate with anyone who thinks otherwise.


  39. 81
    Anonymous says:

    Owen Jones on the savile channel again.


    • 92
      Gideo says:

      This auto cue reader with the tan gives me the creeps.


      • 142
        Fuck the LibLabCon says:

        I wouldn’t mock Clive Myrie too readily.

        He is one of the few news readers on BBC 24 hour rolling bollocks that actually tries to present the news in some semblance of an impartial manner.

        I honestly believe he’s one of the few BBC news readers who is intelligent and of independent thought.

        Myrie went to University when only 5% of the population were able to do so and he came from a relatively poor background.


        Vote UKIP. Know your allies.


        • 172
          i disagree says:

          The paper reviews I’ve seen him conduct have
          conformed to the usual predictable BBC bias.
          I no longer bother watching BBC News.

          Liked by 1 person

  40. 84
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    And there are SERIOUS QUESTIONS not being asked about the absolutely co-incidental TIMING of all of this. Were the three ‘connected with the higher elite’ or were they just sacrificed … for another purpose/a convenient time to highten ‘ten… sions’ at a time of political brokering – prior to thursday?


    • 117
      Bob says:


      Good way to split Hamas and PLO

      Timimg very suspicious

      Anf of course zioloon press does not mention thousands of Palestinians murdered and imprisoned without trial in apartheid Y s rael


    • 243
      táxpáyér says:

      Must be all the HEAVY FLUORIDE

      you Cock fucking wank stain.


      • 297
        EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

        @Txpayer – Thank you for your highly informed and intelligent comment. Please do keep your comments coming.


        • 305

          I cannot confirm or deny anyone on this site is a cock fucking wank stain.
          Or if to be as so described is even possible.
          What I do know as irrefutable fact is that if all countries whose territory includes the equator, or anywhere from the equator to 1000 miles North of that same line, could be nuked from space with no fall-out issues for the remainder, likely-eternal peace on Earth would result.


  41. 85
    The finally gagged Hague says:

    The new isfuck state in sand land will have a boring culture. Who will they kill, maim and bom ‘b in their own land? Or will they do sorties like dear Ham’as?


    • 99
      Lost in the Daily Telegraph says:

      They will be busy for years stoning to death all those women with iphones.


  42. 100
    Gideo says:

    If you are ever unlucky enough to come across Coronation Street you will see a complete gay fest with action in bed spoken about today as soon as 7 o’clock, the whole thing is an exercise in conditioning the population to dangerous practices as the norm, surely this cannot be right?


    • 178
      Mind rot says:

      All the moronic soaps are vehicles for state propaganda, social engineering and conditioning, and mostly aimed it must be said at women and teenagers.


  43. 108
    Diane Fatbott says:



  44. 119
    r o peace says:

    London 2030

    Shaven red collared whiteys walk in the road with the traffic, while bending and scraping to their new masters if not pulling their carriages.

    We are immigrating and breeding on a scale like you wouldn’t believe. Be afraid.


  45. 128
    Blitzkrieg says:

    The Germany football team looks hideously white to me, apart from one. Do you think he is just a token blick?

    I tell you what though. I will place my house on Germany getting through to the next round against Algeria.


  46. 134

    Excellent piece. Agree with it all.

    Vote UKIP :-D


  47. 152
    David Ward says:

    Crikey Algeria could’ve been 3 up already! C’mon the Arabs!


  48. 183
    Simon says says:


  49. 187
    Reigate public says:

    That Ascroft poll can only be complete bollocks. I can confirm that the common person on the street thinks Cameron is a complete lying Hunt.


  50. 191
    Alex Salmonella says:


  51. 195
    Cameron is a liar says:

    Or to translate that puff into English: old twit who writes for Guido votes Conservative and is denial about the party’s terminal decline.


  52. 197
    Eratosthenes 200 BC says:

    Fuck me!

    The world is round!


  53. 199
    Rahul Bannerjee, Wembley says:

    A fine sketch, Simon Carr’s pencil is scalpel-sharp!

    Ed Miliband is hilarious. Part of me hopes he becomes PM just for the comedy. Then I remember I have a job, a mortgage to pay and savings in the bank. Yikes!

    Liked by 1 person

  54. 206
    Tony Blair esquire says:

    But listen it’s all about me! Cherie no one takes any notice anymore. Gordon where are you?


  55. 211
    David Cameron says:

    Strangely enough, I’m finding that I am beginning to support Germany in the World Cup now that England have been knocked out!


  56. 214
    A tragic end says:

    I wonder if Rolf will commit suicide before Friday’s sentencing.


  57. 215
    Der Ring des Nibelungen says:


    Fucking millions of them.


  58. 225
    Alan Mullet says:

    Get a real job, Steve.


  59. 231
    The Britissh MSM are cunts says:

    Fucking c’unt MSM lying again about the root causes of the increased burden on the NHS…


    They really are c’unts


    • 283
      The BBC and the lefties closing. More hospitals killing more patients than the Tories says:

      Lack of resources provided by this uncaring coalition


    • 286
      Scammers unite says:

      Any news apart from telling the masses about football, tennis, golf and kids being used and abused by some invisible force that shall be unnamed is all the news they will print or report anything happening in/about the EU and the rest of the world falls into the bit bucket.


  60. 237
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    a houmorus and entertaining post. i have no idea how to splell


  61. 240
    Anonymous says:

    Any more Cameron ‘victories’ and the country is fooked.


  62. 241
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    a humanoid attains the power of thought and surprisingly does nothing with it. inherent laziness is altered by “danger of death” notice attached to dealings with Islamic fuckwits


  63. 242
    By John Rentoul at the INDY says:

    Is Ed Miliband Labour’s Rolf Harris in disguise?



  64. 248
    Oh Piers says:


  65. 262
    John Bull says:

    The bottom line is whatever Cameron and Miliband say and do the EU is run by Angela Merkel and her lapdog Juncker, which is why she put him in place.

    Juncker is an Anglophobe Eurofederalist.

    Merkel is the Chancellor of Germany, and therefore rightly does everything in her country’s national interest.

    When are we going to get a Prime Minister and a Government that do everything in our country’s national interest ?

    When enough people vote UKIP, that’s when.


    • 276
      Fred the pensioner says:

      We could start today by stopping our daily 55 million contribution. Cutting that to 55 million a month may help to change policy in Berlin/Brussels. We could use that 1.65 billion savings on something useful – like employing welders to weld shut the fucking border gates.

      Just a thought.


      • 280
        Scammers unite says:

        Time the braindead woke up from their long slumber and tv brainwashing and realised that the LibLabCons are screwing them silly, but the braindead are so thick they will put Sillyband and his gang of liars back in 2015 and carry on complaining and moaning and blaming Camorons Conservatives.


      • 293
        SIZE 15 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

        A better idea would be to cut our contribution to FUCK ALL !!!!!!


  66. 264
    Mossad says:


    IDF has demolished the Hebron home of George Galloway, one of 2 Hamas men Isr*el says are prime suspects in the kidnapping


    • 267
      George Galloway says:

      Will Arab neighbors ask Israel for help to combat IRAN/ISIS? No, they would probably find butchering each other easier that to be so shamed


      • 268
        Prime Minister David Cameron says:

        Don’t waste another minute here on “Order Order”,Owen Jones & George Galloway , go join your new Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi NOW!


    • 278
      Joss Taskin says:

      Is that his second home for Parliamentary purposes ?


  67. 270
    Isolated_and_Xenophobic? says:

    Polly Toys_Be (out of Pram.) is at it again in Guardian.
    No comments invited after calling UKIP “job-destroying racists and xenophobes”.
    Strange really that public people can commit libel without any sort of redress.


  68. 285
    Keep our Press Free says:

    So Rolf Harris used Leveson to try and cover up his arrest.
    Hope Miliband,Coogan,Grant etc are satisfied.


  69. 294
    Anonymous says:

    “he looked like the conductor of a hyper-nationalist Last Night of the Proms. The Tories were the orchestra.”
    Which may go some way to confirming, that they are all merely presenting their own unique renditions on a theme tentatively suggested by reality. Though how close any of them ever come to being in tune with the real thing, only becomes clear through a process of careful comparison against the actual score.


Seen Elsewhere

Does Europe Really Want Britain to Quit? | Nick Wood
Immigration Nation | Hopi Sen
Tories Choose Anti-Israel Candidate in Rochester | JC
Osborne’s Daycare Obsession is a Time Bomb | Kathy Gyngell
BBC Marr Pinko Trying to Ban the Queen | Speccie
Eric Hobsbawm: Companion of Dishonour | Standpoint
Guido Party Gossip | Iain Dale
Russell Brand Comes Out as 9/11 Truther | Guardian
Health Revolution is Underway | Fraser Nelson
UKIP Gets Professional | Red Box
Kelly Tolhurst Wins Rochester Open Primary | BBC

Find out more about PLMR

Austrian Chancellor Werner Faymann on Cameron’s refusal to pay the £1.7 billion EU bill by December 1st:

“Well, then he’s gonna pay on December 2nd”

Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!

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