June 23rd, 2014

Westminster Tories Grooming Young Interns

The applications must be flying in for what is surely the dream job for any fresh-faced young Tory wannabe: election intern at the Cities of London and Westminster Conservative Association. Based in Belgravia, the successful candidate – unpaid, naturally – must be “flexible”, comfortable interacting”, have an “ability to do multiple tasks”, is promised an “intimate understanding” of local politics and, somewhat ominously, that “we are fun”.

Above all else, however, the advert lets it be known it is of the utmost importance that applicants are:


Well turned out, dapper young gentlemen only may apply here


  1. 1
    Jasmine Alibaba-Bollocks says:

    Arrrrggghh there aren’t enough brown faces!!!!!!!


    • 11
      Tory Bare! says:

      “Applicants with the names Rupert India or Anastasia would be particularly welcomed – Applicants named Wayne, Sharon or Tracy need not apply”…


    • 22
      Leon Brittan says:

      Punch them in the throat – from the inside.


  2. 2
    Diane Flabgut says:

    Well-groomed? Sounds like waaaycism to me!


  3. 3
    Uman Wights says:

    …And possess no gag reflex…


  4. 4
    Queen of Leon says:

    Does One require an ass bleach to be considered “well groomed” ?

    Hoping for Brittan.


  5. 6
    Jack Crawford says:

    Reply to “Shane” sounds a bit suspect!


    • 31
      The Growler says:

      It all seems very pervy to me, still I suppose some likely lad or lass will apply, unpaid in London is it a sort of Fagin organisation, at least he fed them!


  6. 7
    mmm says:

    Are they after a top or a bottom?


  7. 8
    Russell Brand says:

    My application is in the post as I type.


  8. 9
    Revelling in the joys of bumsex says:

    “flexible”, my friendly Brazilian Rent Boy will apply.


  9. 12
    Hobo humping Slobo babe says:

    I didn’t know Nigel Evans had his own think tank or this case twink tank is more appropriate.


  10. 13
  11. 16
    jgm2 says:

    Sounds like the perfect opening for Laura Penny.

    Time to stop playing at being a socialist and embrace your birthright.


  12. 17
    Sir Philya Boots says:

    i put my boy down for Eton and Westminster Tories before he was born. After that, it’s a spadship and a seat in the Commons. Then, if he’s bright, some lucrative ‘consultancy’ and non-exec sinecures before joining the Lords. If he’s average, he can go into Goverment. If he’s lazy and dim, it’s off to Brussels on the hi-speed EuroGravy!


    • 26
      Tony BLiar says:

      i put my boy down for bootle and Westminster Labour before he was born. After that, it’s a spadship and a seat in the Commons. Then, if he’s bright, some lucrative ‘consultancy’ and non-exec sinecures before joining the Lords. If he’s average, he can go into Goverment. If he’s lazy and dim, it’s off to Brussels on the hi-speed EuroGravy!


  13. 19
    Dolphin Square Boys Club says:



  14. 21
    Silly question I know but says:

    Can “straight” chaps apply ?

    Know what I mean.


  15. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Could someone tell John Kerry it’s ISIS and not ISALL ?


  16. 25
    Roma Bert. says:

    Any room in there for a well groomed Roma ? :)


  17. 27
    R. Entboys & Co Ltd says:

    Well and truly groomed, William Hague gets first pick of course.

    Ordinary people aka plebbery need not apply and all candidates must be prepared to bend over backwards or at least bend over to satisfy senior members. Intense one to one interviews to be held at the home of William Hague.


  18. 28

    “We take pride in creating a work experience that is unique, memorable and totally one-of-a kind”

    Just think how much the author’s parents wasted in school fees.


    • 35
      Tim Yeo-Yo says:

      Do you have any idea how much Fettes, costs you hypocritical fuckwit? You know, the place where your war criminal hero went.

      Do you have any idea how many hypocritical Labour MPs went to private school you fuckwit?

      Do you have any idea how many hypocritical Labour MPs send their kids to private schools you fuckwit?

      We know you’re a fuckwit Jimmy, you don’t have to constantly remind us with retarded posts like that one.


  19. 29
    Oliver Cromwells Mum says:

    All interviews are to held in the gent’s at HOC please ask for Mr Evans.


  20. 30
    Bender Boy says:

    “How to apply:

    Please include a recent photograph, CV and covering letter or you application may not be processed.”

    Does one send a naked photo or a clothed photo?
    Would one be better off sending a naked photo?


  21. 33

    nonces need only apply


  22. 36
    A Tory says:

    I see they left out the bit where the successful applicant will need to demonstrate an aptitude for cracking Walnuts between their sweet, pink, hairless bum cheeks.


  23. 37
    tj says:

    would you trust this lot with your own kid?


  24. 39
    England is becumin a ferd world cess-pit innit says:

    What about well groomed Witchdoctors?…or warlords?…or gypsies?..or travellers…..or yardies??

    Or does it have to be an English speaking scum from the home counties??


  25. 41
    Anonymous says:

    “Westminster Tories Grooming Young Interns”
    Could this mean the job description of Rent Boy, has been made redundant?
    If so, is it now Zero Remuneration Serf?


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Find out more about PLMR

Rob Colvile reviews Russell Brand’s new book:

“Oddly, the person I feel sorriest for isn’t Brand himself – although he certainly comes across as a rather pitiable figure, projecting his own brokenness on to the world around him – but Johann Hari. Drummed out of Fleet Street for plagiarism, the former Independent columnist has washed up as “my mate Johann, who’s been doing research for this book”. For a genuinely talented polemicist, it would have been a humbling experience to have to treat this sub-undergraduate dross as the scintillating wisdom of a philosopher-king.”

Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!

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