June 27th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Stop Looking at My Messages Edition)


158 Comments

  1. 1
    David says:

    Can you do Boris?

    Like

    • 7
      Socialism is theft says:

      Man facing Angry Bird.

      Like

    • 122
      We want Juncker!! says:

      ‘My lawyer says the use of a mobile like this will probably cost me two ounces of old holborn or a blow job on ‘B’ wing George’.

      Like

    • 128
      Tom Catesby says:

      ‘That was the judge, he says if I don’t publish the pictures of the little girls, he’ll sort me a quick lie down in a soft nick’.

      Like

    • 156
      disgusted of tunbridge wells says:

      Massive pair of tits exposed.

      Like

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Well I did not see that coming

    Like

    • 90
      The Growler says:

      Dave to Coulson, “I say, is that today’s page 3 of the, my, she is a big Girl”

      Like

  3. 3
    Coulson says:

    You play Ball George sand get me into number 10 George and this story involving you and Natalie Rowe gets quietly dropped

    Like

  4. 4
    peter sharp says:

    This is one of Bekka I took when she wasn’t watching. That would improve your balance of payments George!

    Like

  5. 5
    Rebekah Brooke says:

    Wanna see me squirt..?? <3

    Like

  6. 6
    Pane in the arse says:

    AC: Are you security cleared to read my messages?

    Like

  7. 8
    JR says:

    “Natalie Rowe has blocked you back”

    “Bitch”

    Like

  8. 9
    NERMAL says:

    Who the phuck is @AnusSarwar?

    Like

  9. 10
    AJ says:

    “Hire me or these pictures of your indoor skiing exploits lead on Sunday.”

    Like

  10. 11
    Andy Coulson says:

    I love Minecraft..

    Like

  11. 12

    Believe me, George, I’m gonna make a killing with my new Hacking App. Want in?

    Like

  12. 13
    Ed Balls shoulders says:

    have you seen the tit on that

    Like

  13. 14
    Sid the sexist says:

    So that’s Angry Birds?

    I thought you meant the Eagles.

    Like

  14. 16
    Dave Bruce says:

    Ed has text me about owls….strange .. But seems a hoot not to screach about it

    Like

  15. 17
    Are tramps scamming Yasmin? says:

    Did he have a wooden leg and a parrot?

    Like

  16. 18
    Borders are not just for Xmas says:

    Shouldn’t have let him in the country.

    Like

  17. 20
    Copper bottomed says:

    GO: Collar and cuffs I see!

    Like

  18. 21
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “You’ve got texts from Wendi Deng?”
    “Who said they were my texts?”

    Like

  19. 23
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Why do these people ask why its like this… instead if they really had compassion they would take them in, bath, recloth them and feed them.
    Tweeting is passing by on the other side

    Like

  20. 24
    Coulson says:

    That’s not sugar George. One lump or three?

    Like

  21. 26
    Socialism is theft says:

    Coulson looks at an app to find the cushiest prison.

    Like

  22. 27
    Fat Richard says:

    what a crock of shit

    Great Britain is a place where you can get a massive pair of tits installed for free

    Like

  23. 28
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Lets have a look George to see who has the appointment with Miss DOM before you.

    Like

  24. 29
    Gunnery Sergeant Hartman says:

    Osborne : “I should check my messages too.”
    Coulson: “No need.”

    Like

  25. 30
    two middle aged men in deck chairs says:

    “It’s nice out isn’t it?”

    “Yes, the weather’s nice too.”

    Like

  26. 31
    ʍȫʊʂʂȁ ҞϴџṦṦậ says:

    When will George Osborne’s Tax arrangements go under the microscope. It seems that he complains about Offshore Tax arrangements but uses them via his Trust Fund to boost his income. Maria Miller claimed that Osborne’s flipping and expense claiming was more outrageous than hers were, and the fact that his Family Company Osborne and Little have been a successful Company for years while not paying any Tax suggest that an Independent Press would have plenty to examine forensically. Unfortunately Cameron’s father’s record which paid for the Eton Education seems to have been off limits for the Press and I fear Osborne will also be allowed to carry on as usual

    Like

    • 35
      Private Frazer says:

      Did I ever tell you the story of the old empty barn?

      Like

    • 36
      Anonymous says:

      About as funny as AIDS.

      Like

    • 48
      Ma­­qb­oul says:

      Errmm… isn’t all this remit of HMRC ?

      When I submit my annual tax return if you think I’d let a partisan newspaper have a copy you’d be fucking mental pal. Oh I forgot… you are.

      Like

    • 49
      Moosey Koosey says:

      When will Margaret Hodge’s Tax arrangements go under the microscope. It seems that she complains about Offshore Tax arrangements but uses them via her Trust Fund to boost her income.

      Like

  27. 33
    Loaf of Brian says:

    “I can’t tell you what we’ve got on you Georgie. It might prejudice my retrial!”

    Like

  28. 37
    Coulson says:

    This phone is smarter than both of us

    Like

  29. 38
    Ed Balls says:

    AC – Here. Look at this great pair of tits George
    GO – They are big tits aren’t they. But why a picture of the two Ed’s as your wallpaper?

    Like

  30. 39
    The Photo App says:

    Coulson: Look, it’s real Ginger

    Like

  31. 40
    prison works says:

    Coulson downloads ‘Bubba’s Bitch’ App.

    Like

  32. 41
    Socialism is theft says:

    That would be Tony Blair in a parallel universe.

    Like

  33. 42
    Tom Watson says:

    There look,
    Coulson Osbourne a phone a pint of beer and a cup of coffee.
    Are they biscuits in the dish?
    Clear evidence of a conspiracy to hack peoples private communications no doubt about it.

    Like

  34. 43
    Yasmin alibaba-brown says:

    It’s true. I forgot to add that he had messed his pants and was dribbling urine all over the milk bottles. Naturally I told him to FUCK RIGHT OFF !

    Like

  35. 44
    England is becumin a ferd world cess-pit innit says:

    It’s Rolf again,,,,he wants to know if I want some killer dirt on Clifford

    Like

  36. 45
    Boris says:

    Wonga
    Bedroom Tax
    Andy Coulson
    Rebekah Brooks
    Food Banks
    Raisa
    Leon Brittan
    Peter Morrison
    HS2
    Osborne’s paddock scam
    Children left in the pub
    43 Government U-turns
    Minimum alcohol pricing
    Anthony Bamford
    Adrian Beecroft
    Michael Spencer
    Lord Green
    Cigarette packaging & Lynton Crosby
    Fracking & Lynton Crosby
    Peter Cruddas
    Lying under oath at Leveson
    Racist Vans
    The promotion of Esther McVey
    Escalating government debt
    Royal Mail selloff price scandal
    Tory beer & bingo
    Support for Maria Miller

    George, the man’s got to go.

    Like

  37. 46
    Jimmy says:

    Ok deleted. Now we just wait.

    Like

  38. 47
    LibDem Candidate says:

    I wasn’t begging I just asked Yasmin if she would consider voting for me.

    Like

    • 52
      Yasmin alibaba-brown says:

      and thats why i had to punch you in the fucking throat

      Like

      • 107
        We know the BBC is bent says:

        Just because this country took me in and I’ve proceeded to milk it for all I can doesn’t mean I have the slightest intention of doing anything for anyone else but do all I can to denigrate Britain. …………………. I’m still going to line my own pocket with the Kuffar money as well.

        Like

      • 112
        Dangerous Brian says:

        In the next chapter of Yasmin saves Western Society from the infidel kaffir she tweets;

        How I washed the feet of this product of broken Britain and converted him to the Religion of Peace before buying him a one way ticket to Damascus.

        Like

  39. 51
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    Osborne: Ow Coulson, do you know how to jailbreak that iPhone?

    Like

  40. 53
    Maimed Codger says:

    Strips off well I see.

    Like

  41. 54
    Maimed Codger says:

    That is just the thing we are trying to ban…

    Like

  42. 56
    Indepedent writer gets it from the TV says:

    Children’s Cartoons models political columnists views

    Like

  43. 57
    Anonymous says:

    It was probably some white bloke she’d run over before pulling into her drive. The flies were hers.

    Like

  44. 59
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Osborne: ‘I’d give her one.’
    Coulson: ‘I already have.’

    Like

  45. 60
    Mr Allan says:

    Hacking austerity comes into force

    Like

  46. 61
    Milligan's Spikes, Ltd says:

    Yazza, you may wish to consider our services…

    Like

    • 65
      100wpm says:

      As she describes herself as a journalist,surely she
      must have interviewed the bloke after giving him food,
      water and medical attention?
      Look forward to reading the article…

      Like

      • 74
        Yasmin Alibaba Brown says:

        Sorry my mistake the beggar wasn’t at the door he was on the telly.
        I woke from my afternoon nap in the middle of an Oxfam advert.

        Like

  47. 62
    Andy to George says:

    Its got the extra advance scanning camera as you read about at security at our airports.

    Like

  48. 64
    HPDL says:

    George employs the direct approach to hacking

    Like

  49. 66
    Anonymous says:

    Looks good’ is a hackberry?

    Like

  50. 67
    Cynic says:

    “So then I hacked Rebecca’s secret texts to me during our affair and sold ‘em to myself”

    Like

  51. 68
    Owen Jones says:

    Great text this,George.

    “If you wanna live forever, smoke crack .Crackheads don’t die!

    Like

  52. 69
    chris says:

    Looks good, is it a hackberry?

    Like

  53. 70
    It's A Wonderful Life says:

    “Now having been shown the compromising photos of Dave and Rebekah, you’ve got to be thinking, ‘I wonder if he has anything on ME?’ Wonder on, my lad…”

    Like

  54. 71
    Is this how it's done? says:

    So you see, George, voicemail PINs are factory set to 0000 and so what you do is…

    Like

  55. 72
    Andy Coulson says:

    Looking good George, the coke will be here in an hour. I’ll give the girls a call…

    Like

  56. 73
    Horatio says:

    And here’s a picture of Angelina Jolie showing off a pair of tits. http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02939/Celebs-Jolie-Hague_2939540b.jpg

    Like

  57. 75
    Coolson says:

    Hey George, Murdoch’s howling mad and says I have to be the fallguy! Does this mean I’m out of the A-Team? Face facts man, I have a problem and nobody can solve it. Mrs T would pity a fool like me.

    Like

  58. 77
    Jimmy says:

    You dial it Andy. I’m not good with numbers.

    Like

  59. 78
    Ippikin says:

    What I find extraordinary about the whole ‘phone hacking business is that every one of these people left the factory pre-set pin number on their ‘phones and never thought to put a new pin number on their voicemail retrieval service.
    That demonstrates either complete stupidity or extreme ignorance, which either way must reflect badly upon themselves and despite the illegality of the actual hacking, its almost as if they were ‘asking for it’.
    With the obvious exceptions of the ‘Milly Dowler’ type incidences, I have no sympathy for any of them.

    Like

    • 82
      Jimmy says:

      “What I find extraordinary about the whole ‘phone hacking business is that every one of these people left the factory pre-set pin number on their ‘phones and never thought to put a new pin number on their voicemail retrieval service.”

      Almost unbelievable even.

      Like

      • 91
        OED says:

        If Archer had written it, we’d laugh him off the front cover.

        Like

      • 105
        I simply can't remember my PIN...I think its 0000 says:

        Apropos Dowler did nobody in the press or establishment know how mobile phone systems work…????they start deleting the earliest messages and read messages automatically as the inbox fills up…did we really have to have £5 million spent and months of public enquiry to find THAT out rather than just read the mobile phone instruction booklet or the terms and conditions section of the mobile phone provider ??

        Like

        • 120
          Ippikin says:

          These are supposed to be people who can actually make a difference?
          I can understand actors, Z list ‘celebrities’ and the like being thick as two short planks – and I suppose John Prescott, but what about the rest?

          Like

  60. 79
    Piers Morgan says:

    “Hey Andy, I’ve left a message for you on David Cameron’s voicemail”

    Like

  61. 80
    Billiam says:

    “I used to be able to do it George but I just can’t hack it anymore.”

    Like

  62. 83
    Yabba Yabba A-B says:

    Idy gone I’m off back to Uganda. Bye Great Britain. To think things have come to this.

    Like

  63. 84
    AC says:

    It’s easy George. Do you want to hear what Frances has been up to?

    Like

  64. 85
    Fishy says:

    And this year’s Guardian / Johann Hari award for creative journalism goes to…….

    YASMIN ALIBHAI-BROWN

    Like

  65. 86
    Ippikin says:

    George, if you promise not to tell anyone where you saw it, this one’s Teresa May’s job application for head of security at G4S.

    Like

  66. 87
    grasmit says:

    Arent these digital crystal balls fabulous.We know what is going to happen.

    Like

  67. 88
    Nick Clegg says:

    George ” Yes Andy,now that text I like,Wow.http://thebltch.com/the-instagram-butt-girl-hot-new-photos …”

    Like

  68. 89
    it's gordons fault says:

    Andy, Can i read the transcript of my voice mails on your phone as i’m not getting any signal on mine?

    Like

  69. 92
    Andy says:

    It’s called CrackApp George. It checks your location and if available a waiter appears with it in a sugar bowl.

    Like

  70. 93
    Err says:

    Cool son.

    Like

  71. 94
    Ippikin says:

    Oh fuck! These are my own voicemails.

    Like

  72. 95
    Andy says:

    My latest app allows me to mimic peoples voices in real time. The Miliband front page Sun photo came after I mimiced Alexander advising the fellow to have the shot.

    Like

  73. 96
    Gideon says:

    I didn’t know she was ginger down there too…

    Like

  74. 97
    Junckers the Piss Head says:

    Yes sorry about that. Had had a lively night out in Shoreditch

    Like

  75. 99
    Chuka ummana says:

    hello underlings, just a quick message to say thanks for calming down the spam on my facebook page, its really been tough having to constantly delete rude people who point out i’m a smug hypocritical millionaire, why can’t they let me be smug and hypocritical and just accept it? i’ll rent my house out to them in Ibiza if they are nice (for a large fee) anyway, thanks again for leaving my facebook page alone now, don’t do it again

    Like

  76. 100
    Yoostin says:

    George: So, Andy. How will you smuggle your blackberry into prison?

    Andy: Enormous arsehole.

    Like

  77. 101
    Diane Abbott says:

    Wat dem dis all about, never mind your facebook page, Whitey is all over my page telling me to divide and rule my food portions, i tell you dem honkys is well racist. I won’t have no whitey on my facebook page pointing out my views and my big fat butt

    Like

  78. 102
    Charlie Brooks says:

    Andy “Typical text from Rebekah! Whose turn is it to make the tea? “

    Like

  79. 103
    Anonymous says:

    “Its Piers again trying to hack into my messages”

    Like

  80. 104
    Perse O'Nalley says:

    Can you see what it is yet?

    Gosh, Andy, you didn’t hack him as well?

    Like

  81. 106
    roversfan says:

    It’s from Wandsworth Nick asking how I like my porridge, one lump or two.

    Like

  82. 110
    Tooth fairy says:

    Andy shows George what is available on SparePrisonRoom.com but is not impressed that he has to share.

    Like

  83. 111
    Cynic says:

    It must be a fault. All my contacts have disappeared

    Like

  84. 113
    Andy Coulson says:

    “Check this out. It’s Guido’s blog. Notice that since he’s taken the Muurdoch shilling he is totally compromised and apart from the odd, disinterested blog there’s been next to no coverage of what cuunts like me and the ginger tart got up to.”

    Like

  85. 114
    Anonymous says:

    George,
    What do you think of this old photo of you with a lorry load of charlie smothered over your leery face?

    Like

  86. 116
    Rupert fucking Murdoch says:

    Andy
    LOL
    Dave

    Like

  87. 117

    The Tories hacking of phones was a little simpler

    Like

  88. 118
    Dangerous Brian says:

    Andy Coulson; So, George, if you want to pay back Mandy for the stroke on the yacht, just hack into the Brazilian’s mobile and photo shop him sooking GB’s dick while getting a proper rogering from TB.
    That’ll put the cat among the pigeons.

    Like

  89. 119
    Anonymous says:

    If it’s Rebekah, give her my love

    Like

  90. 121
    Owhine Jones says:

    ‘Someone has tweeted me claiming I’ about to be stitched up by the Guardian, Fatty Watson and Ed Miliband’

    Like

  91. 124
    Brother York says:

    Osborne to Coulson: “Your iPhone screen is brighter than your future.”

    Like

  92. 126
    Brother York says:

    Osborne to Coulson: “You sure lol means that? Dave says otherwise”.

    Like

  93. 127
    Natalie Rowe says:

    Who wants to buy piccies of Georgie in his Paisley Y fronts hoovering up a fat line?

    Like

  94. 129
    20 stone psychopath at Wandsworth HMP says:

    Andy, do you mind if call you Julie?

    Like

  95. 130
    Marty McFly says:

    “I have to conceal it where to get it into prison, George?”

    “Yeah, you heard me, something Natalie introduced me to!!”

    Like

  96. 132

    She looks much smaller on that.

    Like

  97. 133
    Aaron D Highside says:

    It’s from Leveson. What does LOL mean?

    Like

  98. 135
    Big Tam says:

    Dear Andy,

    See u in court for perjury.

    Can’t wait.

    With Love

    Tommy Sheridan xxxxxxxxxx

    Like

  99. 136
    Bunckers says:

    Can you lend me some credit George?

    Like

  100. 137
    Fatty chicken Bon-bons says:

    Look Alibaba,
    I’ve told you not to knock on Dave’s back door when he’s got the kids off to bed.

    Like

  101. 138
    whatever says:

    they say, grow your hair a bit longer and you can screen test for frodo

    Like

  102. 139
    Bill de Burgh says:

    “Blimey, Andy, you couldn’t have taken one much closer!
    It *does* look like an orang-utan with an axe wound!!!!!”

    Like

  103. 140
    Bill de Burgh says:

    ….And the Guido Award for best use of all or part of Diane Abbott’s name in order to produce a nom-de-plume goes to yours truly for:

    Abbott-a-pitta-pocket-or-two

    Ay thenk yaw!

    Like

  104. 141
    Its Grim in Grimsby says:

    Message says: I told you I had a get out of jail free card, so now you re a sucker just like me!

    Like

  105. 142
    arsene all says:

    So, you hacks ‘hack’ yourselves as well as hacking off the country?

    You supply the slags for the politicians to shaft then you shaft them for shafting them.

    You don’t have the courage of your convictions but you’ve certainly got the convictions.

    But save my seat, I’m just off to powder my nose.

    While I’m away, why don’t you amuse yourself with your favourite red-top. The bad news is she’s not ‘going down’ this week.

    Like

  106. 143
    Rightallalong says:

    ‘It’s a very long sentence’.

    Like

  107. 145
    Anonymous says:

    I’m sure my bloody phones been hacked.

    Like

  108. 146
    Anonymous says:

    Is that Harriots twitter feed? I love Angry Birds.

    Like

  109. 147

    I wonder if I ll meet Max in B Wing ?

    He can show me the ropes now he s got his “foot” under the table….

    Like

  110. 148
    domino says:

    Coulson: Betfair are giving odds of 10/1 for the Germans to beat the Cameroon in Strasbourg.

    Osborne: What about Paddypower?

    Coulson: Guido…no he is too busy writing about Rebekah.

    Like

  111. 150
    Thon says:

    “Your wife says she’s going to be late for dinner, and there’s one here from a Nigerian General offering to pay off the national debt if you sent him your bank details.”

    Like

  112. 151
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest.”
    So you want me to run HS(Infinity) for you George? Now tell me. Who has the fastest trains in the world, and why is their economy in the shi**er?

    Like

  113. 152
    Dandy Burnbum says:

    He was probably a survivor from Mid Staffs.(when lie our ran the NHS)

    Like

  114. 153
    Ricky the Carnivorous Pony says:

    “Oh look, Paddy’s sent us a message with some photos..”

    Like

  115. 154
    Dogba Clarkson says:

    Not so Coul-son, now

    Like

  116. 155
    Anonymous says:

    So Andy.

    What’s Lord Levenson been saying about us?

    Like

  117. 157
    michael says:

    I’m on dictionary.com -how d’you spell ‘guilty’?

    Like


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UKIP’s ‘Starsky and Hutch’ | Total Politics
Innocent Sun Journo Just Doing Her Job | Sun
Boris Sent Up North | Times
The Only Way to Mend the EU | Leo McKinstry
Northern Labour Tearing Party Apart | David Aaronovitch
Osborne is Son of Brown | Peter Oborne


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Tony Blair threatens Ed:

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Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.


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