June 13th, 2014

Golden Oldies

All change at the Oldie as editor Richard Ingrams walks out of the magazine he founded 22 years ago after falling out with its publisher, to be replaced by former Speccie editor Alexander Chancellor.

MediaGuido can reveal that Guido’s sketchwriter and resident Bercow-baiter, Simon Carr, will also now have a column in the monthly mag. He will of course continue to write the Gallery Guido and the Speaker Watch sections of this blog.

Good to see fresh new talent coming through, Guido is even thinking of offering Richard Ingrams a job on the blog…


  1. 1
    got any money, mister? missus says:



    • 15
      wierd says:

      out of the box too early.
      tony blair should play Yo microsoft xbox.
      he will be pope one though only via bill gate.

      askbill. what car does bill drive. would the real tony blar show him the way. is Jim Callaghan still alve, he looked 80 years old not even 80 days ago.


    • 41
      son of mande says:

      neither man or son. so old money is out. homeless. money owns money.

      schroeder are still in merchant banking?
      only they know. fsa calling. “hang on” my noose is loose.

      asphysiation works. ask tony blair. until then girls rule.


      • 47
        silver earrings, starbucks 50p coin or platinum gold. says:

        all are served on a plate.
        asktonyblair about the platter.

        which should be eaten first.
        who will be the first person to live in 2044 . it is tough to escape teresa may. she is just tttttttttt “ahem” wide.


      • 145

        your talking gibberish


        • 146
          Sad Old Man says:

          Hi sexy underage, I am fifteen and a half, really. Maybe we could meet up behind the bike sheds, you’ll recognise me because I’ll be carrying a copy of the ‘Oldie’.


    • 63
      High Finance and me says:

      I, Tony Blair.
      In the world of High Finance, ther is only me.

      given that ther is no Papal vacancy, what about the chaancellor’s position.
      I am cruel as the devil. should I do Alexander the Great and nudge Angela out. She hardly an eagle. So as the Bird said vote for me, for The Tired man now seeks.

      ask Angela Merk hell. who will take the germans to their bad old past but an oldie. vote for Alex heinstag.


  2. 2
    Ian Hissystrop says:

    As reported in Private Eye three days ago.

    You are either in front Ian-H or behind.


    • 3
      M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

      He resigned weeks ago.


      • 7
        The Growler says:

        So why has it taken Fawkesy so long to publish, don’t forget the Masters order, publish and be damned


        • 10
          M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

          How the fuck should I know? Anyway it’s hardly earth shattering news to put it mildly. Maybe you can sleep soundly in your bed with the knowledge but I thought the old fart had died decades ago.


    • 132
      PC Knott-Likely says:

      …or you are a Freemason.


    • 147
      Tom Catesby says:

      Wouldn’t matter, if you were behind him, you could still see over the top.


  3. 4
    Lady Bountiful says:

    My God Guido, you really do have an over-inflated opionion of yourself, don’t you? Being soooo generous as to offer a journalist and satirist of Ingram’s stature a ‘job’.

    Fuck off you preening fool.


    • 5
      Over One's Head says:

      You didn’t suppose it was tongue in cheek?

      Liked by 1 person

      • 46
        Scampi Flaps says:

        Guido knows all about tongues in cheeks. Usually his tongue in the arse cheeks of some fuckwit Tory intern in exchange for some bit of political gossip they Guido will put in his fucking Sun column on Sunday then advertise it here before posting the whole irrelevant “article” here on Monday morning after the shit cartoon has been put up. Why the fuck do I pay my taxes for this Irish shit stabber to ponce around like this?


    • 8
      The Growler says:

      You would think he a MP over even a government minister, they are the prime “prima donnas” look at me, look at me.


  4. 6
    Ed Mirrorband says:

    I apologise to Mr Murdoch if he took offence for my making the apology for the apologetic pose in an apposite paper, apparently.


    • 9
      The Growler says:

      You are a prima donna, Teddy


    • 12
      Nigella Fromage says:

      David Miliband will be a very toxic figure when the Chilcott report is finally hauled out into the light. Just face it, the best brother won


      • 60
        The English says:



      • 83
        The Indian Ocean Water Board says:

        Shhhhhh. That’s a secret.


      • 139
        Through the rat hole says:

        He already is. WTF do you think he legged it to America (who just – coincidentally of course – failed to sign up to the International Criminal Court)?


        • 149
          Tom Catesby says:

          Milliwit. D. will benefit from the US refusal to sign up to the ICC, which was done to prevent the court from getting their hands on the likes of that good ole boy George Dubya. The great peacemaker would feel kind of lonely in the dock withot his best pal George, but that’s unlikely to happen in any case.


  5. 13
    Oy Vey ! says:

    Guido is even thinking of offering Richard Ingrams a job on the bog…………..


  6. 14
    Tooting Toni from Tel Aviv says:

    Give us a bung

    And we must bomb Iraq again


  7. 16
    Anonymous says:

    Just realised……thought you said you’d offered him a job on the bog.


  8. 17
    Squeaker Bercow says:

    Friday Night Curry Night….. Garlic Chicken Tikka Bhoona, Fried Rice, Keema Nan and copious amounts of Kingfisher nom nom nom


  9. 18
    Lucky Luchiana says:

    Thank you Guido

    You are making me famous


  10. 19
    Seb Platter says:

    You are all corrupt…


  11. 20
    David Axelgrease says:

    My President Mr O’Bama has become a disaster in his second term

    My new poodle, our Empty Ed, has become a farce before he even gets elected

    I know how to choose them


  12. 23
    Party of Dave still letting in 500,000 immigrants per year says:


    • 29
      Wee Willie Hague says:

      The British government supports the Syrian and Iraqi rebels

      When we are stoned out of our boxes


    • 39
      Hamspam Chowder says:

      The religion of piss.


    • 74
      JH32984923-035 says:

      Death cult. Nothing more, nothing less.

      We’ll have the worst bloodshed on this island in a millennium, probably within our lifetimes, thanks to these fuckers.


  13. 24
    Iraq conflict dead says:

    We desparately hopes that Mr Blair does not age sufficiently to be called an oldie.


    • 37
      Tachybaptus says:

      I hope he realises what he has done, and then lives to an immense age suffering from agonising guilt. Small chance of that. But at least we can wish him many decades of severe physical pain.


      • 92
        rick says:

        I would not wish physical pain on anyone. No, a judge led inquiry followed by a swift execution – in front of his family.


        • 97
          Tachybaptus says:

          I would not wish physical pain on a common serial killer. But Blair is a special case. Only prolonged, horrible agony will do.


          • Tim Yeo-Yo says:

            A long slow lingering death isn’t good enough for that terrible c’unt.


          • rick says:

            I accept that the pain and cruelty Blair has inflicted on so many – young and old – for the sake of his own personal monetary gain puts him in a special category. Looks like the slow lingering death it is then.


          • Through the rat hole says:

            As somebody suggested here a few days ago, string him up upside down 20 feet out over the Grand Canyon with a candle slowly burning through the very thick rope that tethers him. Somebody could make a documentary throughout the process – pour encourager les autres?


  14. 25

    Nice one Simon.

    Separate note: Folk who are trying to figure out wtf O’bama is doing with the !raq situation, and why !srael has apparently not gone ape over the Qud’s mobilizing, the following has some explanations and good analysis:

    The West’s position is all tied up with the nuke deal, negotiations ongoing.

    So long as !ran are playing straight at the moment all should be good. If the US does provide air support to !ran / !raq in order to deal with ISIS (or ISIL if you prefer) that is also explained.

    Recall A’shton’s visits a few weeks back. It would be best for European security if the deal can be agreed.

    Vote UKIP :-D


  15. 26
    Ex Guido fan says:

    Totty time Guido

    I’m on my fifth pint…waiting for the footie

    No Labour MP topless and useless?

    Or Sally sporting her cameltoe?

    Or Pippa’s bum at the Speccie parteh?


    • 53
      Bert says:

      Pippa is said to be taking part in this year’s RAAM (Race Across America) — a bike race of about 3000 miles which some leathery-arsed bloke did last year in less than 7 days, FFS! Talk about masochism. I expect Pippa’s arse, being slightly less leathery (at the start, anyway) will hold her back somewhat … she might complete the course in, say, 12 years.

      It’s all for charidee, of course. Why people do these things is beyond me. If you want someone to support your favoured charity, just do a Geldof (“Give us the fucking money!”) and forget the bike ride or the litter-picking.



      • 62
        Ex Guido fan says:

        She must be very bored..or paid a fortuhe by a bent PR man…

        And who in their right mind would want to race across America?

        Apart from the Rockies, nothing of interest for a European, and you risk your life….


  16. 27
    Andy Burnham says:

    Blimey, the way these ISIS chappies are going they’ll soon have murdered nearly as many peeps as Labour’s NHS!


    • 33
      Tony Smooth says:

      Bomb them. that’s the only way to get a nation to peace. Constant, terrible civilian bombings.


      • 66
        Obamalamadingdong says:

        Drone some sense into ‘em!


        • 78
          Vlad the Loudhailer says:

          I haven’t seen our Middle East peace envoy on the TV. What’s he doing, where is he when you need him and what’s he being paid for?


  17. 28
    Channel 4 Nooze says:

    Coming up is a report on a Labour councillor who quit today in disgust at Miliband posing with a copy of The Sun. LOLs all round.


  18. 30
    Loochyana Burger says:

    Don’t make me mad!


  19. 32
    Timothy from Birmingham, aged 9¾ says:

    All the other 49 boys in my class are called ‘Mo hammed’.

    Should be worried?


    • 38
      The LibLabCon says:

      Worrying about such things is racist and you don’t want to be a racist do you?
      Besides it’s enriching our dull bland boring culture don’t you think?


      • 54
        Gok Wan says:

        Like OMG!

        What a wardrobe malfunction right there, army fatigues and flip flops is like soooooooo 2009 darling!


      • 152
        Tom Catesby says:

        It will probably be impossible to get the BBC to broadcast any of this on prime time news of course, wouldn’t want to stop the ongoing cause of cultural enrichment or upset the religion of piss. Get used to this stuff people, UK towns and cities, will be next, coming to a street near you in the near future (of course we have already had a tragic dress rehearsal on the streets of Woolwich) The enemy is among us now! It was interesting to hear the accents when English was spoken. One can only assume these trained killers will be back among us soon.
        We will have no alternative but to help them on their way to paradise, by the most ‘natural of causes’ possible, of course.


        • 155
          inside out says:

          This will be the scene in Birmingham Bullring within five years,and there is nothing we can do.Betrayed by incompetent politicians of every party,wittering about multiculturalism,and equally restrictive EUSSR.


  20. 35
    Wacker MPs says:

    The victim culture in this city is unbelievable. The mongs just won’t move on…….without …………compy.


  21. 36
    The tit in No 10 says:



    • 40
      Only 29 days 23 hours 52 minutes until the World Cup is over! Yay! says:

      If only that were Sao Paulo.


    • 42
      Only 29 days 23 hours 51 minutes until the World Cup is over! Yay! says:

      If only that were Sao Pá*lo?

      P*aul is modded? You shitting me?


    • 64
      Barry Obama, stoned out of his box says:

      We support these people in Syria

      But are going to bomb them as soon as they cross into Iraq

      That is US Middle East policy


  22. 44
    (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

    “…..thinking of offering Richard Ingrams a job on the blog…” You could do a lot worse, Guido, old sport.


  23. 49
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Luchiana’s mob have been playing the ‘victim card’ for too many generations. And Murdoch – well he can fuck right off too.


  24. 52

    ‘Anything that actually affects people’s lives – it’s important.’ – M’argot P’arker , speaking about her areas of interest as an MEP.

    Vote UKIP :-D


  25. 67
    Silk says:

    So how come Lucy Berger has control of Geedo?

    Was it something her lawyers said?


  26. 69
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:


    • 75
      What are borders on a map? says:

      This is what happens when politicians draw arbitrary lines on maps, create unwanted states and laws, divide tribes, cage nomads and generally piss people off.


      • 79
        The Public says:

        It’s what happens when they ignore the will of the people. Millions opposed the second Gulf War. We were right, Westminster was wrong.


      • 90
        Point of Order says:

        It’s what happens when you give 21st century technology to beardy barbarian fuckwits who are barely out of the neolithic.


      • 144
        Anon says:

        ….Britain helped draw the boundaries ???????


      • 154
        Tom Catesby says:

        Sykes-Picot agreement, after the first world war. Secret deal between Britain and France to carve up the mid east between them, created arbitary borders which previously did not exsist.


    • 93
      Tachybaptus says:

      Brookes completely misses the point. Bush and Blair have not been impaled or even inconvenienced. They are rich and comfortable and without regrets.


  27. 71
    William Hague says:

    Isis can Kill, mutilate, shoot, bomb, incinerate, maim, dismember or carry out any other violent act of war on Iraqi women but if they sexually molest one then we will get very tough and take the perpetrator(s) to court and throw the book at them.

    Isn’t that so Angelina?


  28. 73
    A person says:

    What I don’t understand is why someone just doesn’t arrest Beelly Hague and Dave the Twat for treasonously arming terrorists who are the enemies of this country and every civilised person on this planet. Isn’t there a single general in our army with any balls or a sense of right and wrong?


    • 82
      Enough already says:

      The easy ability of these”people” to kill, behead, maim is quite chilling. Are we surprised when things happen here.

      There is something wrong with them. Violent beyond belief and for 1200 years.

      Can we not take any more people of the mooz variety. Please.


      • 86
        T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

        It’s the religion of peace.


      • 88
        A Theologian says:

        Not beyond belief. They do these things by belief.

        They are not rational.

        There was no enlightenment in the Middle East.

        They make animists seem sophisticated.


  29. 84
    Anonymous says:



    • 87
      fucking idiots says:



    • 91
      LibLabCon are not fit for purpose says:

      Why are economic migrants given British Passports?

      Have our leaders gone mad?

      They are hired labour with their own passports FFs


      • 103
        Athelstan says:

        Don’t you get it yet? The Home Office has been taken over by immigrants. They are flooding the country with their relatives. This is no longer a British government. You are being occupied.


        • 148
          Passe-Partout says:

          Very true. When my dad retired from the FO he was offered a short-term job at the Passport Office in Petty France. He was astonished to find he and one other man were the only ‘English’ people working there. And that was over 20 years ago!


      • 151
        The Grim Reever says:

        What’s needed is forced repatriation – of all those in Westminster to the planet Zog.


    • 121
      F##k the LibLabCon says:

      MAD MAD MAD MAD! They’re ALL stark raving MAD I tell you!


    • 136
      The Liblabcon says:

      One way or another, we’re going to finish you English off.


  30. 85
    BBC Newsnight says:

    Tonight’s Newsnight is dedicated to Iraq.

    Don’t forget to vote Labour or you’ll be arrested.


  31. 89
    LibLabCon are not fit for purpose says:

    So when a Scouser says jump, Miliband jumps. What a pathetic weak individual he is.


  32. 99
    Hower Tamlets says:

    Has anyone got the vid of that labour idiot trying trip te sun up at the Brighton conference. Didn’t seem to bother them while the Sun was on side only when the changed sides.


  33. 102
    Time flies when Dave is having fun says:

    Was it only less than a year ago that Cameron recalled Parliament to ask for its permission to bomb Syria in support of the Isis terrorists?


  34. 106
  35. 108
    Common Sense says:

    Nuke Iraq. Before it’s too late.


  36. 111
  37. 112
    The British media are cunts says:

    McTernan has been on the BBC twice today demanding we go to war again. Reason enough to throw these fucking socialist jock bastards out of England

    Enough of these haggis easting fucks.


    • 115
      Cotes de Rhone says:

      I have no idea who McTernan is, but if he wants to go to fight Arabs, he is welcome to go any time he likes. He’ll have to buy his weapons somewhere else though, becuase this government has left the population unable to buy weapons to protect themselves.


      • 122
        Anonymous says:

        Tommy Robinson would probably have a go if he were let out of chokey.
        The BBC wouldn’t let him on though.


  38. 114

    Is Luciana a slapper?

    If so, how does she make any money?


  39. 120
    milimarx says:

    Population of Liverpool :       512, 000
    Sun circulation:                2, 454, 000

    stop whining scousers


  40. 124
    Chuka eats Trash says:


  41. 131
    Lord Oakshit says:



    • 156
      Dr Spock says:

      “… plans to pick …”
      It’s English, Jim, but not as we know it.

      But then this is Nick Clegg that we’re talking about.


  42. 157
    Devonian Dumpling says:

    Richard Ingrams! Still alive?

    Wasn’t he the chap who shook hands with the burley gardener who’d been shagging his wife?


  43. 158
    Esta says:

    who still reads this shit ?


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