June 23rd, 2014

Westminster Tories Grooming Young Interns

The applications must be flying in for what is surely the dream job for any fresh-faced young Tory wannabe: election intern at the Cities of London and Westminster Conservative Association. Based in Belgravia, the successful candidate – unpaid, naturally – must be “flexible”, comfortable interacting”, have an “ability to do multiple tasks”, is promised an “intimate understanding” of local politics and, somewhat ominously, that “we are fun”.

Above all else, however, the advert lets it be known it is of the utmost importance that applicants are:


Well turned out, dapper young gentlemen only may apply here


  1. 1
    Jasmine Alibaba-Bollocks says:

    Arrrrggghh there aren’t enough brown faces!!!!!!!

  2. 2
    Diane Flabgut says:

    Well-groomed? Sounds like waaaycism to me!

  3. 3
    Uman Wights says:

    …And possess no gag reflex…

  4. 4
    Queen of Leon says:

    Does One require an ass bleach to be considered “well groomed” ?

    Hoping for Brittan.

  5. 5
    semolina_pilchard says:


  6. 6
    Jack Crawford says:

    Reply to “Shane” sounds a bit suspect!

  7. 7
    mmm says:

    Are they after a top or a bottom?

  8. 8
    Russell Brand says:

    My application is in the post as I type.

  9. 9
    Revelling in the joys of bumsex says:

    “flexible”, my friendly Brazilian Rent Boy will apply.

  10. 10
    Wok Gon Style Meister says:

    Obviously, along with back sack and crack for boys, full hollywood for girls!

  11. 11
    Tory Bare! says:

    “Applicants with the names Rupert India or Anastasia would be particularly welcomed – Applicants named Wayne, Sharon or Tracy need not apply”…

  12. 12
    Hobo humping Slobo babe says:

    I didn’t know Nigel Evans had his own think tank or this case twink tank is more appropriate.

  13. 13
  14. 14
    Col. Nut says:

    Especially when being flexible.

  15. 15
  16. 16
    jgm2 says:

    Sounds like the perfect opening for Laura Penny.

    Time to stop playing at being a socialist and embrace your birthright.

  17. 17
    Sir Philya Boots says:

    i put my boy down for Eton and Westminster Tories before he was born. After that, it’s a spadship and a seat in the Commons. Then, if he’s bright, some lucrative ‘consultancy’ and non-exec sinecures before joining the Lords. If he’s average, he can go into Goverment. If he’s lazy and dim, it’s off to Brussels on the hi-speed EuroGravy!

  18. 18
    Jean-Claude Junckbond says:

    I have my own drunk tank.

  19. 19
    Dolphin Square Boys Club says:


  20. 20
    Col. Nut says:

    Rupert Bare would be good but they wouldn’t want Anastyasian.

  21. 21
    Silly question I know but says:

    Can “straight” chaps apply ?

    Know what I mean.

  22. 22
    Leon Brittan says:

    Punch them in the throat – from the inside.

  23. 23
    Odious Young Public Schoolperson says:

    I’m groomed, lubed and raring to go.

  24. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Could someone tell John Kerry it’s ISIS and not ISALL ?

  25. 25
    Roma Bert. says:

    Any room in there for a well groomed Roma ? :)

  26. 26
    Tony BLiar says:

    i put my boy down for bootle and Westminster Labour before he was born. After that, it’s a spadship and a seat in the Commons. Then, if he’s bright, some lucrative ‘consultancy’ and non-exec sinecures before joining the Lords. If he’s average, he can go into Goverment. If he’s lazy and dim, it’s off to Brussels on the hi-speed EuroGravy!

  27. 27
    R. Entboys & Co Ltd says:

    Well and truly groomed, William Hague gets first pick of course.

    Ordinary people aka plebbery need not apply and all candidates must be prepared to bend over backwards or at least bend over to satisfy senior members. Intense one to one interviews to be held at the home of William Hague.

  28. 28

    “We take pride in creating a work experience that is unique, memorable and totally one-of-a kind”

    Just think how much the author’s parents wasted in school fees.

  29. 29
    Oliver Cromwells Mum says:

    All interviews are to held in the gent’s at HOC please ask for Mr Evans.

  30. 30
    Bender Boy says:

    “How to apply:

    Please include a recent photograph, CV and covering letter or you application may not be processed.”

    Does one send a naked photo or a clothed photo?
    Would one be better off sending a naked photo?

  31. 31
    The Growler says:

    It all seems very pervy to me, still I suppose some likely lad or lass will apply, unpaid in London is it a sort of Fagin organisation, at least he fed them!

  32. 32
    The Growler says:

    But is he a Conservative and can be very flexible and very broad minded?

  33. 33

    nonces need only apply

  34. 34
    The Lord Brittan of Spennithorne says:

    Can I apply?

  35. 35
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Do you have any idea how much Fettes, costs you hypocritical fuckwit? You know, the place where your war criminal hero went.

    Do you have any idea how many hypocritical Labour MPs went to private school you fuckwit?

    Do you have any idea how many hypocritical Labour MPs send their kids to private schools you fuckwit?

    We know you’re a fuckwit Jimmy, you don’t have to constantly remind us with retarded posts like that one.

  36. 36
    A Tory says:

    I see they left out the bit where the successful applicant will need to demonstrate an aptitude for cracking Walnuts between their sweet, pink, hairless bum cheeks.

  37. 37
    tj says:

    would you trust this lot with your own kid?

  38. 38
    Well groomed Pikey says:


    And I can spot an oxymoron a mile off….

  39. 39
    England is becumin a ferd world cess-pit innit says:

    What about well groomed Witchdoctors?…or warlords?…or gypsies?..or travellers…..or yardies??

    Or does it have to be an English speaking scum from the home counties??

  40. 40

    It’s possible that if you were to stop posting cretinous non sequiturs after my comments I’d miss them. What do you say we try and find out?

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    “Westminster Tories Grooming Young Interns”
    Could this mean the job description of Rent Boy, has been made redundant?
    If so, is it now Zero Remuneration Serf?

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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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