June 26th, 2014

Clegg: I Am Not Sad

Despite concerns about his recent gloominess both privately among friends and publicly on LBC this morning, Nick Clegg insists he is “much more chirpy” than others have suggested. A worried caller phoned into Call Clegg this morning:

Caller: “I felt so sorry for you yesterday in the House of Commons. I watched it.”

Clegg: “I kept a sphinx-like expressionless demeanour.”

Caller: “If you were on your own, I would vote for you.”

Nick Ferrari: “Why did you feel sorry for Mr Clegg, just out of interest?”

Caller: “Well he looks so sad, he’s tried his hardest and he’s a lovely, lovely person, but…”

Clegg: “Claire I am here! You talk as if I’m not here. Helloooo!”

Ferrari: “It’s like he’s dead! Oh I’m gonna miss him, he was a good man.”

Clegg: “Well thank you for the sympathy Claire, but I’m actually much more chirpy than you imply.”

Glad to hear it…


  1. 1
    Tooth fairy says:

    I think Clegg is ‘cheep cheep’.

  2. 2
    Diane Abbotopotamus says:

    Abu Qatada has been found not guilty so any comments criticising him are WAYCIST!

  3. 3
    Mornington Crescent says:

    According to the Beeb:

    “When asked if Abu Qatada could return to Britain, Mr Clegg said: ‘We don’t want this man back” and added that the government would do “everything it could do to prevent that happening”.”

    Not exactly an unequivocal ‘no’, is it?

  4. 4
    Diane Abbotopotamus says:

    Clegg is a chicken. MMMMMMMMM CHICKEN *drool*

  5. 5
    Marvin the paranoid android says:

    He seems pretty OK to me.

  6. 6
    Pookie Snackumberger says:

    It was as plain as the nose on millibands face that Clogg was after the sympaty vote, I called it after the Euroes. What an absolut tosser.

  7. 7
    Jasmin Alibhai-Brown with a roast chicken on her head says:

    Nick Clegg is on my head?

  8. 8
    Sir Jimmy Savile, made in Britain by the BBC says:

    I’m not sad either. I’m the only dead DJ whose still here.

  9. 9
    Wanker exchange says:

    Qatada for Clegg has some merit.

  10. 10
    Diane Abbotopotamus says:

    Do you play reggae? What about reggae reggae chicken?

  11. 11
    Clegg denies all knowledge of death says:

    Bring out your dead!
    Bring out your dead!.
    I’m not dead yet.
    Shut up. You will be soon.

  12. 12
    táxpáyér says:

    Envy of the world update.


    His family said as well as losing their son, they feel they have been “failed” by the NHS complaints system.

    In a statement released through the Patients Association, they also criticised the ombudsman.

    “The astonishing length of time it has taken for PHSO to finalise this report has inescapably prolonged our distress.

    “Although we are grateful that the PHSO has upheld our complaints… we are left with serious concerns about the competence, capability and accountability of the PHSO itself.”

    Sam’s mother Susannah Morrish said: “The report looks the way it does because of our constant intervention.

    “The fact there had to be two draft reports, both of which looked radically different to this final report, says something.

    “Our involvement included providing information, pointing out omissions, correcting factual errors.

    “Our thoughts were if we didn’t do this, who would?”

    Sam’s father Scott Morrish said: “The thing that we’re still trying to push for is, we’re not clear who the ombudsman is accountable to, we’re not clear who really understands what happens behind the scenes there, and we’re not entirely sure that Parliament is actually able to look at anything more than what comes out in the report.”

  13. 13
    Get to work says:

    Doesn’t the deputy PM have anything better to do on a Thursday morning that act as the side kick for some fat dj?

  14. 14
    Executive Summary says:


  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    He’ll be back shortly – looking for compo,more bennies and a bigger house-

  16. 16
    The Growler says:

    Not sad, not sad, his face tells a different story, wondering how he started out at the 2010 elections with peoples riding on him, it beats me as, I have said many times before, why did the LibDems align themselves with the Tories, when they should have remained true to themselves, and remained independant and voted with whichever party they agreed with on a vote. As far as the average Joe voter is concerned the LibDems are seen as a sort of branch of the Cons, joined at the hip.

  17. 17
    Abu Qatada says:

    I come home to council house, big compo, yes please?

  18. 18
    Owen Jones says:

    The Royal family cost us all £0.56 a year?! How am I supposed to find £0.00.0015 per day?!!!

  19. 19
    The Growler says:

    done it again, second line down ” 2010 elections with peoples high expectations riding on him”

  20. 20
    Ed Moribund says:

    Corrupt, hopeless, a liability, covering-up, shameless, opportunistic, hypocritical, treacherous, all those things, but not sad.

  21. 21
    Piano Wires R Us says:

    Glad he is not glum. Let’s just hope he keep chirpy till the 2015 GE. It’s SO upsetting for our operatives to have to hang people who aren’t smiling.

  22. 22
    The Growler says:

    excluding the cost of security, Owen, that figure would make your little eyes water.

  23. 23
    Rickytshirt says:

    Seeing Ed’s face yesterday must have cheered him up a bit.

  24. 24
    Anonymous says:

    “Clegg: I Am Not Sad”
    Doesn’t that depend on one’s definition of ‘sad’, Nick?
    Some might say it’s a piteous state synonymous with those who don’t appear to comprehend the true meaning of ‘promise’.

  25. 25
    peter sharp says:

    Raid your Post Office account you whingeing tosser!

  26. 26
    The Growler says:

    Or little Guy Fawkes who watch his fellow conspiritors hung, knackered ( a RC thing at the time) and quartered, he jumped off the scaffold and hung himself.

  27. 27
    Clegg denies all knowledge of death says:


  28. 28
    Mycroft says:

    He is Politically stone-cold dead.

    25 seats max in the next election.

  29. 29
    Life confuses me says:

    Clegg: so near death, a daily hazard is being buried alive.

  30. 30
    Owen Jones,Anal creampie says:

    You can come and live at my mummy’s with me.

  31. 31
    Clegg denies all knowledge of death says:

    So he was a bit of s swinger, then?

  32. 32
    Tim Farron says:

    Tim Farron

  33. 33
    Bog Paper says:

  34. 34
    0657 says:

    I’d be sad if I were Nick Clegg and i knew that I’d covered up, through ineptitude and favouritism, the appalling shenanigans of Mike Hancock and GVJ in Portsmouth.

  35. 35
    The Growler says:

    If the same child had been a child of the one our dear political masters it would have been given the utmost priority, and all stops would have been pulled out, with consultants bought in. It seems to have been doing the rounds, surely if missed in one place it should have picked in another.

  36. 36
    Mr Anonymous says:

    At the risk of getting all serious, the pressures facing most senior politicians must be immense and I suspect mental illness – anxiety disorders, depression, supporting Labour – is rife (although, thankfully, there has been some progress with the latter condition).

    I’m surprised/concerned that there is greater openness about this issue, from all sides.

  37. 37
    Diane Abbot says:

    who dis whitey fool anyway, he should cheer himself up by gettin some chikan init

  38. 38
    Liberal Democrats' Party Politcial Broadcast 2015 says:

    The Nick Clegg Apology Song: I’m Sorry (The Autotune Remix)

  39. 39
    ed milliband peoples representitive of somewhere up north i have to visit every now and again says:

    of course he’s chipper,he probably can’t wait to get to his 200 grand a year job in brussels

  40. 40
    Cinna says:

    I hope he’s not on his way back here then.

  41. 41
    NE Frontiersman says:

    ‘Sorry PM, Mr Putin will have to wait a couple of hours; you know I’m busy right now.’

  42. 42
    Bob Rusk says:

    *whispers in Clegg’s ear*, kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself …

  43. 43
    SackMikeHancock says:

    Come on, who else watched Stuart K*nttner’s interview by Channel 4 News yesterday?
    What a shifty performance.

  44. 44
    Rotherhampoofta says:

    Who gives a flying fcuk how clegg feels!

  45. 45
    Not in my name says:

    Nothing wrong with me. No, not a thing.

    Happy as can be.

    Not in the least concerned that I have presided over totally ignoring serial sex pests, grotesque unforced errors, have Vincent Cable et al sinking daggers in my back, reneged on election promises, had to put numpties into Cabinet roles because there was nobody else worth a damn in my party, got slaughtered by Farage in a wholly avoidable disaster, watched as all bar one of our MEP’s were slung out and my poll ratings are now lower than a snakes belly.

    In denial?

    Not at all. Why would I go into a large river in Africa?

  46. 46
    Jim says:

    You forget the question in the World was could we stop spending money and pay our debts. If there was not a viable Government they would have pulled the plug.

  47. 47
    Jim says:

    Like Blair and Brown.
    And they don’t have to live here either.

    Thank God.

  48. 48
    The world according to Clint Rosonby says:

    That makes LOL, he’s always looked to me like he’s doped up.

    The penny’s finally dropped that he’s not got a snowball chance in hell of being Deputy Dawg in the next 5 year “coalition”,
    the way it’s going, it’ll probably be this time next year is a Labour minority teaming up with the greens and any other small lefty friendly cabal of ex public school “born to lead” self absorbed wannabes to make up a Labour led coalition.

    Same shit different colour, nothing changes much for the average geezer.

  49. 49
    Anonymous says:


  50. 50


    Bless me Father I have never sinned
    I say sorry all the time
    I m so thin skinned
    I ve lured my Party to the edge of distraction
    Father ! Could I do with some political traction !!

    “woh ohh woh ” ( sound of wailing and gnashing of teeth )

  51. 51
    The Growler says:

    There is not much on his private life

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