June 23rd, 2014

SKETCH: What Happened to Ed’s New Welfare Pledge?

Readers may remember the Labour’s chief Conehead promised last week that industrious parental units would be rewarded by a government of the Left, but young feckless, jobless, unqualified cones would be kicked about a bit, in the way that Tory voters like.

The daring initiative had a difficult start. Before the speech there was World Cup action. After the speech, the Labour press office announced that every voter would be given a free owl. Guido’s joke (ring Labour on 28 28 20) got as much coverage as the policy bombshell.

But stop it. Settle down. Be serious. Let us practise grown-up commentary. How is this bold, one nation, predistributional policy faring, longer term?

It was Work and Pensions questions this afternoon. Just the opportunity to pitch the new message into the parliamentary arena.

The policy was completely, comprehensively ignored by the Labour front bench. Shadow minister after shadow minister stood up to say, “Our leadership isn’t worth listening to, let alone arguing for, let alone supporting. We have ambition, we have purpose, we will make our own way in the post-Miliband utopia we glimpse ahead.”

The make-or-break, nettle-seizing policy wasn’t referred to once. Not by front bench, back bench, or cross bench. It was as if it had never been.

Ed Miliband is disappearing in front of our eyes. He isn’t even an embarrassment any more.


  1. 1
    Abolish the licence fee says:

    Where is Gordon Brown?

  2. 2

    Nelly Pledge

  3. 3

    I just heard there was a miners strike somewhere up north !
    I think we should call for an enquiry

  4. 4
    Yasmin alibaba Browning says:

    I am not a coolie dont you dare call me a coolie you think I am a coolie? Let me tell you now I am not your coolie so take that to your coolie and make them use that for a nice cup of cha.

    Not a coolie.

  5. 5
    NERMAL says:

    To be honest the only sensible policy that Labour has put forward has been the Owl Policy.

  6. 6
    swarthy immigrant says:

    Ed thinks that a welfare pledge is an offer of a home help to hardworking unemployed families to apply cheap furniture polish to their inherited Chippendale furnishings

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Not a coolie ? An owl then.

  8. 8
    Rex says:

    You are showing your age Swarthy …or is it that I do not get out enough?

  9. 9
    Hoots Mon says:

    Owls of laughter.

  10. 10

    Ed Miliband – A life in policy…

    Vote UKIP :-D

  11. 11
    swarthy immigrant says:

    Ed should give away golliwogs with every postal vote
    When I was a child playing with Yasmin Alibabah Brown we used to love collecting Robertsons jam coupons, she then developed “feminist” ideas and sadly our arranged marriage was called off
    We still try and burn the witch every year when she visits our quaint little hamlet

    Tower Hamlets

  12. 12
    swarthy immigrant says:

    Eds pledges will be his lavender list

    lavender pledge

  13. 13
    Mycroft says:

    Following defeat at the GE there will be a serious breakdown in the party, a deep and wide chasm between (to use an Animal Farm analogy) the Pigs and the rest of the animals.

    It will ‘do for’ the Labour party as a force in elections for perhaps 20 years.

    Chief Pig and his Piglets will be seen for what they are and what they are can be summed up by the phrase “Meet the Boss, same as the Old Boss”. (apols, the Who)

    The revolt will come from the Northern Hordes, who instinctively despise being lead by a Man-child.

    For that is what the Miliband creature is… a Man-child.

    He has the smack and tang of one, he looks to any audience as like a 12yo looking for approval of his homework.

    No-one with any pride in themselves could vote for a man-child to run a Country.

    The Northern Hordes will mark his homework for him.

  14. 14
    Stu says:

    Nope an obnoxious racist bitch fits I think.

  15. 15
    Chris The Leatherman says:

    To think that the BBC last week (Wednesday I think) believed that Labour’s new employment and work policy should lead the news, ahead of Iraq,Syria and evrything else and now isn’t worth mentioning says it all really.

  16. 16
    Labour Policy HQ-In A Galaxy Far, Far Away says:

    1)We guarantee that every unemployed person will have a job.
    2)Those that don’t get a ‘Free Job’, we’ll guarantee Training.
    3)Those that cannot get the money for the Training that they need to find a job, we guarantee that they’ll still be on the Dole. (see 1)

    PS. Everyone will have a guaranteed House and we guarantee that Waiting Times for schools and the NHS will disappear.

  17. 17
    The Growler says:

    Who’s that Jimmy, is he a world leader or miracle worker or even an MP, my memory is not that good these days.

  18. 18
    The Growler says:

    Just where is this working mine Teddy, none near where I live, most disappeared in the “dash for gas” or just after the miners’ strike

  19. 19
    The Growler says:

    Just one problem there, we have heard it all before from Liebore and the Conners, ad nauseam, the Kippers will take votes from the Conners in the south, and from Liebore in the north, people are getting heartily sick of hearing the same old rubbish spouted by time and again, the trouble is the Conners and Liebore just do not get why their support is hemorrhaging

  20. 20
    Weird Ed says:

    This strike wrong when negotiations are underway, the government has acted in a reckless and provocative manner.

  21. 21
    Mr Quelch says:

    How do I get onto a course about owl-training ?

  22. 22
    ed milliband/nick clegg/david cameron says:

    Well that’s something to look forward too

  23. 23

    they all just lie lie lie claim claim claim and cannot understand why we all hate them

  24. 24

    How about Labours Board of Directors ( L McCluskey Associates) really putting up some serious Union baronial money and making a bid for Dave Davis and Penny DreadNaunt to join their Labour club ?

    They could be given an immediate golden hello by being appointed Leader and Dep Leader with carte blanche to purchase their front bench eleven from any party or from outside — money no object ( hell when has it ever been !).

    Davis would immediately bid for the rump of ukip and the one or two Tories left that have a conscience coupled with a brain . Jeremys Paxman and Clarkson to the Whips Office .

    “New Remoulded” Labour would then tack rabidly Right and win comfortably.

    After all Dave D and Penny Dread are just twiddling their fingers on the back benches so why not ?r One fast track to top positions …..

  25. 25
    Jen The Blue says:

    The Open University has loads of useful State subsidised coursed like Owl Training to BSc level.

    And Media Studies and other great, intellectual stuff like that.

  26. 26

    You are my panka wallah and I claim my 5 trillion rupees (£5-6-9d) as my Sunday Mukherjee daily spot the wallah prize .

  27. 27

    Well knock me down with a barn owl and pick me up again with a peri peri chicken s webbed foot !

  28. 28




  29. 29
    Glyn H says:

    You’ve got something there! A home help for every hard working benefit claimant! By George you’ve got it – this is the final proof that socialism can provide full employment.

  30. 30

    The Queen opens Terminal 2 so the head of the Met turns up with extra security forces to prevent an ISIS attack or am al quida attack
    To pay towards this operation the plods ticket a CMN Sat truck with a £60 ticket reducing to £46
    Thats what you call Justice

  31. 31

    The Queen opens Terminal so extra PLods are brought in.to protect her Mag. There is no protection for planes near T2 It is easy to take out 2 0r more planes losing more tnan300 passengers Buck up Heathrow before it is to late.

  32. 32
    Geezer says:

    I guess we may as well have a laugh at his expense as the laugh will be on the rest of the country this time next year when Milliband is PM, installed in that high office by the UK’s broken, corrupt, voting system.

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    “What Happened to Ed’s New Welfare Pledge?”
    Apparently the public didn’t like the smell of it. So a replacement lavender- scented formulation is on the stocks. This time, allegedly capable of putting a shine on a t**d.

  34. 34
    Just Saying. says:

    Is it possible that Milibandwaggon is joining Clegg in being the disappearing politician in the Labour film.
    The irony is so thick you could cut it with a blunt knife.
    Should we not have a similar film with Miliband in place of Clegg, and Balls Up, Harperson, the Eagles will never land, Rachel Reeve and similar incompetents and harridans in the frame??

  35. 35
    RWG says:

    Would spraying the turd with quick drying cellulose lacquer put a shine on it?

  36. 36
    RWG says:

    Would spraying the t**d with quick drying cellulose lacquer put a shine on it?

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Dan Hodges on Labour unity

“We’ve heard a lot over the past few years about how Miliband has united Labour. But he has not united Labour. He has pacified Labour. He has placed it into a medically induced coma following the trauma of the party’s 2010 defeat.”

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