June 18th, 2014

Hancock Confesses


Self-confessed teen fondler Mike Hancock has today admitted conducting an “inappropriate and unprofessional” relationship with a mentally ill constituent, apologising to her for “any distress, anger and worsening of your psychiatric condition”.

Hancock has admitted his crime in order to avoid court, this should be a resigning issue. Road Trip 2015 will have 200 activists in the constituency on the 12th July.



  1. 1
    TJ says:

    Prepare for fluff and bluster from Clegg as he does sod all about this sex pest.

  2. 2
    Tooth fairy says:

    First UKIP MP then.

  3. 3
    The Early Worm says:


  4. 4
    Ed Moribund says:

    He’s got to go. By election in Portsmouth South. Oh I do like to be beside the seaside…..

  5. 5
    The Early Worm says:

    Well, third, anyway.

  6. 6
    One law for them says:

    Thi is clear evidence of ‘misconduct in public office’ . It is a criminal offence and he must be prosecuted.

  7. 7
    William Hague says:

    I can’t ever remember having a sexual relationship with old handy!

  8. 8
    Jack Ketch. says:

    “…….any distress, anger and worsening of your psychiatric condition”.

    Translation: I am a complete and utter pervert who only gets to fuck the mentally ill, underage or Russian spies who are doing it for the Rodina. I deserve to be stoned to death. My only excuse is that I am a Liberal-Democrat and such behaviour is expected.

  9. 9
    Pompey Gazzete says:

    While in the Police line up Hancock took one step forward and said,
    “That’s her officer I’d recognise her anywhere”

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    About time! How much do you bet he won’t resign his seat? He is a not just a dirty old goat, he is an unprincipled LibDem, just like the rest of them.

  11. 11
    But Ed is Genuinely Sorry says:

  12. 12
    Nick Klegg says:

    I dont know Mike Handcock and have never heard of these allegations. They must have been doing he rounds whilst I was receiving extra curricular lessons in my old headmasters study in Caldecott.

  13. 13
    Thubderbox says:

    He just didn’t want to share a cell with his son who was found guilty of assaulting a photographer.

  14. 14
    inside out says:

    Don’t hold your breath.He is just trying to keep his nose in the trough.

  15. 15
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    Disgusting Vile Man should Resign Now.

  16. 16
    Tooth fairy says:

    “Hancock has admitted his crime in order to avoid court”

    Has he accepted a Police Caution?

    Is this an admission in civil proceedings?

  17. 17
    Cockroacher says:

    I think, as he has now appologised to the lady, we should draw a line in the sand and move on going forward.

  18. 18
    jgm2 says:

    Naaah. Eric Joyce, the dr*unken pugilist, is still in situ.

    This fucker will hang around in order to ‘let his constituents have their say in 2015′

  19. 19
    Morgan's Organ says:

    No doubt he will say he knew nothing about it as usual. I’m beginning to accept these excuses though because its becoming more and more apparent he knows precious little about anything.

  20. 20
    peter sharp says:

    How the hell can admitting to a crime like this prevent you going to court for the offence? On that basis every bloody pervert in the country has only got to say’it’s a fair cop guvnor,I dun it but she led me on’ and its off to Bognor for the summer for you, naughty boy. British Justice is a joke.

  21. 21
    jgm2 says:

    ‘Hillsborough survivor’?

    Was he one of the ones pushing at the back then?

  22. 22
    pookie snackumberger says:

    What an effin stich-up.

  23. 23
    The Lone Ranger says:

    Of course he’ll not go – he’s LibDem for Heaven’s sake. They’ll go on as before. Vote UKIP – it’s the only way to kick them.

  24. 24
    The two Muppets says:

    A Libdem , why am I not surprised .

  25. 25
    Bert says:

    Quite right. Lessons have been learned, and he has been upskilled.

  26. 26
    Bert says:

    Fifth, as a matter of fact …

  27. 27
    Why don't you says:

    Take out a private prosecution.

  28. 28
    Bert says:

    You forgot to add: Boaz.

  29. 29
    George Galloway says:

    Where’s the quietest place on Earth? Iraqi Army Recruiting Office

  30. 30
    ████ 'changed my tune ' Hoon says:

    Liberal Democrats don’t resign. They have to be dragged to prison.

  31. 31
    Mornington Crescent says:

    So, is this case enough to warrant recalling an MP, Clegg?


  32. 32
    NERMAL says:

    Another one for the LibDem hall of fame.

  33. 33
    Derry Cocksporn (LibDem) says:

    The bastards banged me up for 2 years.

    Would never have happened under a Lib-Lab Coalition.

  34. 34
    Tooth fairy says:

    Did he lie in statement he made to court?

  35. 35
    Nick Cleggover says:

    Cyril who? Nah, never ‘erd of ‘im.

  36. 36
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

    Who ??

  37. 37
    ████ 'changed my tune ' Hoon says:

  38. 38
    Sally at the seaside says:

    He will never resign. He will fight the general election as an independent lose and then collect £35000 as a payoff under rules covering defeated sitting MPs.Would you resign with such attractive terms of office. What a life these MPs live on our taxes.

  39. 39
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    Eddie Miliband – COME ON DOWN !!!

  40. 40
    jgm2 says:

    Lib Dem’s MEP monthly meeting.

  41. 41
    Is Mitchell so easily pleased? says:

    Ed weighed up his options and decided the 2015 election wouldn’t be won/lost because of what a few whinging scousers think about the currant bun.
    Most of the mongs would still vote labour anyway and the majority of Labour voters outside Liverpool hate scousers.
    Ed couldn’t afford to be seen not supporting England least of all in a campaign set up by The S*n.
    You be enjoying that ‘genuine remorse’ Mr Mitchell along with the genuine Rolex watch you find being sold in pubs.

  42. 42
    Immutable Law says:

    Scientifically impossible to win with a purple rosette.

  43. 43
    In between fucking LibDems sometimes vote says:

    Jeremy Thorpe.
    Paddy Pantsdown

  44. 44
    Harriet Harpoon says:

    I think Mike was right to molest her, and right to apologise for it afterwards.

  45. 45
    Norma Stitz says:

    “We are where we are.”

  46. 46
    kop trussed says:

    Many truer words seldom spoken.

  47. 47
  48. 48
    Norma Stitz says:

    Eric is currently hanging out the back of that plump bird who writes for the Sunday Times, India Knight. Presumably she locks up the drink and tries to avoid arguments.

  49. 49
    Eurograph says:

    Do you mean he’s used parliamentary privilege to avoid being prosecuted for groping a girl?

  50. 50
    Winston says:

    Team 2015! Guido promoting the Tories again.

  51. 51
    Norma Stitz says:

    All the old jokes about the Italian army can now be usefully recycled as Iraqi. Nothing is ever wasted.

  52. 52
    "Leaker" Ching says:

    We would consider that he is unfit to be trusted in charge of an open sewer. Whilst he has avoided the dismemberment he would have received had the civil action run to a hearing, it will be mark of Cain to the Lib-Dems if he continues to sit in the Commons but he will.
    In China, much quicker way of securing resignation. It called bullet in neck.

  53. 53
    Norma Stitz says:

    Simon Hughes, the ‘Straight Choice.”

  54. 54
    Nick Clegg says:

    I know we have took a few knocks recently but us Libdems must keep our heads up.
    So trim that beard polish those sandals and prepare for government.

  55. 55
    Lembit Opik says:

    Thank you Nick but why have I received a copy of Sim City in the mail today together with a note from you saying “Almost as good as the real thing enjoy”?

  56. 56
    Mark Oaten says:

    Eat shit Handcock

  57. 57
    jgm2 says:

    Has anybody ever admitted to being one of those Liverpool fans who showed up mob-handed, late and ticketless and crushed ‘the 96′ to death?

    Were ‘the 96′ crushed to death by a fucking invisible force field or something? On Merseyside it seems so. All killed by an invisible force field unleashed by the police.

  58. 58
    Jack Ketch says:

    Throughout history, becoming an MP was a key method of avoiding justice, better than fleeing abroad.

  59. 59
    Nick Klegg says:

    Roy Jenkins

  60. 60
    Anonymous says:

    That would be the same invisible force field which rioted and chased the Juventus supporters at Hysel leading to the deaths of 39 and over 600 injured.

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    When bad things happen to chavscum it is always Somebody Else’s Fault.

  62. 62
    Shrink says:

    Mr Hancock is reaching out for help during this difficult and emotional period.

  63. 63
    Immer Wieder says:

    Another Lib Dem doing something awful and then despicably denying it all the way up until he is forced to tell the truth.

    Although I forgot which Lib Dem we are talking about.

  64. 64
    Handycock sexual abuser of vulnerable Comstituent MP says:

    I have no intention of standing down as an MP. Nothing has changed apart from the fact that I have been caught out at last. I have been using my position for years to exploit women sexually and got away with it, time after time, because of my philosophy of ‘when accused, deny, deny, deny;’ I have never done anything for my contituents: in fact the whole time I have been in Parliament I have used my position to get gratuitous sex as a priority to everything else. Anyway, how could I do anything for my constituents, I am completely uneducated and cannot spell nor put a gramattical sentence together. In summary then, as I have no honour whatsoever, and am prepared to lie and smear to pervert the course of justice and make life hell for a vulnerable woman who I sexually abused. Therefore nothing has changed, I am totally prepared to remain as the Chancer MP that I am, and continue to draw my £64k salary and £150k expenses, much of which is fiddled. I also intend to continue my relationship with ‘my boys’ the organised criminals and drug dealers in Portsmouth that I have been providing planning permissions for to build blocks of flats and convert houses in to properties of multiple occupation, to house the thousands of asylum seekers that I personally with the last Labour Government organised to bring in to the city, and thereby launder their drug profits and make millions out of it for them and me. I may not be a Portsmouth Councillor anymore but I am still pulling the strings through the Libertine Lodge, housed in Portsmouth Civic Offices, of which I am the Worshipful Grand Master. Boaz.

  65. 65

    “Road Trip 2015 will have 200 activists in the constituency on the 12th July.”

    Because one wanker just wasn’t enough?

  66. 66
    Handycock, sexual abuser of vulnerable Constituent, MP says:

    I would also like to add that although it could not be proven in a Court of law, that Katya Zuletevetier, my 21 year old mistress for 4 years, while I was Chairman of the Parliamentary Defence select Committee, was, and remains, a member of the FSB (former KGB) as alleged by the senior Russian Defector Oleg Gordievsky, as am I. Boaz.

  67. 67
    Wotak Hunt III says:

    Anything to avoid doing some good old porridge

  68. 68
    Rob says:

    If only Max Clifford had though of this. Oh, and been an MP, or course. That’s the clinching fact.

  69. 69
    Rob says:

    Vince Cable has forgotten all about this already.

  70. 70
    Iran can fuck off says:


  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    That, Morgan,is why he is an expert.
    Definition of expert:- a person that learns more & more about less & less until they they know eff all about anything.

  72. 72
    Disgusted Portsmouth Constituent says:

    Handy I notice there are lots of ‘thumbs down’ on the disparaging comments about you, on the local News article, about your apology. I must assume it is you, and your local discredited Liberal Democrat colleagues making them. Shame on you all.


  73. 73
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    More shinning wit from Jimmy.

  74. 74
    SackMariaMillerasanMP says:

    Why was he not prosecuted by our useless CPS? We don’t have sharia law and you can’t just settle claims of sexual abuse with cash?
    When will the useless standards committee boot him?

  75. 75
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Shining even! I’ll get my coat….

  76. 76
    Long John Silver' s parrot says:

    Guilty Guilty Guilty all along.

    Walk the plank, walk the plank.

    Do not pass go, do not collect £200.

    Go directly to jail.

  77. 77
    Sick of them says:

    Expect some big expenses claims in the very near future.
    What you want see is a resignation letter.

  78. 78

    Police should now arrest and bring formal charges with a view to the defendant entering a guilty plea following this his formal public admission .

  79. 79


    You ve had him with that photo showing him in the crisshairs for yonks now Guido .
    lIs it now not the appropriate time to PULL THE FREAKIN’ TRIGGER !!

  80. 80
    Ed Moribund says:

    No chance of UKIP winning Portsmouth South. It’s not bigoted enough, UKIP do much better in Portsmouth North – they elected Peter Griffiths once.

  81. 81
    Anonymous says:

    Clearly, corruption in this country is now up to and probably exceeding West African standards.
    Oh well, what’s on the telly tonight.

  82. 82
    You'll Never Take Him Alive Copper! says:

    Handycock is no longer a LibDim, he resigned after shit hit fan. So Nick can shrug it off as Handycock is not one of his. LibDim honour is restored.
    But where the fuck do the LibDems they get them?

  83. 83
    Doug says:

    He’s an MP: forget resigning. Now for football!!

  84. 84
    Ey-up Lad says:

    What is it about some Lib Dem MPs. They cannot keep their hands to themselves. They lie, they cheat on their wives, they abuse women. No doubt Handy will be welcomed back to the fold with open arms.

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    Who is Peter Griffiths?

  86. 86
    norma stitz says:

    And the meeting in a telephone box jokes

  87. 87
    Norma Stitz says:

    Plus those about “the Hon. Member for Baghdad North”

  88. 88
    brianotridge says:

    He was beaten fair and square by UKIPper Julie Swan (he came 3rd after Labour too) in the Council elections, de-throning him after 43 years in the Fratton seat. His wife Jacqui was also by a UKIPper in the Charles Dickens ward – poetic justice

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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