June 26th, 2014

Oh Is This the Way They Say the Future’s Meant to Feel?
Guardian Not Shifting at Glasto 

Following the roaring success of Guardian Coffee, MediaGuido can report that the paper’s pop-up stall at Glastonbury is enjoying a similar level of popularity this week:

Our man in the field says “not a single person is interested” in picking up a copy, with photo evidence showing piles and piles of unread papers still available. Another Guardian financial success…


  1. 1
    Alan Rusbridger says:

    You will be hearing from our Barista Guido.


  2. 2
    Tony E says:

    No interest? In that left middle class stronghold that is the Glastonbury Festival.

    Are they all too busy protesting against James Hetfield for shooting a Bear?


    • 29
      10000 + Beeboids says:

      Glasto is so where it is at, Glamping, Bistros and hot tubs. It’s cool to mix with the masses our friends down from London.


    • 108
      The Growler says:

      Geedes judging by the very long shadows it’s early morning and of Glastonbury will not be awake, too spaced out. Do you think there will be plenty of snow there Geedes, if so your man of the people Gideon might turn up there.


    • 111
      Grammar Scool Boy says:

      Wait till the BBC hoards arrive they’ll all be bagging their free copies….simply as a matter of interest to me, what is it actually the Guardian of?


  3. 3
    Diane Abbotopotamus says:

    Is there free chicken????


  4. 4
    Bulls**t Baffles Brains says:

    No worries. There will be great demand later in the festival, when all the toilet paper starts to run low.


    • 90
      Mr Outraged says:

      Torn up newspaper can be used to stabilise mud and is biodegradable. Guardian saves Glasto when rain starts at the weekend!


  5. 5
    FrankFisher says:

    “Oh Is This the Way They Say the Future’s Meant to Feel? ”

    Stop making me feel old please.


  6. 6
    dodo watch says:

    They literally can’t give them away.


  7. 7
    Diane Fatbott says:



  8. 8
    Steve Miliband says:

    BBC haven’t arrived yet – en route from Brazil


  9. 9
    Whack-a-mole says:

    Izal is a better read.


  10. 9
    Owen Jones says:



  11. 11
    Tom Daley says:

    Vote Ukip!


    • 32
      Weak and weedy Dave, soon to be Jean Claud Juncker's little slave, says:

      Please don’t! I know I’ve been a disaster, but I really really promise that after the next election I’ll start being competent! That’s a cast iron guarantee!


  12. 12
    Anonymous says:

    Just wait until they have a few pint and a curry those papers will go like there is no 2morrow


  13. 14
    Will says:

    Guido be fair the crowds have only started arriving, mind you paying for the guardian is a bit wrong. Unless it turns really cold and you use it as either insulation or toilet paper.
    My local shop sold out of times this morning but had plenty of guardians left!!!


    • 112
      Grammar Scool Boy says:

      Just noticed this morning it’s actually £1.60 per copy….that’s 32/- every morning for that unadulterated lunacy!!!

      My grandfathers will be spinning in their graves.


      • 117
        jim'll shag it says:

        they were also spinning in the mortuary… on the end of my cock!


        • 137
          Some Like it Cold says:

          Did you…er…have to use lubrication? Just out of interest.


          • jim'll shag it says:

            we’re told his coffin was encased in concrete but perhaps that is a swerve. certainly if he was buried at an angle there would be less digging required. who knows what secrets he took to his grave. perhaps he is not really dead…


      • 120
        The Growler says:

        My punters used to ask me how much something for sale was, hearing the price which was on the item they used to say, “How much, how much, how much (almost grasping their chest as if in pain ) I’m not bloody paying that, tha must be kidding! ” Newspapers are far too expensive, note I said newspapers, they wang the prices up because of the so called suplements


  14. 16
    NERMAL says:

    Maybe they could give them to the hundreds of BBC staff at Glasto and have a summer Socialist love in.


  15. 22
    Will says:

    Sales will go up once the bbc arrive and the guardian staff arrive. Mind you they might have to spent thier own money.


    • 50
      BBC Freebie at taxpayer's expense says:

      Mind you they might have to spent thier own money.

      Oh yeah..like that’s ever going to happen. i only ever put my hand into your pockets.
      Pay the tax now! Don’t forget! Don’t want to end up a jailbird, do we?


    • 62
      Greenpeacer says:

      I wish the BBC hurry up and do our annual free advert from Glasto. We lost a bit of money on the Forex markets, you know. We need the plebs to make it up.


  16. 25
    Peter"I can tell them" Tapsell says:

    I’d like to see a Uruguay vs Russia Final this year.. I can see the headlines.. “Suárez bites Dikov.”


    • 49
      Peter Tatchell says:

      I keep getting emails from Russian hookers that are meant for you. Please can you make sure they take your email address down correctly.

      I have no use for them.


  17. 26
    I don't need your benefit culture says:

    Who gives a fuck what Grandma Polly has to say?

    Give me a big hug Grandma and tell me what it was like when Labour butt fucked our country.


  18. 27

    But I thought Glastonbury was full of left wing middle class people? Surely that is the core demographic?


  19. 31
    Sue Doughty says:

    Old newspaper always comes in useful for scraping mud off soles of shoes and boots


  20. 33

    Sales will increase once the BBC set up shop Mind you they might have to spent their own money., god forbid


  21. 34
    Jimmy Somerville says:

    Don’t leave me this way!


  22. 37
    Viperous Old Vince says:



    • 47
      Diane Abbott says:

      tink about dis you whitey fool, you put de tax on de mansion, next ting you know whitey start taxin me fried chikan init


    • 53
      Guido to be taxed says:

      All council houses in London must pay the going mansion tax rate.

      No subsidies.


    • 92
      táxpáyér says:

      Diane is Consistently anti-capitalist (i.e. pro poverty and rent-seeking) at least (and the mansion tax is the nearest thing currently to a land value tax).

      Google Adam Smith LVT.


    • 93
      Diane Abbott says:

      Of course we should re-distribute wealth. Its a fundamental Labour principle.

      Just so long as its not my wealth.

      And it shouldn’t affect my votes either.

      *voters. I meant to say it shouldn’t affect my voters.


  23. 39
    Will says:

    Mind you it’s better than wimbledon tennis where she barker seems to be having an orgasm over the thought of andy murray winning again and usually we have at least a hour programme dedicated to andy every day . Not realising that other players are involved.


  24. 40
    Owen Jones says:

    I simply don’t believe this story, there must be loads of pious lefty cu nts at glastonbury, they fu cking unwashed hippie anarchist type love that shit, why would they not want to read our propaganda or at least use if for bog roll


    • 58
      Guido replaces a good story thread with a shit one says:

      Cause no ones fucking there yet you numptie.


    • 74
      Swampy says:

      It’s only 14:00 Owen, most are still asleep.


    • 116
      Tarquin & Jocasta Wimbim-Forsythe says:

      How much are Glasto tickets these day? £150?

      Middle-class anarcho wannabes now mate. They may vote Labour, but they’ll only talk about house prices and where to get the best foccacia.


      • 129
        The Growler says:

        Too true, the public school boys will have finished their “A” levels so they going to let off steam, £150 peanuts to them, Glastonbury is not what used to be, they even have a ballet company there this year, if the punters are willing and able to pay they charge what they like, and it used to be FREE


  25. 46
    METO says:


  26. 51
    The BBC are cunts says:


  27. 59
    Grant Shapps says:

    Abu Qatada not guilty? Expect Cameron to say they don’t mind Jordan using evidence obtained through torture against him after all.


  28. 63
    JH26213-454635 says:

    The only reason this bullshit stall has been organised – at great expense – is so that a bunch of achingly middle-class middle-management wankers have an excuse to go and flounce around Glastonbury on a jolly, while some poor minion intern is expected to run the stand itself.

    I’m sure fatty Watson will pay them a visit.


    • 98
      The Guardian Media Group says:

      You almost saw through our little ruse.
      But you’ll find that be declaring this as a business venture we can claim the Glastonbury tickets for top execs and their family and friends as a tax deductible. And the Newspapers are not technically sold at Glastonbury. That stall is merely a service facilitation point. The actual transaction takes place in Luxembourg. So there is no tax to pay on any profits, if there were any, which there won’t be as its a pile of shite.


  29. 64
    Clint Rosonbys' "Letter from Jamaica" says:

    Here’s how to get tings going on your colourful stall Bro':
    1-Crank up de Reggae.
    2- Invite Levi Roots to sing, tell him to bring de guitar and de GlastoBlaster!
    3-Invite sister Hippobottomus and get her to jerk de chicken .
    4/ Use all dem super large papers to roll up some massive doobies then pass de duchie on de Lefty ‘and side.


  30. 73
    Unbalanced Views says:

    Why is it called a ‘pop-up’ stall ? its a stall, there’s only one kind – its like the current buzz pop-up shop – its not, its a shop, usually selling crap as described in the article


  31. 76
    Sue Denim says:

    “Piles” would seem to be an apt collective noun for copies of the Guardian.


  32. 81
    jgm2 says:

    Soak a few Grauniads in vegetable oil, roll them up, set a match to it and you’ll have a nice long-lasting open fire to smoke your joints around.


  33. 82
    Twat twoo says:

    Guardian not shifting at Glasto? Simple, give everyone a free owl with every copy


  34. 83
    Croc on its way to Glastonbury says:

    ‘Bristol Crocodile’ spotted in the River Avon



  35. 88
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    If only the Grauniad wasn’t so full of shit already it would make excellent toilet paper :-)


  36. 95
    Dolly Parton says:

    I’ve still got ‘em! Wanna peek?


  37. 102
    Fishy says:

    It’s the same with the free papers that Waitrose give away if you spend a fiver.

    Shop later in the day….look round for a Times, Mail or a Telegraph and you’ll be told, ‘Sorry they’ve all gone…we’ve got the Guardian left, though (piles of them)’


  38. 106
    Clint Rosonby reads "5 go GlamPing at Glasters" hurrah says:

    Get real guys!!

    Don’t the Observer and Independent realise that today’s trendy Happy Glampers take their own LooRolls with them ? (laborador puppies beware!) lol !!!


  39. 107

    Wait ’til the bog paper runs out. Then there’ll be something worthwhile in the Guardian


  40. 128
    Please don't dance Alan says:

    The whole paper is made up of embarrassing parents desperate to look like they’re down with the kids, even the childless members of staff.

    This was always bound to happen.


  41. 135
    The Growler says:

    Say Fawksey, you haven’t said if you are going to Glastonbury, it would bring back all the old times to you. Surely the Master has a stall there if the Guardian is there, plenty of toilet paper all round.


  42. 140
    Portaloo Engineer/Technician says:

    We’ve got the loo rolls fully stocked. There’s no need to improvise ‘shit tickets’.


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