June 23rd, 2014

Toff Sex Scandal Story Mysteriously Spiked By Mail Online

A classic Mail Online toff sex scandal story appeared online late last night, reporting that the multi-millionaire banker and Oxfordshire landowner Jamie Lonsdale, 55, is to marry a Russian pole dancer called Crystal Night following his divorce from wife Laura, once lady-in-waiting to Princess Diana. A cracking tale, and one that would no doubt titillate Mail Online readers, so why has the story been taken down from the website this morning?

Perhaps someone in the office mentioned that Laura Greig, the scorned ex-wife, is the sister of Mail on Sunday editor Geordie Greig. Better hope he didn’t notice


  1. 1
    Self preservation says:

    Fair enough.

    Would you humiliate your Boss’ sister?

  2. 2
    Abbott is the New Boris says:

  3. 3
    Seb Coe says:

    Somehow can’t imagine Flabbott running.

  4. 4
    Persona Non Grata says:

    Apart from Yasmin Alibhai-Brown (born Yasmin Damji) who the f*ck is going to vote for that?

  5. 5
    bergen says:

    Someone told Ed he needed a heavyweight candidate.

  6. 6
    Steve Coogan says:

    Glad to see press freedom is alive and well in Great Britain. If only there was a campaign organisation to ensure it exists unmolested, eh?

  7. 7
    Farage for Dictator says:

    if it’s a story, thats kind of a journalists job.

    it’s not really a story particularly though, although she is pretty fit.

  8. 8
    The Vicar of Albion says:

    Is she calling a waiter?

  9. 9
    Spartacus says:

    And what offence is there here? Under age sex? Sodomy? Worse?

  10. 10
    Owen fuckin' Jones - Working C-larse Hero says:

    Reverse ferret!

  11. 11
    Puzzled of Sidmouth says:

    So is it his good looks or the fact that he’s a multi-millionaire banker and Oxfordshire landowner that attracts Crystal Night the Russian pole dancer?

  12. 12
  13. 13
    Juncker says:

    I’d rather have a little drinky.

  14. 14
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    She looks like she’s been told that KFC has just run out of chicken.

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    The Times is running the story the best bit is “… listing appearances on Playboy Cybergirls, and the Only Tease website which promised beautiful women waiting to tempt and tease”. Luck sod.

  16. 16
    Socialism is theft says:

    I think it is because he has a massive portfolio.

  17. 17
    You boy says:

    Calling him what?

  18. 18
    Diane Fatslut says:

    Yes,i needed another chair for my other arse cheek.

  19. 19
    Ah! wonder why says:

    No mention of Rossiter sex scandal on BBC.

    Funny that.

  20. 20
    Gay Dave says:

    I’m having him ejected from the Bullingdon Bumsex Club. The guy’s obviously straight and cannot remain as one of our Members.

  21. 21
    Helen Grant MP Minister for Sport says:

    I am given to understand that some people out there have been trying to use their connections to be excused from today’s rounders match and our weekly Zumba dancing class. This would explain the woeful performance last week.
    I want a list of names of those who have been shirking their duties and will expect everyone to turn up and enjoy themselves as ordered next time round.

    England expects!

  22. 22
    DtP says:

    Crystal Night – Kristell Nacht – hmm….no matter, no matter!

  23. 23
    Geordie Greggs-Piegobbler says:

    Better a Russian Pole dancer than a Polish Russian dancer.

  24. 24
    Socialism is theft says:

    Before the internet people must have been really thick. Is that why they all voted Labour or Tory?

  25. 25
    The Lone Ranger says:

    The offence is gross stupidity from a man who ought to know better. An ex pole dancer – Jesu – he should try growing up

  26. 26
    diane abbott says:

    oh my, if i won, just imagine how many naked £11,000 paintings of me i could expense to the tax payer, anyone who criticises me is just racist

  27. 27
    Sue Denim says:

    Would that be Leonard Rossiter – star of ITV’s Rising Damp?

  28. 28
    Apthorpe says:

    Excellent news if true! Labour will lose yet again!
    What a shambles they are Dave must be giving thanks for Millbean daily. And it seems that even if Ed loses in 2015 they will keep him on as leader truely the gift that keeps on giving.

  29. 29
    Juncker says:

    I like a little Cossack vodka or two before lunch.

  30. 30
    diane abbott says:

    how very dare you, i’m not stupid you know, I can waddle to nandos until they get more of dem dare fried chikan at de KFC

  31. 31
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Nacht Und Nibble.

  32. 32
    Lawyers. Thousands of 'em! says:

    He must think he has a water-tight pre-nup :-)

  33. 33
    Silly old bastards never learn says:

    I give it 6 months

  34. 34

    All these strange things have a common cause, Scottish Rite freemasonry!

  35. 35
    WoRaft Chihuahua says:

    What about the 4x life bronze statue.

  36. 36

    haha funny when the shit hits their own face

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    How come she has red cheeks?

  38. 38
  39. 39
    ? says:

    Reginald Perrin was BBC I think

  40. 40
    Stevie "quivering with joy about gay quips" Fry says:

    Has he penetrated your intimate circle, Dave?

  41. 41
    jurno says:

    Perhaps she is more Ukrainian than Russian.

  42. 42
    Ikey Pikey says:


  43. 43
    The Lone Ranger says:

    In the old days, we knew nothing bad about our betters. My old granny went to her grave thinking Lord Boothby was a Christian gentleman.

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    Yeh, but he’ll have fun in that time, probably spend all his money also.

  45. 45
    Bish says:

    It would be almost a sin not to enjoy it.

  46. 46
    Mornington Crescent says:

    There’s no fool like an old fool.

    Laugh? My pole dropped off.

  47. 47
    Chris Bryant says:

    Not only do I wash my dirty linen in public I wear it

  48. 48
    Jack Ketch. says:

    “Somehow can’t imagine Flabbott running.”
    Running for office is an Americanism. In Britain people used to stand for election–although in this case waddle might be more appropriate.

  49. 49
    Mark Oatibix says:

    Oh, yeah!

  50. 50
    jgm2 says:

    I’d be more concerned by the fact that she’s a Russian.

  51. 51
    Sir Jimmy Savile, made in Britain by the BBC says:

    Leonard Rossiter – that geezer he was a star BBC act

  52. 52
    Lembit Opik says:

    All the money I spent on cheeky girls could have gone towards a face plant :(

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    That would be the Leonard Rossiter that played the title role in the BBC’s Shakespeare production of “The Life and Death of King John”

  54. 54
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    It seems to me that those that cry racism are usually the biggest racists.

  55. 55
    RWG says:

    Ahhh Damji…would her niece be the one who has done serious jailtime?

  56. 56
    jgm2 says:

    I give it 10 months. Just long enough to get pregnant, have the kid and then demand to be kept in the manner to which she has become accustomed. For the sake of the kid you understand.

  57. 57
    Let her eat cake says:

    If Abbott ran for London Mare she would win hands down

  58. 58
    RWG says:

    Nebel, not nibble!

  59. 59
    táxpáyér says:

    Diane Abbot’s “another way is possible” land shows the other way is state murder


    Death Toll from Venezuela Protests Rises to 43

  60. 60
    táxpáyér says:

    Freudian Projection is a big problem for the mental malady know as leftism.

  61. 61
    diane abbott says:

    If I win, every month will be black history month, and school dinners will be rice n peas, and you evil oppressive white people will pay (not just for my naked portraits either)

  62. 62
    táxpáyér says:


  63. 63
    commodity broker says:

    That would cause a spike in the global bronze price never seen before to fulfil that order

  64. 64
    Simon Hughes says:

    It’s not fair all the pretty girls get the rich men

  65. 65
  66. 66
    Jack Ketch. says:

    But he was. He used to say “Oh, Jesus, yes, yes!” when Ronnie was giving him some Bethnal Green sausage and “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away while porking Dorothy Mac.

  67. 67
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    I’m more concerned with the fact that she seems to be an absolute beauty, added to the fact that most Polish people that I have met possess a good sense of humour.

  68. 68
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    I got my Poles mixed up – rushin’ too fast to reply carefully.

  69. 69
    Anne Arquist says:

    Sexual desire switches off the part of the brain that handles rational thought.

  70. 70
    jgm2 says:

    Fucking hell. I was unaware that Di’s sister and mother had ignored her wishes in her will.

    What a family. Her brother snatches the body to turn it into a tourist attraction and the sister and mother ignore her wishes after her death.

    Lovely people.

  71. 71
  72. 72
  73. 73
    The Lone Ranger says:


  74. 74
  75. 75
    Milimarx says:

    Bad news for Chukka Can’t:

    The Grauniad says that UKIP is the most engaged online of all the parties.


  76. 76
  77. 77
    greasy waiter says:

    Ah, go on, have another leeetle mint – it’s only wafer thin.

  78. 78
    The Vicar of Albion says:

    If he was knocking one out in a bbc studio, I’d hope he was working for them at the time.

  79. 79
    u durty b'stard says:

    You didn’t read the tweet, did you – must have been too busy drooling over the image

  80. 80
    jurno says:


  81. 81
    Bill Quango MP says:

    English literature:

    If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well
    It were done quickly:
    What does this line tell us about the state of mind and motivations of McBalls. – {4 marks}

    Ed McBalls considers wielding the knife. The ghost of “Bonkquo” Brown haunts his dreams.
    If “Bonkquo” had struck down King Tony in 2003, he would have been king of all Scotland..Mc Balls frets not at the deed, the murder of poor, simple King Dumbkin McMilibnad,. But frets at the vengeance that McMiliband clan may seek to extract from McBalls.

  82. 82
    Chukka says:

    I don’t read trash.

  83. 83
    Tits oot for the lads.. says:

    As my old school friends father used to tell us.. “the standing prick has no conscience”. Always full of wise words…

  84. 84

    Doesn’t mention she is R’ussian on her profile – but she is apparently a Soprano:


    Vote UKIP :-D

  85. 85
    They never learn says:

    Indeed. By all means slip her one – but marriage? The guys off his rocker. He could buy a different pole dancer every week.

  86. 86
    Anonymous says:

    Any relation to Crystal Meths?

  87. 87
    Cinna says:

    Any pics of her performing? Only asking….

  88. 88
    Dave says:

    Just seen this story in the print edition of the Mail.

  89. 89
    Dwakyewlar says:

    Excellent. We haven’t had a decent blood bath since I can’t remember when!

  90. 90
    Say no to tinfoil says:

    No, I’ll think you’ll find that it’s because the editor is related to the ex-wife.

  91. 91
    Nosey git says:

    Were they introduced to each other by Handycockle?

  92. 92
    Nosey git says:


  93. 93
    Nosey git says:

    Does Di know that the original name of that fast food chain had to change its name to mere initials after it was discovered that what they were purporting to sell to their customers – in fact wasn’t!

  94. 94
    Tonto says:

    Gross stupidity is an offence now?

  95. 95
    Cinna says:

    You jebel and I’ll nibble. Each to their own.

  96. 96
    Nosey git says:

    Really, you would think that the police had better things to do than investigate 50 odd year old crimes.

  97. 97
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    And some fell on stoney ground.

  98. 98
    ed milliband peoples representitive of somewhere up north i have to visit every now and again says:

    thank you,have just email him to show him the error of his ways..ooh and a photo of the plaque commemorating the founding of the labour party in doncaster railway station with a vote ukip sticker on it

  99. 99
  100. 100
    Abbopotamus says:

    It’s the new way. Socialism is BRILLIANT.

  101. 101
  102. 102
    Pissed again, Winston? says:

    This bird has done a lot of time. If she is the off-spring of Yasmin AllBalls-Shitcolour, one must wonder where she acquired her streak of venal dishonesty. A really delightful, diverse family.

  103. 103
    Dr Evil says:

    Ooooooopppppsssssss! Blood on the walls and carpet over at the DM.

  104. 104
    Pissed again, Winston? says:

    It was good of Mac to hold Boothby’s hat and coat for him. Apparently, Mac blamed his limp grip on an old war-wound. Nothing whatever to do with Eton.

  105. 105

    Actually they look a very nice couple .

    But with a name like “Crystal Night ” (obviously her ” professional ” name as I don t believe surnames of Russo /Slav provenance encompass the surname Night) she is no doubt after a “no pre nup ” union with a view to ” flipping ” him for either merry divorceehood or another equally well heeled pierrot into whose till she can just as easily place her pussy after the ” 50/50 split ” divorce.

    If you ve got it flaunt it and use it I say ( wish I had ” it” !!)

  106. 106

    Absynthe Jean -Claude??

    Mr Cameron sends you a Whole bottle with his compliments on the understanding you are to drink deeply of it in one shot .

  107. 107

    have you seen him commando then ?

  108. 108

    Unlikely , but probably by the successor organisation to the KGB.

  109. 109

    Think that s bad . Try Honduras five murders a day since year dot apparently .

    Wonder Lord A still has locus there —or does he ?

  110. 110

    He has ambitions of a career change to become an opera singe you say ?

    Tell you what after the sexual sonatas she ll make him negotiate on wedding night he may well end up a member of the “emasculati”

  111. 111

    Seeing your Blair avatar Joe Kano reminds me of a priceless typo in todays FT ALPHAVILLE online — where the Middle EAST became the Middle EASY….

    Obviously a lifestyle change effected as a result of the region being frequented over the PAST four years by the (self?) appointed Middle East Peace Negotiator and his retinue .

  112. 112

    Mongboy Lonsdale and the MI-5 Kinky Boyz present: Bag me an’ Orange

    Vote UKIP :-D

  113. 113
    Bill de Burgh says:

    I know it’s not about looks. Really, I do.
    But that image of Abopotamus, at post #2……
    I first of all invite you to look at it, if you can stomach it.
    Then, I invite you to google up an image of the Morlocks, from the re-make of “The Time Machine.
    Then, I defy you to see any fcuking material difference between the two.
    Thanks, everybody.

  114. 114
    Voice of reason says:

    Seems to me he had Rising cramp !!!!

  115. 115
    Anonymous says:

    Hardly a sex scandal? Top tory sex scandal generally involves a children’s home, this just looks like a nicde couple.

  116. 116
    Zabit Cooli Shintit says:

    I’d rather have a Kensitas

  117. 117
    joekano76 says:

    And now being asked to leave by former ambassadors.

  118. 118
    Inspector Taggart-Tough On Murrrrdur, Tough On The Causes Of Murrrrdur says:

    Don’t forget the National Murrrrdur Rate of 24,000 in 2013!

  119. 119
    UN WMD Inspector says:

    Abbot is a weapons-grade buffoon. Her thinking is so patchy that it resembles a Harlequin on acid.

  120. 120
    Cyber UKIPPER-Taking the FB page from 8K Likes to 60K+ says:

    If the turd turned up on our page talking shite, I’d have torn him a new arsehole. We’ve already seen off all the Tory, Libdem, Labour, HnH, Common Purpose and EU Trolls. I’d have bounced the fucktard so fucking high, he’d need a fucking space suit!

  121. 121
    Anonymous says:

    She not Russian, not sure where this comes from she’s very much English and was born in gloucester!

  122. 122
    Ivor Biggun says:

    Why has she got Christmas lights round her head?

  123. 123
    Gerhard says:

    Knight, not Night…

    http://www.modelmayhem.com/266231 ;)

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