June 27th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Stop Looking at My Messages Edition)


  1. 1
    David says:

    Can you do Boris?

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Well I did not see that coming

  3. 3
    Coulson says:

    You play Ball George sand get me into number 10 George and this story involving you and Natalie Rowe gets quietly dropped

  4. 4
    peter sharp says:

    This is one of Bekka I took when she wasn’t watching. That would improve your balance of payments George!

  5. 5
    Rebekah Brooke says:

    Wanna see me squirt..?? <3

  6. 6
    Pane in the arse says:

    AC: Are you security cleared to read my messages?

  7. 7
    Socialism is theft says:

    Man facing Angry Bird.

  8. 8
    JR says:

    “Natalie Rowe has blocked you back”


  9. 9
    NERMAL says:

    Who the phuck is @AnusSarwar?

  10. 10
    AJ says:

    “Hire me or these pictures of your indoor skiing exploits lead on Sunday.”

  11. 11
    Andy Coulson says:

    I love Minecraft..

  12. 12

    Believe me, George, I’m gonna make a killing with my new Hacking App. Want in?

  13. 13
    Ed Balls shoulders says:

    have you seen the tit on that

  14. 14
    Sid the sexist says:

    So that’s Angry Birds?

    I thought you meant the Eagles.

  15. 15
    Quickie Mart says:

    Rooibos tea $1.95

  16. 16
    Dave Bruce says:

    Ed has text me about owls….strange .. But seems a hoot not to screach about it

  17. 17
    Are tramps scamming Yasmin? says:

    Did he have a wooden leg and a parrot?

  18. 18
    Borders are not just for Xmas says:

    Shouldn’t have let him in the country.

  19. 19
    local wind says:

    put in **** … ok listen

  20. 20
    Copper bottomed says:

    GO: Collar and cuffs I see!

  21. 21
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “You’ve got texts from Wendi Deng?”
    “Who said they were my texts?”

  22. 22
    Vicker says:

    No we’ve had enough of your tears….oh um I seem to have misunderstood er….I’ll get me coat!

  23. 23
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Why do these people ask why its like this… instead if they really had compassion they would take them in, bath, recloth them and feed them.
    Tweeting is passing by on the other side

  24. 24
    Coulson says:

    That’s not sugar George. One lump or three?

  25. 25
    lies damned lies says:

    Show us the evidence YAB.

  26. 26
    Socialism is theft says:

    Coulson looks at an app to find the cushiest prison.

  27. 27
    Fat Richard says:

    what a crock of shit

    Great Britain is a place where you can get a massive pair of tits installed for free

  28. 28
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Lets have a look George to see who has the appointment with Miss DOM before you.

  29. 29
    Gunnery Sergeant Hartman says:

    Osborne : “I should check my messages too.”
    Coulson: “No need.”

  30. 30
    two middle aged men in deck chairs says:

    “It’s nice out isn’t it?”

    “Yes, the weather’s nice too.”

  31. 31
    ʍȫʊʂʂȁ ҞϴџṦṦậ says:

    When will George Osborne’s Tax arrangements go under the microscope. It seems that he complains about Offshore Tax arrangements but uses them via his Trust Fund to boost his income. Maria Miller claimed that Osborne’s flipping and expense claiming was more outrageous than hers were, and the fact that his Family Company Osborne and Little have been a successful Company for years while not paying any Tax suggest that an Independent Press would have plenty to examine forensically. Unfortunately Cameron’s father’s record which paid for the Eton Education seems to have been off limits for the Press and I fear Osborne will also be allowed to carry on as usual

  32. 32
    Socialism is theft says:

    And that’s not just 10 Downing Street.

  33. 33
    Loaf of Brian says:

    “I can’t tell you what we’ve got on you Georgie. It might prejudice my retrial!”

  34. 34
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    is that a comment or any entry?

  35. 35
    Private Frazer says:

    Did I ever tell you the story of the old empty barn?

  36. 36
    Anonymous says:

    About as funny as AIDS.

  37. 37
    Coulson says:

    This phone is smarter than both of us

  38. 38
    Ed Balls says:

    AC – Here. Look at this great pair of tits George
    GO – They are big tits aren’t they. But why a picture of the two Ed’s as your wallpaper?

  39. 39
    The Photo App says:

    Coulson: Look, it’s real Ginger

  40. 40
    prison works says:

    Coulson downloads ‘Bubba’s Bitch’ App.

  41. 41
    Socialism is theft says:

    That would be Tony Blair in a parallel universe.

  42. 42
    Tom Watson says:

    There look,
    Coulson Osbourne a phone a pint of beer and a cup of coffee.
    Are they biscuits in the dish?
    Clear evidence of a conspiracy to hack peoples private communications no doubt about it.

  43. 43
    Yasmin alibaba-brown says:

    It’s true. I forgot to add that he had messed his pants and was dribbling urine all over the milk bottles. Naturally I told him to FUCK RIGHT OFF !

  44. 44
    England is becumin a ferd world cess-pit innit says:

    It’s Rolf again,,,,he wants to know if I want some killer dirt on Clifford

  45. 45
    Boris says:

    Bedroom Tax
    Andy Coulson
    Rebekah Brooks
    Food Banks
    Leon Brittan
    Peter Morrison
    Osborne’s paddock scam
    Children left in the pub
    43 Government U-turns
    Minimum alcohol pricing
    Anthony Bamford
    Adrian Beecroft
    Michael Spencer
    Lord Green
    Cigarette packaging & Lynton Crosby
    Fracking & Lynton Crosby
    Peter Cruddas
    Lying under oath at Leveson
    Racist Vans
    The promotion of Esther McVey
    Escalating government debt
    Royal Mail selloff price scandal
    Tory beer & bingo
    Support for Maria Miller

    George, the man’s got to go.

  46. 46
    Jimmy says:

    Ok deleted. Now we just wait.

  47. 47
    LibDem Candidate says:

    I wasn’t begging I just asked Yasmin if she would consider voting for me.

  48. 48
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    Errmm… isn’t all this remit of HMRC ?

    When I submit my annual tax return if you think I’d let a partisan newspaper have a copy you’d be fucking mental pal. Oh I forgot… you are.

  49. 49
    Moosey Koosey says:

    When will Margaret Hodge’s Tax arrangements go under the microscope. It seems that she complains about Offshore Tax arrangements but uses them via her Trust Fund to boost her income.

  50. 50
    Moosey Koosey says:


  51. 51
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    Osborne: Ow Coulson, do you know how to jailbreak that iPhone?

  52. 52
    Yasmin alibaba-brown says:

    and thats why i had to punch you in the fucking throat

  53. 53
    Maimed Codger says:

    Strips off well I see.

  54. 54
    Maimed Codger says:

    That is just the thing we are trying to ban…

  55. 55
    prison works says:

    Coulson sends a text to Piers Morgan, ‘C u inside’.

  56. 56
    Indepedent writer gets it from the TV says:

    Children’s Cartoons models political columnists views

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    It was probably some white bloke she’d run over before pulling into her drive. The flies were hers.

  58. 58
    Good on you Margaret Hodge says:

    Putting into practice what she has learnt.

  59. 59
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Osborne: ‘I’d give her one.’
    Coulson: ‘I already have.’

  60. 60
    Mr Allan says:

    Hacking austerity comes into force

  61. 61
    Milligan's Spikes, Ltd says:

    Yazza, you may wish to consider our services…

  62. 62
    Andy to George says:

    Its got the extra advance scanning camera as you read about at security at our airports.

  63. 63
    George to Andy says:


  64. 64
    HPDL says:

    George employs the direct approach to hacking

  65. 65
    100wpm says:

    As she describes herself as a journalist,surely she
    must have interviewed the bloke after giving him food,
    water and medical attention?
    Look forward to reading the article…

  66. 66
    Anonymous says:

    Looks good’ is a hackberry?

  67. 67
    Cynic says:

    “So then I hacked Rebecca’s secret texts to me during our affair and sold ‘em to myself”

  68. 68
    Owen Jones says:

    Great text this,George.

    “If you wanna live forever, smoke crack .Crackheads don’t die!

  69. 69
    chris says:

    Looks good, is it a hackberry?

  70. 70
    It's A Wonderful Life says:

    “Now having been shown the compromising photos of Dave and Rebekah, you’ve got to be thinking, ‘I wonder if he has anything on ME?’ Wonder on, my lad…”

  71. 71
    Is this how it's done? says:

    So you see, George, voicemail PINs are factory set to 0000 and so what you do is…

  72. 72
    Andy Coulson says:

    Looking good George, the coke will be here in an hour. I’ll give the girls a call…

  73. 73
    Horatio says:

    And here’s a picture of Angelina Jolie showing off a pair of tits. http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02939/Celebs-Jolie-Hague_2939540b.jpg

  74. 74
    Yasmin Alibaba Brown says:

    Sorry my mistake the beggar wasn’t at the door he was on the telly.
    I woke from my afternoon nap in the middle of an Oxfam advert.

  75. 75
    Coolson says:

    Hey George, Murdoch’s howling mad and says I have to be the fallguy! Does this mean I’m out of the A-Team? Face facts man, I have a problem and nobody can solve it. Mrs T would pity a fool like me.

  76. 76
    The Regulator says:

    You mean, Fuck right off Kuffar bastard

  77. 77
    Jimmy says:

    You dial it Andy. I’m not good with numbers.

  78. 78
    Ippikin says:

    What I find extraordinary about the whole ‘phone hacking business is that every one of these people left the factory pre-set pin number on their ‘phones and never thought to put a new pin number on their voicemail retrieval service.
    That demonstrates either complete stupidity or extreme ignorance, which either way must reflect badly upon themselves and despite the illegality of the actual hacking, its almost as if they were ‘asking for it’.
    With the obvious exceptions of the ‘Milly Dowler’ type incidences, I have no sympathy for any of them.

  79. 79
    Piers Morgan says:

    “Hey Andy, I’ve left a message for you on David Cameron’s voicemail”

  80. 80
    Billiam says:

    “I used to be able to do it George but I just can’t hack it anymore.”

  81. 81
    Gordon Brown says:

    Coulson’s just deleted me from his facebook page.

  82. 82
    Jimmy says:

    “What I find extraordinary about the whole ‘phone hacking business is that every one of these people left the factory pre-set pin number on their ‘phones and never thought to put a new pin number on their voicemail retrieval service.”

    Almost unbelievable even.

  83. 83
    Yabba Yabba A-B says:

    Idy gone I’m off back to Uganda. Bye Great Britain. To think things have come to this.

  84. 84
    AC says:

    It’s easy George. Do you want to hear what Frances has been up to?

  85. 85
    Fishy says:

    And this year’s Guardian / Johann Hari award for creative journalism goes to…….


  86. 86
    Ippikin says:

    George, if you promise not to tell anyone where you saw it, this one’s Teresa May’s job application for head of security at G4S.

  87. 87
    grasmit says:

    Arent these digital crystal balls fabulous.We know what is going to happen.

  88. 88
    Nick Clegg says:

    George ” Yes Andy,now that text I like,Wow.http://thebltch.com/the-instagram-butt-girl-hot-new-photos …”

  89. 89
    it's gordons fault says:

    Andy, Can i read the transcript of my voice mails on your phone as i’m not getting any signal on mine?

  90. 90
    The Growler says:

    Dave to Coulson, “I say, is that today’s page 3 of the, my, she is a big Girl”

  91. 91
    OED says:

    If Archer had written it, we’d laugh him off the front cover.

  92. 92
    Andy says:

    It’s called CrackApp George. It checks your location and if available a waiter appears with it in a sugar bowl.

  93. 93
    Err says:

    Cool son.

  94. 94
    Ippikin says:

    Oh fuck! These are my own voicemails.

  95. 95
    Andy says:

    My latest app allows me to mimic peoples voices in real time. The Miliband front page Sun photo came after I mimiced Alexander advising the fellow to have the shot.

  96. 96
    Gideon says:

    I didn’t know she was ginger down there too…

  97. 97
    Junckers the Piss Head says:

    Yes sorry about that. Had had a lively night out in Shoreditch

  98. 98
    Tory Bare! says:



  99. 99
    Chuka ummana says:

    hello underlings, just a quick message to say thanks for calming down the spam on my facebook page, its really been tough having to constantly delete rude people who point out i’m a smug hypocritical millionaire, why can’t they let me be smug and hypocritical and just accept it? i’ll rent my house out to them in Ibiza if they are nice (for a large fee) anyway, thanks again for leaving my facebook page alone now, don’t do it again

  100. 100
    Yoostin says:

    George: So, Andy. How will you smuggle your blackberry into prison?

    Andy: Enormous arsehole.

  101. 101
    Diane Abbott says:

    Wat dem dis all about, never mind your facebook page, Whitey is all over my page telling me to divide and rule my food portions, i tell you dem honkys is well racist. I won’t have no whitey on my facebook page pointing out my views and my big fat butt

  102. 102
    Charlie Brooks says:

    Andy “Typical text from Rebekah! Whose turn is it to make the tea? “

  103. 103
    Anonymous says:

    “Its Piers again trying to hack into my messages”

  104. 104
    Perse O'Nalley says:

    Can you see what it is yet?

    Gosh, Andy, you didn’t hack him as well?

  105. 105
    I simply can't remember my PIN...I think its 0000 says:

    Apropos Dowler did nobody in the press or establishment know how mobile phone systems work…????they start deleting the earliest messages and read messages automatically as the inbox fills up…did we really have to have £5 million spent and months of public enquiry to find THAT out rather than just read the mobile phone instruction booklet or the terms and conditions section of the mobile phone provider ??

  106. 106
    roversfan says:

    It’s from Wandsworth Nick asking how I like my porridge, one lump or two.

  107. 107
    We know the BBC is bent says:

    Just because this country took me in and I’ve proceeded to milk it for all I can doesn’t mean I have the slightest intention of doing anything for anyone else but do all I can to denigrate Britain. …………………. I’m still going to line my own pocket with the Kuffar money as well.

  108. 108
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Coulson should read a back (passage) copy of the Scum jan 30 2010 pg 43

  109. 109
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    The man was acquitted – but they didn’t want to go there.

  110. 110
    Tooth fairy says:

    Andy shows George what is available on SparePrisonRoom.com but is not impressed that he has to share.

  111. 111
    Cynic says:

    It must be a fault. All my contacts have disappeared

  112. 112
    Dangerous Brian says:

    In the next chapter of Yasmin saves Western Society from the infidel kaffir she tweets;

    How I washed the feet of this product of broken Britain and converted him to the Religion of Peace before buying him a one way ticket to Damascus.

  113. 113
    Andy Coulson says:

    “Check this out. It’s Guido’s blog. Notice that since he’s taken the Muurdoch shilling he is totally compromised and apart from the odd, disinterested blog there’s been next to no coverage of what cuunts like me and the ginger tart got up to.”

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    What do you think of this old photo of you with a lorry load of charlie smothered over your leery face?

  115. 115
    Wee Chrissie Bryant's gaping anuuus says:

    You boring cu’nt

  116. 116
    Rupert fucking Murdoch says:


  117. 117

    The Tories hacking of phones was a little simpler

  118. 118
    Dangerous Brian says:

    Andy Coulson; So, George, if you want to pay back Mandy for the stroke on the yacht, just hack into the Brazilian’s mobile and photo shop him sooking GB’s dick while getting a proper rogering from TB.
    That’ll put the cat among the pigeons.

  119. 119
    Anonymous says:

    If it’s Rebekah, give her my love

  120. 120
    Ippikin says:

    These are supposed to be people who can actually make a difference?
    I can understand actors, Z list ‘celebrities’ and the like being thick as two short planks – and I suppose John Prescott, but what about the rest?

  121. 121
    Owhine Jones says:

    ‘Someone has tweeted me claiming I’ about to be stitched up by the Guardian, Fatty Watson and Ed Miliband’

  122. 122
    We want Juncker!! says:

    ‘My lawyer says the use of a mobile like this will probably cost me two ounces of old holborn or a blow job on ‘B’ wing George’.

  123. 123
    Tom Catesby says:

    She’d been back to the old country on holiday and got too much sun.

  124. 124
    Brother York says:

    Osborne to Coulson: “Your iPhone screen is brighter than your future.”

  125. 125
    Tom Catesby says:

    Did see offer the tramp apair?

  126. 126
    Brother York says:

    Osborne to Coulson: “You sure lol means that? Dave says otherwise”.

  127. 127
    Natalie Rowe says:

    Who wants to buy piccies of Georgie in his Paisley Y fronts hoovering up a fat line?

  128. 128
    Tom Catesby says:

    ‘That was the judge, he says if I don’t publish the pictures of the little girls, he’ll sort me a quick lie down in a soft nick’.

  129. 129
    20 stone psychopath at Wandsworth HMP says:

    Andy, do you mind if call you Julie?

  130. 130
    Marty McFly says:

    “I have to conceal it where to get it into prison, George?”

    “Yeah, you heard me, something Natalie introduced me to!!”

  131. 131
    Ghost of Idi. says:

    Yum Yum! Welcome back Yasmin.

  132. 132

    She looks much smaller on that.

  133. 133
    Aaron D Highside says:

    It’s from Leveson. What does LOL mean?

  134. 134


  135. 135
    Big Tam says:

    Dear Andy,

    See u in court for perjury.

    Can’t wait.

    With Love

    Tommy Sheridan xxxxxxxxxx

  136. 136
    Bunckers says:

    Can you lend me some credit George?

  137. 137
    Fatty chicken Bon-bons says:

    Look Alibaba,
    I’ve told you not to knock on Dave’s back door when he’s got the kids off to bed.

  138. 138
    whatever says:

    they say, grow your hair a bit longer and you can screen test for frodo

  139. 139
    Bill de Burgh says:

    “Blimey, Andy, you couldn’t have taken one much closer!
    It *does* look like an orang-utan with an axe wound!!!!!”

  140. 140
    Bill de Burgh says:

    ….And the Guido Award for best use of all or part of Diane Abbott’s name in order to produce a nom-de-plume goes to yours truly for:


    Ay thenk yaw!

  141. 141
    Its Grim in Grimsby says:

    Message says: I told you I had a get out of jail free card, so now you re a sucker just like me!

  142. 142
    arsene all says:

    So, you hacks ‘hack’ yourselves as well as hacking off the country?

    You supply the slags for the politicians to shaft then you shaft them for shafting them.

    You don’t have the courage of your convictions but you’ve certainly got the convictions.

    But save my seat, I’m just off to powder my nose.

    While I’m away, why don’t you amuse yourself with your favourite red-top. The bad news is she’s not ‘going down’ this week.

  143. 143
    Rightallalong says:

    ‘It’s a very long sentence’.

  144. 144
    Going down for 1 Rupee says:

    DC: L’d charge her for it

    AC: Could you drop the charges PLEASE!

  145. 145
    Anonymous says:

    I’m sure my bloody phones been hacked.

  146. 146
    Anonymous says:

    Is that Harriots twitter feed? I love Angry Birds.

  147. 147

    I wonder if I ll meet Max in B Wing ?

    He can show me the ropes now he s got his “foot” under the table….

  148. 148
    domino says:

    Coulson: Betfair are giving odds of 10/1 for the Germans to beat the Cameroon in Strasbourg.

    Osborne: What about Paddypower?

    Coulson: Guido…no he is too busy writing about Rebekah.

  149. 149
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    You still around you deluded old fokker.

  150. 150
    Thon says:

    “Your wife says she’s going to be late for dinner, and there’s one here from a Nigerian General offering to pay off the national debt if you sent him your bank details.”

  151. 151
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest.”
    So you want me to run HS(Infinity) for you George? Now tell me. Who has the fastest trains in the world, and why is their economy in the shi**er?

  152. 152
    Dandy Burnbum says:

    He was probably a survivor from Mid Staffs.(when lie our ran the NHS)

  153. 153
    Ricky the Carnivorous Pony says:

    “Oh look, Paddy’s sent us a message with some photos..”

  154. 154
    Dogba Clarkson says:

    Not so Coul-son, now

  155. 155
    Anonymous says:

    So Andy.

    What’s Lord Levenson been saying about us?

  156. 156
    disgusted of tunbridge wells says:

    Massive pair of tits exposed.

  157. 157
    michael says:

    I’m on dictionary.com -how d’you spell ‘guilty’?

  158. 158
    michael says:

    That’ll take forever Andy – quicker to hack your court files.

Seen Elsewhere

Bashir is a Wrong’un | Norman Tebbit
Natalie Bennett Says it Should Not be a Crime to Belong to ISIS | Indy
LibDems Fifth in London | Standard
45 Mirror Group Stories Linked to Phone-Hacking | Press Gazette
Dave’s Diet | Speccie
Pink’O’Flynn | HuffPo
Trojan Horse Destroying British Values | Nick Wood
We Must Not Call Charlie Hebdo Killers ‘terrorists’ | Telegraph
Tory MEP Promised Bashir Investigation | Scrapbook
Stop May Pact | Times
Wake Up Call For Capitalists | CapX

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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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