SKETCH: That Miliband Speech in Full

“Greetings earthlings. Voters. Citizens. Please select appropriate honorific.

“Yesterday, I talked to Danny at the Job Centre. I said to Danny, ‘Tell me, Danny, has the Job Centre been good enough in getting you training?’

‘It’s been completely useless.’

“Completely useless, eh? There you have it, the Job Centre has broken the bargain. Shall we destroy them? That is the tough decision we shall be right to take. Because the country has broken the bargain too. It’s supposed to be working for you, and is it? I have answered my own question. It’s not good enough. Some say I’m not good enough for Britain, but neither is Britain.

“So what do? Is this the question?  A big problem needs a big solution. My first solution was Predistribution. This was such a big solution it had five syllables. But it was not enough. Britain deserved more. Contributionariness is two syllables longer and yet it does not cost extra. Its revenue-neutrality sends a message that we are facing up to tough decisions as Britain deserves.

“So we shall abolish Job Seekers’ Allowances for young people and replace it with Job Trainers’ Allowance worth the same aggregate of monetary units. The cost of living crisis will be addressed by this long-term economic plan. And the evil Tory hegemony shall be destroyed. It is the right thing to do and right to do it we are. Thank you. Good night. I shall return.”




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Heidi Alexander sums up Labour’s approach to aspiration:

“Babies grow up to become taxpayers.”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Tories Braced for Charges Over South Thanet Tories Braced for Charges Over South Thanet
Max Fine for Law Breaking Lib Dems Max Fine for Law Breaking Lib Dems
TROT SUPER-FACTION ORGANISING MOMENTUM TAKEOVER TROT SUPER-FACTION ORGANISING MOMENTUM TAKEOVER
Santa Paws: Phil Hammond’s Christmas Card Santa Paws: Phil Hammond’s Christmas Card
Government Values Guardian Readers Most Highly Government Values Guardian Readers Most Highly
Treasury Implements Amy Lame Tax Treasury Implements Amy Lame Tax
Fidel’s Final Push Fidel’s Final Push
Newmark Back Helping Women2Win Newmark Back Helping Women2Win
BoJo Ho Ho! Christmas Returns to FCO BoJo Ho Ho! Christmas Returns to FCO
Naz Shah Attends Extremist-Linked Event Naz Shah Attends Extremist-Linked Event
HEIDI ALLEN IN MAYORAL ROW HEIDI ALLEN IN MAYORAL ROW
Renzi Loses Referendum – Resigns Renzi Loses Referendum – Resigns
WATCH: Clegg Gets Brillo’d WATCH: Clegg Gets Brillo’d
Brexit Book War – Latest Brexit Book War – Latest
Public Heath England Gets Booze Sums Wrong Public Heath England Gets Booze Sums Wrong
Civil Servants Forced to Admit We’re Leaving EU Civil Servants Forced to Admit We’re Leaving EU
Sarah Olney Walks Out of Interview Sarah Olney Walks Out of Interview
DfID Slams Baroness Scotland DfID Slams Baroness Scotland
Ken Aide Says Staff Celebrated 9/11 Ken Aide Says Staff Celebrated 9/11