June 26th, 2014

Oh Is This the Way They Say the Future’s Meant to Feel?
Guardian Not Shifting at Glasto 

Following the roaring success of Guardian Coffee, MediaGuido can report that the paper’s pop-up stall at Glastonbury is enjoying a similar level of popularity this week:

Our man in the field says “not a single person is interested” in picking up a copy, with photo evidence showing piles and piles of unread papers still available. Another Guardian financial success…


140 Comments

  1. 1
    Alan Rusbridger says:

    You will be hearing from our Barista Guido.

  2. 2
    Tony E says:

    No interest? In that left middle class stronghold that is the Glastonbury Festival.

    Are they all too busy protesting against James Hetfield for shooting a Bear?

  3. 3
    Diane Abbotopotamus says:

    Is there free chicken????

  4. 4
    Bulls**t Baffles Brains says:

    No worries. There will be great demand later in the festival, when all the toilet paper starts to run low.

  5. 5
    FrankFisher says:

    “Oh Is This the Way They Say the Future’s Meant to Feel? ”

    Stop making me feel old please.

  6. 6
    dodo watch says:

    They literally can’t give them away.

  7. 7
    Diane Fatbott says:

    EXCELLENT !!

  8. 8
    Steve Miliband says:

    BBC haven’t arrived yet – en route from Brazil

  9. 9
    Whack-a-mole says:

    Izal is a better read.

  10. 10
    Owen Jones says:

    WORKERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE.

  11. 11
    Tom Daley says:

    Vote Ukip!

  12. 12
    Anonymous says:

    Just wait until they have a few pint and a curry those papers will go like there is no 2morrow

  13. 13
    Diane Abbotopotamus says:

    All hail de great diversity! Good riddance to dem no good whitey de capital belongs to de immigrant Labour party mon!

  14. 14
    Will says:

    Guido be fair the crowds have only started arriving, mind you paying for the guardian is a bit wrong. Unless it turns really cold and you use it as either insulation or toilet paper.
    My local shop sold out of times this morning but had plenty of guardians left!!!

  15. 15
    Ed "never had a real job" Miliband says:

    Can I join in?

  16. 16
    NERMAL says:

    Maybe they could give them to the hundreds of BBC staff at Glasto and have a summer Socialist love in.

  17. 17
    dai puzzled says:

    what do you expect from a mob of oafs?

  18. 18
  19. 19
    You can't wipe your arse on digital says:

    A shit paper only useful for shit paper.

  20. 20
    Owen Jones says:

    Blocked

  21. 21
    Overspill alert says:

    Now would be a good time to fence it off and mine the Thames to the east and west.

    Or just nuke it from space.

  22. 22
    Will says:

    Sales will go up once the bbc arrive and the guardian staff arrive. Mind you they might have to spent thier own money.

  23. 23
    FrankFisher says:

    Only way to be sure

  24. 24
    Diane Abbotopotamus says:

    Chocolate fried chicken! That sounds delicious, delicious but WAAAYCIST!

  25. 25
    Peter"I can tell them" Tapsell says:

    I’d like to see a Uruguay vs Russia Final this year.. I can see the headlines.. “Suárez bites Dikov.”

  26. 26
    I don't need your benefit culture says:

    Who gives a fuck what Grandma Polly has to say?

    Give me a big hug Grandma and tell me what it was like when Labour butt fucked our country.

  27. 27

    But I thought Glastonbury was full of left wing middle class people? Surely that is the core demographic?

  28. 28
    Comedy central says:

    That’s a really good joke that deserved a better response.

  29. 29
    10000 + Beeboids says:

    Glasto is so where it is at, Glamping, Bistros and hot tubs. It’s cool to mix with the masses our friends down from London.

  30. 30
    Sunni Spells with Shia Forecast: Glasto Edition says:

    But the Guardian speaks for the conscience of Britain….and our enemies

  31. 31
    Sue Doughty says:

    Old newspaper always comes in useful for scraping mud off soles of shoes and boots

  32. 32
    Weak and weedy Dave, soon to be Jean Claud Juncker's little slave, says:

    Please don’t! I know I’ve been a disaster, but I really really promise that after the next election I’ll start being competent! That’s a cast iron guarantee!

  33. 33

    Sales will increase once the BBC set up shop Mind you they might have to spent their own money., god forbid

  34. 34
    Jimmy Somerville says:

    Don’t leave me this way!

  35. 35
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Layabouts & other Wasters says:

    The Grauniad is lefty shit but parasites like buying it.

  36. 36
    Jimmy Somerville says:

    £13m pa for the fucking royals! Chinless in-bred c unts.

  37. 37
    Viperous Old Vince says:

    FATBOTT DOESN’T LIKE MY MANSION TAX. IS HER HACKNEY HOME A MANSION NOW ??

  38. 38
    Observer says:

    But what about the 500 BBC Glasto Squad….surely they’d be buying their House Journal?

    Ooops nope, it’s subsidised by the BBC Telly Tax Payer & it’s free copies all round!

  39. 39
    Will says:

    Mind you it’s better than wimbledon tennis where she barker seems to be having an orgasm over the thought of andy murray winning again and usually we have at least a hour programme dedicated to andy every day . Not realising that other players are involved.

  40. 40
    Owen Jones says:

    I simply don’t believe this story, there must be loads of pious lefty cu nts at glastonbury, they fu cking unwashed hippie anarchist type love that shit, why would they not want to read our propaganda or at least use if for bog roll

  41. 41
    Guido has a bosum pal in Watson? says:

    Why has Guido introduced this new headline when previous headline “Watson’s lack of excuses” still needed time to work its way through.

  42. 42
    back in the day says:

    Today’s festival goers just buy a new pair when their shoes get muddy.

  43. 43
    Corporal Hicks says:

    its the only way to be sure.

  44. 44
    The Thick of It says:

    The only rush for the Grauniad will be when the portaloos run out of bog paper

  45. 45
    Vote Tory for unlimited immigration says:

    And for making hats.

  46. 46
    METO says:

  47. 47
    Diane Abbott says:

    tink about dis you whitey fool, you put de tax on de mansion, next ting you know whitey start taxin me fried chikan init

  48. 48
    Tony says:

    I have eaten so many meats at the festival I have no more of the paper wipers

    Please send me to the Gurandian stand for the arse paper

    help I have one in my trosuers

  49. 49
    Peter Tatchell says:

    I keep getting emails from Russian hookers that are meant for you. Please can you make sure they take your email address down correctly.

    I have no use for them.

  50. 50
    BBC Freebie at taxpayer's expense says:

    Mind you they might have to spent thier own money.

    Oh yeah..like that’s ever going to happen. i only ever put my hand into your pockets.
    Pay the tax now! Don’t forget! Don’t want to end up a jailbird, do we?

  51. 51
    The BBC are cunts says:

  52. 52
    man from the 1990's says:

    Come on Tim!

  53. 53
    Guido to be taxed says:

    All council houses in London must pay the going mansion tax rate.

    No subsidies.

  54. 54
    This was the point? says:

    It’s early on day one. People won’t be looking for something to make wraps from yet.

  55. 55
    Deal with it. says:

    Lol you still havent got over the fact that he won it .

  56. 56
    JH26213-454635 says:

    …but the hideously white population dropped by a million since 2000.

    It will be like Detroit in 30 years.

  57. 57
    Lenny Henry says:

    There’s too many white people at Glastonbury.

  58. 58
    Guido replaces a good story thread with a shit one says:

    Cause no ones fucking there yet you numptie.

  59. 59
    Grant Shapps says:

    Abu Qatada not guilty? Expect Cameron to say they don’t mind Jordan using evidence obtained through torture against him after all.

  60. 60
    Jack Smethurst says:

    What’s that smell?

  61. 61
    PC Dixon says:

    They seem to be getting more coverage on FOX NEWS these days !!! Cant get more right than that !!

  62. 62
    Greenpeacer says:

    I wish the BBC hurry up and do our annual free advert from Glasto. We lost a bit of money on the Forex markets, you know. We need the plebs to make it up.

  63. 63
    JH26213-454635 says:

    The only reason this bullshit stall has been organised – at great expense – is so that a bunch of achingly middle-class middle-management wankers have an excuse to go and flounce around Glastonbury on a jolly, while some poor minion intern is expected to run the stand itself.

    I’m sure fatty Watson will pay them a visit.

  64. 64
    Clint Rosonbys' "Letter from Jamaica" says:

    Here’s how to get tings going on your colourful stall Bro':
    1-Crank up de Reggae.
    2- Invite Levi Roots to sing, tell him to bring de guitar and de GlastoBlaster!
    3-Invite sister Hippobottomus and get her to jerk de chicken .
    4/ Use all dem super large papers to roll up some massive doobies then pass de duchie on de Lefty ‘and side.

  65. 65
    Newt says:

    Afirmative

  66. 66
    Terry Wigon says:

    Children’s BBC has EIGHT fucking parasites in Brazil alone !!! WTF?

  67. 67
    stench says:

    Will the Greenpeace hierarchy be flying to Glasto
    by helicopter?

  68. 68
    Ed Miliband says:

    Thats 8,416,530 effnick labour voters we can count on (Plus their postal voting estranged family)

  69. 69
    M says:

    Guardian launch competition for the person who can make a record breaking joint .
    (Extra papers available if required )
    ( BBC to present award )

  70. 70
    Detroit says:

    What, bankrupt?

  71. 71
    Detroit says:

    What, b@nkrupt?

  72. 72
    Terry Wigon says:

    Didn’t Thomas Shaganacker once give Jane Hill the finger?

    That’s what probably turned her.

  73. 73
    Unbalanced Views says:

    Why is it called a ‘pop-up’ stall ? its a stall, there’s only one kind – its like the current buzz pop-up shop – its not, its a shop, usually selling crap as described in the article

  74. 74
    Swampy says:

    It’s only 14:00 Owen, most are still asleep.

  75. 75
    Private Fraser says:

    http://www.tate.org.uk/art/artworks/hirst-with-dead-head-ar00617

    So did Damien Hirst – same mortuary at the LGI!

  76. 76
    Sue Denim says:

    “Piles” would seem to be an apt collective noun for copies of the Guardian.

  77. 77
    Corrected says:

    BBC has EIGHT fucking parasites in Brazilian Children alone !!! WTF?

  78. 78
    Rio "floppy mouth" Ferdinand MP says:

    You is been well racialistismistic innit honkie?

  79. 79
    Alan Rusbridger says:

    1st Prize, a years free subscription to the Guardian

    2nd Prize, two years free subscription to the Guardian

  80. 80
    Spartacus says:

    that was in 1966 wasn’t it?

  81. 81
    jgm2 says:

    Soak a few Grauniads in vegetable oil, roll them up, set a match to it and you’ll have a nice long-lasting open fire to smoke your joints around.

  82. 82
    Twat twoo says:

    Guardian not shifting at Glasto? Simple, give everyone a free owl with every copy

  83. 83
  84. 84
    Pink ball says:

    Yeah but he’s still a great snooker player.

  85. 85
    jgm2 says:

    Is that what they mean by a Parliament of Owls?

  86. 86
    Bits & bytes says:

    You have just put your finger on it.

  87. 87
    táxpáyér says:

    “extra absorbent” branding might help shift copies at this “event”.

  88. 88
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    If only the Grauniad wasn’t so full of shit already it would make excellent toilet paper :-)

  89. 89
    táxpáyér says:

  90. 90
    Mr Outraged says:

    Torn up newspaper can be used to stabilise mud and is biodegradable. Guardian saves Glasto when rain starts at the weekend!

  91. 91
    táxpáyér says:

    Probably more like chicago’s reverse “donut”, centre surrounded by BME hole then surrounded by subburbs for actually working people.

  92. 92
    táxpáyér says:

    Diane is Consistently anti-capitalist (i.e. pro poverty and rent-seeking) at least (and the mansion tax is the nearest thing currently to a land value tax).

    Google Adam Smith LVT.

  93. 93
    Diane Abbott says:

    Of course we should re-distribute wealth. Its a fundamental Labour principle.

    Just so long as its not my wealth.

    And it shouldn’t affect my votes either.

    *voters. I meant to say it shouldn’t affect my voters.

  94. 94
    bergen says:

    And presumably that doesn’t include the hundreds of thousands of illegals.

  95. 95
    Dolly Parton says:

    I’ve still got ‘em! Wanna peek?

  96. 96
    Ed and two Balls says:

    Will Labour have a PIE and hash stall?

  97. 97
    Mr Outraged says:

    Enjoyed watching Maria Sharapova play. Not really a tennis fan tho.

  98. 98
    The Guardian Media Group says:

    You almost saw through our little ruse.
    But you’ll find that be declaring this as a business venture we can claim the Glastonbury tickets for top execs and their family and friends as a tax deductible. And the Newspapers are not technically sold at Glastonbury. That stall is merely a service facilitation point. The actual transaction takes place in Luxembourg. So there is no tax to pay on any profits, if there were any, which there won’t be as its a pile of shite.

  99. 99
    Fishy says:

    Oh they have. 300 of the fuckers are there. On top of the 285 that are in Brazil.

  100. 100
    Cynical Old Bastard says:

    Hey, Al, you headlining on the Fazioli?

  101. 101
    Fishy says:

    Ooh. They said ‘Late BBC presenter’ – something that is strangely missing from the BBC report. I wonder why that is?

  102. 102
    Fishy says:

    It’s the same with the free papers that Waitrose give away if you spend a fiver.

    Shop later in the day….look round for a Times, Mail or a Telegraph and you’ll be told, ‘Sorry they’ve all gone…we’ve got the Guardian left, though (piles of them)’

  103. 103
    Mr Outraged says:

    Must be comforting to those whose relatives die in Leeds to know they let art students in to play with the bodies. Does this still occur and I hope someone gave permission for this photo to be released!?

  104. 104
    Mr Outraged says:

    As the word rape is misused here, shouldn’t a left wing mob be gathering somewhere to force someone at the BBC out of their job?

  105. 105
    Polly Darton says:

    So droopy you could play the spoons with them.

  106. 106
    Clint Rosonby reads "5 go GlamPing at Glasters" hurrah says:

    Get real guys!!

    Don’t the Observer and Independent realise that today’s trendy Happy Glampers take their own LooRolls with them ? (laborador puppies beware!) lol !!!

  107. 107

    Wait ’til the bog paper runs out. Then there’ll be something worthwhile in the Guardian

  108. 108
    The Growler says:

    Geedes judging by the very long shadows it’s early morning and of Glastonbury will not be awake, too spaced out. Do you think there will be plenty of snow there Geedes, if so your man of the people Gideon might turn up there.

  109. 109
    The Growler says:

    And most of you lot will still trooping into the swamp

  110. 110
    The Growler says:

    Your showing your age sonny

  111. 111
    Grammar Scool Boy says:

    Wait till the BBC hoards arrive they’ll all be bagging their free copies….simply as a matter of interest to me, what is it actually the Guardian of?

  112. 112
    Grammar Scool Boy says:

    Just noticed this morning it’s actually £1.60 per copy….that’s 32/- every morning for that unadulterated lunacy!!!

    My grandfathers will be spinning in their graves.

  113. 113
    The Growler says:

    Don’t worry Teddy not many in the LibLabCons newer intake never have, so you should feel at home.

  114. 114
    The Growler says:

    Not if there is a lot of snow about

  115. 115
    Grammar Scool Boy says:

    Cutting!

  116. 116
    Tarquin & Jocasta Wimbim-Forsythe says:

    How much are Glasto tickets these day? £150?

    Middle-class anarcho wannabes now mate. They may vote Labour, but they’ll only talk about house prices and where to get the best foccacia.

  117. 117
    jim'll shag it says:

    they were also spinning in the mortuary… on the end of my cock!

  118. 118
    Owen Jones the team says:

    soft, strong, thoroughly absorbent and right up my alley

  119. 119

    Well let s be fair can people who attend vacuous wankfests like glasto and are happy to spend their parents’ money lolloping around in mud actually read?

    Even The DailySport might be an intellectual hurdle too far .

  120. 120
    The Growler says:

    My punters used to ask me how much something for sale was, hearing the price which was on the item they used to say, “How much, how much, how much (almost grasping their chest as if in pain ) I’m not bloody paying that, tha must be kidding! ” Newspapers are far too expensive, note I said newspapers, they wang the prices up because of the so called suplements

  121. 121

    What did the fingers say to the toilet paper ?

    You better hold firm or we ll both be in the shit .

  122. 122
    The Growler says:

    You would think they are royalty

  123. 123

    Is that French for pantaloons ?

    Now we know where Tone learnt his Gallic.

  124. 124
    workers vote UKIP. .And email Chucky. says:

    Anyone but Murray!

  125. 125
    The Growler says:

    we all know what you were watching, you dirty little man ;-)

  126. 126
    Ah says:

    Ah Jimmy Somerville -A simple machine for turning jizz into urine.

  127. 127
    tommy trinder says:

    you lucky people

  128. 128
    Please don't dance Alan says:

    The whole paper is made up of embarrassing parents desperate to look like they’re down with the kids, even the childless members of staff.

    This was always bound to happen.

  129. 129
    The Growler says:

    Too true, the public school boys will have finished their “A” levels so they going to let off steam, £150 peanuts to them, Glastonbury is not what used to be, they even have a ballet company there this year, if the punters are willing and able to pay they charge what they like, and it used to be FREE

  130. 130

    Manchester — and specifically Media City Salford !

  131. 131
    The Growler says:

    Yes they maybe harvesting rape if ripe, ah the smell of rape plants

  132. 132
    The Growler says:

    Don’t you know what rape seed is and you a Tory boy, Moddy Botty

  133. 133
    The Growler says:

    Do you remember that Dutch doctor than did dissections on Channel 4 and his method he used to preserve bodies or sections and organs of bodies, really weird.

  134. 134

    JEAN -CLAUDE VAN JUNCKER SAYS

    After the vote which I WILL win Cammo ,

    YOOO GONNA BEE MAHH BITCH !!

  135. 135
    The Growler says:

    Say Fawksey, you haven’t said if you are going to Glastonbury, it would bring back all the old times to you. Surely the Master has a stall there if the Guardian is there, plenty of toilet paper all round.

  136. 136
    Bog Paper says:

    Won’t even be suitable for wrapping my fish & chips after I’ve used it on my soggy a r s e.

  137. 137
    Some Like it Cold says:

    Did you…er…have to use lubrication? Just out of interest.

  138. 138
    jim'll shag it says:

    we’re told his coffin was encased in concrete but perhaps that is a swerve. certainly if he was buried at an angle there would be less digging required. who knows what secrets he took to his grave. perhaps he is not really dead…

  139. 139
    Progressive wanker says:

    Or as shoes, (with apologies to M. Python).

    Once all the cash has run out buying fake gear.

  140. 140
    Portaloo Engineer/Technician says:

    We’ve got the loo rolls fully stocked. There’s no need to improvise ‘shit tickets’.


Media Reader

Newspapers No Longer Willing to Toe Party Line | Roy Greenslade
London Live to Cut 20 Staff to Buy in More Content | Press Gazette
Telegraph Revealed Auschwitz 3 Years Before Liberation | Telegraph
Mirror Hacking: 50 Legal Action Claims | Press Gazette
45 Mirror Group Stories Linked to Phone-Hacking | Press Gazette
We Must Not Call Charlie Hebdo Killers ‘terrorists’ | Telegraph
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC
Poll: Sun Readers Want Page 3 to Stay | Business Insider
The Sun: An Apology | Press Gazette
More Women Prosecuted For Telly Tax | Mail


Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS


Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:






RSS


AddThis Feed Button
Archive


Labels
Guido Reads
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers