June 16th, 2014

Parliament Clap Map: Watson’s Constituency Top for Chlamydia

Guido has always thought Tom Watson was an irritating tw*t, but now new figures released by the government provide the stats to back it up. The Department of Heath has surveyed 16 to 24 year olds across the country and found the place* with the highest rate of chlamydia is Sandwell, which lies in Watson’s West Bromwich East constituency. Itching their way into second place is Richard Fuller’s Bedford, and you’ll have to beware the crabs at the seaside in Gordon Marsden’s Blackpool. David Lammy down in Haringey is third, with Justin Tomlinson’s Swindon taking fifth place. Big clap for the winner…

*In areas with >5,000 respondents.

129 Comments

  1. 1
    Hugh Janus says:

    Slow news day Guido?

    Liked by 1 person

    • 26
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      The fucking government and opposition have ‘nothing to do’ but create schoolboy/girl spats. Useless the fucking lot of them.

      When are the useless msm going to point the MP’s at the QMV 1st November issue – of another huge elephant in the room that none of the useless MP’s & Ministers dare to address?

      It should be on every front page – in the Public Interest … where are the free press when they are needed?

      Like

      • 31
        Eh ? says:

        Whats the QMV 1st November issue ?

        Like

        • 45
          non taxable pikey says:

          On the 1st November 2014 the right of Parliament (you know them, the people we voted in to govern for us) to legislate over us in 43 areas, THE IMPORTANT ONES, will be removed and be made subject to EU approval via QMV (Qualified Majority Voting)
          The following shows just some of the areas of competence which will switch from requiring unanimous approval of all member states to QMV:
          Asylum.
          Border Controls.
          Initiatives of the High Representative for Foreign Affairs.
          Administrative Co-operation.
          Civil Protection.
          Common Defence Policy.
          Crime Prevention Incentives.
          Criminal Law.
          Criminal Judicial Co-operation.
          Culture.
          Diplomatic and Consular Protection.
          Economic and Social Committee.
          Emergency International Aid.
          ENERGY.
          Now do you understand why the MSM and the MP’s are keeping quiet about it?

          Liked by 1 person

        • 124
          Me says:

          Department of Heath? His name lives on…..

          Like

    • 78
      A Round of Applause. says:

      Clapped out!

      Like

    • 92
      F##k the LibLabCon says:

      Put a sock in it.

      Like

    • 107
      Chewing Nuts says:

      Very fucking slow news day, not only that but the man who clothes and feeds Guiso’s mong children, Mr Murdoch does seem to be on the war path as of late. This “article” above is just Guido being his usual spineless self and doing his mater’s bidding/
      I am no fan of Watson or any of the scum fucks who sit in parliament but this embarrassment of a post really is barrel scraping, made far worse when you know the f@t p@ddy has been f0rced to write it in exchange for his dirty money from Uncle Rupe. One does wonder how Guido sleeps, or what his children tell their friends that their father doe for a living.

      Like

    • 108
      dai satisfied says:

      they’ll pull thru

      Like

  2. 2
  3. 3
    nell says:

    Oh Dear 30 year old miners strikes and STD’s is that what labour’s policy is going to look like as it heads into the 2015 election!!

    Like

  4. 4
    Tom Watson says:

    Can crabs polevault?

    Like

  5. 5
    The Boy Plunger says:

    Thatcher’s old home in Belgravia is up for sale at 35 million quid.

    That’s one poll the Tories lead.

    Explains a lot about their banking and housing policies

    Like

    • 14
      ʍȫʊʂʂȁ ҞϴџṦṦậ says:

      Convert it into a shelter for the homeless. It’s not what she would have wanted.

      Like

    • 88
      Ma­­qb­oul says:

      No doubt some Labour peer will add it to his burgeoning property portfolio. As if only the Tories can be rich. Fuck off you clowns.

      Like

  6. 6
    Ithankyou says:

    My doctor told me I had Chlamydia and Alzheimer’s disease.

    Oh well, at least I haven’t got Chlamydia.

    Like

    • 28
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      The best thing about Alzeimer’s disease is that you get to mett new people every day.

      p.s. Think Blair is into it in a way what with his cognitive dissonance disabilities ‘n all.

      Like

    • 65
      I got STD says:

      Gunner Ear – was in Royal Tank Regiment for 9 years.

      Like

  7. 7
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Gonorrhea, starts hea, hea, and hea.

    Like

  8. 8
    England is becoming a third world cess-pit says:

    Third world shitholes
    Let them live in filth and squalor

    Like

    • 18
      Joe Public says:

      Department of “HEATH”? Are they into agricultural Heather?
      Twatson would not know chlamydia if it hit him.
      Hmm I am not sure Sandwell which is Labour, is in Twatson’s West Bromwich dioscese???

      Like

    • 29
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      Parliament and all who jolly in it – is a third world cess-pit.

      Like

    • 57
      Dave the Ike says:

      We’ve got a few million of ‘em over here, you know. You infidels had better watch your step.

      Like

  9. 9
    Dr Spock says:

    More to the point, Guido

    What happened to the outbreak of the clap on HM Parliamentary Estate?

    Is it contained?

    Like

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Should we not have had a CLAPOMETER?

    Like

  11. 11
    Lucky Luchiana says:

    We are clean in my neighbourhood

    Like

  12. 12
    Editor of the Mirror says:

    Has the Sun got clamydia?

    Like

    • 103
      Dr Boggs says:

      Is this another name of Liverpool disease, too much time in the Sun?

      I thought that Watson had got wankers cramp, too much unite.

      Like

  13. 13
    John Botox-Kerry says:

    We want the Iranians to save our government in Iraq

    We are simply bloody fools and the laughing stock of the world

    Like

    • 20
      Obamarama. says:

      I am still sitting on my favorite fence deciding what to do.
      Perhaps I will go golfing or visit China, or anything to avoid making decisions as my head hurts.

      Like

      • 60
        ObamaCare says:

        I wish my mother was here, you can’t trust Yankee politicians.
        Shall I thrust forward, or pull out? My head aches with all this rubbish.

        Like

    • 22
      rick says:

      We could send Peter Tatchell to Iran as our diplomatic representative.

      Like

    • 30
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      You are yours are the idiot fools of the Israelis – you prick.

      Like

  14. 16
    Clam Idea says:

    I cannot imaging anything much more revolting than sex with that vile pile of shit!

    Like

  15. 21
    ukip.i.am.not says:

    Still claiming your expenses (and hating the EU) out of tax payers money Nigel ?

    Like

    • 66
      Daniel Hanahanahana says:

      Now, now, that’s a storm in a teacup, or a pricked boil. The EU GAVE Nigel oodles of cash to spend, like the other EU MEPs. HOW he spent it is the real question?

      Like

      • 115
        Yawns and Looks Out of Window says:

        Ah, you missed out the statistic that 73 percent of those with the clap were UKIP voters.

        There, that’s fixed it for you.

        Like

  16. 23
    Maimed Codger says:

    So could Laborious Policy be described as…. Claptrap ?

    Like

  17. 24
    Labour Voter says:

    With over a million at foodbanks, and the richest 5 families worth more than the poorest fifth of the population (( 12,000,000 people) – is this a recovery from a recession or a massive transfer of wealth from the many to the few (i.e. standard Tory economic policy)?
    Before you answer, put down that Daily Mail, look up and think for yourself.

    What do you think the distribution of wealth is in the UK now? How much do the top 1% own? (Hint: in the USA it increased from 9% in 1980 to 36% now – most Americans think it’s about 10% apparently, and would like it reducing!)
    How will you go about finding out? Do you think that the free press, owned by people with a vested interest in tax avoidance and inequality, will tell you?
    Hint: google Lord Rothermere – he owns the Daily Mail

    Like

    • 35
      Anonymous says:

      How much tax do your Fake Charities pay? Why are the pinkos in charge paid such excessive wages? Perhaps you socialists consider yourselves to be more equal than others?

      Like

    • 43
      Say what you will says:

      13 years of Liebour and two of it’s PM’s are millionaires, now how much does a British prime minister make while in power and how much do ex PMs make “networking” oh yeh , Guardian and how much does it pay in British taxes, go down that stupid path of tory versus Liebour and you will find yourself in a tennis match with no winner, stupid git.

      Like

    • 54
      Ludvig says:

      Stop whinging and do something aspirational. Buying a lottery ticket once a week doesn’t count.

      Like

  18. 25
    Tachybaptus says:

    Chlamydia is not the clap. Gonorrhoea is.

    Like

    • 128
      Dr Pox says:

      What do you call a guy with Chlamydia, clap, gonorrhea, syphilis, and HIV?

      An Incurable Romantic

      Like

  19. 27
    Std is not for me says:

    Very good. Lol.

    Like

  20. 32
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    If you’ve got something wrong with the end of your dong….

    Send for Dr Clapp,

    Like

  21. 33
    Cyd James says:

    I have been through three phases of career path change and still no improvement in my job prospects and earnings. What’s the problem here?
    I personally think it’s the economy. The coalition keeps singing recovery..recovery, but this does not translate into real changes in offering job opportunities. Also the cost of living keeps skyrocketing for every family and individual.
    Solution: GET CAMERON AND CLEGG OUT!

    Like

  22. 36
    ████ 'changed my tune ' Hoon says:

    is Tom Fatson a wannabe LibDem ?

    Like

    • 51
      Max Clifford, on the small side says:

      Was the Court informed about the size of his dick as well?

      It seems to be all the rage nowadays

      Like

  23. 39
    franknowzad says:

    Chlamidiya is for pussies. Where are all the real doses at?

    Like

  24. 40
    The British media are cunts says:

    So if the jocks stay in the union and get devo max, just what will all those jocks at Westminster be voting on?

    Let me guess, they will be deciding on the NHS, education and welfare rules for England. How democratic.

    Don’t suppose there’s any chance of a media mong actually asking Cameron or Miliband as to why the English should put up with this?

    Like

    • 42
      Dr Freud said all women suffer from penis envy says:

      Jocks and devomax sounds like a case of the clap to me

      Like

    • 48
      Say what you will says:

      They should be told, there is only going to be one parliament and that will be at the house of thieves, they can try and sell that heap they have in Edinburgh for a tenner.

      Like

  25. 46
    Cleggmeister likes his booze says:

    Like

  26. 49

    Department of Heath or Health ?

    Vote UKIP :-D

    Like

  27. 58
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The area with the highest reported incidents of sexual transmitted diseases is actually

    Speaker’s House,
    Speaker’s Tower
    Northern Walk
    Palace of Westminster
    Westminster,
    London
    SW1A 0AA

    Like

  28. 59
    Don Toni Blair in Palermo says:

    I need a big bung to cover my legal fees

    Chilcott being published soon…

    Like

  29. 64
    Portugese Man Of War says:

    Well that was poor.

    Like

  30. 69
    Chuka says:

    I’m going berger flipping tonight

    Like

  31. 71
    Daniel Hanahanahana says:

    Tony will hand himself over to the authorities, when the moon turns to blood.!

    Like

  32. 72
    RomaGordon says:

    I hear that Mooslim countries have the cheapest prostitutes :)

    Like

  33. 74
    Prime Minister"Money's no object" Cameron says:

    The entire country will join me in wishing the England cricket team the very best of luck in the Test Match against Sri Lanka,

    Good Evening and God Bless Nick Clegg.

    Like

  34. 75
    Clamidia says:

    I got a bad case of Watson.

    Like

  35. 79
    Say what you will says:

    Bliar on France24, trying to get them involved in the Middle East, sometimes I think our local Liebour Council have shares in traffic light makers, I wonder if Bliar has shares in gun factories.

    Like

    • 83
      France 24 says:

      The banks and gangsters who pay him do…

      Like

    • 84
      Bill Quango MP says:

      Blair on TV today said that the crisis in Iraq was noting to do with the 2003 invasion.

      Just a coincidence then?

      A bit unlucky that it all fell into a terrorist, jihadist civil war at about the same time as the invasion?

      Just “one of those things” that armed fundamentalist terrorists that were not present before the invasion have now overrun half the country?

      And people pay $100,000 a dinner to hear Tony talk.

      Like

      • 87
        Observer says:

        Not for much longer

        Except his fellow banksters…

        Like

        • 93
          Bill Quango MP says:

          He must be feeling the strain. He can only be a few days away from checking himself into Gordon’s clinic where he can say “it was the right thing to do” to anyone who he sees in between the injections and shock treatments.

          Like

      • 96
        F##k the LibLabCon says:

        You’d have to pay me that to sit there and listen to his ravings.

        Like

  36. 80
    You there says:

    Sandwell: Who was that aged looney leftie that used to be a Councillor there (Iain Dale used to have a link to his blog but I believe the link is now gone) and managed to get the feeding of the ducks in the local park banned? Possibly he was protecting the wrong sort of bird from disease than one who really needed protection.

    Like

    • 112
      Watson is a twat says:

      There’s around 60 labour councillors like that in sandwell. All without exception total self-obsessed self serving dickheads of the worst socialist kind you can find. But the benefit claiming wankers who vote for them are even worse!!!!

      Like

  37. 86
    Nigel Farage says:

    Whatever happened to me?

    Like

  38. 89
    Ed 'scarface' Miliband says:

    SAY HELLO YO MY LIGTLE FRIEND!

    His name is Douglas Alexander

    Like

  39. 95
    A Christian in Syria says:

    Think of us, please

    Like

  40. 101
    West Mids Ethnic Majority says:

    Twatson is a sexually transmitted disease!

    Like

    • 118
      socialists are diseased says:

      Ever seen the women in West Bromwich? I have to go there a few times a month for business. Pig ugly with tiny and emaciated looking kids in tow (probably by different dads too!). No wonder they vote for Watson and love him!

      Like

  41. 102
    non taxable pikey says:

    Time to learn a lesson from Thailand. In the last couple of weeks 80 percent of the illegal Cambodian immigrants in Thailand have gone home. The new Thai government is not messing about. All you need is the will to do it Dave.

    Like

  42. 106
    westmids angry says:

    Why does twatdick watson and people like him always get away with it? Mps like him always seem to have safe untouchable seats too and are sleazy and horrible as hell. Can someone please tell me that eh why csnt tories do a newark and pile millions into west bromich like the unions do then redraw boundaries and defeat watson and his ilk. Why not? Imagine the sheer look of horror and despair on his face if he were to lose. Would teach the unions a lesson. So whats stopping tories doing it then?

    Like

    • 113
      Ex brummie says:

      Let me tell you about sandwell as someone who lives around there. It is full of half bred hideous people who take life for granted, scrounge off benefits and predictably vote labour and for TWatson. I hate it round here. Have tried canvassing for conservatives a few times and in 1983 they nearly won west brom east and 4 years ago won rowley regis. Now TWATSONS girlfriend been corruptly selected there by unions and sleaze full labour. James Morris a great tory MP though and I shall be leafleting for him for sure.

      Basically west bromwich and sandwell council owned by unions basically. Ive written to Mr Cameron urging him to make unions illegal but he replied a neutral reply not appearing to agree. No good really is it!

      Like

      • 119
        Realist says:

        Problem is with Twatson and many other MP’s like him (sometimes on both sides, Tories and Lib Dems too on occasion, for example John Hemming at Birmingham Yardley and John Bercow as Speaker) is that the voters don’t get to see the real blow by blow use of their time. The parliamentary seat is often a mere tool so that the MP can go and pursue their political hobbies that have nothing to do with the job of being their constituency MP.

        Twatson and others just pursues their interests mainly. Only ever seem to comment when it suits them like on press regulation and comments on party organisation.

        I believe that democracy requires a massive shake-up every so often, like in 1997 but also 1983. MP’s with “safe” seats need defeating occasionally. Democracy would be well served with Twatson and others losing next year but have the Tories got what it takes though!

        Like

  43. 111
    Tipton rubbish dump says:

    Sandwell is an inbred rancid decaying foul place full of benefit scrounging shitheads of the worst kind. Suits Twatso to the ground and he suits them and labour and union bastards.

    Like

  44. 116
    StevieBC says:

    Along a similar vein…
    I had the misfortune of having some dealings with an internal auditor in the Middle East.
    To add to the embarrassment he was a fellow Scot.
    He looked the other way at major ‘dodginess’ but went after the little guys with great zeal.
    Amongst the expat community he was known as ‘Thrush’ – an irritating c***.
    I’m guessing that 20 years later – wherever he is – he is still a Thrush.
    I’m sure we have all met/worked with a Thrush at some point…

    Like

  45. 120
    Anonymous says:

    “Parliament Clap Map:”
    edges-out usual political claptrap from front pages? Seems there are some statistical results it’s just not possible to scratch out.

    Like


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Austrian Chancellor Werner Faymann on Cameron’s refusal to pay the £1.7 billion EU bill by December 1st:

“Well, then he’s gonna pay on December 2nd”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


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