June 17th, 2014

SKETCH: Passport Crisis Inconveniences

Poor old Mr Pugh of the Passport Office (£104,000pa), he got dressed down to his underwear by Keith Vaz who wanted him to apologise and mean it. Vaz is always inviting officials to “say sorry” and the only pleasure is in seeing the words stick in their collective bureaucratic craw. Perhaps it’s a childhood sense of honour on their part because sorry they’re not.

“We understand the anger. We sympathise with it. We fully recognise the impact when we fail to provide what the public wants. Where we have failed to meet our service standards, that is obviously not the best use of resources.” On they go.

But Vaz has 14 different ways of telling them to apologise and the easiest approach is to get it over with: “I am extremely sorry, and I offer my personal apology to anyone who’s been inconvenienced/bereaved/beheaded by Islamists/embarrassed in front of their neighbours as a consequence of my organisation’s performance.”

What does that cost? It’s not an admission of liability, it’s an apology.

Back to poor old Mr Pugh who seems to have been there in the office personally processing applications 18 hours a day. But even he failed to answer the emergency hot line when Mr Vaz rang it. Keith Vaz had to ring the Home Secretary herself to get his constituent’s passport issued. Vaz, personally, you understand.


The PM has said there is a backlog of 30,000 passports waiting to be processed. But Mr Pugh doesn’t have a backlog, he has “work in progress”. Mr Pugh’s work in progress numbers 480,000. There may be something there for Edward the Unready tomorrow at PMQs.

Whence this crisis? They closed down all the overseas passport offices and that’s meant an extra 400,000 applications dealt with in the UK.

Without that extra load, delays would just be a periodic inconvenience.

Mind you, they did give the Treasury £70m last year as a result of Mr Pugh’s prudence, thrift and/or penny-pinching.

It would be worth the best part of a billion, if floated. And then who’d be apologising to whom?


147 Comments

  1. 1
    Witty Moniker says:

    Keith Vaz getting stroppy about passports?

    *** IRONY KLAXON ***

    Like

    • 11
      Idon'tneednodoctor says:

      Vaz, cash for passports?

      Like

      • 22
        The Vicar of Albion says:

        Aren’t there grieving families for him to cuddle?

        Like

        • 119
          Anonymous says:

          Vaz. Keith bloody Vaz.

          Like

          • Dougie says:

            5.7M passports were issued last year, which is 26,000 each working day. So a 30,000 backlog is just over a day’s worth and 480,000 in the system is 18 working day’s worth, i.e. less than 4 weeks.

            There is always a surge of applications as the summer holiday season approaches. Anyone with a brain would send off their application in good time.

            Like

        • 126
          Ann, the poverty stricken accounts clerk says:

          Was his “constituent” waiting to go back to Calcutta as a matter of urgency to marry his child bride before the warranty ran out and she turned 14?

          Like

    • 26
      Fishy says:

      What was the name of the person whose passport Vaz was chasing? Someone called Hinduja perhaps? His probably needs renewing by now.

      Like

      • 32
        Harriet Idiotperson says:

        Keith Vaz was right to get Hinduja a British passport and he was right to apologise

        Like

    • 31
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      Vaz – the legal beagle – hiding so much about the pa3dos at Elm guest house – for his own personal and financial gain.

      Like

    • 56
      dai querying says:

      and the constituent’s name was…..?

      Like

  2. 2

    Why apologise? They were elected on a promise to sack civil servants and the current situation is clear evidence that they kept at least one promise. Of course it was a stupid idea, tory ideas generally are, but you can’t deny they have a mandate for it.

    Like

    • 9
      Cameron is a leftard mong says:

      They were right to sack the unaffordable civil-service vermin, Cameron should then have outsourced the work to the efficient private sector. But the mong got distracted by gay marriage.

      Like

      • 20
        pox on 'em all says:

        … and plastic bags.

        Vote Tory get Labour.
        Vote Labour get Tory.

        Like

      • 48
        6 months ago: lets arm the syrian insurgents, These Days : These insurgents are the biggest threat says:

        Cameron & Hague the axis of twattery

        Like

        • 77
          The Lone Ranger says:

          Also, the BBC has gone rather quiet these days about those noble Syrian freedom fighters (presumably the one who don’t behead, well women anyway) and that awful Assad, who is supported by Syrian CHRISTIANS!

          Like

      • 111
        Roger says:

        This same Private sector that cannot run the water utilities, that have stitched up the energy prices, that pushing up rail fares above what their customers can afford…

        The same private sector that will take the best bits of any service and leave the taxpayer footing the bill for the liabilities.

        Like

    • 23
      Socialism is theft says:

      http://www.debt-clock.org/

      £1,295,303,600,184

      Like

      • 63
        Shirley by nature, surely by whatever... says:

        Surely it’s £1,295,303,600,184 + interest by now? Let’s be real dear!…

        Like

    • 46

      Civil Servants are not always civil and are certainly not servants.

      I can vouch for that with recent experience. Tin gods, some of them.

      Like

    • 112
      Tom Catesby. says:

      The passport department is an example of demand outstripping resources, people can only work with what they’ve got. It would also be interesting to know how many of the current applicants were actually entitled to a British passport, while we’re about it. The real blame for this lies at the feet of the government, Pugh came over to me as a decent chap trying to do a rotten job, who has been made a convenient whipping boy for the venal politicos like Vaz. He and his staff are working in under resourced and highly difficult circumstances, the simple fact that additional staff had to be drafted in to deal with applications, should indicate inadequate staffing and resource levels.

      Like

      • 125
        Perry Neeham says:

        Up to a point Lord Copper.

        But…it’s at least partly Pugh’s fault that the PO is under resourced. If the PO needs bigger, permanent, resources he should have made the business case for them months ago – strikes me that that is what his job is all about.

        Also in what way are they working in “highly difficult circumstances”? Sitting on their arses drinking tea all day doesn’t sound particularly arduous.

        Like

        • 129
          Ann, the poverty stricken accounts clerk says:

          But the question still needs answering: Exactly who was the effinidiot who thought it would be a good idea to close all the regional passport issuing centres, which had been shown to be working effectively (though not as well as the older Embassy/High Commission method) for Brits living and working overseas, and move the process back to some pokey office in London or Liverpool? Has he/she ever been further than Luton?

          .. and in view of this utter unprecedented fukup causing misery and problems to hundreds of thousands of people all over the world, has Theresa given any consideration to reinstating one or the other system? If not why not?

          PS: Tell the Treasury to keep their noses out of things they really do not understand.

          Like

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    As Boris said the other day, and as we all know, you can’t polish a turd.

    After Cameron’s embarrassing defeat over merkels puppet juncker, surely its time for him to resign? The biggest piece of shit in no 10 since brown!

    Like

  4. 4
    Fabians are Evil says:

    What is the pedigree of this fellow?

    Is the bastard yet another one of Gordon Brown’s sleepers? I fear that as we approach the election a lot more of Brown’s ‘sleepers’ are going to become active.

    Like

    • 39
      Anonymous says:

      They’re sleeping on the job.

      Like

    • 42
      Mongo Brown KGB (kiss gold bye bye) says:

      I am the spymaster.
      I have agents in place you would never suspect.
      I buried sleepers so deep you’d need an oil drilling platform to find them..

      Now excuse me… I must talk yo one of my successful agents..

      “Come in Agent cummerbund…are you receiving me Cummerbund? This is mongo control… I want operation “Gaylions” to begin at once… Get your MPs singing “we’re coming out, coming out, Tories coming out” on a youtube immediately.

      Nothing but bare buttocks with an England flag on them…and I want them being married in a church by Sunday!”

      Like

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron, defeated, annihilated, isolated in Europe.

    It’s a farce to even believe we can renegotiate any thing with the federalist juncker, merkel’s puppet, in charge. Full speed ahead for a united states of europe, without a vote.

    Vote liblabcon get merkel’s puppet, juncker.

    vote ukip, get out of the EUSSR!

    Like

    • 130
      Ann, the poverty stricken accounts clerk says:

      The middle of next year will be a very interesting period in our history. Just remember to stock up early on essential dry goods and lots of popcorn.

      Like

  6. 6
    Tony Blair says:

    Kill! Crush! Destroy!

    Like

  7. 7
    Vince Incable says:

    I have calculated that the Passport Office is worth around £10,000.

    Let’s say £8,000 for cash?

    Like

    • 13
      Gazzer says:

      £12 and a luncheon voucher do you?

      Like

    • 34
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      The Dept for Biz an skills is – a ‘criminal enterprise’. Ask an honest judge – oh fuck me – we don’t have any.

      Like

    • 103
      Border Line says:

      …Surely the passport office is a money maker, with a backlog of 500,000 at £72 a time?

      Like

      • 131
        Another Ann who was in the middle of it all at the time says:

        That was the exact thought of the Labour administration some years ago when they decided that all the overseas consular services – including issuing passports and visas should suddenly become “self-funding” – followed immediately by large increases in prices for each individual “service” offered by the staff (who of course saw none of extra cash in their pay packets!).

        Like

  8. 10
    Sunny Jim says:

    Just why is Vaz in such a position of power?

    Like

    • 14
      Gazzer says:

      Just why is Vaz?

      Fixed it for U …

      Like

      • 110
        Vazoline says:

        I expect to be receiving my much deserved knighthood very soon and shall be granting the media additional interview and photo opportunities to mark the occasion.

        Like

    • 15
      Idon'tneednodoctor says:

      Power? Does anyone actually take any notice of Vaz?

      Like

      • 33
        Vlad the Loudhailer says:

        Yes the criminal Romanian migrant who flew into UK to be welcomed by Vaz at the airport. Picture anyone?

        Like

        • 132
          A fellow on the bus says:

          … and who was arrested a few days later for vagrancy or similar. Wonder where he is now and how much his weekly bennies amount to?

          Like

    • 18
      Cor Blimey says:

      He is not called Vazeline for nothing.

      Like

    • 35
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      Because he is privvy to who the pa3dos atop and at ELM GUEST HOUSE are he’s been using that info ‘personally and financially as a legal to grease his own pockets.

      Like

  9. 16
    Harperson says:

    Pugh was right to have done it and right to apologise.
    Can I have some more gin now?

    Like

  10. 19
    Puer_Student says:

    If immigration is that good why do they keep on conducting endless polls about what people think of immigration?
    Is it not like that medicine that parents give children that has to be disguised in sweeties?

    Like

    • 21
      Dr Dr Please says:

      More like Thalidomide.

      Like

    • 25
      Socialism is theft says:

      Anyone concerned about mass uncontrolled immigration is labelled xenophobic.

      So I guess anyone worried that their house may be flooded is aquaphobic.

      Like

      • 106
        Border Line says:

        …It would be interesting to know the financial contribution of somewhere like “Tower Hamlets”…Could someone do an audit to see if it is a cost or benefit to the country!!……

        Like

      • 133
        A fellow on the bus says:

        I don’t like punk rock. Does that make me gramaphobic? Or is that somebody who can’t spell for toffees?

        Like

    • 37
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      Despite all that has been written about UKIP – at least now – the fucking politicians have to address the fucking subject rather than sweep it under the carpet.

      Result.

      Like

    • 53
      albacore says:

      Nah, they just love rubbing our noses in it
      It don’t really matter which way they spin it
      All grist to the mill of indoctrination
      That there’s no way of stopping immigration

      Like

    • 115
      Tom Catesby. says:

      These polls of course mean nothing, there is in reality nothing,’scientifc’ or balanced about them. It is a tool to brainwash and to fool the people. IT is well known by those who conduct these ‘surveys’ that you get the answers you want, by framing the questions to give those answers and by selection of the people you want the answers from, i.e., ask a thousand immigrants if they think immigration is agood thing, then ask a thousand of my neighbours.

      Like

  11. 27
    nell says:

    So what is the truth about this passport crisi?! Is there a politician prepared to tell it??!!

    Like

  12. 28
    Send in the Drones now says:

    Interfaith Outreach: ISIS Calls For Attacks On Chri*tians + J*ws: “Break Crosses + Destroy Grandsons of Monkeys”… http://shar.es/PBIdB

    Smash ISIS by bombing the bastards

    Like

  13. 29
    Fishy says:

    So if I post my passport application off tomorrow, is that one more for Weird Ed’s backlog bandwagon?

    Like

    • 135
      A fellow on the bus says:

      If you are not travellking until next February, you would be well advised to get if off today.

      Like

  14. 36
    albacore says:

    Why bother with passports – coming in, anyway?
    Parliament would admit any old waif or stray
    If they didn’t, the E U would give them what for
    And they daren’t disobey their masters, that’s for sure

    Like

  15. 38
    EU sponsored terrorism says:

    Like

    • 54
      BBC Thought Police says:

      This is all Putin’s fault.

      Like

    • 70
      MSM - If we don't report it, it never happened says:

      Strange, all news about on going events in Ukraine seem to have disappeared from the online editions of the torygraph, at least.

      Just like the MSM no longer bother to report on the various ‘grooming’ ( ie child r@pe ) trials any more.

      Like

  16. 40
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    The baggage that surrounds !raq – will never be solved until the the msm and establishment – shut the fuck Blair up.

    Like

  17. 43
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Isn’t it funny [NOT] that the most corrupt capitalist and communist states around the world all ‘rely upon’ their judiciaries to proclaim judgments against their dissidents.

    And don’t all them religious schools also revert to type – when they bring in judges – to do their ‘at arms length’ dirty work?

    Some hundreds of years ago – the religions & kings – entrapped themselves by granting these – so called ‘judges’ the right [keeping the religious boys 'n kings in the so called clear] to do in those who would dare speak out the truth.

    It’s all going pear shaped and not hundreds of years before fucking time.

    Like

  18. 45
    Shooty* says:

    What the world needs is Nick Clegg on TV again repeating the phrase “Religion of Peace”.

    It was grimly amusing the first time, it would be fucking hilarious now.

    Like

  19. 49
    Penny Dreadful says:

    Like

    • 51
      The World Cup - A Tricky Time for those who would denigrate patriots says:

      #Lefty Hypocrisy
      #Nothing New

      Like

    • 85
      P1ss off luv says:

      I wonder if she would say that about any other nation’s flag?

      Publicly showing your contempt for anything English is so fashionable these days amongst the cosmopolitan westminster w@nker class

      Like

  20. 52
    Resign says:

    So, Vaz makes a call and one of his constituents is able to jump the queue for a passport?
    What an outrage.
    How fucking dare he pull that one.
    Resign you bastard,

    Like

    • 121
      Vazoline says:

      I shall not resign. As all Honourable Members know, I am a person of the highest integrity.

      Like

    • 136
      Ann, the poverty stricken accounts clerk says:

      He is following his own Hinduja precedent.

      The oik at the passport office should have told him “it’s in the queue and will be dealt with when it reaches the top of the pile”.

      Another prime example of Labour corruption – and this oily cvnt has the bloody cheek to brag about it!

      Like

  21. 55
    Big Brother says:

    Like

    • 58
      GCHQ says:

      if I were you Big Brother, I’d not be worrying about us. I’d be more concerned with that nasty rash you keep researching on google.

      Like

  22. 57
    Ed Milibandwagon says:

    I bought every world cup team shirt.
    That way whoever wins i can have my photo in a tweet saying I support them.

    Roll Bandwagons ..Heyyyarrrrhoooo!!!

    Like

  23. 59
    Tribe watch says:

    So which muslims have come here? The shites or the sonnies?

    Like

  24. 60
    Viperous Old Vince says:

    *smirks*

    Like

  25. 64
    John Tandy says:

    Like Vaz or lump him he seems to get things done !

    Like

    • 69
      Non taxable pikey says:

      As long as there is a bit of advertising in it for him. Self aggrandisement is everything to him. A slimy git from the same mould as Chukkie.

      Like

    • 71
      Long John Silver's parrot says:

      He gets things done you say?

      Well there are still over 400,000 people waiting for passports.

      Have the 400.000 cheques been cashed?

      No one has resigned.

      Just keep saying sorry and it will all go away and people will still continue to blindly pay loads of money in direct and indirect taxes.

      Like

      • 72
        A ship's lawyer says:

        The other thing is that if you know people in high office then your complaints go to the top of the pile.

        Like

        • 73
          A well paid Ofsted Official says:

          If you can bat it out until the end of the week some other lazy fucker will be getting it in the neck next week.

          All you have to do is keep your head down and put one of those messages on your email that it is down for essential maintenance.

          Like

    • 90
      The Hinduja bros says:

      He Sure does. Not cheap though.

      Like

  26. 74
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Mister Vaz is well used to ringing up the Home Office to obtain passports…

    Like

  27. 78
    non taxable pikey says:

    Just 170 extra reservists enlisted over the past year – despite a Government target to boost the stand-by force by 11,000 by 2018.

    But at the same time the brutal al-Qaeda inspired ISIS forces tearing through Iraq have been boosted by ‘several hundred’ “Brits,” ministers told MailOnline.

    Like

    • 79

      Wonder if we are sending their benefits out to Iraq whilst they are engaged in The Struggle?

      Like

    • 81
      Curious Little Dave. says:

      What’s it like out there in the real world beyond Westminster?

      Like

    • 101
      Heart of the Matter says:

      1) It is only in very very modern times that states have spent money maintaining permanent armies. Traditionally they are people kept in reserve.

      2) The Isis crisis is about the two tribes of the prophet Mohammad attacking each other in their historic land and is ultimately fuck all to do with Britain.

      Like

      • 109
        All Religions are a Curse on Mankind says:

        Let the fuckers get on with it. That includes the Prots and Kafflicks in Northern Ireland. Dead religious nutters get to go to heaven. Problem solved.

        Like

  28. 80
    OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT says:

    The May Queen can’t even find the fucking brewery, let alone organise the piss up.

    As such she is absolutely ideal member of Gay Dave’s “We doubled the National Debt” Government.

    The ConLibLabbers are all professional politicians and hence totally useless incompetent fuckers.

    What’s hard about properly running Passport Offices FFS

    Like

    • 138
      Another way says:

      My daughter in law got her Malaysian passport renewed in Kuala Lumpur last week in just on one hour start to finish. A simple process – old passport handed in at counter A; officer checks all paperwork is in order and issues a queue number and instruction to pay cashier at counter B; cashier issues receipt for payment and one hour later new passport is issued at counter C.

      Damn these these third world countries making us look such totally incompetent shit-heads.

      Like

      • 142
        Jack Ketch. says:

        I had my last four British passports issued in South Africa. When they were handled by the Johannesburg Consulate there was a three month waiting list, the offices were always closed and no one ever answered the phone. Then they changed to the Pretoria Embassy (as it was, now High Commission), they got it down to three days and in one case, a travel emergency–TWO HOURS! Best service I have ever had outside of a Taipei knocking shop.

        Like

  29. 82
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Pugh thought about resigning – but then he remembered that lovely monthly payment into his bank account and the pension to come. So he decided to grace us with his presence for a few more years.

    Like

    • 87
      Caring Supportive Dave says:

      I think we should introduce “Buddies” to help hard-pressed public servants through difficult experiences like this. The Taxpayers won’t mind another little wasteful spend.

      Like

    • 88
      Blue Peter Goldfish says:

      Never heard of him, thought it was a dog with a wrinkled up face.

      Like

      • 140
        Another way says:

        I think he is part of the set – Blind Pugh, Deaf Pugh and a typical over-promoted civil servant.

        Like

  30. 83
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Aren’t they all now at subterranean level?, 20,000 leagues under the sea, journey to the center of the earth, from the earth to the moon. Tbliar around the world in eighty days, wheresmy passportout?.

    Like

  31. 86
    UKIP the voice of reason says:

    I nominate John Major for twat of the year, can I get a 2nd to that motion?

    Major on Juncker on the BBC toady show, “he(Juncker) made a very fine PM of Luxumborg”

    Apart from when he was forced to resign in a corruption scandal of course eh? And the UK has supposedly got influence in the world only if we remain a captive region of the EU, and that Cameron will somehow be able to negotiate a wonderful new deal with the EU.

    Like

  32. 91
    Dozy Dave says:

    Merkel knows I’m a hard man to deal with. I always make lots of threats before I totally cave in. It’s the Cameron way. Vote Dave in 2015.

    Like

    • 96
      Scotch golden Eggs says:

      He’s caving in over Scotchland too. Promising them anything they ask for and more to stay in the Union….Devo Maxed Out, just as Salmond planned and agreed with London all along.

      No one ever intended the Scotch leaving, not even the SNP

      Like

      • 141
        (J)ock aye the noo says:

        Well, if the Scotch believe a word Camerloon says or promises then they really must be a lot thicker than we had all anticipated!

        Like

    • 107
      J A Jones says:

      Fall about laughin’

      Like

    • 108
      J A Jones says:

      A CLEVER BLOKE WHO HAS TROUBLE FINDING HIS OWN ARSE. (sorry about the shouting Did not see the caps light on. There is no truth in the rrummer that I operate the keybd with my dick.)

      Like

  33. 94
    Bright Eyes says:

    WTF is happening to this country when an article in the Mail about making rabbit pie from a rabbit attracts the bed wetters to the daily Mail?

    If they don’t like someone humanely despatching a bunny for food how would the cope seeing a whole cow slaughtered and butchered which is done out of sight and out of mind for them?

    Like

  34. 95
    Dr Owen Jones says:

    BBC Health News ……..Eating just 2 bags of sugar a day, can double your risk of developing heart disease and type 2 diabetes.

    Like

  35. 99
    Will says:

    Dear mr vaz

    Sorry about the backlog but we had to bring home the processing of all the passports from overseas due to the fact that local employed officials in the Asian subcontinent could be bribed to process uk passports and issue them. Unfortunately not to be seen as racist we had to do it for other countries as well.

    As for the £55 fast processing fee, well if you apply at least 6 months you will not have to pay this. We call it the stupidity tax for failing to plan ahead.

    Also our backlog is due to Britons marrying Asian or Russian child brides or other naturalised britians wanting to bring thier family over from the Asian sub continent.

    Like

    • 104
      Resign says:

      Hi, I’m Keith Vas. I need an urgent passport processed. It doesn’t matter about the person I am jumping over in the queue, sort me out first

      Like

      • 120
        Blue Peter Goldfish says:

        Vaz has put in 208,00,000 thousand passport applications, just fucked my intended holiday to the canary islands.

        Like

  36. 117
    Fact says:

    Dictionary: VAZ — a greasy pole climber

    Like

  37. 122
    bartslartbastard says:

    Why has no one stated the bleedin’ obvious?

    These applications aren’t being made by Auntie Doris and Uncle Ken for their trip to Marbella.

    These are applications from legal immigrants which shows that the numbers we are being shown for immigration are just bollocks.

    And don’t even get me started on the illegals…

    Like

  38. 123
    Anonymous says:

    “We fully recognise the impact when we fail to provide what the public wants.”
    Actually you don’t. Because if you did, and had the ability that level of remuneration would suggest is possessed, you’d come up with solutions. Such as advertising in the media during the quiet season, as a reminder to those likely to fall foul of this problem.

    Like

  39. 124

    Vaz is quite a slimy toad is he not? I cannot believe that it is easier to get a passport if you are a foreigner!

    Like

  40. 144
    Truthteller says:

    This F-ing Country, run by @rseholes. Get the f@uckers out.

    Like

  41. 145

    Here we have a core business segment offering global services. Close down the individual global service offices. Someone somewhere must have seen the super snarl up coming along. She/he/they kept a low profile and can wait for bosses heads to roll. Sorry sight,innit?

    Like


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Rob Colvile reviews Russell Brand’s new book:

“Oddly, the person I feel sorriest for isn’t Brand himself – although he certainly comes across as a rather pitiable figure, projecting his own brokenness on to the world around him – but Johann Hari. Drummed out of Fleet Street for plagiarism, the former Independent columnist has washed up as “my mate Johann, who’s been doing research for this book”. For a genuinely talented polemicist, it would have been a humbling experience to have to treat this sub-undergraduate dross as the scintillating wisdom of a philosopher-king.”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


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