PMQs SKETCH: Impeachment Edition

In a voice created by God to call for the impeachment of a former prime minister, Peter Tapsell called for the impeachment of Tony Blair. To bring the wretch to account for misleading the House of Commons.

Many Labour MPs want to impeach Ed Miliband for misleading the Labour party. Or, as now, for failing to lead it at all.

Today he stood up to the despatch box with a luxurious choice of Conservative crimes and misdemeanours to go on. Passport mayhem, euro-uselessness, cabinet carnage, dying children (there must be some somewhere).

And he spent six questions either agreeing with Cameron or reading out Wikipedia entries for Sunni/Shia discord. On Miliband’s report, these different interpretations of Islam have issues that need to be resolved.

He spread Labour’s jacket on the ground, covering puddles so the PM wouldn’t get his Lobbs wet.

What was the PM’s latest assessment of the situation in Iraq? Was Iran really going to help with these sectarian thingies? What more could we do to help refugees in Jordan? Would the PM make it clear that supporting ISIS “will simply fuel the conflict”.

“Be nice to me, I’m being nice to you,” he said, not quite audibly.

Then, one of his sixth form suggestions. There are British nationals fighting out there. What are we doing so that they can’t return to Britain?

Isn’t that an amazingly difficult thing to pull off, considering the status of these freedom fighters/ terrorists/ bloodthirsty maniacs/ liberation theologians? Not just their nationality but their human rights and the international agreements that bind governments? Isn’t that part of the legal cat’s cradle that Ed and his kin have spent 30 years knitting us into?

And yet here he throws it off, like a cloak, and demands untrammeled executive action. These liberals, these progressives – so often, they have an inner autocrat yodelling to be released.

The Speaker, while we’re on the subject, was asked more than once whether Cokerell’s cameras would be let into the voting lobbies during a vote (these lobbies are the place for private conversations, plots, rumour-mongering).

The Petit Prince avoided answering but confirmed heartily that cameras would not be allowed into the Tearooms. He didn’t think Members should be filmed eating their “baked beans on toast” (some well-bred shudders of revulsion).

Michael Gove called, “Three cheers for the Speaker!” but was dealt with easily. The Speaker’s mastery of the Commons is very depressing for his dwindling critics.



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