June 24th, 2014

Dave Upstages Salmond’s Big Day

Events are being held today to mark the 700th anniversary of the Battle of Bannockburn, fought on 23 and 24 June, 1314. Clans are coming from far and wide for the main event, a recreation of the battle taking place just outside Stirling, where around 300 spear-wielding warriors will battle it out. According to the Beeb:

“Visitors will be able to explore a war camp complete with a kitchen, blacksmith and a hospital, as well as see weaponry including 12ft spears used to fend off cavalry charges up-close.”

Alex Salmond probably thinks the festivities are a pretty shrewd move in referendum year, but will he still be smirking in a few days time when the Prime Minister arrives to celebrate Stirling Armed Forces Day? Dave is bringing with him hundreds of real soldiers and pipers, while the Red Arrows have been brought in to colour the sky red, white and blue, just in case the message wasn’t subtle enough. Still too chicken to debate the First Minister though…


  1. 1
    inside out says:

    Two useless leaders with big egos and no policies

  2. 2
    boris johnson says:

    if we lose scotland, where will we get our supply of tramps from?

  3. 3
    Billy Big says:

    Call Me Dave is useless and the common conclusion is that, look at what the Poles have said about him!

    If he had any balls (sic) he would go to the country now and call a referndum on the EU. WE would say OUT! He would romp the next election with a massive Tory majority and could then go on to be classed as a great PM not unlike Mrs Thatcher.

    If he doesn’t do this he will be slaughtered from now till the Election Day where he will be beaten by Millimong and Farage whereupon the Tories will be a busted flush like the Conservatives in Canada became when they ignored the Reform Party.

  4. 4
    Billy Big says:

    You know where from BOJO, Romania!!!!

  5. 5
    the mystical mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    this Salmond bloke seems a bit fishy to me.

  6. 6

    Morgen, barmann! Zwei Spitzenkandidaten bitte!

  7. 7
    Owen Jones says:

    Please don’t anyone be going on holiday to Egypt What’s happened to Peter Greste & fellow journalists is a total disgrace. Free them now!

  8. 8
    Steve Miliband says:

    Devolution was meant to put Independence to bed, but Labour screwed up and the SNP got a Holyrood majority. The SNP were not expecting it and consequently are having to make it up as the go along, for example the actual cost of seperation

  9. 9
    Jacques Derridooda says:

    Man walks into pet shop and asks, “How much are wasps?”

    Pet Shop owner replies, “Don’t be so silly! We are a pet shop – we don’t stock wasps!”

    Man says, “Well you have got one in your window…”

  10. 10
    Steve says:

    Hopefully Scotland will vote for independence, so the rest of us in England will be able to rid ourselves of any Labour government. The Tories should be cheering for independence!

  11. 11
    Dave in Wonderland says:

    To show I do not represent just England I shall be tossing the haggis.

  12. 12
    peter prosthetic says:

    where will the british army get its cannon fodder from???

  13. 13
    Alex Salmond says:

    Know what I think? I think Scotland will vote no. Because that’s what people do. They bottle it.

  14. 14
    All is not what it seems says:

    By the way don’t believe the press when they say Dave fucked up over Junckers. Dave didn’t, he wants this fight, make him look good.

    He has the final say anyway if he cares to say it.

  15. 15
    As wise as an owl says:



  16. 16
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    The “North.”

  17. 17
    Radoslaw Sikorski says:

    That Cameron is one hell of a fuckwit!

  18. 18
    David Cameron says:

    With my friend Lynton, and a few friends amongst the EU leaders, I have a GREAT idea. It’s to pretend to be against the Federalists and be fighting for Britain. Just leak a few carefully set up stories


    It’s all part of the plan really of course.

  19. 19
    Ed Miliband says:

    The Goyim!

  20. 20
    The Pixel never lies says:

  21. 21
    Get Rid of Scotland says:

    Dear Scotland, please vote Yes.

    An English Taxpayer

  22. 22
    ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham) says:

    Morning all,what’s happening ?

  23. 23
    Axelgrease has certainly got his work cut out says:

  24. 24
    Radoslaw Sikorski says:


    You fuckwit Cameron, we’ve been rumbled.

  25. 25
    £55 million per day, and do they say "thanks"? says:

    Principally for giving you tossers so much of our money.

  26. 26
    Kevin from Southport says:

    I hope my Owl arrives today.

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Where it always does the aristocracy :-) Where cannon fodder was most in demand WWI it was the aristocracy that took the biggest hit hence so many falling down country houses.

  28. 28
    The BBC thinks everywhere is like Dalston says:

    “Visitors will be able to explore a war camp complete with a kitchen, blacksmith and a hospital”

    And no doubt, on the BBC’s coverage, lots of effnics, too. Just like in 1314.

  29. 29
    I have a dream says:

    That the Scotts fuck off and we get the ungrateful bastards off of the English tax payer’s left teat and then we then tell the EU to fuck off and so get the bastards off of our right tax payers teat.

    Imagine an independent England with Socialism banished for ever…….I have a (wet) dream

  30. 30
    Fuckwit Watch says:

  31. 31
    inside out says:

    Why would anybody attempt dialogue with this muppet.

  32. 32
    Ed Milimong says:

    Thith ith twue! UKIP’th voterth cannot communicate thwough the medium of email and thothial media! Not being able to communicate pwoperly? How thtupid ith that?

    PS: Cotht of living cwythith.

  33. 33
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    The YES campaign in Scotland just need to bang on, day in day out, between now and September, that an independent Scotland will never have to suffer rule by a Tory government from London (Thatcher 80s,Cameron today) that a majority of Scots didn’t vote for and they’ll win the referendum with a landslide.

    The NO camp can’t promise no more Tory rule for Scotland, only the YES to independence camp can.


  34. 34
    Diane Abbott is the cause of racist comment says:

    Another one of Brown’s Owls

  35. 35
    On the buffers says:

  36. 36
    Full and Frank Watch says:

  37. 37
    David Cameron says:

    I told you all about that in post 16.

  38. 38
    Owlf Garnet says:

    I could hear mine flying around last night. Fuck knows how I’m supposed to catch it. Maybe if I tie my daughter’s girbils to the washing line my owl might take the bait.

  39. 39
    Diane Abbott is the cause of racist comment says:

    Fuck me you are daft!!!!!!

    The real freedom is England free of the Labour voting twats in Scotland – give it 5 years and the scottish bastards will be flooding south to get away from your scottish Marxist Utopia

  40. 40
    Is Sarah Teather inside it? says:

  41. 41
    Purple Dogzzz says:

  42. 42
    Diane Abbott is the cause of racist comment says:

    Hell!!!! Beckett is looking more attractive than Ashton

  43. 43
    Owlf Garnet says:

    Dame Margaret Beckett? DAME? Are you fucking kidding me? Cameron allowed that? Bad enough he let ueber-mong Dawn Primarollo become a Dame, but not pruneface, too.

  44. 44
    Star Trek says:

    He looks a bit like a Klingon.

  45. 45
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    Dave can bring all the military he wants to Stirling, but don’t talk to a Scot about Bannockburn, to Scots it’s more of being a yesterday happening and being English you will get the full treatment of what happened and a bloody long history, but saying that Stirling and my personal memories well, lets say Scots Independence has more going for it than Dave has even if he pissed out of a top window onto the helmet of a copper just for a bit of PR.

    Go for it Scotland vote YES

  46. 46
    Peeping Bob says:

    To the poster who keeps posting pics of young ladies with their boobies out – thank you

  47. 47
    Atualpa says:

    How many people realise that non-uk citizens of the EU residing in Scotland at the time of the referendum on Scottish independence get a vote on the break up of the UK, while residents of the other countries of the UK, ie England, Wales, Northern Ireland,do not?

  48. 48
    BooBoo says:

    Just a Sunni day.

  49. 49
    The Lone Ranger says:

    The BBC love to repeat over and over again that Cameron has lost. HTF do they know?

  50. 50
    Liar, liar pants on fire says:

  51. 51
    Scotland is a wet misty midgy pile of crap and full of parasites says:

    This is where Salmond missed a trick – he should have insisted the English (in England) could vote for Scottish independence, too; his victory would have been assured.

  52. 52
    Anonymous says:

    I wonder if Alex Salmond attended the 500th anniversary of the Battle of Flodden last year…A rout of the Scots – 10,000 dead including the King!

  53. 53
    The Lone Ranger says:

    and loos – just like at any Glastonbury. Will “Lana del Rey” be performing?

  54. 54
    Scotland is a wet misty midgy pile of crap and full of parasites says:

    This is why we need to mine the boarder and build a fucking big barrier with razor wire and guntowers.

  55. 55
    The Growler says:

    Yes Geedes there is an article in the Guardian http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/jun/23/polish-mps-ridicule-cameron-stupid-propaganda-eurosceptics about a stupid Cameron (whoever he is) in tapes that have come to light. That Sikorski guy was at Oxford with Cammers and a member of Bullingdon Club, ah when posh boys fall out, I wonder if he is stirring it up along with Boris another contempory.

  56. 56
    Alex Salmond says:

    Just booked my Wimbledon ticket. Expect to see my fat fucking face waving the flag as Murray gets beaten in the final again.

  57. 57
    The Lone Ranger says:

    Doesn’t matter. Always put titles like “Lord”, “Sir” “The Rt Hon” in inverted commas when writing to or about these bastards. Let them know the level of your respect!

  58. 58
    The Lone Ranger says:

    Vote UKIP :)

  59. 59
    The Growler says:

    Not only that, they might get upperty where they export their Wiskey to.

  60. 60
    The Lone Ranger says:

    Come on Tim!

  61. 61
    Briton says:

    Are Scots really so childish as to be swayed by such things as ancient battles (between Normans), England’s World Cup performance, ‘toffs’ (with Scottish surnames) ruling in London-and the slimiest politician this side of the Atlantic? Sadly, yes.

  62. 62
    Army recruiting says:

    ……”Tower Hamlets'”…

  63. 63
    Local Northern Yokel says:

    Have they dispensed with clan tartans yet? You know the myth that was made up in Victorian times to boost tourism and the Scottish weaving industry?

  64. 64

    Th’ sooner they rebuild Hadrians Wall th’ better, innit?

  65. 65
    Sue Denim says:

    Because they’re really difficult to find elsewhere on the Internet.

  66. 66
    Anonymous says:

    And Scots like me living in England do not get a vote either (though English living in Scotland do).

  67. 67

    tramps will still navigate their way down to the big smoke to abuse the english

  68. 68
    'Ave yeu a lacence for that minkey says:

    Having watched fuckwit on the News late last night, his keepers have shifted the rules of the game so that Dickhead looks to have won (but will actually lose).
    Thus, the aim is now not to get Junker removed but to have his appointment voted upon by the MEPs. Due to the imbedded majorities this will confirm Junker but it “appears” that bumsex Dave actually “won” the point that Junker’s appointment should go to the Euro-Parliament.
    Does he think we are stupid? Clearly!

  69. 69
    Tony Blair says:

    Cannon fodder comes from every corner of the UK.
    Now which country should we invade next..

  70. 70
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    I reckon Salmond and all the politicians in the House of Corruption would be in shock if the Scots voted YES, I think Salmond the snake oil salesman is playing a game of chicken, he wants to keep the UK as it is but wants more and more money for Scotland and screw who has to pay it.

  71. 71
    i think says:

    He looks like Lt Ilia in a Star Trek movie played by
    actress Persis Khambatta.

  72. 72
    scot2go2 says:

    ask the Polish about dave and his going forward policies… but… as a BritNatz you will never listen to the real true leader A.S. who removed prescription charges …. university fees… tolls….. costs of medical care for the elderly & infirm… including many of your compatriates who somehow find England no longer their home… too bad the truth hurts…

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    “a recreation of the battle taking place just outside Stirling,”
    involving Dave and Alex, will definitively decide if an independent Scotland gets to keep Stirling. Or not.

  74. 74
    scot2go2 says:

    what happens in Engerland after we leave will be a disaster…. EU cant be bothered with rUK… ukip will hold the balance of power…. the libs will disappear… dave will sell everything not nailed down… you’ll have tridents in the thames… the Chineese will own most of the South… all of Mi2 +3 will be preparing for the gay pride march…. and ed will open a burger bar in Romford…

  75. 75
    Atualpa says:

    you’re not the first to have suggested this. If England residents had been given a vote, I’m sure a Yes movement would soon have sprung spring up here , backed by the many millions of English people tired of subsidising the relatively small number of wingeing Scots who choose to remain in Scotland (a hugely greater number remain abroad). Salmond, Cameron et al must surely be aware of this!

  76. 76
    Cometh the hour Cometh the man says:

    Anyone seen Dave?

  77. 77
    White wife for Black Clock says:

    He does have an exceptionally large clock though…

  78. 78
    scot2go2 says:

    Thank you for your warm ….shared 300 years of history … pooling & sharing … all in this tigither comments… which I have posted far & wide for all to see what a wonderful lot that Londonstanais are… so tolerant…. isn’t that what your Fb page says…

  79. 79
    A fly on the turd says:

    And he said: Fuck off you incompetent knob

  80. 80
    EUstace says:

    What senior EU politicians really think of the PM:

    “we want more British tax-payers’ money”

  81. 81
    Local Northern Yokel says:

    It’s just a pun on the sun isn’t it? Probably a flat chested feminista who doesn’t like this forum. Has to post b00bs from the interwebs as she hasn’t got any of her own to show us.

  82. 82
    scot2go2 says:

    Yes… and bloody second home owners who make money out of tourism from their wee bothy in the glens get two F+++++g votes… but once we nationalise ALL the land and tax these parasites out of existence…. and wave the last pickfords removal van southwards carrying its nuclear aresenal… then we will have finally made it…. YES.

  83. 83
    Hoots mon w'ere skint the noo says:

    The reason there is a Union between England and Scotland, is that Scotland went bankrupt persuing dreams of empire in South America, and then came to England with a begging bowl.

  84. 84
    scot2go2 says:

    Do you really think we give a flying f++k about some multi millionaire ex pat tennis player does or does not do… get real sailor…

  85. 85
    Come on Costa Rica says:

    If we loose England, where will we get our institutionalsed pa***philia from ?

  86. 86
    Come on Costa Rica says:

    What the fuck is ‘the boarder ‘ you ignorant uneducated fucking bigoted daftie ????

  87. 87
    Come on Costa Rica says:

    Feel free you geographical illiterate, and in the course of which you will have ceded most of Northumbria and some of Cumbria over to Scotland. Tit !

  88. 88
    Same old same old says:

    Have I got this right the Inglish King Edward II was into bumsex ?

  89. 89
    John Bellingham says:

    Romanian Hobos are a better class of tramp than Scottish Hobos. When one walks through Soho late at night and a pile or rags in a shop doorway squirms and asks for money, you can understand the Romanian Hobo.

  90. 90
    Basil Brush says:


  91. 91
    Jack Ketch. says:

    He looks like that Penguin “Feathers” in “The Wrong Trousers”.

  92. 92
    gravatarmysteryman says:

  93. 93
    Jack Ketch. says:

    Ah! the Scottish boarder. The one who did a moonlight flit with all the silverware.

  94. 94
    Anonymous says:

    You are surely having a laugh! This old piece of cr*p was not commissioned, or paid for by HuffPo, just re-published by Medhi (leftie) Hasan. The clue to the lack of gravity in this article comes at the end when he exhorts the reader to share it on Facebook. For a complete fisking of the detail there in, go here —> http://brackenworld.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/did-ramesh-patel-get-paid-for-this.html
    This man Ramesh Patel, claims to be a Conservative, but how can he be, if he holds the opinions that he writes in this article? He is a Trojan Horse and only a naive person, or hard core Labourite would be taken in by his claim to be a Conservative.

  95. 95
    Anonymous says:

    Thank goodness Britain isn’t the sort of country that would find an excuse to jail journalists.

  96. 96
    Braveheart says:

    It won’t be up to me but, having nailed his Union Jack to the mast, David Conman will become the Unionist answer to Bonnie Prince Charlie, except that Charlie was good-looking. Other Unionists will never ever forgive him for the “loss” of Scotland and they will not vote him back into high office. My prediction is that they will reach for the reassurance of a Labour government, while Scotland seeks to rediscover its small-state liberal (and not Lib Dem) social and economic heritage.

  97. 97
    Fred the pensioner says:

    I seem to recall we had one of them dressed up in tails and a top hat masquerading as an oppressive mill owner at the Olympic dramathon.

  98. 98
    Fred the pensioner says:

    It is all a very good idea – but the tiny flaw in the porridge is that 99% of the Scots are too bloody think to take advantage of this golden opportunity.

  99. 99
    Fred the pensioner says:

    * thick (not that they’ll notice anyway)

  100. 100
    Fred the pensioner says:

    Do you know that you have everyone in England also behind that thought! :-)

  101. 101
    Fred the pensioner says:

    No problem. The fewer the bennie scroungers the better.

  102. 102
    Chris says:

    Why would Cameron want to debate with a turd?

  103. 103
    YGoHome! says:

    “Still too chicken to debate the First Minister though…”

    Why would he dabate the subject of the fist minister?

    Surely a debate about indepemndence *with* the fist minister would be more pertinent.

  104. 104
    scot2go2 says:

    Stirling Council have just announced that Royal Navy Day will be held in Stirling on the 12th September 2014. They have denied this is being timed to coincide with the annual Battle of Stirling Bridge Commemoration. Two destroyers, an aircraft carrier and a nuclear submarine will be visiting Stirling and moored at Stirling Boating Club where the public will be invited to come along and enjoy a festival celebrating the role of the River Forth in forging the British Empire.

  105. 105
    scot2go2 says:

    well he debates with a pile of turds at PMQs and also the wee woman who lives in the big house at the end of the mall so he should be well used to it…

  106. 106
    scot2go2 says:

    in your wet dreams sonny… Scots Lords went belly up… not the public who were not eligible to vote for any union….. as they were not men of property… so try… really try look up some facts before you post…. and please just remember that all these silly little remarks will be kept near by when southerners come a begging…. as your future like a fracking…

  107. 107
    scot2go2 says:

    your forgetting the guard dogs…. as we wouldn’t want another influx of white settlers coming up to tell us once again how we should give all our wealth to Engerland..

  108. 108
    Flying Teddy says:


Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,717 other followers