June 9th, 2014

Gordon Curses England’s World Cup Hopes

Speaking to journalists at today’s Press Gallery lunch, the Prime Mentalist has put paid to any faint hopes that England have in Brazil, hardly helping the Better Together campaign either:

“I will support England in World Cup.”

You might as well fly home now boys.

Despite this devastating turn of events, Eric Pickles is refusing to give up hope. The Three Lions flag will fly from the top of DCLG on Thursday, for the first day of the World Cup. “We chipped in to buy the flag at no expense to the taxpayer,” they assure Guido. Pickles hopes to recover some luck for England – his namesake Pickles the dog recovered the stolen World Cup trophy in 1966.


73 Comments

  1. 1
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    McDoomed. Did anyone see the useless one-eyed cnuts interview on Sky this morning? He is utterly deluded and clearly mcmental.

    Praying that he now curses the “no” vote.

    Like

  2. 2
    The Growler says:

    I am not really interested in footie but a lot of folks have concluded that England’s chancers of winning is as remote as a snowflake in hell, with or without Gordy’s curse, who knows his curse power might have been extinguished!!

    Like

    • 12
      The FA says:

      It would have been acceptable to fail to get past the group stages after our strikers failed to score and our defenders failed to defend. We’d still have a lovely time meeting, greeting and bribing FIFA execs.

      With Mr Brown’s curse we’ll be lucky to avoid a runaway medical cart taking out the team in the tunnel of Arena Amazônia as the players make their way to the pitch. This would completely ruin our chances of enjoying the hospitality of the Brazilian people.

      Like

    • 15
      Realistic says:

      Don’t think England’s chances are THAT high!

      Rooney did nothing in world cup when he was in his prime. He’s now slower, fatter and much richer. He shouldn’t even be in the squad.

      Prepare for earliest possible exit.

      Like

      • 51
        Kickballist says:

        Rooney has never been in his prime – he went straight from a boy with a future to has-been.

        Like

  3. 3
    Wake up & vote UKIP says:

    First time that mong ever supported England in anything.

    Like

    • 30
      Maximus says:

      Implies that the Great Scotch McBustard has evolved some self-awareness of his reverse midas touch. I doubt it. More likely McTwattie has simply seen a popular bandwagon he wants to hitch his trough to.

      Like

  4. 6
    Jimmy Hill says:

    he’s lying as usual. He has no intention of supporting England, so maybe the curse won’t work.

    Like

  5. 8
    Vote Tory, get Sharia. says:

    Oh, isn’t that nice? Eric ‘fatfuck’ Pickles bought a flag with his own money! A whole flag! Saving us taxpayers hundreds of billions of pounds £1.99.

    Thank you from the bottom of our hearts, big fatty fatfuck Eric Fatty Pickles! You can wobble off somewhere and congratulate yourself for saving us £1.99. We’ll let you and your party of complete retards off for doubling our nation’s debt. It’s the least we can do!

    Like

    • 11
      Mitch says:

      No doubt that tub of lard is wasting millions of £’s elsewhere, so this faux economising is actually an insult to us.

      Like

  6. 9
    GOOD says:

    Like

  7. 14
    Yeh Footy up the Rovers Zzzzzz says:

    Am I meant to feel inadequate in the presence of men who know about football?
    Biggest bunch of fucking boring bastards since trainspotting went out of fashion.

    Like

    • 18
      Yeah Yeah says:

      And what adventures do you get up to? Shark wrestling? Speedway? International Gigolo?

      Or, sad man on a sofa?

      Like

      • 33
        Hey footy up the Rovers Zzzzz says:

        Oi this is my thread to have a whinge I hear enough of your boring opinion down the fucking pub.

        Like

    • 25
      Thomas says:

      Get along to the Nene Valley Railway or any other “Railway Preservation Society” (except Network Rail of course) and you will still see all the anoraks.

      Like

    • 28
      Female mud wrestler says:

      Fuckin’ A – FA teams bunch of overpaid underskilled poofs with beards!

      Like

  8. 16
    Oh Dear says:

    Like

  9. 19
    Gordon the incontinent says:

    Today I will be going round to Danczuk’s Deli for some nice jugs and baps.

    Like

  10. 20
    You Flag if you want to says:

    Probably not the cleverest thing that Gordon has said, given that only yesterday he condemned Alex Salmond for waving the flag and supporting Scotland.

    Like

  11. 27
    Dave Axelrod says:

    My quote for being Gordon Browns election strategist was six hundred thousand bucks.

    Like

  12. 29
    England Leeching FC says:

    I will not be supporting them.

    Like

  13. 31
    Miranda Blair says:

    What does Brown the Hatter tell his son when the lad asks him why the intelligent people in this country think he’s an unspeakable pile of shit?

    Like

    • 34
      Gordon Brown says:

      I say,
      It rubs the lotion in its skin or else it gets the hose again.

      Like

    • 43
      This says:

      It’s true, son. In my infrequent lucid moments I realise that I am an unspeakable pile of shit. Fortunately for me, I’m in ‘Nokia mode’ most of the time.

      Like

  14. 36
    Socialism is theft says:

    If England fail to win the world cup it will only be because of a technicality. The technicality being they are crap.

    Like

    • 56
      England doesn,t expect says:

      …..No, it will be the penalties,……always is……..ah well…..

      Like

  15. 39

    Libertarian food for thought…

    Vote UKIP :-D

    Like

  16. 41
    Match of the Day says:

    The under age Brazilian prostitutes have nothing to fear from Wayne Rooney.
    It’s the old girls who clean the chalets who should be worried.

    Like

    • 48
      Footall pundit says:

      If England miraculously shake off the Jonah curse and meet Brazil in the latter stages of the competition, would it pay the Brazilians to play an old girl at centre back with instructions to get tight on Rooney?

      Like

  17. 44
    Scots says:

    Brown is Scotch.

    Not Scots.

    Like

  18. 46
    Brown's Boggin FC says:

    Losers! Ha! Ha!

    Like

  19. 49
    The Wisdom of Rachel Reeves says:

    OK I know I sound like Olive from On The Buses, but I am very bright and speak a lot of sense.
    I think England will win that world cup thingy and Gordon Brown is a lovely man.

    Like

  20. 53

    Just Sayin’…

    Vote UKIP :-D

    Like

    • 58
      Tim Yeo-Yo says:

      That fcuking creep in the picture looks like he doesn’t care where the World Cup was held as long as there were some kids he could molest. I hope the sicko is exposed. Might be the first decent thing the mirror ever did if they could.

      Like

      • 59
        Tim Yeo-Yo says:

        Just checked the story. Apparently he’s a missionary worker! Can’t looks be deceiving!

        Removes foot from mouth…

        Like

  21. 54
    Not very long ago says:

    …Never heard of these things in 1964!!!!…..Nor 1975!

    Like

  22. 57
    Piers Morgan says:

    :D

    Like

  23. 64
    Nokias in a twist says:

    Turkey baster d.

    Like

  24. 69
    The Curse of Gordon says:

    Does the curse work if Jonah is telling lies rather than being a delusional fantasist?

    There’s only one way we’ll find out. Par is to be knocked out on pens in the “round of hate”

    It’s clear that the curse does apply to soccer as, despite a fair number of decent haggis-fucking players and managers, Scotland has never qualified from the initial group stage during Jonah’s lifetime.

    Like

  25. 72
    Anonymous says:

    “I will support England in World Cup.”
    Pity supporting the poverty stricken locals doesn’t seem to be part of anyone’s game plan. Little wonder then that they’re going nuts in Brazil.

    Like

  26. 73
    Proud to pay for some fat slob to go watch the footie says:

    You can bet your life that if England get out of the qualifying rounds still in the competition, half of parliament will be booking some “cultural and fact-finding” visits in Brazil that they need to go on. I am proud, as a taxpayer, to pay for that.

    Like


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Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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